Numb
by Tyranny4
Summary: Bella has spent her life abused and betrayed. Now she feels nothing. When she meets the new boy in school she starts to feel again. But is the pain worth the possibility of something better? AU-AH Rated for strong language and sensitive subject matter.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Running. Again. Because the killer was chasing me. Again. The same theme runs through all my dreams, not exactly recurring but similar enough that I recognize the signs. I know I'm dreaming. I know that no matter how hard I run it won't be fast enough, no matter how I try to scream no one will hear me. Not so dissimilar from my waking life. I was used to these dreams. Nightmares were the only kind of dreams I had. I knew what to expect and once I realized it was a dream I would just wait for the killer to catch me so I could die and wake up. Psychologically I know I should probably be concerned that I just give up and let the killer have at me, but I was just so tired of running, even in my dreams. It did no good anyway. If my dreams had taught me anything it was that you can't escape the inevitable. You can't outrun the monster. He will always find you.

I was spared from the bleak ending of another nightmare by the shrill screeching of my alarm clock. I thrashed at my bedside blindly trying to silence it before finally ceding defeat and opening my eyes to turn off the clock. Most people would probably be happy to get out of that dream but I couldn't really bring myself to care. I was never really scared of the dreams. Real life was another story.

I dragged my body out of bed and took a moment to get my bearings. My bedroom was still mostly dark, dim early morning light barely filtering in through my curtains. I knew I had to move carefully or I would injure myself. I was quite clumsy, especially in my barely awake state. I held my breath for a moment and listened to the sounds of the house. I couldn't hear anything except for the soft pattering of the rain on the roof. That was to be expected. In the small town of Forks, Washington rain was the rule rather than the exception. There were no sounds of movement in the house, no snoring coming from Charlie's room

_Thank God, he's gone._

I let out my breath and made my way to the window to make sure. Sure enough, the driveway was empty. The only vehicle in sight was my ancient red truck parked by the curb.

_Ah, the instrument of my independence. Such as it is. _

I went to grab a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from my dresser, along with a bra and underwear and made my way to the bathroom for my morning shower. I turned on the hot water, waiting until the room filled with steam before stepping under the spray. My skin almost immediately started to redden so I turned the temperature down slightly and started to wash, doing my usual morning inventory. I hadn't done it for the 2 weeks of winter break so I decided I needed a full body check. I checked my arms as I washed, first the fronts and then as much of the backs as I could see. There was one new bruise, wrapped around my left elbow.

_No short sleeves for you today._

Normally I could put bruises off to my gravity control issues but this one had distinct finger-shaped impressions along the inside curve of my arm. Nothing more on my torso that I could see, not that anyone else would be looking there but it was always good to know. A few more bruises on my legs, mostly old and yellowing but one large new one on my thigh still showed black and purple.

_Must remember to move faster. Maybe I can survive the next 6 months relatively unscathed if I learn to dodge better. Yeah, right. Dodging makes it worse. _

I quickly finished washing and turned off the water, stepping out into the steamy bathroom and wrapping a towel around myself. I wiped the condensation from the mirror and looked at my reflection as I ran my brush through my hair. My normally dark mahogany hair looked black as it flowed halfway down my back. It was thick and had a very slight curl. It was my mother's hair. My favorite memory of her came back to me then, temporarily blotting out the sight of the bathroom in front of me. I was 4 years old, lying on my back on her big bed. She was tickling my sides, hovering over me on her knees while we laughed. Her long dark hair fell forward, creating a curtain around us and all I could see was her beautiful smiling face. I knew in that moment that I loved her more than anything in the world, and in her eyes I saw that she felt the same. I wish I could have frozen us right there, kept safe in that warm alcove of her hair and her love. Then maybe my mother wouldn't have been lost to me. Maybe she wouldn't have betrayed me. I drew myself back to the present, still staring at my reflection with my brush halfway through my hair.

_Stop thinking about her or you'll be late for school. Can't have that, they could call Charlie._

I continued to hurry through my morning routine, casting distracted glances at my reflection while I brushed my teeth. I still saw bits of my mother throughout my face. My pale, clear skin was hers. The heart shape of my face and my high cheekbones were hers. The eyes…I looked away quickly and spit out my toothpaste before starting to get dressed. The eyes were his.

_Kind of a blow to the self-esteem when you can't look yourself in the eye without seeing someone you hate. Good thing I didn't have any to begin with. _

I put on my underwear and bra, then my jeans and a plain black t-shirt. I went back to my room and put on my favorite black hoodie, my socks and my Docs. They were a little heavy but steel-toes could really help someone like me. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, grabbed my backpack and made my way down the stairs. I felt a little like a lamb walking into the lion's den.

_Hope I don't get eaten. _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I pulled my truck into the parking lot of Forks High School feeling slightly anxious. I didn't quite understand the feeling.

But wait, there was something different. An unfamiliar, shiny silver Volvo was sitting in the parking lot, looking drastically out of place amongst the usual teenager rust buckets. I pulled my own antiquity into a parking space and turned off the engine.

_Did someone get a car for Christmas? Are someone's parents here and didn't want to park in the visitor spaces?_

And then it hit me. New students! How could I have forgotten the new family that had moved to Forks over the break? I'd seen the moving van driving through town on my way back from the grocery store on Friday and thought I had caught a glimpse of a black Mercedes in the hospital parking lot on Sunday. The new family obviously had money and if they had kids they'd be starting today. That explained the Volvo.

_Hopefully they can just ignore me like everyone else. _

Invisible was so much easier when you had so much to hide.

I shouldered my backpack and made my way to class, my hood up and my head down. I glanced up only enough to make sure I didn't run into anything, or anyone. I made sure not to meet anyone's eyes, inviting no one to notice me. Not that they would anyway. I was very good at being invisible.

I walked through the halls to my first class. Trigonometry was certainly not my favorite class, but I got by. I sat down in my seat in the back and got out my books. As I was arranging my things on my desk I happened to notice Jessica Stanley sitting down in the desk in front of me. She had her head half turned and seemed to be looking at me out of the corner of her eye. I quickly looked back down and my desk and kept my eyes there.

Jessica and I met on the first day of kindergarten. I liked her curly hair. She liked my purple shoes. We quickly became best friends. We were inseparable all through elementary school. We were always at one or the other's houses and she never let on that she noticed anything odd when she was at mine. Charlie was always on his best behavior when she was over. That is, until fifth grade.

Jessica had come to spend the night at my house and we had decided it was a great idea to go swimming. Since it was winter we put on our swimsuits and played in the bathtub. Charlie was at work and we completely forgot ourselves, splashing all over the bathroom. We left the bathroom to go back to my room and get ready for bed when I heard Charlie coming up the stairs. A few seconds later I heard his deep voice yelling for me to come to the bathroom. Jessica stayed in my room while I slunk down the hall. Charlie started yelling about the mess, his face purple and his arms flailing. I kept my head down and tried my best to look small. It didn't work. He grabbed me by my hair and started shaking me. I was crying and trying to stay quiet while he slammed my head against the linen closet door, over and over again. When he finally let go of my hair my legs gave out and I crumpled onto the floor. Charlie told me to get up and clean up the bathroom before stomping down the hall to his room and slamming the door.

After I cleaned up all the water I went back to my room. The light was off and Jessica was curled up in her sleeping bag on my floor, looking to be asleep. I carefully stepped over her and got into my bed. I didn't say anything and neither did she. The next day she quietly told me goodbye and went home. She wouldn't look at me at school the next day. Ever since then, the most we'd spoken was an occasional "sorry" or "excuse me" if we bumped into each other in the halls. I often found her looking at me when she thought I wasn't looking but I didn't want to meet her eyes. I didn't want to see the pity there.

I was waiting for the teacher to start the class when my attention was drawn to the door. A girl I didn't recognize walked in. She handed a slip of paper to Mrs. Fielding and talked to her quietly for a minute. She was a tiny bundle of energy, bouncing on her toes as she talked, as if she couldn't stand to be still for even a minute. She had short black hair sticking out in stylish spikes all over her head. She had a bright yellow silky wrap top with her dark skinny jeans and, oh my god she was actually wearing heels in this weather. Her beautiful pixie-like face was animated as she spoke and she looked like her smile was constant.

_This is a girl who wants to be noticed, _I thought. _This is a girl who wants to be seen. _

Mrs. Fielding briefly turned and pointed in my direction and for a second I was confused. Then I looked to my right and saw the empty desk, the only empty desk in the room. I shifted my eyes back to the front of the room and the girl was walking toward me, her smile as bright as her shirt and her eyes dancing. She gracefully slid into the seat to my right and started pulling supplies out her bag. I tried to keep my eyes down, but for some reason I couldn't seem to look away. She glanced up and caught me staring and I immediately felt my face heat. She didn't seem to notice.

"Hi, I'm Alice" she said brightly, sticking her hand out for me to shake. I stared at her hand for several seconds while she looked at me expectantly. I tentatively shook her hand and muttered, "Bella" before turning back to the front of the room.

I tried to pay attention to Mrs. Fielding, I really did. It's just hard to pay attention to math when someone is vibrating next to you. I mean that, literally vibrating. Alice seemed to hum with energy, barely contained inside her desk. I also noticed with every sidelong glance I gave her that she looked just as often at me. Every time I'd turn my eyes to the right her face would be turned toward me, studying my face. She didn't even seem embarrassed to be caught staring. Anytime she'd notice me noticing her she'd just smile and give me a little wave. It was really quite unnerving. By the end of the class I had barely understood anything Mrs. Fielding had said and remembered even less.

I gathered my things into my bag and stood up to leave. With my head down I didn't notice the little person in front of me until I almost ran her over. "Hi Bella! What's your next class?" She looked up at me expectantly. Why was she talking to me? No one talked to me. My filter must have been really off that day. "Why are you talking to me?" I asked.

She looked crestfallen. "Do you not want me to?" she asked quietly. Her green eyes looked so sad. I hated to think that I could have caused someone so normally exuberant any pain. I quickly tried to repair the damage.

"No, no it's not that! I just…no one usually talks to me."

She immediately brightened again. "Well I do. I can tell we're going to be great friends! Now can you tell a girl how to get to the art room? That's what I have next and I no clue where it is." She smiled brilliantly at me and I could help but give a tentative smile back.

"Sure. It's a right out the door and then a left when you get to the corner. Three doors down on the right, room 302, right?"

She nodded and started walking away, but stopped after a few steps. She looked back over her shoulder at me. "You coming?"

I stumbled after her and followed her out into the hall. The hallways were always hard for me, so many people jostling for position, talking and yelling over each other. I hunched my shoulders and walked next to Alice. I could feel the stares following us down the hall as she talked to me. I knew people were probably wondering why the new girl was talking to me. I wondered myself.

"So this seems like a nice school, small but nice. The town too, small but nice. Lots of rain. Have you always lived here?" She didn't seem to need to breathe when she spoke. It took me a second to realize that she had paused for me to answer.

"Yeah, I've always lived here." I answered her as quietly as I could with the commotion of the hall.

"That must be nice, to live in one place for so long. My dad's a doctor and we've always moved around. Dad does a lot of work with charitable organizations so we go wherever he can do the most good. Seattle was the longest we've stayed anywhere. That was 3 years. I really thought I might get to graduate from the same high school I started in but," she actually did pause for a breath, "Mom always wanted to do the small town thing. You know, quaint little main street and low crime rates and all that. I think she's romanticized it in her head. Dad finally gave in when they had an opening at the hospital here. At least they'll still be close when I go to college. I'm going to U of W in Seattle. Where are you going to college? Oh, was that presumptuous? You are going to college right?" I was a little shell-shocked from her rapid fire speech. She must have seen it on my face.

"Hey, I know I can be a little much sometimes. It's just first day nerves, and when I'm nervous I tend to babble. I like you already and I just know we're going to friends if you give me a chance. Please don't be scared of me. I can shut up I swear." With that she promptly stopped talking and pursed her lips together as if to stop the flood of words from coming out. I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped.

"It's ok Alice, you can just talk enough for the both of us." She gave a little sigh of relief but didn't immediately start talking. I decided to answer her questions. "Yes I'm going to college. I'm actually going to U of W also." Alice seemed to perk back up at that.

"Really! That is so great! Maybe we can be roommates. You don't know how worried I was that I'd get stuck with some crazy chick or a whiny emo girl who'd be constantly offended by my perkiness."

I had to chuckle again. "Wow Alice, how do you know I'm not a psycho emo chick?" When she laughed it sounded like the tinkling of little bells. I looked up and noticed we were getting close to her classroom and realized that I was a little sad. This was the most I had talked to anyone in a really long time, even if she did do most of the talking.

"Oh, Bella. I know you're not psycho, I can just tell. As for emo, well you do seem to wear a lot of black. Maybe I can help with that. You're not offended by my perkiness are you?" We stopped in front of the art room and I pretended to think about her question. She started to look nervous until I gave a little half smile.

"Well I haven't gone looking for the duct tape yet. That means something right?" She laughed again. "Yeah I guess it does. I'll see you later?" I couldn't help but be excited about that prospect. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but maybe Alice was right. Maybe we would be friends. "Yeah, I'll see you later." She smiled and bounced away into the art room. I turned and made my way down the hall to my history class, thinking about my new maybe friend.

_This semester is going to be more interesting than I thought._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

History was blissfully uneventful. There was something comforting about learning about the past, things that couldn't change, and yet there were always new things to discover. I just wished we could learn more about the lives of people of these past cultures and civilizations. There were only so many war statistics you could memorize before they all started to blend together.

Coming out of History dazed and slightly sleepy I wound my way down the hall to the bright spot in my day. Books were my passion and my solace and my AP Literature class was definitely my happy place. It didn't hurt that we had started on Wuthering Heights just before Christmas, a book that I had read about 10 times. I found something new in it every time and I couldn't wait to hear the discussions that would take place in class today. I never took part in the debates, but I loved the lively back and forth of the other students. Mrs. Brock was a great teacher. She asked hard questions and actually expected us to think. She also had no sense of decorum, so class was always lively and fun. She didn't push me to speak in class, knowing that I had problems with talking in front of people. It was really great being in her class.

I walked into the room and went straight to my usual desk in the front row to the right of the room. The room was arranged with 2 rows of desks on each side of the room facing the middle. Mrs. Brock said that it helped foster honest debate if we had to look at each other. I think she just liked to be able to pace the length of the room when she really got going. She had a bit of a flair for the dramatic. That made me think about Alice.

_I wonder if she'll be in this class?_

I started to look around the room when a pair of green eyes directly across from me got my attention. They weren't Alice's, but they were so similar that I kept staring, trying to alleviate my confusion. Alice didn't say she had a brother but maybe it just never occurred to her to mention it. I cocked my head to the side and studied his face. Strong, angular jaw. Straight nose, great cheekbones, messy reddish-brown hair and of course those wide green eyes. Green eyes that were staring right back at me. I felt myself blush for the second time that day and willed my eyes to look away, but they wouldn't obey. _What was it about this family?_ Alice was beautiful and this boy across from me was certainly gorgeous but I wasn't merely gawking. I had felt drawn to Alice's energy, even when I thought she was weird. But this boy, this was something else. He was the magnet drawing the iron in my blood. I was drawn to him, but I also felt connected to him already, almost like he wasn't just looking at me, but into my scarred soul. And he didn't look scared.

He did however look annoyed. His lush, full lips were pulled tight and I wondered for the source. My confusion must have shown on my face because he flicked his eyes to his right briefly and made a disgusted face. I looked and made my own disgusted face. Lauren Mallory was desperately trying to get his attention and from the looks of it he was valiantly resisting.

Every high school has at least one girl like Lauren. She was pretty, popular, and had fucked at least half the guys in the senior class. It was sad really. She was so sweet when we were in elementary school but as soon as she saw how much male attention was brought on from her blond hair and burgeoning figure she never got enough. None of those guys respected her and sure as hell none of them loved her. I really felt sorry for her. I knew what that felt like. Too bad she was such a bitch all the time.

Mrs. Brock entered the room then and I was finally able to break the soul-piercing stare, turning my attention to her. Mrs. Brock had a thing for wearing bright colors, and a lot of them. I think she may have watched the movie Penelope one too many times. She definitely adhered to the human crayon theory of fashion. Today was an orange day. "Welcome back everyone! I trust you had a good vacation and are ready to jump right into our discussion of Wuthering Heights. We have a new student with us, Edward Cullen." She motioned toward the green eyed boy but I was smart enough to keep my eyes from his this time. "Edward, I don't know if you've read the book or not. If you haven't I suggest you read it fast. If you have read it then feel free to jump right in. We don't really stand on ceremony in here. If you think of something just yell it out. Ok," she clapped her hands and swept her gaze around the room. "So kids, Cathy. Tragic heroine or all around life-sucking bitch? Go."

And so it began. Edward looked a little surprised but quickly got into a groove with the rest of the class. The first time he said something my breath caught in my chest. His voice was like velvet, a warm dark waterfall washing over me. I think I got goosebumps. He argued his points effectively and efficiently. I found myself getting infected with his passion. He really didn't like Cathy. "She was completely spoiled and selfish! She had someone she loved, someone loved her back, and she throws it away because he's not the practical choice? What kind of bullshit is that? Oh, sorry." He looked embarrassed.

"No, don't ever apologize for showing fervor in this class." Mrs. Brock admonished him, "Just try to keep the curse words to a minimum, we wouldn't want another visit from the principal. Now, let's move on from Cathy for a minute. What about Heathcliff? He's been characterized as one of the great romantic heroes. Some also think of him as inherently evil. Your thoughts?"

Edward was the first to speak up this time. "He was just as bad as Cathy was. Really, they deserved each other, but Cathy was just spoiled. Heathcliff was evil." I heard my voice before I even made the decision to speak. "He's not evil."

The room went quiet. Mrs. Brock looked like she might burst from excitement that I actually spoke and Lauren's mouth was hanging open. Edward looked a little stunned also, although I didn't know why. Mrs. Brock looked almost giddy. "Bella, did you want to elaborate on that?"

"Um..." I didn't know what to do. There was a reason I didn't usually speak during the discussions, but as I looked up and met those emerald eyes I seemed to find my strength there. "Heathcliff wasn't evil, he was tragic. He was a complete victim of his circumstances, yet he persevered and made a life for himself. Personally, I admire his tenacity."

Edward scoffed. "Victim? He devoted his life to destroying the lives of others and in the end it got him nothing. Who cares what his circumstances were, he made the choice to be a malevolent bastard."

The words burst forth before I could even think. "Look at it from his side! His life was crap. He was treated as less than human by the people who were supposed to love him. He had no example of how a good person was supposed to be. It's a wonder he didn't turn out to be a complete savage. As it was, the one person who he loved, who he trusted, betrayed him and left him. When someone forsakes you like that a part of you dies. He could have just given up and lived with what was left of himself, but instead he filled up that hole with hate and vengeance. I can't say I approve of that but at least he did something. And I really admire his determination. Most people would get tired and give up before their revenge plot got to the second generation. The man had stamina."

I sat back in my desk, attempting to catch my breath. I hadn't even realized I had sat forward during my rant, unconsciously leaning toward Edward. He sat there, staring at my face like it was a puzzle he was trying to put together. Luckily the bell rang then. "Alright class. That was a very spirited discussion and I hope for more tomorrow. Everyone keep working on your free reading for your tests next week. Oh, Edward stay behind and I'll give you a list of the books for the free reading. Ok, everybody, see you tomorrow!" Everyone was up and out of their seats before I could even pick up my bag. I was in a daze. I couldn't believe I had done that! I got up and shuffled out into the hall, not even noticing the throngs of students around me. I dropped my bag off at my locker and mindlessly wandered toward the cafeteria. I barely heard the high-pitched voice until it was screeching in my ear.

"Bella!" Alice skidded to a stop in front of me and bent over with her hands on her knees, panting. I gave her a second to breathe. "Hey, you're going to lunch right?"

"Um, yeah. Why?" My upper brain functions didn't seem to be working yet.

"Sit with me?" I don't know if it was my lack of brain function or the hopeful look on her face but I agreed. Alice squealed and linked her arm with mine, leading me down the hall. We got into the food line, Alice babbling about her classes and the people she had met so far. I was still trying to accept my new reality. I had spoken in front of everyone, loudly, vehemently. I had voiced my inner most thoughts on my favorite book in front of a boy who seemed to be able to see inside my mind without the benefit of my word vomiting it at his feet. I bought an apple and a lemonade and let Alice tow me to a table by the window. I tried to listen as she rambled about her art teacher and how she was so glad that she might get to try her hand at sculpture before the end of the year. I was distracted by the sound of someone loudly plopping into the chair next to me. "Oh, Bella, have you met my brother Edward?"

I chanced a glance to my left. Edward sat there in all his glory, his gray t-shirt pulling beautifully across the lean muscles of his chest. His jaw was tense and he seemed to be very interested in the pizza and coke on his tray. I looked back to my right and met Alice's quizzical gaze. "Yeah, Alice. We've got Lit together the period before lunch."

"Oh, good, you know each other then. Edward you'd better be nice. Bella is my new best friend so you'll be seeing a lot of her." I looked at Edward and saw his jaw tense again. He seemed to be struggling with something. Finally he took and deep breath and turned his brilliant eyes on me. "It's a pleasure to meet you Bella. Since we weren't formally introduced in class allow me to do so now. I'm Edward, Alice's twin brother. I hope she doesn't completely exhaust your patience. Believe me, she's broken greater men than you." One corner of his mouth turned up in a crooked smirk before he turned his attention back to his food.

"Don't listen to him Bella. Someone pissed in his cornflakes this morning." I nearly choked on the bite of apple I was chewing. I was still coughing when Alice started talking again. "So Bella, you should come over after school. We can do our homework and I could do your hair. I could do so much with it, it's so pretty. Maybe this weekend we can go shopping and do a whole makeover! You'd be ok in something other than black right?"

"But it's the color of my soul Alice." I deadpanned back at her. She stared at me with her mouth hanging open. I could hear Edward laughing behind me.

"I like this one Alice. You might have finally met your match." Alice closed her mouth only to open it again to stick her tongue out at Edward. I couldn't help but smile at how easy they were with each other. I wished I could be that easy with, well, anyone. We finished eating as the lunch bell rang, then stood up together to dispose of our garbage.

"So Bella what have you got next? Please tell me you have Gym with me."

"Sorry to disappoint you Alice but I'm in Bio next. I've got Gym last period." Edward stopped short a few steps from the garbage cans and I almost ran into his back.

"Whoa Edward, your brake lights are out! What's with the sudden stop?" Alice came around to face him and they just stood there looking at each other. There seemed to be some kind of silent conversation going on between them. She put her hands on her hips and arched an eyebrow. He widened his eyes and tilted his head slightly. I kept looking between them, desperately trying to decipher their twin facial sign language. Finally after several seconds they stopped staring at each other and both turned to stare at me. I couldn't help but squirm a little under the scrutiny. Alice still had her hands on her hips and looked amused. Edward almost looked nauseous. "Bella," Edward started. He sounded…nervous? "It seems we have the same schedule. Would you like to walk to Biology with me?"

His eyes were boring into me and I couldn't think. _How_ _does he do that? He looks at me and I forget how_ _to breathe, much less speak._ He started to look uncomfortable and I realized that I still hadn't answered him.

"S-s-sure" I stuttered out awkwardly. Alice just smiled and waved, bouncing off down the hall. I looked at Edward and he looked at me. We both turned and wordlessly started toward the Biology classroom. As we walked I realized that I was absolutely sure of three things. Edward Cullen was most beautiful boy I had ever seen. I was starting to like him despite my better judgment. And he scared the living hell out of me.

_What the hell am I going to do?_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

EPOV

_Hate. It's a harsh word, but appropriate. Harsh word for a harsh mood. I hate moving. I hate being a novelty, fodder for the rumor mill, something for people to gawk at. In a school this small, it's guaranteed that there will be a lot of staring. _

I sat in my Volvo, looking at the building with trepidation. It was our first new school in 3 years. Seattle had been nice, it almost started to feel like home. Emmett and Rosalie were there, my friends were there, my life was there. I couldn't help but be resentful to my parents' need to get out of the city. I couldn't see how they could think that this was a good idea. They could have waited one more year and then they could have had their perfect provincial lifestyle and I wouldn't have had to suffer one more new school adjustment. Dad said that he had to take the opportunity when it presented itself. I saw it as another example of putting his and Mom's needs ahead of ours.

I looked at Alice in my passenger seat. She was nervous but trying not to show it, bouncing a little in the seat and casting surreptitious looks at me. I knew she didn't want to walk inside alone and I was still trying to get up the nerve to get out of the car. I should have been used to it by now but I never was. The first day always sucked. At least in a big school you get lost in the crowd. From the looks of the building there would be no crowd to get lost in here.

"Come on big brother, time to get this show on the road." Alice said to me. She liked to call me big brother, even though it was only by 5 minutes.

"Alright Tinkerbell, let's go." I opened the door and waited to make sure she was out before pushing the button for the alarm. I walked into the administration building, feeling Alice's presence beside me and the stares at my back. There was a plump woman with a red hair piled on top of her head and glasses at the end of her nose sitting behind the high desk. A brass nameplate reading 'Mrs. Cope' sat in front of her. She looked up at the bell signaling our entrance.

"Edward and Alice Cullen?" I nodded. "Welcome to Forks High! Here are your schedules, and maps of the school. Do you have any questions?"

"No, thank you, Mrs. Cope. I'm sure we'll be fine." I answered for both Alice and myself since I knew that if I let Alice start talking we would be there all day. I quickly ushered Alice back out the door and handed her her schedule. "Where are you off to sis?"

"Looks like Chemistry, then Trig, Art, Study hall, then Lunch. Do you want to meet me…?" She trailed off as we heard a loud rumble getting closer. I turned toward the sound to see an old rusty red truck pulling into the parking lot. The driver hopped down and started walking into the school. I could tell it was girl but that was all I could see with her hood up. She walked with her shoulders curled in and her head down, almost like she was protecting herself from something. My eyes followed her until she went inside one of the buildings. I wondered what in this innocuous place could possibly make her put that kind of protective bubble.

"Ok then, let's go." I marched inside the first building, my shoulders back and my head held high. No way I was going to let this place get me.

My first few classes went by in a blur. Music was my easiest class, having played the piano for the last twelve years. Mostly I sat and stared at the rain hitting the windows. Study hall was the same, except that I had the added distraction of trying to ignore a girl who kept trying to flirt with me. She was blond, and I guess she was pretty, but she was trying way too hard. She said her name was Lauren but I couldn't have cared less. I had seen her kind before. There was no light behind her blue eyes and I knew that she really had no interest in me as a person, just as an acquisition. I had no interest in being a commodity.

Much to my disappointment it appeared that Lauren was going to be in my AP Lit class also. She walked next to me the whole way to the class, babbling on and touching my arm in what I'm sure she thought was a flirtatious manner. Frankly it made my skin crawl. I walked into the classroom and grabbed a seat in the middle of one of the front rows and Lauren slid into the seat right beside me. I resolved not to give her any kind of encouragement. I didn't want to be rude, it wasn't how I was raised, but I knew that with people like this if you gave them any kind hope that they had a shot they would never let up. I stared straight ahead and just tried to tune her out. She just kept talking as if she didn't notice.

Other students continued to come in and take seats, most of them favoring the back rows. I continued to stare straight ahead and let my vision blur out of focus. A minute later I saw a black blur directly in front of me across the aisle and let my eyes focus again. It was the girl from the parking lot, I recognized her black hoodie and tiny figure. Now I had an unhindered view of her face. She had brown hair pulled back from her pale face, but I could tell it was long from where the ponytail draped over her shoulder. Her lips were full and pink. I moved up to her eyes and I couldn't look away. Her eyes were the most beautiful shade of chocolate brown, so deep and expressive I felt like I could get lost in them. But it wasn't the beauty of the girl that made me pause, but the pain that I saw. Her eyes looked so old and sad, like they had watched the world burn down and knew that nothing good would come again. She turned her head slightly then and locked those eyes with mine. She tilted her head and seemed to be studying me. I had never had anyone look at me like that, like they were looking past my face and trying to see what was really inside me.

I started to get a strange feeling in my chest, a sucking pull at my heart. I had no idea what the feeling was but I wanted to explore it further. I was interrupted in my thoughts by Lauren moving closer to me. Apparently she had decided that I wasn't responding because I was hard of hearing since she was now talking directly into my ear. I pursed my lips in annoyance and tried harder to concentrate on the angel across from me. Her brow wrinkled in the cutest way and I wanted to make sure she knew that my annoyed face wasn't directed at her so I flicked my eyes to Lauren and made my best I-just-tasted-something-disgusting face. She looked at Lauren and made a face of her own. I was thoroughly enjoying our silent exchange when the teacher walked into the room. She looked a bit like a walking pumpkin.

We were discussing Wuthering Heights. I had read the book several times but had never much cared for it. It was full of selfish, vulgar people ruining lives, including their own. The teacher asked for our thoughts on Cathy and the class started debating in earnest. I liked the energy of the class, how there was really no structure but a free exchange of ideas. I watched the angel looking back and forth as different people spoke and I wanted her to look at me so I started talking. She wouldn't look me in the eyes and it was starting to frustrate me. I started taking it out on the character. I barely realized that I had cursed, and loudly, and quickly apologized. Fortunately the teacher didn't seem to mind and moved the discussion to Heathcliff. I voice my equally negative view of Heathcliff and was about to go into a further rant when I heard the sweetest quiet voice saying "He's not evil."

I was stunned speechless. I knew I was staring at her with my mouth hanging open like an idiot but I couldn't seem to care. The teacher urged her to elaborate and that was when I heard her name. Bella. So simple, so perfect. I started begging her inside my head.

_Please Bella, please let me hear that voice again. _

Her eyes snapped to mine almost as if she could hear my desperate thoughts and held my gaze for a moment before answering my prayers. "Heathcliff wasn't evil, he was tragic. He was a complete victim of his circumstances, yet he persevered and made a life for himself. Personally, I admire his tenacity."

I couldn't help but scoff at her and counter her argument. She came right back at me and for a moment I saw some of the veil lift from her eyes so I could glimpse the fire behind them. I loved seeing her spirit but her words gave me pause.

_What could possibly have happened to this girl that she could not only condone but admire this level of vindictiveness? _

I stared into her eyes again as she sat back in her desk to catch her breath. This girl brought out feelings in me that I couldn't quite fathom. I was attracted to her surely, but I also felt strangely protective of her. She seemed so fragile, hunched over as if from invisible blows that would come unannounced. More than anything though, I just wanted to understand. I found most people to be wholly transparent, wearing their intentions on their faces and in their actions as surely as if they'd spoken their thoughts out loud. This girl was a mystery. I stared at her face as if I might find the answer written there and this time she didn't look away. That is until the bell rang and our spell was broken as students shuffled out the door.

I heard the teacher say something about staying behind for a reading list and looked over to her for just a moment. When I looked back to desk across from me she was gone.

I dropped the list of books I'd already read and the rest of my new books off at my locker before walking down to the cafeteria. My thoughts were mostly consumed with Bella but as I approached the doors I thought of Alice.

_Didn't she say something about meeting her somewhere? I hope she doesn't think I forgot her and had to sit alone. _

I worried about Alice every time we went to a new school. She was so loud and exuberant that people tended to be put off by her. She didn't make friends easily, and there had been times when the friends she did make seemed to only be in it for our money, or worse, to get to me. I couldn't see how anyone could miss the light that seemed to shine out of her very essence and brighten anything she touched. She was my inspiration and my best friend. I got into the food line, scanning the room for her spiky dark head. I was beyond surprised when I saw her sitting at a table by one of the windows, talking in her usual animated way to a girl in a familiar black hoodie. I bought my food and started over to the table, my gut clenching in anticipation.

_Play it cool, Cullen. You don't know this girl and you never will if you scare her off now. _

I set my jaw and resolved myself to not drool when I sat down beside her. I heard Alice ask if she'd met me yet.

I kept my eyes firmly on my food as I heard her reply. "Yeah, Alice. We've got Lit together the period before lunch."

Her voice was even more heavenly when was sitting right next to me and I felt my jaw tense with the effort not try and touch her. I could feel the warmth of her body just inches from my own and now that she was so close I could smell her. She was strawberries and rain and I just wanted to bury myself in her hair. I could hear Alice saying that Bella was her new best friend and I'd better be nice. I felt my stomach clench a little more.

_Alice needs this. You can't go throwing yourself at the girl or she could run away screaming and Alice will blame you. Just keep ahold of yourself man._

I resolved to show her I could be more of a gentleman than I had been in class and kept my tone polite and formal when I spoke. I looked up at her to introduce myself.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Bella. Since we weren't formally introduced in class allow me to do so now. I'm Edward, Alice's twin brother." Then I decided to test the waters just a little. "I hope she doesn't completely exhaust your patience. Believe me, she's broken greater men than you." I smirked a little and looked back down at my tray, proud that I hadn't embarrassed myself yet.

I heard Alice speaking again. "Don't listen to him Bella. Someone pissed in his cornflakes this morning." Bella started choking on her apple and for a second I was worried but she seemed to be alright. Alice kept talking about Bella coming over to the house and going shopping and I couldn't help but get a little excited. Bella in my house would be a good thing, even if I did have to share her with Alice. Alice made a comment about getting Bella out of black and I heard her voice saying in a dead serious tone, "But it's the color of my soul Alice." I couldn't help but laugh at the shocked look on Alice's face. This girl was smart and funny and could hold her own with my crazy sister. I think I fell for her a little more. I made a comment to Alice and she stuck her tongue out at me. I saw Bella smile a little timid smile and I got that pulling feeling in my chest again. After that I made a concerted effort to eat my food and keep myself in my chair. After we were done eating we stood up together to deposit our garbage in the bins. I was walking ahead of the girls listening to their conversation. When Bella mentioned that she had Bio next followed by Gym I stopped dead in my tracks.

_Two more classes with Bella. I get to spend half of my day, every day, with Bella. _

My breathing had become ragged and I heard the high-pitched murmur of Alice's voice but couldn't understand the words. She came around in front of me, put her hands on her hips and arched an eyebrow. This basically said, _So what's up Edward? _I widened my eyes a little and tilted my head slightly toward Bella in what I hoped was a subtle move. _I like Bella and I'm afraid I'll do something stupid and scare away your only friend Alice. _I saw the recognition in her eyes and they lit up with her amusement. We both turned to look at Bella at the same time. She looked like a skittish colt that would bolt at any sudden movements. It pained me to see how scared she seemed to be of everything. I resolved again to be as gentlemanly as I possibly could and hopefully show her that she didn't have to be scared of me.

"Bella, it seems we have the same schedule. Would you like to walk to Biology with me?"

I was lost in her eyes again and starting to get nervous that I may have already scared her off when she finally answered with a stuttered "s-s-sure". Alice bounced away as only Alice could and Bella started off toward the Biology room. As anxious as I was to be spending the next two hours with Bella I couldn't help but be apprehensive. I was intrigued by this girl. She was beautiful and clever and I wanted so much for her to like me.

_Here we go Cullen. Don't screw this up._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

We walked toward the Biology room in silence. I was desperately trying to think of something to say, but having not had a lot of recent opportunity for conversation I was at a loss. Edward thankfully broke the silence for me.

"You need to go to your locker?"

"Yeah." I veered left down the next hall and Edward kept pace with me. I retrieved my bag and my Bio textbook and closed my locker, turning back to Edward. He was just standing there watching me.

"What?"

He quickly found the floor very interesting. "Oh, nothing. Nothing." He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and turned back down the hall. I followed.

"Don't you need to go to your locker?" I asked him.

"I don't have a book yet."

"Oh." And again we were walking in silence. Luckily it wasn't a long walk to the classroom and we stepped inside. I sat down at my lab table while Edward went to talk to Mr. Banner. As I looked at my empty table I realized that yet again, the only empty seat in the room was next to me.

_Great, I get to spend the rest of the year getting intimately acquainted with Edward Cullen. Oh god, don't put the words 'intimate' and 'Edward' in the same sentence, your head might explode._

I looked up to see Edward walking toward the table, book in hand and a slight smile on his face. The way he seemed to see through me I was almost sure he would see my near impure thoughts on my face and shifted my eyes to the tabletop. Edward sat on the stool beside me and I tried to calm my fluttering heart. I was starting to scare myself with these reactions. I was normally in control of my body and my emotions but today I was all over the place. Put me in the presence of these Cullens for a day and now the normal thump thump of my heart had taken off like hummingbird wings. I concentrated on slowing my breathing and watched Mr. Banner. He explained the meiosis lab we were beginning today and then walked around the room handing out worksheets and slides. He paused when he reached our table.

"Bella, I hope you don't mind. I didn't really have any other place to put Mr. Cullen but I think it _will_ do you good to have a partner. Won't have to do everything yourself for once." He winked at me and walked back to his desk. I glanced over at Edward. He chuckled under his breath and looked back at me.

"I promise I'll do my share Bella. You don't have to worry."

"It's not you Edward; I just don't usually have a partner. I don't really talk to anybody and nobody ever talks to me anymore. Can't really have a partnership when one person can't articulate a sentence."

His eyebrows knit together. "I think you articulate just fine. Shall we?" He gestured to the microscope in front of us. I nodded and he loaded the first slide. We worked in relative silence. We both took turns looking at the slides and I let him write the answers on the sheet. He wrote in slanted, elegant script and I resolved to always let him write answers if I had the choice. My handwriting was barely decipherable most of the time. We worked quickly, finishing well before the rest of the students and 20 minutes before the end of class. I was at a loss as to what to do next. Edward was the one to break the silence again.

"So Bella, we seem to have some time here. Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

_Oh crap. What can I possibly tell him? I can't tell him too much or he'll start to wonder things but I can't be too vague or he'll ask more questions. _

I decided to go as general as possible. "I grew up in Forks. I live with my dad; he's the Chief of Police. I go to school, I do my homework, I read a lot. That's about it." I hoped that was enough to satisfy his need to make polite conversation with me. No such luck.

"Ah, cop's kid huh? That must be hard. Do you do anything else after school besides homework and reading? Do you…have a boyfriend or anything?"

I stared at him. _Did Edward Cullen just seriously ask if I have a boyfriend? Why would he ask that? _

And then he blushed. I watched the red creep out over his cheeks and the tips of his ears and wondered about the cause. _Maybe it was about the boyfriend question. Could he actually be trying to flirt? With me? _He certainly seemed flustered as he waited for my answer. I felt an unfamiliar surge of pride at the thought that this gorgeous creature could be interested in me. Bolstered by the feeling I gave him a small smile. "No Edward, I don't have a boyfriend. Like I said, I don't really talk to people and I don't go out. I have stuff I need to do at home."

"It's just you and your dad right? Where's your mom?"

I cringed at the question. I should have known that he'd jump on it when I mentioned home. I knew I couldn't tell him truth, not the whole truth at least. But looking into his eyes I suddenly felt like, for the first time, I wanted to. I wanted someone to know, someone to understand. I felt like I could tell him anything. So I told him as much as I could. "My mom was young when she had me, they both were. They were both still in high school when she got pregnant with me. She loved me, I know she did, but being a mother just wasn't what she had planned for her life. She left when I was twelve. I don't know where she is now."

The corners of his mouth turned down and he seemed bothered by my answer. I knew I couldn't tell him the whole story. It was hard enough for me to think about much less tell someone else. My mother had been my world, but I hadn't been hers. It was true that my parents had me while they were seniors in high school. Charlie went to work for the police department and my mom stayed home with me. I think I was 2 the first time I remember Charlie hitting her. That was the first time she left. That time she took me with her. I remember being at my grandparents' house for only a few days when Charlie came to see us. I don't know what all he said to her to convince her to come back, but I know that he promised that he would never hit her again. He said it was just stress from working so much and that he would keep a better hold on his temper. She told him that if he ever did it again she would be gone before he knew it. We went back home with him that day and he kept his promise. He didn't hit her again. Instead he hit me. She was always there afterwards, holding me and soothing my tears, but she never intervened. She was always somewhere else in the house. I don't think she could stand to watch.

The year I turned twelve Charlie came home late one night. He had been down at the town bar and was obviously drunk when he stumbled in. I don't know what she was thinking but Mom started in on him as soon as he walked in. Maybe she had a false sense of security from the years that he hadn't touched her. Maybe she didn't care anymore. I watched them between the slats of the stair railing and I could hear her screaming at him, asking him where he was and who he was with. Apparently Mom thought he was cheating. He screamed right back at her, yelling that he wasn't with anyone and it wouldn't be any of her business if he was. I had to choke back a scream when I saw his fist connect with her face. She staggered back and her hand flew to her mouth. Blood still ran out between her fingers and I felt sick. Charlie towered over her, his fist still tightly clenched at his side. I was so afraid for her. I heard him speaking to her through gritted teeth. "It's been too long. Maybe that will remind you who's in charge here." He stomped into the kitchen and I crept back to my room. The next morning I woke up to Charlie yelling for her. We found out later she had hopped on a bus around 3 in the morning. I don't even know if she said goodbye to my sleeping body before she left or if she just walked out of my life without another thought.

I was shaken out of my thoughts by the ringing of the bell. I moved with heavy limbs to gather my bag and stand. Edward was looking at me with concerned eyes.

"Bella, I'm sorry if I upset you by asking about your mom. " He looked truly sorry to have caused me discomfort. I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. I realized that I had smiled more today than I had in the last few months combined. He still looked a bit upset as we walked out of the room, Edward dropping our worksheet and slides off at Mr. Banner's desk. I walked blindly toward the gym and realized that Edward was still beside me.

"You don't have to walk me to class Edward, I can get there on my own." I looked up at him and he looked confused for a minute before his face cleared.

"Bella I told you, we have the same schedule. I have Gym too."

"Oh." It was all I could say. I didn't want Edward to see my spastic gym performance without some warning. "Listen Edward, you should know that I'm really clumsy. I have trouble staying upright on a regular basis and when you add in sports equipment it's just a recipe for disaster. You should probably avoid me during gym if you value your limbs." _Or your pretty face. _He just smiled his dazzling smile at me and shook his head.

"I think I can take care of myself Bella." I thought I heard him say, "And you," but it was so quiet I couldn't be sure.

We separated when we got to the entrance of the locker rooms. I went inside and changed into my long-sleeved t-shirt and sweat pants. I always made sure to change inside one of the bathroom stalls so no one would see me. I couldn't risk anyone seeing. I went out into the gym and sat down on the bleachers. A minute later Edward came and sat beside me. His presence still made my heart flutter but I also found it comforting. I hated Gym class. No better place to showcase my clumsy tendencies than anyplace that made me run. Coach Clapp entered the gym dragging equipment bags and I felt my stomach drop to my feet. I saw hockey sticks. Basketball I could handle, even volleyball didn't leave me too much opportunity to injure. But hockey? Seriously? Not only make me run but arm me with a large stick? Someone was getting hurt today, that was guaranteed. I looked over at Edward and sighed. I just hoped it wasn't him.

Coach divided us into teams and went over the basic rules of the game. We collected our hockey sticks and walked out onto the floor. As we walked Edward leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Don't worry Bella, I'll protect you." I had to concentrate extra hard on breathing as I continued across the floor. I was now really glad Edward was on my team. We started playing and I tried my best to stay out of the way of the sailing puck and swinging sticks. Edward was amazing. He was so graceful and fast, running the length of the gym several times over and never seeming to get tired. I mostly stayed in the same spot I started and let the others run around me. There was too much movement, too many things going on and I was starting to get a little tunnel-vision. I couldn't focus on anything with everything moving so fast, which is why I didn't notice Mike Newton running at me until he was almost on top of me.

"Watch it!" he yelled as he barreled toward me. Then I hit the floor. I curled myself into a ball in a move I knew only too well, not wanting to get trampled. My heart was pounding and roaring in my ears. I could hear my name being called from somewhere but I couldn't tell who it was. I heard the voice again, closer, and it was then that I knew it was Edward. He seemed to be right beside me. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was panting as he kneeled next to my head and his hair was falling into his eyes.

"Bella are you ok? Are you hurt? Can you stand up?" He was talking so fast he reminded me of Alice.

I nodded and started to stand when Edward reached out to grab my arm. I instinctively cringed away from his hand and he retracted it with a hurt expression.

"Don't worry Edward, I'm fine. I'm not hurt." I stood up and tried to steady myself on my feet. My head felt fuzzy and my vision was a little blurred. I put my hand to my head and Edward caught my elbow as I swayed. I felt the warmth of his hand through my shirt and I was even more confused.

_How am I feeling that? I don't feel things anymore. I don't want to feel things! I can't take it! _

I was hyperventilating and starting to panic, which of course didn't help with my already woozy head. I was so confused and I couldn't get anything to slow down long enough for me to think. I heard Edward's voice again through my haze, sounding muffled and far away.

"Sir, she needs to go to the nurse. She's bleeding and I think she may have a concussion. She's really unstable."

_You have no idea how unstable I am._

Coach Clapp must have said something because suddenly I felt myself being lifted into the air. A pair of strong arms were holding me securely and we were moving but I still couldn't see enough to know where we were going. I both heard and felt Edward as he began to speak.

"Bella, are you still with me? You need to stay awake. You hit the floor really hard and I think that guy must have hit you with his hockey stick because you have a cut on your head and it's bleeding. I'm taking you to the nurse to get checked but I really think you're going to need a doctor. Please Bella, answer me." His voice sounded so frantic and I wanted to assuage his fears. I pulled together what strength I had left to respond to him.

"I'm fine. It doesn't hurt." It was true, it didn't hurt. Now that I didn't have to concentrate on keeping upright I took the opportunity to think. I knew that I could still feel some things, sometimes. I could feel the pressure on my skin when I held something. I could feel extreme hot and cold most of the time. I could usually feel things inside my body, like when my stomach would clutch in fear or roll with nausea. The thing I didn't feel anymore was pain. It had been so long since that wonderful day, the day that all the pain went away.

I remembered I had been playing behind the school. It was the Sunday after that dreadful sleepover with Jessica. I was by myself, as would become my constant, and I remember I had decided to take off my shoes to run. I don't know how long I was there but suddenly Charlie was there looking for me. He was yelling about my lack of shoes, saying that there could be broken glass on the ground and I could hurt myself. I remember I was surprised, hopeful that maybe Charlie really was just caring about my wellbeing, but as I stared up into the eyes so much like my own I could still see the seething anger just below the surface. I kept my eyes locked with his and refused to look away. I was angry about the night before, about the rift he had caused between me and my only friend. He must have seen the defiance on my face because his face shifted for just a moment before his arm reached back and he slapped me hard across the face.

And I didn't feel it.

I was shocked to say the least. I was used to the pain that came with Charlie's outbursts and I couldn't bear to hope that maybe I wouldn't have to feel that again. I figured it must have been some fluke, and the next time Charlie decided to snap that I would be in agony again. But it wasn't a fluke. After that day I didn't feel it when Charlie hit me, or kicked me, or threw me into the wall. It made it a little bit tricky when it came to my inevitable injuries since I wouldn't know I was hurt until I could see it, but I was careful to do my daily physical assessments. Life had been good, well, as good as it could be. Now here I was, being carried toward the nurse by a beautiful boy who somehow had made me feel him. And that's when I realized. I didn't feel the pain of my apparent injury, but I did feel him, just him.

I allowed myself to be carried toward my now uncertain future. I had no idea how I was going to be able to handle it if I got more feeling back, but for the moment I just let myself be taken care of for once. I looked up into the face of the boy who held me, having finally calmed enough to be able to see him. He had a determined set to his jaw and his eyes were almost wild with worry. He looked down at me and smiled that beautiful crooked smile.

"Don't worry Bella. I'm going to take care of you." He sounded so sure and for the first time in a very, very long time I felt safe. I sighed and laid my head on his hard chest. I listened to his heartbeat and the even sound of his breathing. I breathed in his spicy, manly scent and didn't even mind how sweaty his chest was.

_Maybe if it's with Edward, feeling won't be quite so bad._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

EPOV

I wanted to kill him. I knew it was irrational, I knew that it was an accident. I was sure he hadn't meant to run into Bella, I was sure he didn't mean to hit her with the sharp-edged stick as she went down, but I couldn't quell the rage that bubbled up inside of me when I saw it happen.

I was at the end of the gym by the goal, waiting for the puck to be brought down the floor. I saw Bella, standing off to the side, gripping the hockey stick with white knuckled fingers. Her eyes were wide and unseeing. I shifted my eyes from her for just a moment to track the movement of the puck and that's when I saw him. The blond boy, I didn't even know his name. He was running full out across the gym floor, trying desperately to catch the guy with the puck and he didn't seem to see her right in front of him until it was too late. He yelled out but she didn't move. It was less than a second later that his chest connected with her shoulder and she started to fall. He tried to spin around her to keep his momentum, but when he did the end of his stick connected with her forehead. I could only watch as her back hit the floor with a resounding thud and her head bounced off the floor before she curled into the fetal position on her side.

I immediately dropped my stick and ran to her, yelling her name but she didn't move. The few feet I had to travel seemed to take an eternity but finally I was at her side. I dropped to my knees beside her head and kept saying her name. She finally opened her eyes and looked up at me, dropping her arms down from protecting her head but leaving them tensed at her sides. Her chocolate eyes looked dazed. My heart was pounding like it was trying to escape out of my ribcage and I felt like I was channeling Alice when I started rapidly asking Bella questions, trying to assess her injuries. She nodded at me and moved to get up. I reached out to help her but she shrunk away from me. I was reminded of an injured dog I had tried to feed when I was little. It was obviously hungry, shivering on three legs with its hurt paw in the air. I held the food out to it, and it looked like it wanted to take it but couldn't trust what would happen if it did. Bella had that same look to her now. I withdrew my hand and watched her as she stood. She said she wasn't hurt, but I noticed the blood starting to run down the side of her face from the gash on her forehead. I stood with her , and when she clutched her head and swayed on her feet I couldn't resist steadying her by her elbow. This time she didn't cringe away from me but she started breathing fast and heavy and her eyes were panicked.

The rest of the class had finally noticed our little scene and were loosely standing around us. The coach was walking toward us looking bored and a bit frustrated. With Bella's apparent clumsiness this was probably a semi-regular occurrence, her being injured in his class. I felt the need to tell him the seriousness of the situation.

"Sir, she needs to go to the nurse. She's bleeding and I think she may have a concussion. She's really unstable."

It was true. I still had a hold of her elbow and could still feel how she wavered on her feet. I was the only thing keeping her upright at that moment.

The coach huffed and crossed his arms. I'm sure he didn't like how this was disrupting his game. "Fine Cullen. Why don't you take her, I don't want her going alone if she's that unsteady."

I was immediately grateful that he was allowing me to keep up my post. I didn't even think about the fact that I didn't know where the nurse's office was, I just swept Bella up into my arms and started toward the gym doors. I heard a few gasps behind as I walked. I didn't know if it was at my presumption in carrying Bella or the fact that I did it so easily. She felt like she weighed nothing to me. A short girl with dark curly hair opened the door for me as I approached and I gave her a smile in thanks. As I passed I heard her behind me, quietly saying, "Please take care of her."

I continued down the hall, feeling more than hearing Bella's breathing starting to even and become less frantic. I explained to her where we were going and the fact that she was bleeding and might have a concussion. She was so quiet and limp and I wanted to make sure she stayed conscious. She still hadn't responded to me and I was getting worried that she had passed out. Finally she quietly answered me. "I'm fine. It doesn't hurt." Her voice sounded weak and I increased my speed toward the administration office, figuring they could at least tell me where to go. I felt her head move and when I looked down she was looking up at me. She looked so small and I knew she was hurt but I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at how perfect she looked in my arms. I remembered the words of the girl from the door and made my promise, both to her and to myself.

"Don't worry Bella. I'm going to take care of you."

She laid her head on my chest, directly over my heart, and I knew then, beyond anything I'd ever known before, that that is where she belonged.

BPOV

Edward carefully maneuvered us into the administration office and I heard a gasp from Mrs. Cope behind the desk.

"Oh Bella, what happened?"

Edward spoke before I could even open my mouth. "She got hurt during Gym. I'm taking her to the nurse's office. Where is it?"

I peeked away from Edward's chest to see Mrs. Cope scurry to the door on the left behind her desk and open it for us. Edward carried me right through and gently laid me on the cot in the room. He stepped back and stood against the wall as the nurse fussed over me, putting a cloth to my head and telling me to apply pressure. She started asking questions about what had happened but I couldn't tell her much. Edward told her what he saw and I was grateful that he could fill in the blanks. I looked over at him and noticed the blood starting to dry on his shirt. My blood.

"I'm sorry." I said weakly. "I ruined your shirt."

He glanced down at it and then back at me. "It's just a shirt Bella. You're what's important right now."

The nurse pulled the cloth away from my forehead and sighed. "Well honey, I think this is gonna need stitches. Should I call your dad to come get you?"

I felt my breathing start to quicken as the panic seized me. I knew I needed to calm down, otherwise they would just call him anyway. I willed my breathing back into submission, closing my eyes and counting my breaths until they slowed.

"No," I said with as my authority as I could muster. "I don't want to bother him at work. You know this sort of thing happens to me all the time. I can drive myself, it's no big deal."

"Honey, you might have a concussion. I can't in good conscience let you drive yourself to the hospital, especially with a head wound."

I heard Edward's voice from across the room. "I can drive her." I felt my mouth fall open as I turned my head to look at him. He looked at me for just a moment before turning his attention to the nurse. "This is my last class so it's no trouble. Besides, my father is working today; I can take her straight to him. It'll probably be faster than if she goes to the ER by herself." He smiled his dazzling smile at her, trying to gain her trust or just woo her into submission with his seduction skills I wasn't sure. I hoped it was the former since the nurse was somewhere around 70 years old and that would just be creepy.

Whichever it was it seemed to work, since after a few seconds she looked back at me and sighed again. I could still see the struggle in her eyes, but I saw the defeat there also. "Fine, I'll let Mr. Cullen take you to the hospital, but you need to call your dad and let him know where you are. He needs to know what happened so he can take care of you tonight if it is a concussion." I nodded quickly, which really wasn't a good idea since it made my vision swim again. My eyes were unfocused and I laid my head back down on the cot. The nurse pursed her lips as she looked down at me and I hoped she didn't reconsider her decision to not call Charlie. She turned her head toward Edward who was still standing against the wall.

"Mr. Cullen, you brought her straight from the gymnasium?"

"Yes." He looked confused. So was I.

"So do you routinely keep your car keys in your gym uniform or will you need to go back to get them?"

I chuckled a little under my breath as Edward looked sheepishly at the floor. "I'll go get them now. I'll be right back." He turned to leave the room but turned around and looked back at me when he was halfway through the door. "And I expect you to not move until I get back. No trying to sneak out on your own ok?" He smirked at me and winked before he continued out the door.

I just laid my head back down and closed my eyes. I knew that if I had a concussion I shouldn't fall asleep but it was just too hard to try to keep them open. I couldn't wrap my mind around Edward's behavior. He seemed so protective of me, carrying me all the way to the office and then offering to drive me to the hospital. I knew that he was nice and he seemed genuinely concerned for my wellbeing after the talk about my mom but this seemed like more. No one had ever shown this level of concern for me before, and I had to admit, I liked it. I just didn't want to get my hopes up. Good things didn't happen to me and if I knew one thing about Edward it was that he was a good thing.

I could feel the nurse securing some kind of bandage to my head to hold it until I could be examined at the hospital, then heard the door open and close as she left me alone. It seemed like only minutes before I heard the door to the office open again and footsteps come close to me. I opened my eyes to see Edward standing over me, back in his regular clothes and holding both my bag and his.

"How did you get that?" I asked. He looked down at the bags in his hands and then back at me with that crooked smile on his face.

"I asked the coach to get it for you, seems he keeps all the combinations in his office. Lucky huh?"

I smiled back up at him. "Yeah, I guess it's my lucky day." He laughed a little at my attempted joke but then his face turned more serious.

"Why don't you try to stand up?" I steeled myself against the dizziness as I lifted my head and swung my legs over the side of the cot. I breathed slowly in and out through my nose as I gripped the edge of the cot and sat up. A wave of dizziness came over me as my vision blurred again and I saw bright yellow spots obscuring the room. Edward seemed to notice my disorientation and kneeled down in front of me. "I can carry you again. I don't mind really." I tried to make out his eyes through the yellow haze but could only see indistinct flashes of green. I leaned forward slightly and closed my eyes, trying to keep a hold of my consciousness.

"Are you sure I'm not too heavy? I don't want to hurt you."

He laughed a deep throaty laugh and I felt warm inside. "Bella, you weigh practically nothing. You could never hurt me." I cringed internally at his comment. I knew that my very presence could hurt him, not to mention what Charlie could do to him for associating with me. Charlie said that he didn't care if I had friends but after the fiasco with Jessica I had kept people at a distance. We had never had to deal with the subject of boys and I really didn't know how Charlie would take it. I felt Edward's arm slide under my knees and the other behind my shoulders as he stood up, effortlessly bringing me into his arms again. I sighed and enjoyed the closeness, the warmth I could feel radiating off him and into me. I knew it was selfish, but I wanted to hold onto this feeling as long as possible.

He took us outside to the parking lot and I was glad that classes hadn't released yet. I didn't want any more people staring at me today. I was surprised when Edward started walking, rather than toward the silver Volvo, to my truck.

"Where are you going?"

"I figured it would be easier if I drove your truck since Alice still needs to get home. I left my keys with her before I came back to get you. Either she'll pick me up at the hospital or I'll get a ride home with my dad. Is it ok if I drive your truck Bella?"

"Yeah, it's fine." I said distractedly. I really didn't mind if he drove it, but I was a little embarrassed. His car was so much nicer than mine and I didn't want him to have to lower himself to my piece of crap. Although, I did find it a fitting metaphor for our relationship.

Edward fumbled a little with the door handle before finally getting the door open and settling me in the passenger seat. He gently closed the door and walked around to the driver's door, tossing our bags on the seat between us before climbing in. He rooted around in my backpack for a minute before finally pulling out my keys and starting the engine. It gave an embarrassingly loud rumble as it started and I winced at the sound. My head was starting to feel heavy so I closed my eyes and laid my head back against the headrest as we pulled out of the parking space. Suddenly the truck stopped and I cracked my eyes a little as I rolled my head in Edward's direction.

"You should really be wearing your seatbelt." I closed my eyes again and reached my hand up to try and find the seatbelt next to me. I couldn't find it on the first try, or the second, and I was about to go back for a third when I heard Edward's voice again. "Here, let me." I felt his body heat again as he reached across me and grabbed the seatbelt. He seemed to be holding his breath but I didn't want to risk opening my eyes with him so close to me. He pulled the seatbelt across my chest and clicked it into place but didn't immediately draw back. I could feel him exhale, his breath fanning across my face. He lingered a moment more and I swear I could feel his eyes on my face but I still wouldn't open my eyes. Finally he drew back and I felt the truck start moving again.

We drove in silence, the loud engine effectively drowning out any words Edward might have spoken. I couldn't have talked if I had to since the very noise of the engine was making my head pound. At last I felt us turn and slow down and I chanced a glance out the window. Forks Community Hospital loomed large and white in the dim light of a typically cloudy Forks day. Edward bypassed the emergency entrance and went straight toward where the doctor's parked. I hoped we wouldn't get in trouble for parking there but I figured he knew what he was doing. He slid into a space and killed the engine before looking over at me. He seemed happy to see that I had my eyes open.

"Welcome back. I was worried you fell asleep on me."

I just smiled weakly and turned my head toward the window again. I heard Edward get out of the truck and a moment later he was opening my door and pulling me into his arms again.

_I could really get used to this._

He carried me into the main door of the hospital and sat me down in a waiting room chair before walking up to the front desk. I watched him talk to the woman at the desk and realized that my head was feeling less woozy but I was starting to get tired. I figured the adrenaline rush from earlier must have left me lacking now. I just hoped I could stay awake long enough to see the doctor. I saw him gesturing toward me and he gave me a smile when he saw me looking at him. Finally I saw the woman pick up a phone and Edward started coming over to me, the smile still in place.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, the concern evident in his voice. I shrugged noncommittally and he huffed before settling back in the chair to wait. It was only minutes before I saw a man in a lab coat walk up to the desk. He spoke to the receptionist for a moment before he turned his face toward us. I stifled a gasp when I saw his face.

_Damn genetic disadvantages. So not fair._

He was as tall as Edward, probably 6'2' and lean like he was. He had almost white blond hair and brilliant blue eyes that I could see even from across the room. I could see some resemblance to Edward in his chiseled jaw and aristocratic nose, along with the kindness in his eyes. He came over to us, authority in his step.

"Edward, shouldn't you still be in school?" His voice had the same velvet quality of Edward's but it didn't make me feel the same. Where Edward's voice made my heart race, Dr. Cullen's voice made it slow down, instantly calming me. I figured he must be a great doctor.

"I brought Bella here. She got hurt during our Gym class and couldn't drive herself."

Dr. Cullen seemed almost amused as he looked at his son and I wondered what could be funny about this situation. His face quickly cleared and he turned his eyes on me.

"Bella is it?" I nodded. "I'm Dr. Cullen, Edward's father, although I'm sure you've already deduced that. Let's get you to an exam room so I can take a look at you." I made to stand but Edward stilled me with a hand on my arm.

"She hasn't really been able to stand upright since it happened, Dad. Maybe she should have a wheelchair?" I wanted to protest but stopped when I saw the look on Edward's face. I knew he wouldn't back down and if I refused the wheelchair I was afraid he'd insist on carrying me to the exam room. As nice as it was to be in Edward's arms, I didn't want to make a spectacle of it in a crowded hospital.

Dr. Cullen looked amused again as he walked over to a group of wheelchairs by the desk and brought one over to me. Each of the men took one of my arms to help me into the chair and I noticed that I only felt the warmth of Edward's hand. His father's hand felt like anything else to me, like pressure I barely felt. Once I was settled in the chair Dr. Cullen started pushing me down a hallway, Edward following close behind.

"Edward, don't you have to drive Alice home?" Dr. Cullen asked as he turned his head toward his son.

"I left her my keys and told her where I was. She'll come pick me up later. I didn't know how long we'd have to wait so I drove Bella's truck." Dr. Cullen just nodded and continued down the hall. We stopped outside a door and Dr. Cullen turned to Edward again. "Why don't you go wait in my office then. I'll call up and let you know when we're done here." Edward looked like he wanted to argue but thought better of it. He looked down at me and gave me a bright smile.

"I'll see you a little bit ok?" I nodded up at him and watched as he walked back down the hall. Dr. Cullen wheeled me into the exam room and as I looked around I realized that this must have been a room that they used for children. The room was painted blue and covered in fish. There was a fish border near the ceiling and wooden fish seeming to be swimming as they hung on the walls. There were even framed Finding Nemo prints on one wall. It made me feel very young to be brought to this room.

Dr. Cullen helped me out of the wheelchair and up onto the examination table. I only swayed a little and I was proud that I seemed to be stabilizing. The paper sheet crinkled under me as I shifted uncomfortably. I hated exam rooms. It seemed like I had spent the better part of my life in one with my various injuries. Dr. Cullen sat on the rolling stool and rolled over so he was in front of me, my chart in his hands. I hadn't even noticed that he'd had it.

"So Bella, what happened to your head?" I looked into his kind face and told him what I could, interlaced with what I had heard Edward tell the nurse at school. Dr. Cullen listened attentively, occasionally looking down at my chart and writing notes. When I was finished with my story he stood up and started examining my head wound. I sat placidly as he poked and prodded; having a general awareness of what he was doing but not really being able to feel it. He came back in front of me and shined a light into my eyes then asked me to follow his finger as he moved it across my field of vision. He sat back down on the stool in front of me and looked into my face. We were eye to eye with him seated there and I couldn't look away as he started speaking.

"Ok. The wound isn't very big so I think just a couple of stitches should do it. What concerns me more is the way you described your head bouncing off the floor when you fell and your balance problems since then. I would agree with your assessment that you have a concussion but it seems to be a mild one. Your equilibrium seems to be returning and your pupils are equal and reacting well to light. I think that you need to rest and take it easy over the next few days but otherwise you should be fine. I can see from your chart that this isn't your first concussion so you should know what to do. Now, I'm going to go get a nurse and we'll get your head stitched up. Did you want us to call your father? I don't really think you should drive."

I knew that this was coming but I still could stop the panic that surged in me again. My breathing was heavy and erratic and I struggled to control it. Dr. Cullen looked concerned and reached a hand out, I assume to comfort me but I flinched away from it. I tried to slow my breathing and Dr. Cullen just watched me.

"Sure, Dr. Cullen, I'll call my dad." I tried to smile to let him know I was alright but I think it turned out more like a grimace. He gave me a reassuring smile as he stood and left the room. I realized then that I didn't have my phone, it was out in my bag in the truck. The only reason I had the phone was so Charlie could track my location and so I would never have an excuse for him to not be able to reach me. That thought made me start to panic again.

_What if he called already? He'll freak if he called and I didn't answer. He'll see I'm not at home and he'll be mad that I didn't call him._

My breath was coming in gasps and I was starting to see the spots again. I needed my phone, and now. I only knew of one person who could help me right now. I slipped off the table and stumbled over to the phone on the wall. I picked it up and dialed zero for the hospital operator then told her to connect me to Dr. Cullen's office. Edward picked up after the second ring.

"Dr. Cullen's office."

"Edward, it's Bella."

"Bella? Why are you calling me? Is everything ok?" He sounded almost as panicked as I felt.

"Edward, I'm fine but I need you to do something for me. I need you to go get my cell phone from my bag and bring it to me. I need to call my dad."

"Shit Bella, you scared me. Sure I'll get your phone. I'll see you in a few minutes."

I hung up the phone and let out a sigh of relief. Just then the door opened and Dr. Cullen stepped through, followed by a nurse and a suture kit for my head. I climbed back up onto the table and waited for him to start. He injected something into my forehead, I assumed to numb the area he would be stitching. I wanted to tell him it was unnecessary but I didn't want any more questions. It only took a few minutes to put the stitches in and Dr. Cullen was just clearing everything away when I heard a knock on the door. It opened and Edward stepped in, giving an apologetic glance to his father and walking over to hand me my phone. I gave him a grateful smile.

"Thanks, Edward, you saved me." He smiled sheepishly and looked at the floor. Dr. Cullen had his amused look back as he finished cleaning up the room.

"I'll just leave you to make your call. We've got all your information on file so you're free to go as soon as your father comes to get you. Have a good day Bella. And Edward, I'll see you at home." He gave me a wide smile before he turned and left the room.

I looked at Edward, awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, you can stay." I felt like I needed his strength now. I wasn't sure how I felt about depending on someone like I was, but I was determined to keep the support for as long as I could. I dialed Charlie's number at the station, anxiously waiting until his gruff voice came on the line.

"This is Swan."

"Hi Dad, it's Bella."

"Why are you calling from your cell? Where are you?" I should have known he'd see the caller id and know I wasn't at home yet. I took a deep breath to answer.

"I'm at the hospital. There was an accident in Gym. I'm fine, but I needed to get some stitches and I've got a mild concussion."

I could hear him huffing through the phone. "God Bella, what the fuck did you do now? Is someone going to be suing me over this?"

I could feel the tears pricking at my eyes. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I still hoped that maybe he would care if I was hurt, or ask how I was.

"No Dad, the only one hurt was me. No one's going to sue." I looked up at Edward, expecting to see him laughing at that comment but instead he looked pained. I wondered if he could hear Charlie through the phone . I heard Charlie starting to speak again.

"Well I can't leave work right now. You'll have to find your own ride. And I expect my dinner to be ready when I get there. I've had a bad day and I'm very low on patience. Do you understand?"

I could feel the tears threaten to escape my eyes and blinked them back. I slowed the lump in my throat and answered him. "Yes sir, I understand."

"Good. I'll see you at home then." I heard the line click as he hung up. I stared at my phone for a few moments, trying to steel my nerves before I had to look at Edward again. Finally I flipped it closed and held it tight in my hand, lifting my eyes to meet Edward's. There were so many emotions flashing in his eyes I had trouble deciphering them. I saw pain, and guilt, and finally anger. I didn't think I had done anything to warrant that emotion from him but couldn't help but cower a little under the feel of it. His eyes softened as he took in my hunched shoulders and stricken face.

"So, I'll drive you home then. Alice can pick me up from there."

I could only nod at him. He had heard what Charlie had said, how he spoken to me, but I saw no pity in his eyes for me. He didn't seem to think less of me. I was so grateful in that moment, to have found a friend. I climbed down from the table again, Edward ready to swoop in and catch me if I fell. I had to laugh at his antics and soon we were both laughing as we walked back out to the truck together. He called Alice on his cell phone and he assured me that she didn't mind at all coming to pick him up. He said she was mostly excited to see where I lived. I was a little afraid that I might come home one day and find every item of black clothing I owned mysteriously missing from my closet, but I was still a little excited for her to be coming to my house. No one had come over to my house since Jessica and I really wanted some normalcy.

Edward followed my directions to the house and we chatted along the way. I saw the Volvo sitting at the curb when we pulled up in front and I wondered how fast Alice must have driven to beat us there, not to mention how she had known where it was in the first place. Edward pulled the truck up behind her and turned off the engine. I was a little sad to see him go but I knew that I needed to get dinner started and I didn't want Alice and Edward to be there when Charlie got home. Our friendship was too new and I didn't want to strain it any more than it already was, especially with Edward possibly hearing the phone conversation from earlier.

I took my keys from him and grabbed my bag while he grabbed his. We both climbed out of the truck at the same time, although I went slowly and he watched me the whole time. Alice got out of the Volvo and ran over to us, her features twisted with concern.

"Bella!" she screamed as she threw herself on me, wrapping her tiny frame around me in an iron tight hug. I staggered a little under her weight but she hung on, if anything squeezing even tighter.

"Alice, humans need to breathe. She may also eventually require the use of her arms." Edward muttered sarcastically behind us.

Alice loosened her hold as she cast a withering stare at Edward but the concerned look was back when she looked at me. "God sweetie, I was so worried when Edward told me what happened. I've been a nervous wreck waiting at home to hear how you were. Are you ok? Did Dad tell you were ok?" Her hands were flying as she spoke, touching all over my arms and my hair, as if she could discern my injuries from it. I could only smile at her. It had only been a few hours, but I had missed her insanity.

"Alice, I'm fine. I have a mild concussion and I had to get a couple stitches in my head but that's it."

She looked into my eyes and I guess when she determined that I wasn't lying she took a deep breath.

"Well alright then. Do you need some help getting in the house?" I rolled my eyes and shook my head at her. "I hurt my head Alice, not my legs. I can walk just fine."

She looked timorous as she nodded her head and I heard Edward clear his throat.

"Come on munchkin, we've got to get home." Alice gave me one last squeeze before she bounced over to the passenger door of the Volvo and got inside. Edward timidly walked over to me and I had trouble meeting his eyes.

"Thanks for all your help today Edward. You're my hero." I felt myself blushing immediately.

_Gah, could I sound any more stupid? _

He chuckled under his breath and stuffed one hand in his jeans pocket while tipping an imaginary hat with the other. "Happy to be of service ma'am" he said with the worst Southern accent I've ever heard. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped. He laughed with me and then as the laughs died off we just stood on the curb smiling at each other. I felt the tension between us start to build and I didn't know what to do. He was looking at me with those meadow green eyes and I didn't want to go inside, back to my real life. He started to lean toward me just as the Volvo's horn gave a loud honk. I jumped back from Edward, almost losing my footing but recovering quickly.

"I guess you'd better go. I've got to start dinner and I've got homework. Charlie could be home soon." Edward looked sad, running his hands through his wild hair and tugging on the ends. His mouth kept opening and closing, like he was going to say something but kept changing his mind.

Finally he settled on "Bye Bella. I'll see you in the morning." I watched him as he got into the Volvo and drove away. I felt a strange pulling sensation in my chest as I watched until I could no longer see silver. I knew I had just met Edward and Alice but already they were the best friends I had. I hoped I could protect them from my life, from the pain that I had learned to endure and eventually not to feel at all. They were both so wonderful, and I knew that I didn't deserve to have them in my life, but I was selfishly clinging to them both. I looked up at the house, knowing that once I went inside it would be back to my regular life. I turned my head and looked one last time at the empty road where Edward and the Volvo had disappeared. I couldn't help but feel like he took a part of me with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

EPOV

I ran back to the gym as fast as I could. Luckily I wasn't seen by anyone, since the last thing I needed was to get detention on my first day of school. I knew I needed to get back to Bella. She might run out on her own if I took too long and I knew I'd never forgive myself if something happened to her if she did. She had looked so panicked when the nurse had mentioned calling her dad. Between the look in her eyes and the way she had shrunk away from me when I tried to help her up, I was starting to get a bad feeling about our new town's Chief of Police. I had nothing solid on which to base any assumptions, but the feeling itself made my stomach roll.

The hockey game was still in full swing as I approached the gym. I skirted the edge of the floor, walking up to the coach who was standing off to the side watching the game.

"Sir," I called as I got closer, still breathing heavy from my run across campus. He turned his body toward me but his eyes stayed trained on the floor. The man was probably afraid for his job if there was another injury on his watch.

"You gettin' back in the game Cullen?" he yelled, briefly shifting his eyes to me and then back to the game. When I didn't answer he turned his full attention to me and I shook my head at him. He stood a little straighter, uncrossing his arms and stuffing his hands in his back pockets instead. "Well what are you doing here then?"

"I need to get my keys. I'm gonna drive Bella to the hospital to get her head looked at and I just wanted to let you know." He nodded his head and relaxed again, turning back to the floor. It occurred to me then that I should probably change out of my gym clothes and gather my homework. Then I realized that Bella didn't any of her things either. "Sir, is there any way for me to get Bella's bag for her? I don't want her to get behind without her books and things."

"Sure, whatever." He huffed as he started walking toward the locker rooms. I followed behind him. I was about to enter the boys' locker room when I felt a hand on my back. I turned around to see the short girl who had held the door for me earlier. She played with her fingers, looking around nervously as she shuffled her feet. Her voice was quiet as she spoke.

"Is she ok?"

"Yeah. Maybe a concussion and probably some stitches. I'm taking her to the hospital as soon as I change and get my keys." I turned to enter the locker room again but her voice stopped me.

"Just…don't let them call her dad ok? And don't speed." With that she jogged back into the gym. I walked into the locker room, the bad feeling that had started earlier becoming worse. I hurriedly dressed and grabbed my stuff. I was a little upset that I wouldn't get to shower for awhile but at least I wouldn't be in sweaty clothes anymore. The coach had Bella's backpack when I returned to the gym. I thanked him and took the two bags as I took off down the hall again. I didn't get far before I thought of Alice. If I left now she wouldn't have any way home. I quickly ran down her schedule in my head. Luckily my route back to the office took me past her French class. I knocked and stuck my head inside.

"I'm sorry, but I need Alice. It's an emergency." The teacher looked startled as Alice jumped from her seat and ran to the door. I pulled her out into the hallway and barely had the door closed before she started.

"What's wrong? What happened?" I put a hand on her shoulder to try to calm her, pressing my keys into her hand with the other.

"It's fine Al. Bella got hurt during gym class and I have to drive her to the hospital. Just go home and wait for me. I don't know how long it'll be but if you could pick me up later that would be great."

She took a deep breath and looked quizzically between me and the keys in her hand. "If I'm taking the car how are you getting to the hospital?"

I thought quickly. "I'll just drive her truck. Remember, we saw it this morning?" She looked at me hard in the eye then. I don't know how someone so small could look so intimidating.

"I'll go home, but you'd better call me. And you'd better take good care of her. Something tells me she could use it." She turned back into the classroom without another word and I continued my run to the office.

Bella was alone when I reentered the nurse's office. She looked like she was sleeping but opened her eyes as I approached her. She looked confused by the bags slung over my shoulder. "How did you get that?"

I couldn't help but smile. "I asked the coach to get it for you, seems he keeps all the combinations in his office. Lucky huh?"

She smiled up at me and I felt that pull in my chest again. "Yeah, I guess it's my lucky day." I laughed a little, but I was still worried about how she would get out to the car. "Why don't you try to stand up?" She visibly struggled to sit up on the cot and I could tell her head must have been swimming. I kneeled down in front of her, both to stay in line of vision and to be ready to catch her if she fell. "I can carry you again. I don't mind really." I didn't want to make her uncomfortable by letting her know how much I wanted to have her in my arms again. She made some comment about being too heavy and I had to laugh. She couldn't have weighed much more than a hundred pounds and she felt like nothing when I carried her. She looked upset when I said that she could never hurt me. I knew that the only way she could hurt me is if she didn't let me be there for her. I just hoped that she would.

She didn't protest as I picked her up from the cot, even snuggling a little into my chest. I knew that it was far from the ideal situation, but I still couldn't help how much I liked it. I hoped to have more of it when she wasn't injured. I took her outside and she questioned me when I approached her truck. I explained about Alice picking me up later and she seemed appeased. I think she just didn't have it in her to fight anymore. She closed her eyes again and dropped her head back against the headrest while I while I started the truck and started to pull out of the space. Then I remembered what the dark haired girl had said about not speeding. I figured not wearing seatbelts would probably have equally bad results with a cop for a father. I turned to her and told her she should wear her seatbelt. She didn't even open her eyes, just fumbled blindly beside her. After the second attempt I decided to just put it on for her.

I leaned across her to grab the seatbelt, trying hard not to touch her too much and holding my breath. I was a little afraid that if I got a hit of her strawberry scent in such close quarters I might lose my restraint. As it was I stayed close to her a little too long, just staring at her face. Her skin was like porcelain, her dark lashes fanned out on her cheeks. Her lips were parted slightly and it took everything I had not to kiss her. Luckily I remembered myself before I did anything stupid.

_She needs to be taken care of, not molested while she's near unconscious._

I put the truck back in drive and started driving toward the hospital. I kept glancing over at Bella as we drove but she never stirred. I worried that she might have passed out but I didn't want to try to wake her while I was driving. I was also keeping an eye out for police cars, definitely not wanting to meet the chief for the first time with an unconscious and bloody Bella in the front seat. When I reached the hospital I bypassed the regular parking and went to the lot where I knew my father parked. I didn't want to have to drive around looking for a space and delay her treatment. I looked over at her when I killed the engine and when I saw those chocolate eyes looking back at me I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

"Welcome back. I was worried you fell asleep on me."

She tried to smile but I could see the struggle in it. I got out quickly and walked around the truck to pull her into my arms again. I walked her straight inside and settled her into a chair before I went to talk to the receptionist. She was a young brunette I met when I came in with Carlisle a few days ago.

"Hey Linda, could you page my dad? I brought a friend who got hurt during our gym class."

"I'm going to need a name Edward. I need to pull a chart."

"It's Bella. She's the daughter of the Chief of Police." I gestured over to Bella and saw her watching me. I smiled at her and turned back to Linda. Linda seemed to recognize her.

"Oh yeah, Bella Swan, she's here all the time. I'll just get your dad down here and get her chart." She picked up the phone and I walked back to Bella, making sure to keep the smile on my face even though I was I was scowling inside.

_How many times does a person have to come to a hospital of this size to be recognized by sight?_

I sat down next to her and asked how she was doing. She only shrugged at me and so I sat back in the uncomfortable plastic chair to wait. Luckily Dad must not have been busy because it didn't take long for him to come down. He spoke with Linda for a minute before he turned to us. I looked over at Bella to see her reaction to him. It was usually always the same with girls the first time they saw Dad, the awe, the wide eyes and slack jaw. I was objective enough to know that he was a good looking man, but that was just weird. At least Bella wasn't as obvious, although I could have sworn I heard her gasp when she saw him. He addressed me first as he approached.

"Edward, shouldn't you still be in school?"

I explained about how Bella got hurt and why I brought her but Dad just seemed amused. I knew he could see right through me and I would be hearing about it when I got home, especially when he told Mom. They knew that I didn't often interact with girls, not unless I had to, and so this would automatically mean something. At least this time they would be right. He quickly put his game face back on and spoke to Bella. She tried to stand up and I suggested to Dad that he get her a wheelchair. He looked amused again and I was internally dreading the scene that would be dinner tonight. Dad and I helped Bella into the wheelchair and I relished in the feeling I got from touching her, even through her shirt sleeve. It was like there was an energy that passed between us and I hoped to feel it again, and often.

Dad questioned me about Alice as we walked down the hall and I explained how I gave her my keys. He then suggested I wait for them in his office. I didn't really want to leave Bella alone, but I also knew that he would let me be in the exam room with her so I agreed. I kept going over the things I had found out today as I made my way up to the fifth floor. My head was spinning from all that had happened. First, I meet a girl and start to have feelings that I never thought I could have. I had heard all about what it was like the first time Dad met Mom, and when Alice first saw her boyfriend Jasper. I had always thought they were exaggerating, all that "the world moved" stuff but I was wrong. I world's axis had definitely shifted when I caught that first glimpse. One look at Bella's chocolate eyes and I was hers. Then there was everything I had learned about the girl in the last few hours. She was smart, articulate, sweet, and painfully shy. She was beautiful, especially when she blushed, which she seemed to do a lot. She also seemed to be afraid of physical contact and from what the girl from the gym had said about not calling her dad I had a feeling that something was very wrong at home. I knew I had to find out more if I was going to help her at all, but I was at a loss as to how to do that. If something was going on, she might not want to tell me. And even if she did, what could I do? The man was the law in this town I was just a kid. I felt like tearing my hair out from frustration.

I was pacing around Dad's office, waiting impatiently for the call that would bring me back to Bella. I knew it hadn't been very long but I was getting anxious. Finally the phone rang and I answered, mindful that it could be a patient or another doctor.

"Dr. Cullen's office."

It was Bella and she sounded panicked. I felt my heart start to pound as I thought about what my father could have found that would make her sound like that. She asked me to go get her phone and I agreed, quick to do anything to calm her. I ran to the truck and found her cell phone in her backpack. I knocked before I entered the exam room and saw the Dad was just finishing stitching her forehead. I handed her the phone and she said I saved her as she thanked me. I just looked at the floor to try and hide the blush starting across my face. There was nothing I wanted more than to be her hero. Dad left her to make her call and I offered to leave too but she wanted me to stay. I settled myself against the wall as she dialed. She seemed so nervous, I could only hope that my being there helped her some. I couldn't hear much of what was said but I could detect the tenor of her father's voice. He seemed angry rather than concerned and I couldn't help but frown when she mentioned being sued. Who the hell was this guy? Your kid tells you they're in the hospital and that's the first place your mind goes? I could see Bella's eyes starting to tear as she got to end of her call and I knew that he wouldn't be coming. I knew what I had to do. As much as I wanted to be more for her, right now she needed a friend. I would be her rock, her strength and her savior. I would show her that at least one man wasn't going to hurt her, and if I had my way no one ever would again. My anger at the situation must have shown on my face when she looked up at me because she seemed to shrink a little into herself. I cleared my face and offered to drive her home. She climbed down from the exam table while I watched her carefully. She seemed much steadier, and although I was grateful that she seemed better, I was a little sad that I wouldn't get to carry her again.

I called Alice on the drive to her house and I could hear her bouncing on the other end of the line. "Sure Edward, I'll just meet you at her house. Don't worry, I already googled it, I knew I'd have to know where it was at some point. See you in a bit." She clicked off and I hoped that Bella wouldn't be freaked out by Alice already knowing where she lived. I wasn't really kidding when I told Bella that she had broken people before. Not everyone could withstand the force of nature that was Alice.

We chatted amicably on the drive, not getting into anything heavy and for that I was glad. I wanted to have some respite from this day. The Volvo was already parked at the curb when I pulled up to a modest two-story house on the outskirts of the forest that surrounded the town. I looked up at the house and couldn't help but wonder which room was hers. I wanted to help Bella out of the truck but she beat me to the door so I had to settle for watching her, making sure she didn't stumble. I saw an Alice shaped blur run at Bella and tackle her into a vice-like hug, almost knocking her over. I walked around the truck and stood behind them.

"Alice, humans need to breathe. She may also eventually require the use of her arms." Alice glared at me but at least she loosened her grip. They talked for a minute and I cleared my throat when it looked like Ali might try to carry Bella into the house herself. "Come on munchkin, we've got to get home." Alice hugged her again and bounced over to the Volvo. I walked nervously up to Bella to say my goodbyes. She called me her hero and blushed that beautiful shade of pink. I did my best Jasper impression and got the reaction I wanted, she laughed. We laughed together, but as the laughs died off the tension rose between us. I stared into her bewitching eyes and felt myself being drawn in. I couldn't stop my body from leaning into her. Even with everything I had decided in that hospital room, I still wanted her. Luckily the Volvo's horn broke the spell and Bella pulled back from me. She said something about her dad being home soon and I wanted so much to ask her what exactly he had said on the phone, what made her look so afraid all the time, what made her recoil from my touch. But I couldn't. I needed her to trust me first and I couldn't just start interrogating her on her front lawn when her dad could pull up any minute. So I stuffed my curiosity back down and stammered out an awkward goodbye before I climbing into the car and driving away. I looked in the rearview mirror and noticed that Bella watched as we drove away, that sad, resigned look back on her face.

When I couldn't see her anymore I turned to Alice. "What was that about?"

She looked at me with wide, innocent eyes. "What?"

"The horn Ali. From your reaction earlier I thought you'd be in favor my being with Bella. Was I wrong?"

"Oh no, brother dear, I know that Bella is your Jasper and I will do everything in my power to make sure you two end up together."

"Then what was that about?" I knew that it was good that she interrupted us, but I was still a little disgruntled. My mind knew better, but my body still wanted that kiss.

"Edward," she huffed at me, her exasperation clearly showing. "That girl," she gestured vaguely back toward Bella's house, "has some serious shit going on. I talked to some people today, and everyone I asked about her said that she never talks, like ever. She's known to be clumsy, but she's also known to have a lot of mysterious injuries and I don't think anyone could fall down that much. Something is wrong, very, very, wrong and you need to be delicate with her. I will not let you screw up and hurt her, or get yourself hurt from not knowing what you're dealing with. Besides, do you really want your first kiss to happen on the curb after you've just taken her to have her head stitched up?"

Even my hormone addled body had to understand her logic. "You're right Al. But what are we going to do?"

She sat back in her seat and drew her knees up to her chest. "Of course I am. And as for what we're going to do, we're doing it. We're going to be her friends. She'll come to trust us in time. You'll just have to be patient. Don't worry, I'll try to do some reconnaissance for you in the mean time."

I laughed as I drove down the road to our new home. "Thanks so much."

"Relax Edward. Consider me your own personal Knights Templar. I'm keeping the passages safe for travelers, or in your case, keeping your relationship safe from your fuckupery."

I shook my head and laughed at her. If anyone could get Bella out of the walls she had built around her herself, I had faith that it would be Alice.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Charlie may have been low on patience, but at least he seemed to spare some for me, probably in light of my head injury. I had his dinner ready when he came in the door and he simply ate and then went to the living room to watch ESPN. I was glad for the respite. I went upstairs after I cleaned up the dishes, not having anything else to do. It was our usual routine, as long Charlie didn't find anything about me that irritated him that evening. I did my homework in silence, listening for the familiar sound of Charlie coming up the stairs. When I heard it I lifted my head, straining my ears to discern the direction of his footsteps. He didn't divert to my room, just kept walking straight into his and closing the door.

_Guess he was too tired to pay any attention to me tonight. Thank God for small favors._

As soon as my homework was finished I took off the Gym clothes I was still wearing and slid under my blankets with my weathered copy of Wuthering Heights. I intended to read a few chapters before I went to sleep, but the book just made me think of Lit class, and Edward by association. What was I going to do about him? There was that moment when he dropped me off, when he leaned toward me and it seemed as if he might want to kiss me. I hoped that was what it was but since I had never been in that situation I couldn't really be sure. At the very least I knew that I could consider him my friend and for that much I was grateful. I set the book down on the floor beside the bed, knowing that I wouldn't get any reading done tonight. I turned off the bedside lamp, snuggling further into the blankets and closing my eyes. That was the first night I dreamt of Edward.

_I was running from the killer, yet again. This time I was running through a forest. I stopped and looked around at the trees, noticing how familiar it seemed. I realized that this was the part of the forest that came closest to my house, a forest I had explored many times throughout my childhood. It was dark, moonlight barely being able to filter through the canopy, but I could see just enough to move. I walked, instead of running, waiting for the killer to catch up. I kept walking, and walking, and I was starting to wonder if I would ever come to the end of this dream. I could hear nothing around me, no animals scurrying in the underbrush, no owls hooting in the distance, not even the wind rustling the branches. The forest was completely still and silent around me and that scared me more than any other aspect of the dreams ever had. Even my footsteps were silent as I stepped through the pine needles and other debris. I continued to walk in the silence with no sense of time, so I was surprised when I suddenly reached an end to the trees. _

_I was standing on the edge of a clearing. The moonlight shone down, full and bright, painting the soft grass silver. I walked out into the middle of it, brushing my hands along the tall blades where they neared my waist. I noticed that I could feel the leaves under my hands, tickling my palms in a way that I could barely remember from before. I stood in the very center of the clearing, turning my face up to the velvet sky and looking at the large white moon. It dominated the sky. There were no stars, just inky blackness and gossamer light. I lowered my head to the trees, turning slowly in a circle. I couldn't see anything beyond this circle of light, just the indistinct outlines of trees, a denser darkness than what surrounded me in the clearing. And then I saw him. _

_Edward was standing just at the edge of the trees, opposite from where I had entered. He was silent and still as the night, simply standing and staring back at me. He breathed when I breathed, his face glowing eerily white in the moonlight. I could see his lips moving but still there was no sound. I started to call his name but though I could feel the vibrations of speech in my chest no sound left my mouth. I tried harder, screaming his name against whatever was dampening my words but still no use. Edward seemed to be screaming my name back at me, his hand stretched toward me and his face twisted in apparent anguish. I tried to run to him but my feet could have been planted in cement for as much as I could move them. I fell to my knees, silent sobs wracking my body as I wrapped my arms around my waist. I looked into Edward's face, watching as his features morphed from anguish, to surprise, and finally, to terror. I knew the killer must have finally caught up, and he was going to kill me now, in front of Edward. I wished I could protect Edward from that sight, even if he was only a dream. I heard a noise then, a voice that made my blood run cold speaking with icy precision right in my ear. _

"_You know he can't help you. No one can."_

_I squeezed my eyes shut and screamed from the depths of my soul._

The sound was still ringing in my ears when my eyes snapped open and I realized that I was awake and still screaming. I quickly cut off the scream but it was too late, I could hear the stomping footsteps coming quickly down the hallway. I barely had time to pull the blanket I had kicked to the end of the bed over myself before my door flew open, bouncing off the wall with a resounding crash. I froze, breathing as shallowly as I could manage and staring straight ahead. I was trying to become invisible.

He didn't say anything as he strode across the room and towered over my bed. I gripped the blanket with shaking fingers, my entire body trembling with the effort of controlling my ragged breaths. My voice came out as nothing but a tremulous whisper. "I'm sorry Daddy. I had a nightmare. I'll be quiet, I promise." His hand whipped out and caught my hair, wrapping it around his fist as he pulled my face to look at him.

"Just shut up so I can sleep." He growled out, giving my hair a final hard yank before releasing my head and stomping back out, making sure to slam the door as he left. The wall was still quivering as I slid down into the bed. I curled onto my side and shivered myself back into a restless sleep.

The next morning I woke early, fearful of retribution for the night before but none came. When I looked down from my window there was again no cruiser and I silently counted my blessings. In years past Charlie had made sure to make his disappointment in my general existence known on a nearly daily basis but it had been lessening as I got older. I don't know if I was actually doing less to irk him or if he just didn't care anymore. I didn't know which to hope for.

I showered, washing the dried blood from my hair but being careful of my new stitches. As I started to get ready for the day I noticed that I was actually excited to go to school and smiled a little at the thought. I took extra care to blow my hair out straight and wore it down, something I never did. Then I looked into my closet and thought of Alice. I knew she would rag on me if I wore black again but I didn't have much else. I dug through the clothes, hoping that some article of clothing would miraculously jump out at me. As I ran my fingers over the sea of black and gray a flash of color caught my eye. I pulled out the soft Tiffany blue sweater and bit back the sob that threatened to escape my throat. I remembered this sweater. I had stolen it from my mother's closet just after she left and hid it in the back of mine before Charlie could see it. He had destroyed most of her things when he realized she wasn't coming back. That one sweater was all I had of hers. I remembered how I used to hold the fabric to my face and breath in her scent. It still smelled like her even years later. I held it to my face and breathed in deeply. It smelled like my closet.

I threw it down in disgust, both with the garment and myself.

_You can't do this anymore! She's gone, she left you and that's it. There's no point in holding on to something to remind you of someone who might as well be dead. You're dead to her anyway._

I decided right then that it had to end, this desperate reverence for the woman who had abandoned me. She wasn't going to come back and save me and whatever protection my heart had taken from her memory had been gone for a long time. It was time to move on. I decided that the first step would be to de-memorialize the sweater. She had left us both behind and it was time that we got reacquainted.

I brought the sweater back into the bedroom with me and grabbed a pair of dark wash jeans from the dresser. I pulled on the jeans and my Docs before I took the sweater from the hanger and pulled it over my head. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and gasped, my hand flying up to cover my mouth. If I hadn't seen myself moving I might have thought Renee was standing in my bedroom. As it was, the visual was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

I squeezed my eyes shut and ripped the sweater back over my head, throwing it violently into the corner.

_I guess today isn't the day._

I stood in the middle of my room in my jeans and bra, desperately trying to calm myself down. After what seemed like an eternity I finally had my breathing calmed and my heart rate slowed down. I stomped over to my dresser, yanking open a drawer and grabbing the first shirt my hand fell on. I had no idea what shirt it was, but at least it wasn't black. I jerked the red t-shirt on and nearly ran for the door, grabbing my favorite hooded security blanket and my bag along the way. Miraculously I didn't fall on my way down the stairs, although my feet certainly tried to make it happen. I stopped off in the kitchen to grab a pop tart and then out the front door to begin another day.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

High school. For some people it was the high point of their lives. For others it was merely a brief stop on the way to bigger and better things. For me, it was the place where I'd go everyday to see my best friend, knowing that I couldn't talk to her. And it was all my fault.

I don't remember exactly when I realized that something wasn't right at the Swan house. Nothing really happened when I was there, but there was always this imperceptible tension in the air, as if Bella and her mother were always waiting for something and couldn't ever relax. I came to realize that what they were waiting for was for the Chief to come home. Things would be fine one minute, we'd be laughing and having fun, and then the next minute we'd hear the crunch of tires in the driveway and Bella's back would stiffen. I used to watch her when it would happen, as if she were trying to blend into the furniture. There would be days when he would be screaming as soon as he stepped across the threshold, but most days were quiet. He always treated me politely, albeit gruffly, and mostly he ignored me completely.

I never saw him do anything to Bella, but she always had so many bruises. When we were young I didn't think anything of it but by the time we were nine or ten I started to find it strange. Yeah she was clumsy, and she did trip over air, but she didn't actually fall that much. I also started to see through her excuses about running into doors, or falling down stairs. The most creative was when the bandage on the back of her hand came off, revealing a row of four distinct puncture marks and she said that she somehow _fell_ onto a fork. I never called her on her bullshit, since I figured it wasn't my business. I thought that if she wanted me to know then she would tell me, not that I know what I would have done if she had.

That night I stayed at her house, the last night of our friendship, was the worse night of my life. I couldn't do anything but sit on the floor in her room, listening to her cry and her father scream. I could hear thrashing and thumping, the worst sound being a loud thud which I assumed was Bella hitting the floor. I couldn't do anything but hug my knees and rock frantically, tears streaming down my face. My best friend was hurting and I was too scared to move. I wanted to run down that hall and tell him to stop. I wanted to pull her out of there and take to my house and never let her leave. But I couldn't and I didn't know what to say to her. So I didn't say anything. I turned off her light and crawled into my sleeping bag, curling myself into a ball and pretending to sleep. I heard her come in awhile later and felt her climb over me. I don't think she ever heard me cry myself to sleep.

The next morning I still didn't know what to say or do, so I just packed my stuff and told her goodbye. The Chief was in the kitchen when I went downstairs, sitting at the table reading the paper like nothing had happened. He seemed surprised to see me.

"Jess, what are you doing here so early?" He put his newspaper down and stared at me. I had never been scared of him before, but in that moment I was terrified.

"I stayed over last night. I was just going home." I ducked my head down and made for the door, but I heard the scrape of his chair against the linoleum behind me. I only had a few feet to go, but he was faster, coming to stand in front of me, blocking my escape. He crossed his arms over his chest and planted his feet, as if I would try to overpower him. As if I could.

"Jess," he started, his voice grim and gravelly. I looked up at him from under my eyelashes, clutching my My Little Pony sleeping bag in front of me with both arms like a shield. He looked so different to me now, not the aloof but harmless father of my friend but a monster. He took a deep breath, seeming to puff himself up even bigger, his jaw tense and his eyes hard.

"You don't look like you slept very well Jessica. Did you have a nightmare or something?"

I was confused. "Huh?"

He huffed another breath. "I think you had a nightmare Jessica. I think that you had a bad dream that seemed very real, and although I'm sure that it seemed it, it wasn't. Nothing that you saw, or heard last night really happened. It was all just a bad dream. Do you understand what I'm saying Jessica?"

Now I was even more confused. "But…"

"Jess," he squatted down in front of me, bringing his face inches from my own. "You had a nightmare, nothing more. You and Bella watched a scary movie last night and it gave you bad dreams, Bella too. That's what I'll tell your mother if she calls me, and she'll believe me, because I'm the adult here. I'm also the police. No one will believe your word over mine. So you need to just accept that. Now Jessica, do you understand?"

I could only blink as I stared at him and it all started to sink in. I couldn't tell my mom. I couldn't tell anyone. He would explain it all away, and no one would ever believe me because he was the authority and I was not. I had never felt so helpless in my life. I nodded at him as my lip trembled and my eyes started welling with tears.

"Good, I'm glad that we understand each other. Now you go on home." He stood back up and stepped to the side. I rushed forward to the door and pulled it open, desperate to get back to my safe home. His voice called me back before I could pull it closed behind me. "And Jess, I think it might be better if you didn't see Bella anymore. She doesn't need friends who are so excitable."

I stared after him as he turned and walked back into the kitchen. I could feel the tears starting to spill over onto my cheeks and I didn't want him to see me cry so I stepped out onto the porch and closed the door. I ran the whole way home, still hugging that damn sleeping bag and letting it absorb my tears. When I got there I went straight to my room and threw myself facedown on my bed. I cried until I had no more tears and my face hurt. And that was it.

Life was pretty much hell after that. I had understood the Chief's unspoken threat that day and I knew that even if he didn't do anything to me that he could, and would, do something to Bella if he knew we were friends.

So I didn't talk to Bella anymore. I would watch her at school, looking to see if she was in pain. I watched as she drew into herself, closing herself off from everyone as securely as she had been shut off from me. I knew that I should have tried harder. I should have told her what her father said. Together we could have figured something out, I knew that now, but it was too late. Back then I was just too scared, but I knew that I had done just as much damage with my inaction as I ever could have done by acting. And it had cost me my very best friend.

I stood in the parking lot, mulling over the ghosts of my past as I waited for her to arrive. I did this every morning, waiting to make sure she showed. I always told myself that if she didn't come to school then it would be my sign to do something, but I knew it was bullshit. I was long past the time when I could realistically do something to help her. Now all I could do was watch and hope. It was the least I could do, the very least, but I couldn't risk getting myself on the Chief's radar. I tried to never give him a reason to think of me. I didn't speed or drink or go to any of the parties at all. My mom would brag that it was her superior parenting skills. Ha.

_It's really easy to play the model daughter when you've got a cop with a vendetta waiting for you to slip up._

I knew I was pushing it yesterday with Edward, but I felt like I had to warn him. I sensed I might have an ally there. I took a long drag off my cigarette and blew the smoke out in a puff of white into the frosty air.

_My one vice. My one piece of teenage rebellion._

Mom would freak if she knew, but I think I'm allowed one flaw and I've got stress to deal with. Besides, at least it's legal. There really wasn't anything she could say about it anyway.

_I'm eighteen. I can talk to the hookers. Or smoke like a wet bonfire. Whatever._

I brought the cigarette to my lips again, sucking it deep and inhaling to drag the smoke deep into my throat. I welcomed the acrid burn of the smoke, the stinging behind my tonsils that signaled that I'd had too many already today. I could feel the familiar numbness spreading across my frayed nerves, not enough to dull the pain but enough to make it more tolerable for the next 5 minutes, maybe 10. Just as I was exhaling again I heard it, rumbling like approaching thunder. A few seconds later and there it was, rusty, red and rattling into the parking lot. I pitched my butt to the ground as the truck grinded to a stop, lurching when she put it in park. I slung my messenger bag across my body and hurried across the lot so I could follow her inside. She never noticed me when I did this, always with her walls up and her head down when she got here. I'd follow her to study hall, then follow behind to Trig. I'd check her for new injuries in Trig, then watch during Lunch to make sure she'd eat. In Bio I'd sit next to Mike and cast glances in her direction, always hoping that I'd catch her eye but dreading it at the same time. Luckily it never happened. Then I'd follow and try to protect her from herself during Gym. This was our morning routine, even if she didn't know it, and it never changed. I was almost as good at invisible as she was.

I slowed a little to allow her to get out of the truck before I started my pursuit but then I froze inches from the sidewalk.

Something was different.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

BPOV

I grabbed my bag and wrenched open the door of the truck, hopping down surprisingly lithely, especially for me. I dropped my bag on the concrete between my feet and shrugged into my hoodie, yanking my hair out the back of it to blow freely around my shoulders. As I bent down to retrieve my bag off the ground a sudden voice nearly caused me to jump out of my skin.

"Bella!"

I had to steady myself on the side of the truck as my body startled sharply, barely avoiding toppling face first into the concrete, bent over as I was. From the tinkling giggle I heard behind me I had no doubt as to whom the voice belonged.

"You scared the shit out me Alice!" I shouted as I whipped around. I had meant it to sound stern but it came out as more of a shrill scream. I think I may have even stomped my foot as I turned around to face the evil pixie. Alice was predictably not impressed, just smirking up at me over the top of the very large Starbucks cup she had both hands wrapped around. We locked eyes and it became a test of wills. I put my hands on my hips and tried to look intimidating. She stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth and quirked an eyebrow. I could feel the corners of my mouth twitching without my permission and I knew I was going to crack first. My concentration was then completely broken by a movement behind Alice. I flicked my eyes over her shoulder to finally notice Edward standing just behind and to the left of Alice, a small paper cup in his outstretched hand. I took the cup but cocked to my head at him in question.

"I figured hot chocolate was a safe bet, since I don't know how you like your coffee. Just let me know and I can bring you whatever you want tomorrow." He smiled that crooked smile and I felt my own smile spread across my face in response.

"Thanks, really, but you didn't have to go out your way for me." I took a sip from the cup and tried very hard not to let my eyes roll back in my head.

_Chocolate and whipped cream heaven. Where have you been all my life?_

Edward let out a little chuckle and sipped his own coffee. "Don't worry, it's no trouble, we go almost every morning. Alice is a terror without her morning fix."

"Thank God this town has a Starbucks." I heard in a muffled voice from Alice's direction. I looked at her and she still had a death grip on the oversized cup, her lips suctioned to the rim. She gave a small smile, as much as she could with her lips still attached.

"I'm sure they could set up some kind of intravenous delivery system for you. Might be faster." I snarked at her as I continued to sip my own chocolatey goodness.

"But it tastes sooo good." She practically moaned around the cup, as if it would cease to be if she relinquished her contact with it. I just shook my head and turned back toward Edward who had been standing and watching our little exchange.

"Do you really think that's wise, giving her caffeine? She vibrates without it you know?"

He just smiled and shook his head. "See, that's the thing. Coffee calms her down, helps her focus. I always knew she was a freak of nature but now I have scientific proof. Ow!" His head snapped forward and he shot an irritated look at Alice. She just looked back at him with wide eyes. I never even saw her hand leave her cup. I raised my hand to my mouth to hide my giggle as Alice shot me a wink.

"Ok kids, as much as I'm enjoying this brother/sister lovefest we'd better get inside before we're late."

We all turned and started walking toward the school, Alice skipping ahead while Edward bent to retrieve my backpack from the ground and slung it over his own shoulder. When I gave him a questioning look he just smiled that beautiful crooked smile and kept walking. We caught up to Alice as she stood bouncing impatiently by the doors and the two of them flanked me as we walked inside.

I noticed people looking at us in the halls and remembered that I wasn't wearing my hood up like I normally would be. I felt exposed, like everyone was eviscerating me with their eyes. I stiffened immediately, turning my eyes to the floor, wanting so desperately to simply duck my head and let my hood swallow me again. My fingers actually twitched inside my sleeves, my body aching to pull it up over my head and obscure me from their prying eyes. I almost gave in, hands in the air on their way to the thin piece of cotton that would put me back into anonymity when I felt warmth spreading across my back. My eyes snapped up and to my left where Edward walked at my side. He looked down at me with a closed mouthed smile and kind eyes. I could feel his fingers splayed against the small of my back, gentle pressure urging me forward. I looked to Alice on my right, panic surely etched across my face from the way her brow furrowed.

"What's wrong Bella?" I looked back at the sea of faces and it was if I could feel the heat of their stares on my face.

"They can see me." I could feel as well as hear the tremor in my voice. Alice took a sweeping look across the people in the hall and turned back to me with a look of determination as she linked her arm through mine.

"No Bella, they don't." she said. I looked at her, confused, while she straightened her spine and lifted her chin. She set her determined gaze back on the hallway and drew in a deep breath. "They see US."

Over the next few weeks we fell into a comfortable routine. Every morning Edward and Alice would meet me at my truck with my now requisite cup of chocolate heaven and we would talk before walking into school. They would walk me to my first class, twin pillars of strength at my side, and then either Edward or Alice would usually be there to walk me to my other classes. Alice and I would whisper and pass notes during Trig, narrowly missing getting caught more than a few times. I would sit with both of them at lunch and then Edward would walk with me to both Biology and Gym. I laughed more in those few weeks than I had in years.

Alice was so great, full of energy and always knew how to make feel better when I was having an off day. She was always touching me, hugging me or dragging me around with her arm linked through mine but she still felt like anyone else. I had acclimated to it and was proud that I didn't flinch away anymore. She didn't nag me about my wardrobe, although she did raise an eyebrow when I wore my "Silence is Golden, Duct Tape is Silver" t-shirt. Edward didn't stop laughing about that all day.

_Edward. _

He was still a puzzle to me. He was so sweet, protecting me when I was able to go back to Gym class and would often keep a steadying hand on my arm or the small of my back when we walked in the halls. I was still perplexed as to why I could feel the heat of his hand on me when I couldn't feel anyone else. So far he had only touched me through clothes and I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he touched my bare skin. Unfortunately, I was just too scared to try and find out.

Alice had been telling me more about her family and I listened with rapt attention whenever she did, eager to live vicariously through her. Of course I had already met her father Carlisle. Alice and Edward told me stories of their days living in Seattle and Chicago, how Carlisle would donate his time to women's shelters and make his children donate their time as well. They told me about when they were young and living in New York with their mother Esme while Carlisle was in South America working with Doctors without Borders. I couldn't believe how many places they had lived or visited and all the things they'd seen. They told me about Esme, how she had been a housewife most of their lives but was now starting her interior design business, now that her children were old enough to take care of themselves. It was a little bittersweet to hear about their mother and the obvious affection with which they spoke of her. I hadn't told Alice about Renee so she didn't understand why I would get sad during those stories. Edward would always notice my pained expressions and quickly change the subject.

The funniest childhood stories would usually involve their older brother Emmett. I wasn't sure if I could believe everything they said about him. It seemed impossible that any one person could get in as much trouble as that man, but the amusement they told the stories with had me captivated. Emmett was apparently still living in Seattle with his wife Rosalie and their little girl Lily. He and Rosalie owned a garage, restoring vintage cars and tricking out new ones. Carlisle had funded their venture shortly after they graduated high school and they were apparently doing very well.

Talking about Seattle usually brought up the subject of Jasper, Alice's boyfriend of two years. Edward would roll his eyes whenever Alice would start talking about him, and she would get even more animated. Her eyes would light up and her smile would grow even more bright, which I had thought was impossible.

Jasper was a history major at the University of Washington, specializing in the Civil War. According to Alice, he was absolutely brilliant and amazing and wonderful and had (said while Edward was getting another Coke from the machine) "the yummiest Texan accent and most fuckhot body". Her words, not mine. Honestly, talking about Jasper made me a little envious, since I'd never had a boyfriend or even a boy I liked. Well, until now, and I wasn't sure what to do about it. I knew that I liked Edward, and that first day it had seemed that he liked me but in the weeks after he had been different. He was a great friend, always attentive and caring but he never gave any indication that he thought of me as anything more than that. It was becoming thoroughly exasperating.

As January bled into February Alice started bringing up going to her house again. I kept making excuses but was starting to run out of plausible ones. I knew that it wasn't something I could avoid forever, and I didn't really want to. I wanted to be a normal girl, hanging out with my friends, but that would involve bringing it up to Charlie and I just wasn't ready to do that yet. I didn't want him to burst my bubble of happiness. The Monday before Valentine's Day I knew that my time had run out.

Edward and I were sitting at our usual lunch table discussing our upcoming Biology test when she slid into the seat next to me.

"Bella" she trilled in her best singsong voice, "What are you doing this weekend?"

"Um…" I was trying very hard to come up with an excuse but coming up blank.

"You're coming to our house Friday, that's what. We're gonna have a sleepover!" She smiled triumphantly at me.

"Alice, I don't know. Isn't Valentine's Day on Saturday?"

"Exactly Bella, that's why you're coming on _Friday_." She rolled her eyes in exasperation before she continued. "Jasper's coming down and you finally get to meet him. It's perfect!" She looked so excited and I knew how much it meant to her for me to meet him. I looked into her emerald puppy dog eyes and felt myself cave.

"Ok Alice, I'll see if I can go."

"Yay!" She started clapping her hands and bouncing in her chair and I knew that no matter what I had to deal with from Charlie, it was worth it if I could make her this happy. "So do you have any plans for Valentine's Day Bella? Do you have a date or anything?" Edward starting choking on his drink beside me and I took that as an opportunity to avoid her question and turned to Edward, patting him awkwardly on the back until he stopped sputtering. Edward's reaction peaked my interest and made me think about Alice's obsession with my romantic life over the past few weeks.

She had become inordinately interested in my dating habits, or lack thereof. She asked endless questions: _Are there any boys you like right now? What kind of boys do you like? What's your idea of a perfect date? _The list went on and one. Frankly if I didn't know better I would have thought she wanted to date me. I knew that Alice just wanted me to have someone as great as she did, but I hoped she didn't try to set me up with anyone. I really, really didn't want to be anyone's Valentine's Day pity date. With that in mind I turned back to her.

"Why Alice? You ready to ditch Jasper and admit you're in love with me?" I tilted my head and batted my eyelashes at her.

"Aww Bella," she batted her eyes right back at me," why would I have to ditch Jasper? I'm sure he wouldn't mind adding a third to the party." She smirked at me and I fought hard, the corners of my mouth twitching feverishly, but then she arched her eyebrow and I broke, giggles erupting out of my mouth as I tried to stifle them with my hand. Alice was right there with me, snickering with her hand clamped over her mouth and her eyes squeezed shut. Edward suddenly stood up and walked swiftly away from the table.

I made Charlie's favorite dinner that night, steak and baked potatoes, and was pacing nervously in the kitchen when he walked in the door. I froze as soon as I heard the door open, like I did every day, and waited to see what kind of mood he was in. There was no yelling when he walked in, which I took as a good sign. I heard him hanging up his coat and his gun belt, then the heavy thuds of his boots hitting the floor one at a time. Finally he came into the kitchen and sat in his chair. I set his plate in front of him and sat down in my seat. He raised an eyebrow at me questioningly but then shrugged and started eating. I decided it was the best I could hope for and dove right in.

"Daddy." I waited while he raised his head to look at me. He set his fork down on his plate and swallowed.

"What do you want Bella?" I was startled that he would just come right out with that.

"What makes you think I want something Daddy?"

"Bella," he huffed a breath, his mustache fluttering, "I was married you know. I think I know when a woman is trying to butter me up. Now just say it."

I inwardly winced at his dismissive mention of his marriage and struggled to maintain eye contact under his heated gaze. I swallowed the massive lump in my throat and let out a shaky breath, but then remembered Alice's jubilant face and soldiered on.

"Daddy, my friend Alice asked me to stay at her house on Friday. I'd really like to go, so, could I? Please?" I bit my lip nervously as I waited for his answer. He crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back in his chair with a thoughtful look on his face.

"Who is this Alice?"

I had to contain my giddiness that he hadn't immediately said no or started screaming.

"It's Alice Cullen, Daddy. Her family moved here about a month ago? Her father is the new doctor at the hospital."

He let out a grumbled "Hmmm" while he seemed to mull over my words. Finally he sat forward in his chair and I held my breath in anticipation.

"Fine, you can go." And he started eating again.

I let out a quiet "Thank you" and picked up my own knife and fork, although I was too excited to really eat. I couldn't believe he had said yes. Charlie didn't say another word as he ate his dinner and then left the table. I cleaned up the dishes quickly and ran up to my room. I couldn't wait for Friday.

Alice's reaction to my news was as exuberant as I thought it would be. She immediately started inundating me with her plans for the sleepover, barely pausing for breath while Edward walked beside us silently. From the detail of her plans I could tell that she had been thinking about this for a long time. I was a little worried that she would forget about me once the time came and she had Jasper to distract her, but mostly I was just excited to get out of my house for a night.

The week seemed to fly by and before I knew it, it was Friday. I packed an overnight bag and brought it with me to school so I could go to Alice's right after. I had rushed that morning, such was my excitement to get to school, so my hair was a damp mess pulled back in a bun inside my hood. Even with Alice's encouragement I was still nearly debilitated with shyness at school and so my hood was still my ever constant companion.

I had just gotten out of my truck when I felt a tug and then air on the back of my neck. I turned around, fully expecting to see a grinning pixie behind a giant coffee cup but instead I was faced with a grinning Edward. I couldn't help the smile that broke across my face, but it's not like it was unusual. I smiled whenever I saw him.

"I bring you sustenance m'lady." He handed me my cup with a little bow, his crooked smirk still lighting up his face.

I gratefully took the cup of hot chocolate and sipped it before hugging it to my chest and bouncing awkwardly on the balls of my feet. Edward sipped his coffee and rubbed the back of his neck.

"So tonight's the night, huh? You and Ali, big sleepover?"

I nodded. "Alice seems pretty excited. I just hope she doesn't forget about me as soon as she sees Jasper."

Edward laughed and shook his head. "She's been planning this since the day she met you, no way she's letting you out of her sight until tomorrow." I let out a sigh of relief as a more serious look came over his face. "Besides, it's my house too you know. If she disappears for awhile, I'll still be there." I could feel the sincerity in his words but the intensity in his eyes unnerved me a little. In all my thoughts about that night I had somehow put it out of my mind that Edward would be there too. An unfamiliar feeling started spreading through my body and I had to look away.

I realized that this was the first time we had really been alone since that first day when Edward took me to the hospital and while we talked in the halls and lunch and class, but there were always people around. Right now, without the Alice buffer, the parking lot might as well have been deserted for all the comfort the milling students gave me. After a few tense minutes filled with nothing but drinking from paper cups Edward cocked his head to the side and looked at me.

"Aren't you cold?"

"What?"

"You," he cleared his throat and started again, "you always wear the hoodie but never an actual coat. Aren't you cold? I mean, it's February here and we aren't in Arizona."

I had to chuckle at him. "No, cold doesn't really affect me."

He "hmm'd"around his coffee cup and gazed out at the parking lot. It struck me then how late it was getting and I wondered where Alice could be.

"So…where's Alice?"

He ducked his head and laughed. I loved that sound.

"She'll be along. Jasper got in last night and he's driving her. I guess they wanted to get in some "alone time" without the prying ears of the parents." He used air quotes around "alone time" and I didn't even want to wonder about what they were doing. I just hoped they didn't get caught by Charlie, parked along some road in a state of undress. Just as I had that thought an unfamiliar black Mustang with darkly tinted windows pulled up beside us. I couldn't see inside with the tint but I didn't have to wait long before Alice popped out of the passenger seat looking flushed and pleasantly disheveled. I snickered quietly behind my cup as she straightened her shirt and slipped into her coat. A tall blond man emerged from the driver's side of the car and sauntered to her side, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her close. She looked even smaller next to him but still I could see how perfectly they fit together. She stared into his eyes for a moment before she looked at me and waved me over.

"Bella," she said reaching a hand out to pull me closer, "this is my Jasper." She looked up at him and he smiled at her, his eyes full of adoration. "Jasper," she looked back at me, "this is my Bella."

Jasper turned his warm blue eyes on me. "It's so nice to finally meet you Bella. Alice hasn't stopped talking about you since you met. It's nice to put a face to the stories."

I felt my face flame and Alice actually had the grace to look embarrassed before it passed and she reverted to her usual self. She turned her body into Jasper, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Ok honey, I've got to go in. I'll see you later." She stood on her tiptoes and he leaned down, meeting her in the middle with a sweet kiss. They didn't pull back right away, standing close together with their eyes closed and foreheads touching. The moment seemed more intimate than the kiss and I looked away. A few seconds later I heard them move and looked back to see Jasper lift Alice's hand to his mouth and kiss the back of it. "I'll be counting the minutes, darlin." He released her hand and walked back to the driver's side of the car, opening the door before he looked up and smiled at me. "A pleasure to meet you Bella. Edward." With a nod in Edward's direction he climbed into the car and drove away. Alice stood with a slightly dazed expression until we couldn't see him anymore. She then heaved a pensive sigh and turned her glazed eyes back to me.

"Isn't he great?" I nodded and tried to keep the condescending smile off my face but failed miserably. Alice was still in her Jasper haze and I don't think she even saw me as I put an arm around her shoulders and ushered her toward the school.

I dropped Alice off at her class and walked slowly to study hall. My mind was as cloudy as the sky outside. I couldn't stop thinking about the scene from the parking lot.

_Love like that is the reason they write love stories._

I couldn't stop the wistful thoughts welling up inside of me. I couldn't deny it anymore, I wanted what Alice had. I wanted someone to love, someone who would look at me like I was precious, like how Jasper had looked at Alice. I wanted to feel safe and needed and drunk off another's presence.

_I want Edward._

_Ok, where did that come from? He's my friend, and my best friend's brother. He doesn't see me that way and I don't see him that way. _

_Like hell you don't. _

_Great, now I'm arguing with myself. One of the first signs of mental illness is talking to yourself and actually answering. _

_That only counts if you do it out loud. _

_Oh right, that makes everything better. _

I was saved from the rest of my mental diatribe by the ringing of the bell. The rest of the day passed in a haze. I listened to Alice ramble on about her plans for the evening but I wasn't really there. I was stuck in my head and the feelings that I was having. I finally had to admit, if only to myself, that I liked Edward as more than a friend. The problem I was facing now was what to do about it. Edward was beautiful and amazing and I knew there was no way that he saw me as anything more than his friend. The thought caused the bottom to drop out of my stomach.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

BPOV

Alice's reaction to my news was as exuberant as I thought it would be. She immediately started inundating me with her plans for the sleepover, barely pausing for breath while Edward walked beside us silently. From the detail of her plans I could tell that she had been thinking about this for a long time. I was a little worried that she would forget about me once the time came and she had Jasper to distract her, but mostly I was just excited to get out of my house for a night.

The week seemed to fly by and before I knew it, it was Friday. I packed an overnight bag and brought it with me to school so I could go to Alice's right after. I had rushed that morning, such was my excitement to get to school, so my hair was a damp mess pulled back in a bun inside my hood. Even with Alice's encouragement I was still nearly debilitated with shyness at school and so my hood was still my ever constant companion.

I had just gotten out of my truck when I felt a tug and then air on the back of my neck. I turned around, fully expecting to see a grinning pixie behind a giant cup of coffee but instead was faced with a grinning Edward. I couldn't help the smile that broke across my face, but it's not like it was unusual. I smiled whenever I saw him.

"I bring you sustenance m'lady." He handed me my cup with a little bow, his crooked smirk still lighting up his face.

I gratefully took the cup of hot chocolate and sipped it before hugging it to my chest and bouncing awkwardly on the balls of my feet. Edward sipped his coffee and rubbed the back of his neck.

"So tonight's the night, huh? You and Ali, big sleepover?"

I nodded. "Alice seems pretty excited. I just hope she doesn't forget about me as soon as she sees Jasper."

Edward laughed and shook his head. "She's been planning this since the day she met you, no way she's letting you out of her sight until tomorrow." I let out a sigh of relief as a more serious look came over his face. "Besides, it's my house too you know. If she disappears for awhile, I'll still be there." I could feel the sincerity in his words but the intensity in his eyes unnerved me a little. In all my thoughts about that night I had somehow put it out of my mind that Edward would be there too. An unfamiliar feeling started spreading through my body and I had to look away.

I realized that this was the first time we had really been alone since that first day when Edward took me to the hospital and while we talked in the halls and lunch and class, there were always people around. Right now, without the Alice buffer, the parking lot might as well have been deserted for all the comfort the milling students gave me. After a few tense minutes filled with nothing but drinking from paper cups Edward cocked his head to the side and looked at me.

"Aren't you cold?"

"What?"

"You," he cleared his throat and started again, "you always wear the hoodie but never an actual coat. Aren't you cold? I mean, it's February here and we aren't in Arizona."

I had to chuckle at him. "No, cold doesn't really affect me."

He "hmm'd"around his coffee cup and gazed out at the parking lot. It struck me then how late it was getting and I wondered where Alice could be.

"So…where's Alice?"

He ducked his head and laughed. I loved that sound.

"She'll be along. Jasper got in last night and he's driving her. I guess they wanted to get in some "alone time" without the prying ears of the parents." He used air quotes around "alone time" and I didn't even want to wonder about what they were doing. I just hoped they didn't get caught by Charlie, parked along a country road in some state of undress. Just as I had that thought an unfamiliar black Mustang with darkly tinted windows pulled up beside us. I couldn't see inside with the tint but I didn't have to wait long before Alice popped out of the passenger seat looking flushed and pleasantly disheveled. I snickered quietly behind my cup as she straightened her shirt and slipped into her coat. A tall blond man emerged from the driver's side of the car and sauntered to her side, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her close. She looked even smaller next to him but still I could see how perfectly they fit together. She stared into his eyes for a moment before she looked at me and waved me over.

"Bella," she said reaching a hand out to pull me closer, "this is my Jasper." She looked up at him and he smiled at her, his eyes full of adoration. "Jasper," she looked back at me, "this is my Bella."

Jasper turned his warm blue eyes on me. "It's so nice to finally meet you Bella. Alice hasn't stopped talking about you since you met. It's nice to put a face to the stories."

I felt my face flame and Alice actually had the grace to look embarrassed before it passed and she reverted to her usual self. She turned her body into Jasper, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Ok honey, I've got to go in. I'll see you later." She stood on her tiptoes and he leaned down, meeting her in the middle with a sweet kiss. They didn't pull back right away, standing close together with their eyes closed and foreheads touching. The moment seemed more intimate than the kiss and I looked away. A few seconds later I heard them move and looked back to see Jasper lift Alice's hand to his mouth and kiss the back of it. "I'll be counting the minutes, darlin'." He released her hand and walked back to the driver's side of the car, opening the door before he looked up and smiled at me. "A pleasure to meet you Bella. Edward." With a nod in Edward's direction he climbed into the car and drove away. Alice stood with a slightly dazed expression until we couldn't see him anymore. She then heaved a pensive sigh and turned her glazed eyes back to me.

"Isn't he great?" I nodded and tried to keep the condescending smile off my face but failed miserably. Alice was still in her Jasper haze and I don't think she even saw me as I put an arm around her shoulders and ushered her toward the school.

I dropped Alice off at her class and walked slowly to study hall. My mind was as cloudy as the sky outside. I couldn't stop thinking about the scene from the parking lot.

_Love like that is the reason they write love stories._

I couldn't stop the wistful thoughts welling up inside of me. I couldn't deny it anymore, I wanted what Alice had. I wanted someone to love, someone who would look at me like I was precious, like how Jasper had looked at Alice. I wanted to feel safe and needed and drunk off another's presence.

_I want Edward._

_Ok, where did that come from? He's my friend, and my best friend's brother. He doesn't see me that way and I don't see him that way. _

_Like hell you don't. _

_Great, now I'm arguing with myself. One of the first signs of mental illness is talking to yourself and actually answering. _

_That only counts if you do it out loud. _

_Oh right, that makes everything better. _

I was saved from the rest of my mental diatribe by the ringing of the bell. The rest of the morning passed in a haze. At lunch I listened to Alice ramble on about her plans for the evening but I wasn't really there. I was stuck in my head and the feelings that I was having. I finally had to admit, if only to myself, that I liked Edward as more than a friend. The problem I was facing now was what to do about it. Edward was beautiful and amazing and I knew there was no way that he saw me as anything more than his friend. The thought caused the bottom to drop out of my stomach. I knew that I had no right to want anything to happen with Edward anyway, since my presence in his life could only serve to cause him pain. I didn't want that for him.

I was still in my daze as Edward and I walked to Biology and sat down at our lab table. I noticed him giving me concerned looks from his stool and I knew that he was probably worried about my silence. I wanted to be able to get out of my head and reassure him but I felt weighted, oppressive hands of doubt pressing my chest and shoulders until I could barely breathe.

I was still staring blankly at the front of the room when Mr. Banner walked in with a large box.

"Ok, kids I've got something kinda fun for you today." There were some scattered murmurs around the room, either excited or nervous as to what a teacher would consider fun I didn't know. Mr. Banner just gave a bemused expression and turned toward the box. "There's going to be a blood drive in Port Angeles on Monday and so I thought it would be good for you guys to know your blood types. I've also got permission slips up here for those of you that are still under 18. Now watch closely while I demonstrate the lab and then you can spend the rest of the period working with your partners."

I watched distractedly as he pulled supplies out of the box and set them up on his desk. I already knew my blood type so there really wasn't a point, but it looked simple enough and at least it would serve to pass the hour. I let my eyes slide to my right to take in Edward's pale, tense face. I turned to look at him more closely. His eyes were fixed on Mr. Banner as he worked over his desk, the muscles in his jaw twitching as he gritted his teeth together and his nostrils flared as he breathed slow and deep through his nose.

"Hey Edward, are you ok?" I whispered at him.

He turned toward me, "Sure, I'm fine." He tried to smile but I could see the panic in his eyes just before he closed them and took another deep breath. When his eyes opened again they were calmer but still full of unease. He kept his gaze locked with mine as Mr. Banner made his way around the room passing out supplies. I hoped that I was giving him some kind of strength with my presence, as he was looking progressively more calm. That is, until Mr. Banner actually put the supplies on our table. As soon as the lancets and little typing cards hit the table the panic was back in his eyes and his fists clenched in his lap.

"Edward," I leaned toward him in a conspiratorial whisper, "you don't faint at the sight of blood right? Cause I really don't think I can carry you to the nurse's office."

He let out a breathy chuckle and gave me a weak smile. "No, I'm good with blood. It's just," he huffed another deep breath, "needles. I know it's just a little poke for like a second, but it freaks me out."

I had to hold back my laughter at this revelation. Big, strong Edward Cullen, my personal savior, afraid of a little needle. That was almost too funny, but I didn't want to make him feel bad.

"It's ok. Why don't you just watch me, and then you'll see it's not so bad, ok?"

"Ok." I could still see some apprehension in his eyes, but his grateful smile still lit up his face. I reached across him and collected the supplies, drawing them over and setting them before me. I opened the alcohol wipe and prepped my fingertip, then opened the lancet. I could feel Edward's eyes on me the whole time and I chanced a glance up at him as I prepared to stick myself. He was staring intently at my right hand and the small sharp object it held.

"Edward." I said in the firmest voice I could muster. His eyes snapped up to mine, burning emeralds blazing into my face. "Edward," I continued in a softer tone, "it's going to be fine. Watch." And with that I shifted my gaze to my left hand and stuck my pointer fingertip with the lancet. I squeezed the end of my finger until a single point of red blossomed on my skin, then turned my hand over the card and dropped my four drops of blood, finally putting a tiny band-aid over the wound.

When I was finished I looked up at Edward. His eyes stayed fixed on my hand for a moment before rising up to my face. He looked at me like a little boy who had just seen his first magic trick and I couldn't help but smile.

"See? Easy. Now you try."

His eyes widened for a moment before he started sputtering. "I don't think I can do that. Just..stab myself..like that." His breath was starting to come in pants and his eyes were getting wild again. I scrambled to think of what I could do to calm him and then it came to me.

"I'll do it." He abruptly sucked in a breath and held it before slowly letting it out.

"Really? Thank you." He looked at me with such gratitude I almost laughed. Who looks at someone like that when they've agreed to stab them in the finger?

I got all the supplies ready again and then blew out my own deep breath. This was the hard part. Not the spilling of his blood, that I could do without batting an eye. But I would have to touch him, his bare skin to mine. I couldn't stop the errant thoughts running through my head.

_Is the warmth going to be there? Will it be stronger? What will it mean if it is? What if this is what brings _all_ the feelings back? What will I do if that happens?_

I took another deep breath and tried to empty my head. I could do this. I would do this. I reached my hand out, palm up.

"Give me your hand."

I kept my gaze trained on my hand, watching as Edward slowly put his hand into mine, the back of his hand resting in my palm.

When I was 8 I was wandering around town and came across a farmer's field and for some reason I decided it was a good idea to wrap my hands around the top wire of the fence that bordered it. I didn't feel anything at first, didn't even notice how my body was quaking until it started undulating in a fluid wave from my feet to my head. Finally my knees started to give out and I let go, thus cementing the lesson that touching an electric fence is a bad thing. This, touching Edward, was different in that I felt it from the moment his hand made contact with mine. First it was a tingling electricity, running through my hand and up my arm, radiating out into my body. Then the trembling started, not as violent as the fence but definitely noticeable. I didn't know why I was shaking, except for the completely overwhelming amount of feelings I was trying to deal with at that moment. The shaking must have been as obvious to Edward as it was to me.

"Hey, Bella, what's wrong?" He turned his hand over so his palm gripped mine. The tingling increased and I jerked my hand away. I looked at Edward's face, the rejection evident in his eyes before he turned them to his lap. When he spoke his voice had dropped to a pained whisper. "I can do it Bella. You don't have to touch me if you don't want to."

The guilt rose in me at the thought of him thinking that I was somehow repulsed by him. I needed to reassure him, but I didn't know how without telling him everything and how could I do that? I cast my eyes to my lap. Could I really confide in him my biggest secret? I didn't want him to think I was even more of a freak than he probably did already, but I couldn't let him think that my reaction was in any way his fault. I thought back to my revelation of this morning. If I ever wanted even the possibility of more than friendship with Edward, I needed to be able to trust him with my secrets. Since this would be just the first of many, I decided I might as well take the leap.

"No, it's not that I don't want to. It's just that…" I bit down hard on my bottom lip and looked up at him through my lashes. "…I felt that."

He didn't seem confused by my statement, but rather his eyes seemed…hopeful? A hint of a smile tugged at his lips as he looked down at me. "I know Bella. The electricity? I feel it too."

I decided to put that comment aside for a moment to continue my explanation. I knew that if I didn't get it out all at once that I wouldn't do it at all so I let the babble continue. "That's not what I mean. I mean, yes I felt that tingly whatever it was and we'll get back to that in a minute, but I mean that I felt **you**. I don't feel things, or at least I haven't in a long time, not on my skin anyway, and I don't know why you're different but you are. I can feel you, I've been able to feel you since the first time you touched me. This was a lot more intense though, probably because it's the first time you've touched me skin to skin, but I still don't know what to make of it." I stopped to take a breath and to gauge his reaction.

At first he didn't do anything and I wondered if he hadn't been able to understand the stream of verbal diarrhea I had just thrown at him. I really hoped that wasn't the case since I didn't want to have to repeat it. Finally Edward's face reanimated as a slideshow of emotions drifted across it. First there was confusion, followed by what I had come to call his "thinking face". I wondered if he was replaying our past encounters for clues as to the truthfulness of my statement. After a moment comprehension settled over his features, but was quickly followed by confusion again and as he met my eyes, sadness.

"You mean, you can't feel anything?" I shook my head. I didn't want to risk another stream of consciousness moment. "What happened, were you injured in some way? Nerve damage or something? Is there anything they can do?"

I shook my head again. "I know that I owe you an explanation, and you'll get one, just not here." I looked around the room at our classmates, busy working on their labs and chatting with each other. None of them seemed to be paying attention to us, except for Jessica, who quickly looked down at her table when I met her eyes. Even so I couldn't risk the whole school knowing, or worse, Charlie finding out that I told anyone. Edward looked around as I did and he seemed almost surprised that there was anyone else in the room with us. "Listen, let's just finish this lab and we'll talk later. We've got all night, right?"

He nodded but still looked concerned. Then he looked down at the lancet sitting on the table and looked queasy again. "I'm going to have to stab myself with that aren't I?" I couldn't help but giggle. He looked back at me in irritation. "Not funny." That only made me laugh harder. I clamped my hand over my mouth and was finally able to stifle myself enough to speak.

"Do you already know your blood type?"

And the confused face was back. "Yes, but why…?"

"Watch Mr. Banner." Edward turned toward the teacher, who was currently trying to covertly read a romance novel under his desk but doing a poor job at it. This at least kept his attention off of the room, which was what I needed. I opened another alcohol wipe and prepped another finger, my middle one this time, and with a quick look at Mr. Banner poked it with the lancet. I squeezed the drops of blood onto the card and then held my thumb to the wound. Edward turned back around just as I finished.

"There, all done. Put the band-aid on your finger, just in case he checks or something." Edward obediently put the tiny bandage on the end of his finger, then sat back and looked at me.

"Why did you do that?"

I didn't even have to think about my answer this time. "I thought it would be nice for me to save you for once."

Edward's face broke into a brilliant smile and I could feel my cheeks heating. I would have gladly done just about anything if I could get that smile in return. "Perhaps someday I'll get to return the favor."

Before I could say anything in reply Mr. Banner stood and called the class to attention. "Alright everyone, you should be done with the blood portion. Take a look at your cards and compare to the diagram on the worksheets, then please record your findings." I looked at the cards, both looking exactly the same of course, and wrote the blood types on the worksheet. I could feel Edward looking over my shoulder and his breath as it blew across my neck. My whole body broke out in goosebumps as a shiver ran down my spine.

"Well, what do you know? We have the same blood type. My real blood type, I mean." I looked over my shoulder at him but his concentration seemed to be, for some reason, on my neck. The bell ringing seemed to jerk him back to reality. Everyone got up and started shuffling towards the door, placing their completed worksheets on Mr. Banner's desk. As Edward and I walked toward the gym I thought about how I could explain my numbness to him. I knew he wouldn't take no for an answer, but I just didn't know if I could tell him outright. I hoped some stroke of genius would strike me before tonight. That train of thought brought me back to his comment about "returning the favor". I looked up at the beautiful boy walking next to me.

_Will you get to save me? We shall see Mr. Cullen. We shall see. _


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

BPOV

Badminton is the dumbest game ever invented. Ever. Chasing that floating little birdie around, trying to hit it with the racket, all whilst not getting tangled in my own feet or the net? Yeah, that's really going to happen. Luckily, Edward offered to be my partner, as he did for everything in Gym class and I was once again grateful for his protectiveness of me. I was also grateful for his inherent grace and athletic ability because he had to carry our entire side of the net. No way was I risking whacking him with my racket if I even attempted to swing. This had the added bonus of him being too distracted to possibly ask me about my lack of feeling, not that I would have said anything in the gym anyway.

We played in rounds at two different nets, rotating after every game and getting to sit out after doing all four. In our last game I looked up at the team across from us and saw that Jessica was partnered with Mike Newton. Edward was glaring daggers at Mike and I didn't know why. I guess it was just his competitive spirit or something. Jessica was the really weird thing though. Normally Jess wouldn't look me in the eye, or if she did accidentally she'd quickly look away. Today she looked right at me, and then she smiled. I was too confused to do anything but stare at her. Edward did all the playing for the both us, as usual, and Mike seemed to be doing the majority of it for his side as well. Jess stood off to the side, sometimes taking a feeble swipe at the birdie when it would come close to her but never really trying. Mostly she kept looking at me out of the corner of her eye. It was making me nervous.

Finally the game ended and we went to sit on the bleachers to wait for the end of class. I sat next to Edward, pretending to pay attention to the game in front of me. He made no move to speak, but he seemed to be sitting closer to me than he usually did. It could have been my imagination, but he definitely felt closer. Maybe I was just more aware of him from our episode the period before. Mike and Jessica finished their game and came over to sit on the bleachers. Mike went to the top row to sit with some of his friends, but Jessica sat on the row just below me. She leaned back on her elbows on the bench I sat on, looking straight ahead and not seeming to notice I was there. She started talking without moving her head or acknowledging me in any way.

"I've seen you smile more in the last month than I have in years. I just wanted to tell you that it's really nice to see you smile again. I've missed it." She said all this just loud enough for me to hear over the noise of the gym. I stared at my feet in shock.

_She's missed my smiles? What the hell does that mean? If she was so concerned about my happiness maybe she shouldn't have walked away from me 7 years ago. _

I could feel the rage building in me and I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't know how to be angry. Yes I got angry at times, yes I was angry at Charlie and Renee and my entire fucking life but I never really dealt with it. I just pushed it down and out of the way, like most of my emotions that wouldn't do me any good. Fear helped keep me vigilant, apathy kept me sane. All the emotions that had been coming out in the last month were just another thing that I had no clue what to do with. I still didn't know, but damn if I was going to let this opportunity pass me by. Jessica was talking to me and I was just pissed enough to force out what I wanted to say.

"Thanks so much for your concern Jess, but if you really cared about me you should have done something before now. Because now it's just too damned late." I growled out between clenched teeth, struggling to keep the angry tears from leaking down my face. I was struggling to keep myself in check. I was hurt, and sad, and angry, and so many other things that I didn't even have names for. I chanced a look at Jessica's face and felt like I'd had a sharp kick to the stomach, something I was distantly familiar with. Jessica's face was screwed up in pain and she wasn't even trying to stop the tears that were streaming freely down her face. I could just barely make out her strained voice, barely above a whisper.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Coach Clapp chose that moment to dismiss us for the day. Jessica sprinted for the locker room before he even finished his sentence. I blinked back the tears that were accumulating in my eyes and stood to go to the locker room to change, going slow so as to give her a head start. I don't think either of us wanted to see each other at that moment.

I walked out of the locker room and met up with Edward who waiting outside and we started walking toward the parking lot.

"Do you want to tell me what that was all about?"

I squinted up at him. The sun had actually come out and was bringing out all the reddish highlights in his hair. He was looking down at me with an open face, curious but not demanding. I just didn't know which thing he was referring to.

"What do you mean?"

"In Gym, with that girl. You guys only said a few sentences to each other and I couldn't hear what was said, but that must have been quite the conversation because you were both crying. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. It's a long story and I just really don't want to think about it right now. In fact, I'd love to just forget it ever happened."

"If you say so." He didn't look very happy about it, but at least he let it drop. As we rounded the corner of the building I could see Alice leaning against the Volvo, compulsively checking her cell phone and looking around frantically.

"Wow," Edward chuckled, "Ali must have a tight schedule for tonight because she looks wired."

I stopped short and instinctively reached out to grab Edward's sleeve to stop him with me. He looked back at me, his amused expression quickly turning concerned.

"Listen Edward, what we talked about in Bio, can that just be between us for now? I don't want to hide it from Alice, I just want to tell her myself, when I'm ready."

He pursed his lips for a second and took a step closer to me. "Of course Bella. And just for future reference, anything you tell me will stay between us unless you tell me otherwise. I'd never betray your trust. You can count on that, ok?"

I took in a deep breath and nodded. He still looked very serious so I gave him my most reassuring smile and started walking towards the cars again. Alice soon spotted us and came bounding over, doing some strange skipping dance step that looked like it should have been accompanied by a wand and some wings.

"Come on you guys, we've got to go. I want to be able to do all kinds of girly things with Bella before dinner just in case I can't resist doing very naughty things with Jasper after the parents go to sleep."

"Gah, Alice, my ears! I need bleach now." Edward cried in disgust.

"I'm so sorry to have offended your virgin ears Edward. Maybe if they weren't so virginal they wouldn't offend so easily." And with that she licked her finger and stuck it in Edward's ear.

"Alice!" Edward swatted her hand away.

"I'm just popping your ear cherry big brother. Want me to do the other one? You know, so they're balanced?" She looked at him with such innocent eyes I was almost ready for cartoon animals to come out of the forest to do her bidding.

"Just get in the car evil sprite, before I staple your wings to the ground."

"Aaaactually, I'm riding with Bella. Need to direct her to the house and all. We'll see you there." She pulled me by the arm to my truck as I tried to keep from falling on her.

The ride was uneventful, Alice chattering away about the part of the day that I wasn't with her and directing me where to go. Within a matter of minutes we were turning off the highway onto a hidden gravel road. Trees lined the road on both sides, thick trunks obscuring any view of the surrounding landscape. Suddenly the trees opened up into a clearing and in the middle of the clearing stood what must have been the Cullens' house. I was amazed. I had lived in Forks all of my life and I had never known that house was even there. It was large and white, almost colonial but somewhat modern as well. The way it rose out of the forest it almost seemed like it had grown from earth itself, like it had always been there, embracing rather than competing with the nature all around it. I pulled into a parking spot in front of it, still gaping like a fish as I turned off the truck.

"Beautiful isn't it? You should have seen it when they first bought it. This was Mom's first big restoration project."

I couldn't tear my eyes away as I responded. "She's really got a talent."

I heard Alice get out behind me and willed myself to do the same. I grabbed my bag but when I went to open my door Edward was already there opening it for me. I smiled my thanks and climbed down. Edward took my bag from me and carried it ahead of me into the house while Alice linked her arm through mine and pulled me to the steps.

The front door opened to an airy, open space; large living area flowing seamlessly into an open dining room. The only separation between the rooms was a large curved staircase, next to which I could just make out a doorway leading to what looked like a hall. I just barely caught a glimpse of Edward's back as he disappeared up the stairs. There was a large flat screen mounted on the wall to the right, surrounded by comfortable looking overstuffed leather furniture. The left side of the room was dominated by a huge grand piano, set up on a platform like it had its own personal stage. I would be asking about that later.

"Mom, we're here." Alice sang into the space. We kept walking back toward the dining room and that was when I noticed that the back wall was made entirely of glass. The view of the lawn framed by evergreens was breathtaking. I even noticed what looked to be a small river running at edge of the trees, bordering the yard. This was so far removed from my humble house it wasn't even funny.

"In here, sweety." A voice called out from a doorway I hadn't noticed before on the left. Alice steered us through the doorway and we stepped into the most beautiful kitchen I had ever seen. Everywhere I looked there was gleaming granite and stainless steel and I wanted to move in. Standing in the middle of the beauty was a woman in her mid-forties, caramel colored hair curling softly on her shoulders as she wiped her hands with a dish towel. Her eyes flicked up to us as we walked in and I almost staggered from the force of the green eyes on me. Everything about her screamed mother and I felt a longing in my heart that I hadn't felt in a very long time, aching to hugged by my mommy. Her face broke out in a wide, kind smile and I felt instantly warmed.

"You must be Bella. You are even more lovely than Edward and Alice described. Please, come on in. I'm making cookies."

"The oatmeal raisin ones?" Alice started bouncing beside me in anticipation and the eager look on her face made me laugh. It apparently made Esme laugh too.

"Yes, honey, the oatmeal raisin cookies. They're almost cool so if you can sit and be still for a moment I'll even get you some milk to go with them." Alice squealed and hauled me with her to a stool at the breakfast bar attached to the island Esme was standing behind. She plopped down and sat as still as she could but I could still see the faint tremors running through her body. I chuckled under my breath and sat on the stool beside her, letting my gaze wander around the sunny room. Esme flitted around the kitchen, quickly filling two glasses with milk and a placing several delicious looking cookies on a plate. She placed the plate and glasses in front of us and then looked at Alice. Alice looked back at her with pleading eyes, pouting out her bottom lip. Esme just smiled.

"Go ahead." Alice pounced on the cookies like she hadn't eaten in days. Esme shook her head and laughed. "You'd better have one quickly dear. She'll eat the whole plate if you let her."

"She actually ate the plate itself once didn't she Mom?" I spun toward Edward's voice behind me. He was leaning in the doorway, hands stuffed in his jeans pockets and a small smile on his face. He pushed off the doorframe and ambled over to us. He wrapped an arm around Esme's shoulders and kissed her temple before he snagged a cookie and leaned down on the island, resting on his elbows.

"I did not! You need to wash his mouth out Mom. He's a dirty, dirty liar." Alice spoke around a mouth so full of cookie that I didn't know how she could articulate any sound. The scene was so picturesque, so normal, it almost hurt. I concentrated on my cookie to distract me from the pain that was starting to well up in my chest. I took a small bite.

_I am so getting this recipe. _

"Enough you two, you're going to give poor Bella the impression that you turn into heathens the moment you step in the door." She gave me an apologetic look before turning to the sink to rinse some mixing bowls.

"Mrs. Cullen, these cookies are amazing. I hope you'll give me the recipe before I leave."

She turned back to me with a brilliant smile. "That's so sweet of you, dear. I will make sure you have that recipe before you go. And it's Esme, please."

I could feel myself blush. "Thank you, Esme."

Her smile got impossibly wider before she turned back to the sink.

"Bella," Alice piped up from beside me. "Come on, I want to show you my room." She hopped off the stool and grabbed my hand, pulling me reluctantly behind her. I wanted to stay in that wonderful room full of warm, maternal presence and simply bask in it. But Alice was Alice and there was no stopping her when she was on a mission. She pulled me up the stairs and down a hallway, pointing out doors as she went.

"That's Dad's study. That's Mom and Dad's room. That's the guest room. That's the bathroom. And this," she stopped in front of the last door on the left, pausing for dramatic effect, "is my room." She swept open the door and I stepped in after her. The room was completely, Alice.

The walls were painted a deep plum, even the ceiling was the same color, but there was an iridescence to the walls that kept them from feeling dark. A small crystal chandelier hung in the center of the room, sparkling like diamonds in the afternoon sun. Light, shimmery lavender drapes were pulled back from the window wall, pooling on the floor. There was a dark wood four-poster bed with velvet drapes off to the right. The left side of the room held a desk and a drafting table, along with two doors which I assumed must lead to a closet and maybe a bathroom.

Alice ran to the bed and threw herself into the middle, satiny pillows flying in all directions as she bounced. She spread her arms and stretched out before she settled and looked over at me.

"Home sweet home. Get your ass in here; I've got a schedule to keep." I stepped further into the room and closed the door behind me.

"Hey, where's Jasper? I figured you guys would be connected at the lips as soon as we got here."

Alice's eyes got glassy for a second before she shook her head and answered. "He's hanging out with some friends who live around here. He wanted to give us some time alone. So…girl time!" She sprung off the bed and dove through one of the doors. After a moment she came back out with a box which she placed on the bed. "First, I'm giving you a pedicure. Then, I'm doing your hair and getting you dressed up for dinner. This is gonna be fun!"

"Um, why do I have to dress up for dinner? It's just your family right? And besides, I didn't bring any dress up clothes."

She huffed and put her hands on her hips. "It's a special occasion. You're our first guest since we've moved here plus Jasper is here. And anyway, every day is an occasion to look your best. As far the clothes, don't worry, I'm sure I've got something." I just rolled my eyes and went along.

The pedicure wasn't nearly as torturous as I thought it would be and soon my toes were a nice shade of pale pink. Alice had insisted that "girl time" had to have "girl talk", which she was nice enough to provide most of. I learned so much about Jasper in that conversation I didn't think I'd ever be able to look him in the face again. She had just moved us into her gargantuan bathroom and started brushing out my hair when she turned the conversation to me.

"Come on Bella, it's your turn. There's got to be at least one guy you're crushing on."

My stomach started fluttering uncontrollably. While it was logical to discuss my crush with my best friend, the fact that it was her brother certainly complicated things. I mean, if she approved she could help me, but if she didn't it would derail all chance I had and possibly damage my friendship with her. I just didn't know what to do. Luckily, Alice saved me the trouble.

"Ok, look, I know you're into my brother. And don't worry, I think it's great. We just need to get you two together."

I could only stare at her. Not only did she know how I felt about Edward, when I had just figured it out myself, but she wanted to help me. I couldn't have loved her more than at that moment. The only problem was Edward.

"Alice… yes, I like Edward. But I just don't think it's that simple. He's so smart, and beautiful, and just all around wonderful and I'm just…me. He couldn't ever see me as anything more than his friend." I looked at her reflection in mirror of the vanity she had parked me in front of. She looked back at me with a very sober expression.

"Ok, that was good. Now say it like you're on fire."

I was confused. "What?"

"We're doing some kind of drama exercise right? I mean, you're being so melodramatic and ridiculous I just figured. Oh, say it again, but say it like you're a potato."

I started to giggle and I couldn't stop. I could feel the hysteria bubbling out of me and I kept waiting for Alice to run away or at least look at me like I was as crazy as I felt. She just looked at me steadily in the mirror and waited for me to finish. When I had finally settled myself she started brushing my hair out again.

"You, my dear Bella, are not **just** anything. You are more than good enough for Edward. And, I'm breaking the twin code by telling you this, but he's totally into you too." My eyes got huge while she just smiled at me and nodded.

"So what do I do Alice?"

She huffed and started pulling hot rollers out from under the sink. "You, do nothing. He's gonna make his move soon enough, when he's ready. You can't rush him, he's anal like that. Just give him time." I took in a slow, deep breath and closed my eyes. He liked me. I still couldn't quite believe it, but I was trying. At least now I had something I hadn't had in 5 years. I had hope.

Alice scurried around me, treating me like her own personal life-size Barbie doll. She curled my hair so it fell in soft waves around my shoulders and put make-up on me, just enough to enhance but I still looked like myself.

Then came the closet.

Alice's closet was the size of my entire bedroom. She had racks upon racks of clothes, racks of shoes and a separate accessory section. She claimed it was the perk of being the both the baby and the only girl. I told her I didn't really think that the baby thing counted since she and Edward were the same age. She told me to bite her. I didn't know why she'd pulled me into the closet in the first place, since there was no way any of her clothes were going to fit me but she insisted. She went straight to a rack in the back and grabbed a garment bag that she brought back to me.

"The last time I was out shopping I saw this and thought of you. Don't say anything, I wanted to do it." She unzipped the bag to reveal a short sleeved midnight blue wrap dress. I was completely speechless. Alice must have taken my silence as consent because she hung the bag on a hook on the wall and started reaching for my hoodie. I immediately stiffened and asked her to let me get dressed by myself. Luckily she agreed and left me alone in the closet.

After I'd undressed down to my underwear I slipped the dress over my shoulders and tied the deep blue ribbon that held it together on the side. I pulled on the blue ballet flats from the bottom of the bag then turned to the full length mirror that hung on the door and stifled a gasp. The dress hugged my body like nothing that I would normally wear. The v-neck showed off my neck and collar bones and the skirt hit just above my knees. Looking at myself I realized I felt…pretty. It was such an unfamiliar sensation. I did a quick check for bruises since I was showing more skin than I had, well, ever. There were none visible and I suddenly realized that I shouldn't have any new ones. Charlie hadn't shown his "affection" for me in weeks. I wondered if something had changed, or if there was just as explosion waiting to happen. I shuddered at the thought.

I took a moment to collect myself before taking a deep breath and opening the door. Alice was standing just outside, bouncing in place with her fingers crossed on both hands. She stopped as soon as she saw me.

"You like it right?" I almost wanted to tease her and tell her no but her expression was so hopeful that I just couldn't do it.

"I love it, Alice. It's beautiful."

She squealed and lunged at me, wrapping me up in a fierce hug that nearly knocked the breath out of me. "This is gonna be epic, Bella. Edward isn't gonna know what hit him!"

I could only hope so.

After Alice had dressed in a short black dress from some designer that I couldn't pronounce we made our way downstairs. The smells coming from kitchen were incredible. Alice told me to sit while she checked on dinner and I watched as she disappeared into the kitchen. I had just stepped into the dining room when I heard a gasp behind me. I spun around to see Edward standing at the bottom of the stairs. He was still wearing his jeans from school but had put on a white button-down shirt; the cuffs unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows. He stood gaping at me, his hand stalled halfway through his hair. I immediately looked down at myself, afraid that something had gone askew with my dress or something equally embarrassing but everything looked to be in place. I looked back up at him.

"What?" My voice seemed to break him out of whatever trance he was in and his hand returned to his side.

"You look beautiful."

I could feel the heat on my cheeks again and shifted my eyes down to the floor. I heard a throat clear behind me and looked over to see Esme standing in the kitchen doorway with a grin on her face.

"Dinner's ready. Bella, why don't you have seat while I bring it out?"

"I can help…" I started but she raised her hand to stop me.

"You're our guest, dear. Now please, sit." She motioned toward the table before she turned to go back into the kitchen. I stepped up to the table but wasn't sure which seat to take. I heard Edward's velvet voice behind me.

"Allow me." He said as he pulled out the chair closest to me. I sat down and he pushed the chair back under the table.

I whispered "Thank you," but when I looked up he was gone. I sat looking out the window wall at the dying light over the trees. I hadn't noticed how long we must have been upstairs but it was obviously getting late. A moment later Edward, Esme, and Alice came trooping into the room carrying serving dishes and a bread basket. I was surprised to see Jasper following behind. They all set their dishes on the table. Jasper pulled out Alice's chair directly across from me and Edward pulled out Esme's at the end of the table furthest from me. He then came to sit next to me. I looked at the empty chair to my right, which I assumed must be for Carlisle. Esme must have noticed my interest.

"Carlisle has to work a little late, but he should be here shortly. He called and said to start without him." I nodded and looked at the food, grilled chicken and fettucine alfredo. Everyone started dishing food onto their plates when I heard a door open and close from the direction of the kitchen. A minute later Carlisle stepped into the room, a brilliant smile breaking out on his face when he saw us all at the table. He leaned over to kiss Esme on the cheek before rounding the table to squeeze Jasper's shoulder and ruffle Alice's hair. Finally he sat in his seat at the end of the table and pulled a dish toward his plate as he looked at me.

"You look lovely tonight Bella. How's your head? I assume you've had no problems since I last saw you?"

I blushed at his compliment but shook my head at his question before quickly returning my eyes to my plate. Conversation picked up around me as I ate in silence. I watched as they talked about Carlisle's work at the hospital, Esme's new clients and Jasper's school. It was just so wonderfully normal it made me feel out of place. I wondered if I had ever known normal, if there was some time before my memory when Charlie and Renee would sit around a table and talk about their day without threats or punishments. Somehow I didn't think so.

After everyone was done eating Edward, Alice and Jasper started clearing the table. I got up to help but Esme insisted I let them do it as I was the guest. I looked at Jasper carrying plates into the kitchen.

"Well, why is Jasper helping then? Isn't he a guest too?"

Esme laughed sweetly. "Oh no dear, he's family. I have no qualms about putting him to work."

I couldn't simply sit at the table while they worked though so I moved to the living room. I wandered over to a wall covered in photos and started to examine them. They were all family pictures of some sort, school pictures of Edward or Alice or family vacation shots. Some were obviously Christmas pictures, the whole family gathered around the tree. There was a wedding photo of a large man with dark, curly hair and a stunning blond woman. The man was big as a tree and had Esme's emerald eyes. There was another shot of them next to the wedding photo, the two of them sitting outside with a little girl set between them. She had her mother's blond hair and blue eyes, but her father's dimples.

"That's Emmett and his wife Rosalie. Has Alice told you about them?" I heard Carlisle speak behind me.

I jumped at his sudden appearance and pressed a hand to my chest to try to calm my racing heart enough to answer.

"Yes, she has, and about Lily. She's beautiful."

Carlisle stood beside me and gazed at the photos. "She really is. She was a surprise you know? Lily. We didn't expect to be grandparents so soon but I wouldn't have it any other way, because we got our Lily-bean out of it."

I gave him a quizzical look so he continued.

"Emmett and Rose were high school sweethearts. We always knew they were going to get married, we just figured it would be after college and they had grown up a little. But, life has a way to changing even the best laid plans and they got pregnant with Lily during their senior year of high school." He heaved a pensive sigh but gave me a warm smile before he moved off to the kitchen. I stood, staring at the photos but not really seeing them. Emmett and Rosalie's story was so similar to my own parents. I only hoped that Lily's future was brighter than my own. As I looked again at the happy family memories gathered on that wall I had faith that it would be. I was pulled out of my thoughts by Alice's voice chirping from my left.

"We should watch a movie!"

I looked over to see her seemingly hanging in midair, Jaspers arms around her waist and her feet swinging by his knees. I giggled.

"Whatever you say Alice."

She smiled and started wiggling to get out of Jasper's embrace. He finally set her on her feet and she promptly bounced over to me and grabbed my hand. "Come on, we'll get into our pajamas and then we can settle in for a movie marathon." She pulled me up the stairs to her room again so we could deconstruct everything we had put together before dinner. At least it took less time than putting it all on.

When we came back downstairs Jasper and Edward were sitting in the living room arguing over which movie to watch.

"Seriously, no one wants to watch _Gone With the Wind_. I don't care if you have some weird southern solidarity thing or not, I'm not watching that." Edward was standing by the dvd stand in a pair of black flannel pajama pants and a plain black t-shirt. Jasper was sitting in an oversized armchair in a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants. I started to feel a little embarrassed to be in the room with two boys in so little clothing but forced myself to go into the room anyway. Alice had no problems. She just ran in and jumped into Jasper's lap. He caught her as she jumped and still managed to answer Edward while arranging her more comfortably in the chair.

"It is a classic man. You've got all the elements; war, love, birth, death, it's all there." Edward looked about to retort when Alice put up a hand to him and turned to Jasper.

"Honey, I love you, but the Civil War is a downer. How about we go for something a little lighter?" Jasper looked like he wanted to argue but Alice pouted her bottom lip and he swallowed whatever ever words he was going to say next.

Edward looked up to finally notice me hovering on the edge of the living room. The frustration left his face as he smiled. "Why don't we let Bella decide?"

I fidgeted with the hem of my t-shirt as Alice and Jasper turned in unison to look at me expectantly. "Um...ok."

I chewed my bottom lip as I walked over to the dvds and started looking at them. Edward moved aside for me but stayed close by. They had quite a selection, everything from classics to comedy to horror. One in particular jumped out at me but I wasn't sure if everyone else would agree to watch it. I hesitantly pulled it from the stand and handed it to Edward before balling up the ends of my shirt in my fists.

"Is that ok?" 

His face broke out in a wide smile as he looked at the case. "It's perfect. I'll put it on, why don't you grab a seat?" I looked around the seating area and decided to curl up in a corner of the couch, my feet tucked under me. Edward got the movie started and came to sit on the other end of the couch from me. As soon as the opening credits started to roll Alice started squealing and bouncing in Jasper's lap.

"I love this movie. Bella, I think I just fell a little more in love with you." Jasper wrapped an arm around her waist to stop her bouncing.

"Darlin', as much as I like it, if you don't stop moving around like that we'll never make it through the movie. And it doesn't help when you say you're in love with Bella either." 

Alice winked at me as she snuggled further into Jasper's chest. "See Bella, told you he wouldn't mind." By the time my brain caught up to her meaning I blushed bright red and concentrated on the movie. 

About halfway through Esme and Carlisle came in to say good night. Esme set a huge bowl of popcorn on the coffee table before looking fondly at all of us. She reached over and smoothed the hair away from Edward's forehead, looking at him and then at me. The pure love of her face made my heart clench. She said a quiet "Good night kids." before she took Carlisle's hand and they went upstairs. 

Apparently the lack of bouncing didn't much matter to the couple in the chair, because not ten minutes after the parents ascended the stairs they were all over each other. I tried my best to keep my eyes on the screen but the noises coming from the chair were distracting. My eyes would dart over of their own accord but in the dark of the room all I could see was a tangle of limbs. They could have been some two-headed monster for all I knew. Finally it seemed that Edward had had enough. 

''Hey, Tink, you've got a bedroom. Please take Rhett up there and stop molesting my eardrums."  
Alice pulled away from Jasper's face with an audible pop and looked at Edward with a dazed smile.

"Thanks big brother, I thought you'd never ask." With that Jasper stood up, throwing Alice over his shoulder in a firemen's carry and walking quickly toward the stairs. Alice strained to lift her head to call out to me. "Bella, are you ok? We can stay here if you want us to." I looked at her like the crazy person she was.

"You go ahead Alice. Oh, but could you leave my bag outside your door? I don't want to have to interrupt...anything." Jasper was now running up the stairs and the motion caused Alice's voice to shake.

"Sure thing hon, I'll see you later." A few seconds later we heard the slamming of a door upstairs. 

Edward gave me an apologetic look. "I'm sorry about them. They don't get to see each other much anymore and so when they do they go at it like rabbits on crack. I just figured she might have more discretion since you're here." 

"I don't mind. I wouldn't want to take any of her Jasper time away, especially since I see her every day. Besides, I'm happy that she's happy." 

A strange look came over Edward's face. "You really are the most amazing person."

I quickly looked back at the tv screen, hoping to cover the bright red blush that was creeping across my face. By this time the movie had ended so all that was on the screen were the credits. Edward stood up and went to the dvd player to retrieve the movie, then walked to the stacks of dvds and turned to me.

"What would you like to watch now?" 

I shook my head. "Nope, it's your turn to pick." 

He smirked and turned back to the movies. He searched the titles for a few minutes before finally choosing one and putting it in the player. When he came back to the couch, instead of taking his seat at the end he came and sat within arms reach of me. I barely had time to register my shock when I noticed what movie he had put in and turned to him with an incredulous look.

"The Princess Bride? Is there something you'd like to tell me?" 

Edward eyes darted around the room nervously until he leaned forward and grabbed the popcorn. "I...just...thought you'd like it. If you'd rather watch something else-" 

"No, it's fine. I like this movie."

Edward relaxed back into the couch cushions and set the popcorn bowl on the seat between us. We watched in relative silence, munching popcorn and laughing at all the same places. At one point I absently reached into the bowl and my hand made contact with Edward's. I felt the electricity again, and although it was still sort of a shock it wasn't as overwhelming as before. I stil gasped when it happened and pulled my hand back. Edward looked over at me. 

"You felt that?" 

I nodded. "I told you before, I can feel you. Just you. I can't explain it." 

Edward's brow scrunched up in concentration. "Is it just your hands, or can you not feel anything anywhere?" 

"It's everywhere. My skin is basically numb, although I can still feel extreme temperatures and pressure on my skin. That's how it usually feels when someone touches me, just pressure. Everyone except you." I stared intently at my lap, terrified to see his face and know that he thought I was a freak. His timid voice surprised me. 

"Bella, I'd like to try something, if you'll let me. Do you trust me?" 

I looked up and his face held nothing but sincerity. There was no repulsion, no pity. I could only nod dumbly back at him. I watched as Edward moved the popcorn bowl to the table and then sat back down even closer to me. This time he turned toward me, tucking one leg under himself and hooking his toes under his other knee. He tentatively reached out for the hand in my lap, gently picking up my wrist and drawing my arm into his lap. I could feel the tingles starting from the moment he touched my wrist and they only increased as he cradled my hand palm up in his other hand. I couldn't help but think how the position mirrored ours from earlier in the day. He began drawing his fingers in feather light touches across my palm. 

"Can you feel that?" He looked up at me through his eyelashes and again I could only nod. He kept his eyes on my face as he started to move his fingers across my wrist and then up and down the inside of my forearm. His touch was so light and gentle and I didn't know how I could possibly be feeling it but it was definitely there, along with the electric fire that followed his fingers. 

"How about that?" 

"I feel that too. I don't know how, but I do." 

He took a deep breath and swallowed as he stared into my eyes. He slowly raised his hand, and I had to concentrate on his eyes to keep myself from flinching away from it. The green eyes staring back at me were nothing like the brown ones that brought me pain, the gentle touches nothing like the rough and angry ones I was used to. I didn't move away when the hand reached my face, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear before cupping my cheek. He grazed his thumb along my cheekbone and I noticed that he was lightly gripping the hand that was still in his other palm; as if he knew my first instinct would be to back away. I couldn't back away from him if I tried. 

"And here?" His voice a husky whisper across my face. I noticed that he had moved even closer to me as I stared straight into his emerald depths. The tingling was spreading from his hand, racing across my nerves and seeming to bring them back from their long sleep. My entire body was on fire from him, but I couldn't very well tell him that. Could I? I looked into his eyes and knew that I had already made my decision. My voice was still barely audible when I responded. 

"I feel you everywhere." 

Edward sucked in a sharp breath before slowly lowering his face to mine. His lips were millimeters from mine and I could already feel the electricity. I almost expected to see sparks lighting up the dark room. He gently brought his mouth to mine, the briefest brush of lips and breath but it was enough to send my heart rate soaring. The electricity ran rampant across my body, igniting something that I had never even known was there, or maybe had just forgotten. Edward must have felt it too because he pulled back with a gasp, just far enough for me to see his eyes. They were bright and almost terrified, but filled with something else that I couldn't name. When he spoke his voice was so quiet but shook with the emotion behind it. 

"I feel you everywhere too. Especially here." He pulled my hand up and pressed my palm to his chest, over his heart."This is where it hurts when you're not with me. I don't know why you can feel me, but I think that it means that we're supposed to be together." I could feel his heart under my hand, pounding in a rapid rhythm to match my own. He held my gaze and took another deep breath before he continued. "I'll be whatever you need me to be, Bella. If all you ever want to be is my friend then I'll still count myself as one of the luckiest men alive, but I want to be so much more for you. Please Bella, can I be yours? Will you let me make you mine?" 

I couldn't seem to draw enough air into my lungs, my staccato breathing making my whole body shake and I had to close my eyes against the intensity of his stare. It was all too much. The electricity of his touch had settled from zinging sparks to tingling warmth across my skin. He was all around me, his breath fanning across my face, his scent surrounding me. It was all that I wanted and I knew, no matter how much it scared me or how much I didn't deserve it, I couldn't give it up. I opened my eyes to see that he was still staring at me, expectant eyes waiting for me to decide his fate. I was finally able to draw in a deep, calming breath to voice the only word in my mind. 

"Yes." 

The smile that spread across his face was brightest I had yet seen from him and he leaned down to kiss me again. This kiss wasn't tentative, but still as sweet as the first. Our lips moved together, dancing together as if they had always known how. He pulled back to place kisses on my cheeks, my eyelids and my nose before giving one final peck to my lips. He brought his other hand up to cup my face, all the while staring deep into my eyes. 

"Happy Valentine's Day, Bella." 

I smiled at him, and then yawned loudly. I hadn't realized how late it had gotten. 

"Do you think it's safe up there or should I go the guest room?" 

Edward dropped his hands from my face and looked thoughtful for a moment. I immediately felt the loss of his touch. Suddenly he stood up, muttering "Wait here" as he ran off to the hallway behind the stairs. He came back moments later with a green chenille blanket. He draped the blanket around my shoulders and kissed the end of my nose again. I giggled like a little girl. 

"Why don't we just finish watch the movie and maybe another if they still haven't come down. They'll either come tell us it's safe for you to go to Alice's room or at the very least you can get some sleep down here. It's a very comfortable couch." He suddenly looked nervous again and I reached out to touch his hand. He looked up at me as he laced our fingers together. "Will you lay down with me?" 

I smiled and nodded at him. He let out the breath he had been holding and moved to lay down on the couch before holding out his hand. I lay down in front of him, my back pressed against his chest. He took the blanket from me and spread it over both of us. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me securely against his body.  
"Is this ok?" I could feel his breath on my neck as he whispered to me and I shivered. This only made him pull me closer.  
"Yes, it's ok. More than ok." I rested my arms on top of his, feeling the strength of the muscles beneath the skin. Edward settled in behind me, his arms tight around my waist and his nose buried in my hair. It was only minutes before I was fast asleep, feeling warm and safer than I had felt in years. That night, for the first time that I could ever remember, the killer didn't come for me. 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

BPOV

Warm. I was still half asleep, snuggled into something soft and firm and decidedly…warm. I was slowly coming more into consciousness and becoming more aware of my surroundings, but kept my eyes stubbornly closed to hold on to the feeling. The warmth seemed to be wrapped around me, or was I wrapped around it? I shifted a little and drew in a deep breath. I was hit with the smell of coffee, and cinnamon, and…Edward? Suddenly the events of the night before ran through my mind. Edward touching me, Edward kissing me, Edward wanting me to be his. I wasn't quite sure what that entailed but I liked the sound of it. Then I remembered that Edward had asked me to lay down with him on the couch to wait for Alice to come tell me it was safe to go upstairs. I realized that we both must have fallen asleep. I didn't remember ever waking up this warm and rested. I wasn't shaking from another nightmare. I smiled and tentatively moved my arm, feeling Edward's arm under mine. The movement must have woken him a little because he tightened his arm around my waist and brought me even closer to him. I noticed then that in addition to the soft and firm behind me there was also something decidedly…hard. I stiffened and my eyes shot open.

The first thing I saw was a pair of mischievous green eyes. I then took in the spiky black hair and the smirk I had seen often on Edward's face.

"Exactly how long have you been sitting there, Alice?"

Her smirk grew into a full-blown smile as she sat back on her heels. She was still in her pink silk pajamas, although her hair wasn't mussed and her face looked freshly washed. "About half an hour. You guys are just so damn cute, I wish you could see it. Don't worry though, I took pictures."

I groaned and closed my eyes again. "Has the whole household been watching Edward and I sleep or was it just you playing creepy stalker?"

Alice laughed. "Just me. Dad left early this morning so he probably saw you, and Mom's been up for awhile. She told me to let you guys sleep but I've had trouble being patient." Her face suddenly became repentant. "I'm really sorry I abandoned you last night but the siren call of the sex god is hard to ignore. I guess I don't have to feel too bad though, huh?" The smirk was back.

"Please, no talking about Jasper's sexual prowess before I've had my coffee." I heard Edward's voice grumble from behind me. "Or ever."

"Fine big brother, I'll wait. Although," she got that devious glint in her eyes, "at least I take my sex games to the bedroom instead of displaying them on the couch."

I gasped. "Alice, we did NOT have sex!"

She rolled her eyes. "Sweet zombie jesus, Bella, I know that. I'm just giving you shit. He deserves it for all the stuff he's said about me and Jasper."

I waited for a retort from Edward but he seemed to have fallen back asleep. I breathed a sigh of relief, both for her attitude and his lack of consciousness. Obviously Alice was ok with everything if she was comfortable making fun of us. I just hoped his parents would still let me in the house after seeing me asleep on the couch with their son.

"Alice, your parents aren't mad that we slept together in here are they?"

Alice started laughing; deep guffaws that I didn't know could even come from her small body. After a minute she calmed down, wiping tears from her eyes before she spoke. "Oh God no. As long as you're clothed Dad is not gonna care. As for Mom, she's just happy that Edward found someone without her having to pull a Yente."

I smiled in relief but then frowned. As nice as it was cuddling on the couch with Edward, other needs were starting to make themselves known, most notably my bladder. I shifted uncomfortably in Edward's arms, trying to think of a way to extricate myself without waking him. Alice must have seen my intent on my face.

"The bathroom's free upstairs; towels are in the cabinet if you want a shower. Oh, and I left your bag just outside my door. Come get some breakfast when you're done, Mom made cinnamon rolls." She hopped to her feet and skipped toward the kitchen.

I tried to gently move Edward's arm off of me but it wouldn't budge. His grip was definitely secure and there was no way I was going to get off that couch unless he let me. I had to wake him up.

I ran my fingertips along his arm, noting how I could feel the hairs on his arm and how they started to raise up at my touch. I wondered about that for a moment and then realized, I was giving Edward goosebumps. I smirked to myself and continued to run my fingers up and down his forearm. The tingling was still there but as I got more used to it it felt different. It was calming, grounding. It felt like home. Edward must have felt it too as I felt the vibration in his chest when he let out a contented hum into my hair. The arm under my hand shifted, bringing me tighter against him as he shifted his hips slightly against me.

_Oh my God. Is that what I think it is?_

_Yes, yes it is. _

_But, but that's a penis. And it's poking me. What the hell do I do?_

_Like I know, I'm you. _

_You're a great help. _

_All I know is you'd better get up real soon or we'll have more than one embarrassing situation on our hands when your bladder explodes._

I started shaking Edward's arm, gently at first and then more vigorously as he didn't respond. "Edward? Edward, wake up."

"Hmm?" His voice was muffled as his face was still buried in my hair. I had no idea how he could even breathe like that but it wasn't my chief concern at the moment. I shook his arm again.

"Edward, I need to get up."

His voice was slurred and thick with sleep. "Ok, get up." He made no move to let me go and I started to think that the bladder exploding idea was going to become a possibility.

"I can't get up Edward, you're holding on to me too tight."

That must have finally gotten through his sleep fog because he jerked his arm off me and backed as far as he could into the couch. His voice was panicked. "Oh God Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't hurt you did I?"

I slipped out from under the blanket and stood on stiff and wobbly legs. I looked down at him on the couch, crazy hair going every which way, his jaw shadowed by a dusting a coppery stubble I had never seen before. The look in his eyes nearly broke my heart. His eyes were panicked and filled with guilt, guilt from just the thought that he could have hurt me. I had to swallow the lump in my throat to assuage him.

"Edward, no!" I dropped to my knees beside the couch and cupped his face in my palm. I had no idea why I was suddenly so comfortable with touching him, but I was. He visibly relaxed into my hand as I continued. "I don't think you could hurt me if you tried. I just really need to go to the bathroom and I was afraid you weren't going to wake up. You've kinda got a death grip in your sleep. Not painful, just immovable."

His eyes relaxed as he smiled and covered my hand with his own. We just looked at each other for a moment before he turned his head and kissed my wrist. I shivered.

"Don't you still have to go to the bathroom?" He asked, his playful smirk back in place.

My bladder suddenly reminded me of its presence again. I squeaked out, "Yes" and jumped up, bolting for the stairs. "I'll be back down in a few minutes." I shouted over my shoulder as I ran. I stumbled on the top step and almost flew headlong down the hallway, but I caught myself and used the momentum to speed me to the door I sought. Finally I reached it, slamming and locking it behind me.

EPOV

I smiled to myself as I heard the door slam upstairs. I couldn't believe how well last night had gone.

I had been nervous all night, from the moment I saw her in that blue dress. I could see more of her beautiful ivory skin than I had ever seen and all I wanted to do was touch her. She looked so nervous at dinner, and almost sad. I had no idea why she looked that way but I was now more determined than ever to find out. At least I could do that now. I smiled at that thought. She was mine. I could ask her things; find out all the secrets of her mind. I wanted to know everything about her.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I lay back against the couch cushions. Turning my head I realized that her scent still lingered there and I drew in a deep lungful , my body instantly calmed and excited all at once. The excitement spread through my body before settling lower and I was instantly aware of my usual morning…issue. And then I stiffened with a horrifying thought.

_Bella felt that. _

_Maybe she didn't. She was sleeping too, she probably didn't notice. _

_Maybe. But maybe that's why she was so eager to get away. _

_Crap. _

I pressed my hands over my eyes as I groaned in frustration. Only I would screw things up so fast. I just finally got her to trust me, and then I perv on her on my couch. Just great.

I lay there for a few more minutes, trying to figure out what to do. She still hadn't come back down and I didn't see that as a very good sign. I decided right then that I would do whatever I had to do to make it right. I would grovel, I would beg, I would prostrate myself at her feet if that's what it took. Resigning myself to my fate I rose slowly off the couch. Just as I was approaching the stairs she started to come back down. I raised my eyes, taking a deep breath to start my apologies but the breath caught in my throat at the sight of her. She looked like she always did, jeans and t-shirt, her hoodie slung over her arm, but the smile on her face was simply breathtaking. I felt the familiar pull in my chest as I realized the smile was directed at me, for me. My fears seemed to be unfounded as she looked so happy to see me. I smiled up at her, relieved that I hadn't ruined everything with my body's reaction to her. The smile grew as I also realized that I didn't have to ignore the pull to her anymore, that I could touch her if I wanted to. So I did.

I met her at the bottom of the stairs, taking her bag from her hand and setting it on the ground so I could lace my fingers through hers. Bringing her hand up to my lips I kissed her knuckles, delighting in the blush that spread across her cheeks.

"Good morning, beautiful. Did you sleep well?" She nodded as she responded.

"I did. How about you? It couldn't have been comfortable being squashed into the couch like that."

I squeezed her fingers and started leading her toward the kitchen. "Best night's sleep I ever had."

I pulled her with me to the kitchen and sat down on a stool at the counter, pulling her onto the one next to me. I would have liked to have put in her in my lap but I didn't think that would be appreciated by my mother. Mom looked up from the stove as we walked in, a knowing smile gracing her face before she went back to scrambling eggs. Alice spun between the refrigerator and the island, setting two glasses of orange juice down in front of us along with a plate of cinnamon rolls.

"Wow Ali, you serve me breakfast now?" She stopped mid-twirl and leaned across the island to flick me on the forehead.

"I serve Bella breakfast; I owe her for last night. You, my dear brother, can get your own damn coffee."

I couldn't even find it in me to be mad at her, such was my good mood. I got up to get myself a cup of coffee, pausing at the stove to kiss Mom on the top of the head. I loved reminding her that I was taller than her now, even though she could still make me feel like a little boy with a single look. When I got back to the island Bella was daintily eating a cinnamon roll and Alice was nowhere to be seen. Bella answered my question before I even got a chance to ask it.

"She went to bring some breakfast to Jasper. He's lucky too, these rolls are wonderful."

Mom turned her head toward Bella with a wide smile. "If you keep complimenting my cooking I may have to adopt you, dear. That reminds me, I wrote that cookie recipe down for you. I'll make sure to give it to you before you go. Will you be hanging out here today?"

I looked at Bella with interest as I was wondering that myself. We had made no plans for today and I didn't want to be presumptuous as to think that she'd want to spend Valentine's Day with me, but I really hoped she'd want to. It had never been that important of a holiday to me, but that was before I had a girlfriend. She looked embarrassed for a moment before she responded.

"No, I really have to get home. In fact I should probably be going, but thank you for having me. And for the recipe, you really didn't have to."

Mom set aside the pan she was working over and grabbed a piece of paper off the counter beside her. She walked over and placed the paper in front of Bella and patted her hand. "It's no bother, dear." Then as Bella got up off her stool, Mom thoroughly surprised me by rounding the island and enveloping Bella in a hug. "You come and see us anytime, alright? You are always welcome here." Bella seemed surprised for a moment before she tentatively returned the embrace.

After disentangling herself from Mom, Bella grabbed the recipe and started toward the doorway. I jumped up from my seat to follow her. She pulled her hoodie on as she walked and picked up her bag without breaking her stride. Her hand was on the doorknob before I caught up to her and spun her to face me. The eyes looking up at me held so much sadness it made my heart ache.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

She sniffed and looked at her feet. "She makes me miss my mom. But I have to go home and if I stay here much longer I don't think I'll be able to make myself leave."

"Then don't." She scoffed but didn't look up. I put two fingers under her chin so I could tilt her head up to look at me. "I mean it. Alice would be ecstatic and I think Mom likes you more than me. She'd probably trade me for you in a heartbeat." She let out a ghost of laugh before her face sobered again.

"I have to go; I promised my dad I'd be back early." She started to pull away from me but I wasn't ready to let her go just yet. Instead I brought my other hand up so both hands were cupping her face.

"Well then, I'll just have to make this last until I see you again." I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to hers. I meant for it to be brief but once my lips touched hers I couldn't seem to stop. My hands found their way into her hair and gripped the strands, holding her face to mine. I felt her hands creep up my chest and I waited for her to shove me away, but she didn't. Instead her hands lingered on my chest for a moment before they continued up, finally settling in my hair. I pulled my face back just enough to look at her but she wouldn't have it, gripping my hair tightly in her fists and pulling my lips back down to meet hers again. I felt her tongue trace my bottom lip and as much as I wanted to continue the kiss the desperation in it felt wrong. I pulled back but kept my hands in her hair, my forehead pressed tightly to hers. I didn't know what to do, what to say, how to fix whatever was going on inside her head. I knew I needed more information, but I didn't know if she would give it to me.

"Please Bella, tell me. I can help, whatever it is. Just tell me."

I could almost hear the tears in her voice as she responded. "I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't. It's…I just…I have to go." With that she dropped her hands from my hair and took a step back. She kept her eyes down as she bent to grab her bag and turned to the door. "I'll see you at school. Please tell Alice I said goodbye and thanks…for everything." She opened the door and turned back to me, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I'm sorry." And with that she was gone.

BPOV

I ran to my truck as fast as I could without falling, which I admit wasn't very fast but it was the best I could do. I had to get out of there before I changed my mind and barricaded myself in Alice's closet. It was just too good in there; too much that I wanted to hold on to. But I knew that I had to get home. I realized that Charlie would most likely be fishing today and so would be gone already but I still didn't want to give him any reason to not let me come back.

I got to the truck without falling, despite the tears blurring my vision. I started the truck and sat for a minute so my eyes could clear. The tears had started welling up as soon as Esme had wrapped her arms around me but I was able to keep them back as I all but ran for the door. It was all that I had wanted from the moment I saw her but still it felt wrong somehow, like I was betraying my mom by wanting that from Edward's. I knew I had to get out before I broke down and they started asking questions.

Of course Edward caught me and wanted to know what was wrong, and then he kissed me. I don't know what got in to me, but when he kissed me my body seemed to react of its own accord and before I knew it my hands were fisted in his unruly hair. I knew he wanted to talk more, to ask me things and I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to deny him. So when he tried to pull back I did the only thing I could think of, I kissed him again. I tried to convey all of my feelings into that kiss, my frustration with the situation, my need for understanding, and most of all my desperation for him to give me the time I needed.

When he finally pulled away and begged me to tell him what was wrong I almost told him. But then I heard that voice in my head, the voice from my dream, telling me that no one could help me and I knew that I couldn't risk it. I could risk myself, but I could never, and would never, risk him.

I shook my head to bring me back to the present and realized that my vision had sufficiently cleared to drive. I didn't even see the trees as they flew past my window. My mind was still in the doorway with Edward. My body wished it was still there too.

It only took about 15 minutes to make the drive and I was suddenly aware that I was home. I was also aware that Charlie's cruiser was sitting in the driveway. I parked at the curb in front of the house and turned off the engine. I knew that if Charlie was here at this hour on a Saturday then he was waiting for me and dawdling would only make it worse. Still, my footsteps dragged as I made my way to the door. My overwhelming fear was that I would be able to feel whatever he had in store for me.

I opened the door quietly and stepped inside. I had half-expected for the onslaught to begin the moment I crossed the threshold but all was quiet. I could hear the faint murmur of the television coming from the living room so I figured that was where Charlie was. I decided to just get it over with, whatever it was.

Charlie was sitting in his recliner in his faded jeans and flannel shirt, his work boots still caked with mud from his last fishing expedition. He didn't look up as I walked toward the stairs, seemingly absorbed in the fishing program on t.v. I should have known it would be too much to hope for to slip past him unnoticed. His head turned just as my foot hit the bottom step.

"Hi Bella, did you have a nice time?"

For a moment all I could do was blink. I turned slowly to face him and as I did he turned his chair toward me. His face was betraying nothing, but I knew better than to be taken in by his apparent good humor. I would have to tread lightly to find out what his angle was. So I smiled and answered.

"I did, Daddy." My smile fell as he rose from the recliner and started walking toward me. His face was still a calm mask, but I knew it for what it was. He was trying to draw me in, to lull me into complacency so he could catch me in something. I'd have to be very careful. He stood in front of me, his favorite position as he towered over me and I had to crane my neck to look at him. I didn't look at his face but rather kept my eyes in the vicinity of his chest. I knew from experience that eye contact was a form of defiance to him. I knew my role, now I just had to play it.

"So you had a good time, huh? What'd you guys do?" The ice in his voice sent shivers up my spine.

"Nothing much. We had dinner, watched movies. Alice played dress up with me as her life-sized guinea pig. It was fun."

"Dinner, hmm? Dinner was good?" I nodded my affirmation but he continued. "Well I'm glad you had a good dinner, Bella. I'm glad that one of us did, because I had nothing." I could feel the dread creeping up my body, making me tremble. I knew it, in the pit of my stomach, that this was going to be bad. His voice was steadily raising as he further continued. "I had nothing Bella, because you, in your selfishness, forgot to leave dinner for me. Or maybe you didn't forget, hmm? Maybe you just decided that you didn't have to fulfill your responsibilities anymore because you have a friend now. Is that it?"

I flinched away from him as he was now screaming in my face. His hand snapped out and snatched a handful of my hair, holding my head steady as he heaved hot air into my face with every breath. I kept my eyes down and tried to keep my breathing even. No good would come from my passing out now and I had to be able to answer.

"I forgot. I'm so sorry Daddy, it won't ever happen again, I promise." I only had enough breath to whisper but I knew he could hear me. His grip on my hair didn't loosen as he lowered his face to be level with mine. I couldn't stop the shudder that ran through me at the sight of his face. He was smiling.

"I've obviously been too easy on you lately if I could slip your mind so easily. I think I need to remind you of your place and what your responsibilities are. So…where do you want it?"

I could feel my chin start to quiver and I fought to control it. I knew how my tears only enraged him more and I had learned years ago to stop crying on command. It wasn't working as well this time though and I could feel the tears start to fall.

"I-I-I don't want it anywhere Daddy. I won't forget again. Please." My voice was shaking and the tears were running in steady rivulets off my chin. He stared at me hard for a moment that seemed to stretch for forever. But then his face shifted and I knew that any hope I had was gone.

"Bullshit!" He yelled as he stepped aside and threw me headfirst to the floor behind him. I threw my hands out to break my fall but still landed hard. My right wrist turned funny under me and I thought I heard a pop. I couldn't be sure until I examined it further, but at least there was no pain.

_No pain. There's no pain. It's all going to be ok._

I breathed a sigh of relief, but that breath quickly rushed out of me when a muddy boot connected with my stomach. I should have known it would be the stomach. Charlie was too smart to go for the head, but he liked to give the option. The first time he had asked me that question was when I was eight. I had forgotten to close the car door.

Another kick to my gut broke my train of thought and I just tried to concentrate on breathing. Charlie was walking around my body, muttering under his breath as he went. I could only make out every few words.

"Ungrateful…never wanted…teach…stupid…" He punctuated his words with further kicks to my back, my ribs, my legs. I curled into myself as much as I could, desperately trying to keep the air going into my lungs. The tears had stopped now that the fear of pain had passed and I just waited for it to be over. After what seemed like forever he stopped and stood panting by my head. I kept my eyes shut and froze as still as possible, just hoping that he would leave so I could check myself in peace. He leaned over me and I could feel his beer-scented breath on my ear.

"You know I don't like to do that Bella, but you leave me no choice. You have to learn where your place is in this family and that is the only way you learn." I nodded my head so he'd know I heard him but didn't dare open my eyes. I heard him sigh before he moved away from me and his heavy footfalls retreated toward the front door. I could hear him gathering his fishing gear and the door opening. He called out, "I'm going fishing with Harry, and I'll be home by 6. Don't make me have to remind you again." The door slammed and he was gone.

I waited until I heard the crunch of his tires leaving the driveway before I dragged myself off the floor. I knew my wrist was hurt so I curled it into my chest and pushed off the floor with my left hand. My legs didn't want to support me at first so I leaned on the banister for a moment before I gathered up my bags and basically crawled up the stairs on my knees and elbows. It was slow going and I was panting for air by the time I reached the top. I half-crawled into my bedroom, using the wall for support where I could and kicked the door shut behind me. I didn't even make it to my bed. I just collapsed into a pile on the floor and cried.

_How could you be so stupid? To forget something so simple, but so important. You know better Bella. You should be better at this by now. _

_Why, why am I not better? Why can't I ever do it right? Why can't I ever be good enough?_

_It's not you. It's him. _

_No, it has to be me. Otherwise, it means that he just enjoys doing this to me, or he just hates me this much. There has to be something, something about me that's wrong, something I can fix. Otherwise what hope do I have? _

It seemed I had no answer for myself. I don't how long I lay on the floor but as my tears slowed and the light began to shift across my floor I knew that I had to get moving. I got up and started stripping off my clothes. I turned to the full length mirror hung on the inside of my closet door and winced at the bruises I saw already forming across my stomach and thighs. My breathing was becoming easier so I didn't think any ribs were broken but my wrist concerned me. It was starting to swell and I knew I'd have to at least wrap it. I didn't want to risk another run in with Dr. Cullen if I went to the hospital.

_Oh, God. Dr. Cullen. Alice. Edward. They'll see, they'll know. _

_Of course they'll know, they're not stupid. _

_No, no, they can't. _

_Why can't you just tell them? What's the worst that can happen? _

_You know full well what will happen. And that's exactly why I can't let that happen. Not to them. _

_Just a few more months, then its college and I never have to see him again. I've survived 17 years, I can do 5 months._

For a moment I let myself imagine what it would be like to finally tell someone, to really let someone in. There would be shock at first, then pity, and then they'd want to know what I did to deserve it. Edward would never look at me the same, and Charlie…Charlie would hurt them for knowing and me for telling. I shuddered and turned away from the mirror, suddenly disgusted with myself. I couldn't believe I had even contemplated bringing the Cullens into this mess. It would be the worst kind of selfishness for me to ruin their lives with my secrets. This was my lot, and I had to deal with it.

I took one more glance at the mirror, my red-rimmed eyes staring back at me, salt streaks down my cheeks. I looked as pathetic as he always said I was. In the back of my mind I heard the whisper of my dream and I knew its truth.

_You know he can't help you. No one can. _


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

BPOV

The level of sunlight coming through my window Monday morning was obnoxious. Normally the cheery, golden light would be a welcomed sight; but today it was just mocking me. I longed for gray light and overcast skies, wind cold and damp with rain. Thunderstorms would be even better, something vicious and violent. Something to fit my mood. I wanted the universe to recognize my inner turmoil and broadcast it to the world in a way I couldn't. Obviously, the universe was not on my side.

I eased from my bed and walked stiffly to my dresser for my clothes. My muscles were oddly tensed, but I guessed that was to be expected. It had been a tense weekend. My mood had been sour since my moment of weakness on Saturday, when I almost gave in to the urge to tell the Cullens everything. I knew I couldn't, and the resulting pit in my stomach left me feeling hollow and listless. I would have liked nothing more than to go to bed and never wake up, but I knew that I didn't have that option. Instead I pulled on some sweats and got to work. I did laundry and scrubbed the kitchen, top to bottom. The repetitive motion of the scrub brush on the floor helped to ease my mind. I had Charlie's dinner on the table at exactly 6 o'clock but he barely acknowledged my presence when he walked in the door. He was gone before the sun on Sunday; probably making up for the time he lost waiting for me the day before. I spent the day doing homework and cleaning my room, just trying to keep my hands and mind busy. Edward didn't call and I didn't call him. I wouldn't have known what to say anyway.

Now, here it was, Monday morning and I would have to face him. I still didn't quite know what we were to each other. More than friends, that was sure but we hadn't exactly discussed titles. Was he my boyfriend? I didn't think it was right to come out and ask him, but how else would I know? I pulled some clothes from my drawers and went to take my shower. I steadfastly avoided the mirror, just like I had all weekend. I couldn't stand to look at myself.

I pulled into the parking lot and parked the truck with its usual rumble and jerk. I hadn't even had a chance to reach for my bag before I saw a flash of silver in my peripheral vision and the Volvo slid into the space beside me. I slowly collected my things and walked to join Edward and Alice on the sidewalk. Alice immediately wrapped her arms around me and I returned the embrace more enthusiastically than I normally would, so happy that she was here, and still my friend, and didn't know about my weakness that had almost hurt her. She stepped back and looked at my face.

"Why'd you run off on Saturday? You really didn't have to; we would have loved to have you join us for Valentine's."

I could detect a note of concern in her voice so I smiled reassuringly.

"That was your Jasper time. I wouldn't want to be in the way."

She let out a bell-like giggle and leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"I didn't just mean me and Jasper, although he loved you, just like I knew he would. I think your boyfriend missed you. He was even broodier than normal all weekend."

She looked over her shoulder and I followed her gaze to Edward, standing awkwardly on the sidewalk, shuffling his feet. As if he could feel the weight of my eyes on him he looked up and met my stare. His eyes were guarded and hesitant, but seemed to firm with determination as we looked at each other. He straightened his shoulders and walked over to us, reaching out to take my hand in his. The tingling warmth spread up my arm and my tense muscles relaxed for the first time since leaving him in his doorway. Alice started toward the doors and we followed behind. Just before we stepped inside he leaned in close, his lips brushing my ear as he whispered.

"I'm sorry about before. I'm worried about you, but I promise I won't push you anymore. I just want to make sure you're ok." He hesitated with his next words. "And…that you're still my girlfriend."

As he pulled back I looked into his perfect face, so innocent and trusting, his eyes filled with nothing but concern for me, not burdened by the secrets that weighted my soul.

_Five months. Five months left to protect him and his family. I have to be strong enough for this. I __**will**__ be strong enough for this. _

I squeezed his hand and put on what I hoped was a convincing smile.

"As of right now, I'm perfect. Now hurry up or your girlfriend is going to be late for class."

And so we began a new routine of sorts. Alice and Edward would still meet me in the parking lot before school, usually with hot chocolate and coffee. The only difference was that instead of just drinking and talking Edward and I would hold hands, and maybe kiss a little against the side of my truck. Alice would usually leave during those instances. Of course, that was only because Edward threw his coffee cup at her when she tried to take pictures.

The student body found us to be a stare-worthy novelty for the first week, then only occasional-look worthy by the second. By the time March came blowing through Washington we were just like any other couple and no one took any notice of us. Except, of course, for Jessica. After her comments to me in the gym that day I made to point to take notice of her. It helped that I stopped walking with my head down so much and actually looked at the people around me. I noticed how she would watch me from across the parking lot in the mornings, usually smoking a cigarette outside her old Honda. I hadn't even realized that she smoked before. I noticed how she'd look at me in the classes we had together, how she'd watch me in the halls if she thought I wasn't looking. It made me wonder what else I had been missing in my effort to remain invisible. It made me wonder about the past 7 years and how I'd thought I was all alone. Maybe I had been wrong.

During those weeks I threw myself into my role at home, trying to be perfect for Charlie. It wasn't easy, and he would still throw the occasional shove or insult my way but I didn't need any further _reminders_ like Valentine's Day. I was proud of myself, proud that I had managed to have friends and a boyfriend and still not forget the duties of my position. Each day brought me closer to a time when the sword of secrets wouldn't be hanging over our heads and I would be able to just enjoy life.

Now, as the one-month "anniversary" of Edward's and my relationship approached, there was a specific reason that I was so anxious for some of Charlie's scant goodwill. Edward wanted to take me on a date.

I had told him that I couldn't tell my father about him, that he didn't approve of my dating during high school. He seemed a little put out that I didn't want to tell Charlie about us, but true to his word, he didn't push. His quick acceptance made me wonder if maybe he had guessed more than he let on. I wasn't about to try to confirm my suspicions. Alice had begun plotting in her evil-pixie ways and decided the best course of action would be to use her as an excuse. She said that we could even say that I had to tutor her, since technically we did have Trig together. I would be the last person she should have asked for help in that subject, but Charlie didn't need to know that.

I prepared especially thoroughly this time around, making sure the house was immaculate and that I had lasagna made and ready in the refrigerator. I purposely waited until Thursday to ask so it wouldn't seem premeditated, and didn't make a special dinner to make it seem like I was "trying to get something out of him". It was half-way through dinner when I broached the subject.

"So Daddy, there's a big Trig test next week."

His eyes flicked over to me for a moment before he continued eating. I went on.

"Alice is so worried. It's her worst subject and she's freaked that she's going to fail. She asked if I'd help her study."

His eyes rose to mine again but stayed on my face this time. The look on his face clearly said "Get on with it". I made my best attempt to make my voice seem casual.

"So…I was wondering if I could stay over there on Friday. We're liable to be studying very late and it seemed the most convenient thing would be to stay over. That way if we get tired we could just finish on Saturday. What do you think?" I sucked my lip between my teeth as I waited for his answer.

He seemed to think about it for a moment, then breathed a heavy sigh, like he was rehashing an argument that he thought had been thoroughly exhausted.

"Do you remember what happened last time, Bella? Do I need to remind you again?"

I couldn't control the shiver that ran through my body at the mention of his _reminder_ but I kept my face placid.

"I haven't forgotten Daddy. I made a pan of lasagna for you, it's in the refrigerator. The house is clean and all the laundry is done. And…this isn't exactly for fun Daddy, it's for school. Tutoring Alice helps me study too."

He stared at me for another interminable moment, his eyes trying to slice through my calm. I held his gaze, my mind holding the one thought that would let me get through this.

_This is for Edward. This is for Edward. This is for Edward._

Finally, the corner of his mouth twitched up into what I guess he considered a smile.

"I'm glad that the reminder served its purpose. I'll be at Harry's for the game on Saturday anyway so just be home by dinner." And with that he started eating again.

I was vibrating with so much nervous energy I could barely steer the truck into the parking lot the next morning. I pulled into a space near the Volvo and I could already see Alice bouncing outside the passenger door. As I rounded the back of the truck she bounded over to me, squealing all the way.

"I knew it. I knew it. I am awesome, and my plan was awesome, and you are so lucky to have a best friend like me." She came to an abrupt stop in front of me, her Cheshire grin splitting her face.

"Yes, I bow to your superior deceptive skills and am thoroughly grateful to have them at my disposal. Although I shudder to think what would happen if you decided to turn your considerable talents to the dark side."

She rolled her eyes and linked my arm with hers, pulling me toward the car. "I would never turn to the dark side, Bella. Their clothes suck."

A thought struck me as we walked so I voiced it to her.

"How did you know? That it worked, I mean?"

She looked up at me and quirked an eyebrow. "I am the all-seeing, all-knowing Miss Alice. Besides, that plan had to work, it was conceived by me." 

My giggling cut off abruptly when I saw the blinding smile lighting up Edward's face. Alice slipped away from us but I barely noticed, completely entranced his smile, and his eyes, and how in that moment, everything felt right.

Before I could even register what was happening his arms were around my waist and my hands were in his hair. I stood on my toes and brought my lips to his. A month together and this was as far as our relationship had gone, kisses in the parking lot. I didn't mind though, I could kiss Edward forever and be happy. After a moment I pulled away from his lips, tightening my arms around his neck and burying my face in his shoulder. He started peppering kisses just below my ear as he whispered to me.

"So I have you for a whole evening then?"

I could only nod into his shoulder as my breath came in shallow gasps. Our parking lot kissing sessions had been mostly innocent up to this point, chaste but intense kisses that left me wishing we weren't so exposed outside. This was the first time he had kissed me anywhere but my face and I guess I liked it if my involuntary reactions were any clue. I shivered as he ran his nose along the shell of my ear and inhaled deeply.

"Hmm, whatever shall I do with you?"

I sucked in another shuddering breath and pulled away to look at his face. He was breathing heavily and he stared at me with an intensity I hadn't seen before. I pulled my hand from his hair to run my thumb along his jaw before I cupped it with my hand.

"Well," I whispered, "I'm sure you'll think of something."

He started to lower his face to mine when Alice yelled from our left.

"Hey, Heckle and Jeckle, as much as I'm enjoying the free porn you'd better move your asses before you're late."

I reluctantly pulled my arms from Edward's neck and turned toward the school. He captured my hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing my knuckles.

"Don't worry Bella, I won't let you out of my sight once I get you home."

I did my best to put one foot in front of the other as a whole flutter of butterflies set up residence in my stomach. I wasn't sure what the Edward had in store for me tonight, but I couldn't wait to find out.

Alice was already eating when Edward and I sat down together. The morning had been basically uneventful, except for the nervous energy that I still had from our Lit class together. We had worked on our assignments and never strayed from the topic of class, but the feelings between us were palpable, even from across the room. I knew that tonight was going to be important, to us and to our relationship. I just hoped I didn't disappoint him. I tried to concentrate on my food and not on the fact that his knee was pressing against mine or the heat that was radiating up my leg from the contact. I was concentrating so hard that Alice's voice caused me to jump in my seat.

"Hey, Bella? Why do you go by Bella? Isabella is such as pretty name, I would definitely use it if it were mine. Not that Bella isn't pretty too, I was just wondering."

I thought for a moment. "I don't know. I've just never really seen myself as an Isabella. It's a sophisticated name, elegant. Not really me."

Edward chose that moment to interject. "I like Bella. Beautiful. It suits you." I felt the blush rising to my cheeks and I needed to divert attention away from me.

"So what, you don't like your name Alice?"

She rolled her eyes and Edward laughed. I gave him an enquiring look.

"Alice isn't even her name."

I looked at Alice in surprise. She gave Edward a hard look and threw a French fry at his head.

"Shut up you ass! It is too my name. Well, my middle name, but it's on my birth certificate so it's still my name. And really," she turned to me "do I look like a Mary to you?"

I smirked and cocked my head to the side, pretending to really consider it. She started to fidget in her seat and looked panicked for a moment before I answered her.

"No, you don't look like a Mary. I think Alice suits you just fine."

She smiled in relief and looked back to her food. We all continued eating for a few minutes before Alice started speaking again.

"I think nicknames are much more fitting for people anyway. Your name is just what your parents wanted, or what they thought you looked like as a baby. A nickname is given to suit your personality at the time that it's given, or something that you choose yourself. I usually give people nicknames in my head anyway, just to help me remember them."

That comment piqued my interest. "What nickname did you give me then?"

She looked deep in thought for a moment and I wondered if she wasn't going to answer me.

"I never really thought about it. You were always Bella to me, but if I had to give one, I'd say Juliet. To go with your Romeo over there."

I laughed as I looked at Edward. If anyone could ever be cast as my Romeo, it would definitely be him. Alice's voice broke me out of my Edward ogling.

"So what are you wearing for you big date tonight Bella? I forgot to ask you in Trig."

I just stared at her, dumbfounded. I had been so worried about asking Charlie if I could stay at their house that I hadn't even thought about the date aspect of it. Dates were supposed to be special. I really didn't have anything planned.

"Couldn't I just wear that dress you gave me? I left it in your closet the last time I was over."

She looked at me like I was crazy.

"Bella, he's already seen you in that. Don't you have anything for a special occasion?"

I couldn't really tell her that Charlie would barely buy me enough clothes to get by, much less something fancy for a special occasion that I would never go to. As far as he was concerned, if I didn't have to go to school I'd have one set of clothes to clean the house in and that was it. Edward placed a hand on my knee, rubbing soothing circles against my jeans.

"I don't really mind Bella. Whatever you wear is fine. And by the way, I loved you in the blue dress. I wouldn't mind seeing you in it again. It's my favorite color on you anyway."

I nibbled my bottom lip and thought. I knew of one piece of clothing that would be perfect, but it would take all my courage to wear it. I knew that I wanted tonight to be perfect, for him, for us. I knew what I had to do.

"I've got something Alice. I'll just need to run home before I go to your house. It won't take long."

She looked satisfied as she sat back and started eating again. The rest of the day passed uneventfully and before I knew it the final bell rang. I met Edward outside the locker room and walked with him to the parking lot in silence, our clasped hands swinging between us. Alice was waiting next to my truck when we reached the lot.

"I'm gonna ride with you if that's ok. I won't get any time with you once we get home and I've missed you. Plus, I really want to see your room. Please?" She pouted her lip and batted her lashes at me. I was useless to resist.

"Sure Alice, hop in."

I gave Edward a quick kiss goodbye while Alice ran to the passenger door. The ride to the house was filled with her trilling voice as I felt my insides trying to claw their way out of me. I knew there wasn't much chance of Charlie being home, but I couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom I had. I looked at Alice, so small and happy, innocent in her bubble where she didn't have to know about the evils of the world. I didn't want to think about what Charlie could do to her, or how she would hate me if he did. I sent up a prayer to every deity I could think of that we would get in and out without incident.

The driveway was blissfully empty when I pulled up and I sent a thanks to the heavens. Alice trailed behind me as I unlocked the door and walked inside. I took the stairs as quickly as I dared, feeling like something was chasing me. I knew it was just my paranoia but I couldn't shake it. I breathed a sigh of relief once Alice crossed the threshold to my bedroom and I closed the door.

"Well, this is it. I'll just grab what I need and we can go."

I went the back of my closet and grabbed my mother's sweater from its hiding place in the back, the soft material sliding through my fingers. I resisted the urge to lift it to my face, knowing that her smell was long gone. I heard my old stereo start playing and came back into the room to see Alice standing at my bookshelf. She turned when she heard me.

"Hope you don't mind, you can find out a lot by what someone is listening to. Don't you have any newer cd's though? Most of these are pretty old."

I tried to laugh it off. "I'm not really into new music. I just listen to the radio when I want new stuff." I couldn't very well tell her that any cd's I had were bought back when my mom could sneak me a few indulgences, or could talk Charlie into giving me Christmas presents. It was the same with my books. I hadn't been able to buy any new ones in years. Luckily Alice was distracted by the garment in my hands.

"Ooh, I like. It looks so soft, and that color will look gorgeous with your skin. It's perfect. Put it on, I want to see it."

I hesitated for a moment too long and she gave me an exasperated look.

"Seriously Bella, I'm a girl, I've seen boobs before. You don't have to be so shy around me."

I gave her a nervous smile. "I know, but I am. Could you please…just…turn around…or something?"

She huffed and rolled her eyes but she turned her back to me. I quickly shed my worn t-shirt and pulled the soft blue material over my head. I cleared my throat to let Alice know she could turn back around. She gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. I was immediately reminded of my reaction when I last had it on and had to resist the urge to tear the offending garment off again. She quickly crossed the distance between us and placed her hands gently on my shoulders.

"You look beautiful. Edward is going to be speechless."

I completely forgot what I was about to say as the sound of tires crunching on gravel made my blood run cold. I swear I could feel the blood drain from my face as I froze. I listened as hard as I could, wishing that I could make it not true just by wishing hard enough. Still, I heard the slam of a car door and knew that my worst fears were coming true. Alice's smile slid from her face as she looked at me, concern quickly overtaking her features.

"Bella, Bella what's wrong? Bella, honey you're scaring me. Say something." She shook me and I snapped into action.

"It's my dad. Stay here, whatever happens, whatever you hear, stay here. Promise me." I implored her with eyes, hoping to make her understand the importance of my instructions.

"Sure honey, I'll stay right here."

I bolted from the room faster than I knew I was able and took the stairs two at a time. The front door opened just as I came to the bottom and I froze again, waiting. I heard the thud of his boots, the creak of the leather when he hung up his belt. Finally he stood in the doorway and then he just, stopped. He stared at me like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Renee?"

The terror threatened to close the air off in my throat. I had forgotten what I was wearing when I ran downstairs and now it was too late. I just hoped that Alice would do as I asked and stayed upstairs. She didn't need to see this.

"It's me Daddy. I just forgot some notes that I needed. I was just about to go to Alice's to study."

The shock on his face slowly leached away, leaving the hardened mask of fury I knew as the face of my father. His eyes flashed with violence as she strode toward me, frozen in place at the bottom of the stairs. His hand flashed out and grasped my arm in what I knew would be a bruising grip, pulling me roughly into his chest. His face was only inches from mine as spoke, his voice eerily calm.

"Where did you get that?"

I decided to play dumb. "Get what Daddy?" I whispered, hoping the catch in my voice didn't give me away.

He twisted my arm and I winced, knowing that was the reaction he expected. My father didn't know that I could no longer feel his assaults and I needed to make sure it stayed that way.

"I'd know that sweater anywhere. It belonged to your bitch of a mother. I thought she'd taken it with her, seeing as I didn't get to burn it. And I would have, it was her favorite."

I fought back the tears in my throat as I answered him. "It was in my closet. I didn't realize it was hers, I don't remember her much anymore."

The hand not holding my arm raised up a split second before his hand connect with my cheek and my head snapped to the side, lights dancing before my eyes. I could taste blood.

"You're damned right you don't remember her, and you shouldn't. She left you behind like the burden you are, and she never looked back."

The knot in my stomach lessened as I realized that he believed my lie, only to tighten again as I saw a malicious resolve harden in his eyes.

"It's the last piece of her that I have to burn. And since you're wearing it, I guess that means you're burning too."

I couldn't control my panting breaths as the terror consumed me. I had accepted my death long ago, not fearing it as I knew that it would involve no pain. The fear I felt now was for Alice upstairs and what would happen to her when Charlie realized she was there. As if the universe wished to add to the horror of the moment, I distinctly heard my bedroom door creak open and music pour down the stairs, followed by the dulcet tones of my dearest friend.

"Bella I can't find them. Can't we just make new flash cards at my house? I've got the stuff for it."

My eyes widened as I looked into Charlie's face. The eerie calm was being quickly replaced by confusion and in it I saw our possible escape.

"It's Alice, Daddy. She came with me, to get the study notes I forgot. She wanted to see my room."

The music cut off abruptly and I knew the moment he heard Alice's exaggeratedly loud tread in the hallway because he let go of my arm and stepped back a few steps. I tried to surreptitiously wipe the blood from my mouth as she gracefully descended the stairs. She startled when she looked up and saw Charlie standing there.

"Oh, my! I didn't realize anyone else was here. You must be Chief Swan, I'm Alice Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you sir." She smiled brightly and walked right up to him, extending her hand. Charlie seemed to study her for moment before he reached out and shook it.

"Nice to meet you too, Alice. I understand you and Bella are studying tonight?"

She stepped backwards so she was standing next to me.

"That's right. Thank you so much for letting her stay over, she's saving my life. I'm useless at math."

I tried not to look at her, but I couldn't help it. Her face betrayed nothing but innocence and I marveled once again at her deceptive abilities. Charlie awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck but gave her his most dissecting look.

"I'm glad she can help." I could almost hear his afterthought. _At_ _least she's good for something._

"Well, we'd better get going. My mom wouldn't want us to miss dinner and I want get some studying in beforehand. I really need the help." She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door. Charlie let us pass but his voice stopped us before we could reach the hall.

"Alice, you've got a brother don't you? I think I've seen him around town."

My heart dropped into my feet and turned to a lead weight. I couldn't move. He couldn't know about Edward, he couldn't. Alice stopped and turned toward him, pulling me slightly behind her as she did.

"Two, actually. Both older. Unfortunately, they're no good at math either." She let out her bell-giggle.

Charlie smirked. "But only the one living at home right? Is he going to be hanging out with you guys tonight?"

_Oh no, oh no, oh no. He knows, dear God he knows. _I was starting to hyperventilate. Alice didn't miss a beat.

"Oh no," she waved her hand dismissively, "he's much too hung up on his girlfriend to spend any time with his little sister. In fact, he's got a big date tonight. I expect I won't see him all evening."

Charlie smiled like he was satisfied and waved us off. I tried not to run for the door. We were halfway to the truck when Charlie appeared in the doorframe, his voice carrying across the yard.

"Alice!"

She stopped and turned toward him again. I hesitated at her side, hoping that the exposure outside would make him think twice before doing anything.

"Your brother's girlfriend, what's her name?"

A wide, breathtaking smile broke across Alice's face just before she called out to him.

"Juliet. And she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

With that she spun on her heel and skipped to the truck as I rushed to keep up. I pulled the keys from my pocket and started the truck with shaking hands. The trembling only lessened as we put miles between us and the house, heading through town toward the highway. Alice was silent in her seat, casting occasional glances at me from the corner of her eye. As I turned onto the hidden road that would take me to her home she finally spoke.

"Bella, pull over."

I couldn't help but respond to the sudden authority in her voice. I slowed down and pulled off the road as much as I could with the thick trees. The silence hung thickly between us as the engine wound down. I don't know what I expected to happen, but I certainly didn't expect Alice to suddenly take off her seatbelt and lung across the seat at me, her arms securing around my neck. Her voice cooed softly in my ear.

"Honey, why didn't you tell me?"

All the pent up tension in my muscles dissolved as I wrapped my arms around her and sobbed.

I don't know how long we sat there as I cried into her shoulder, but she never moved. She just held me, her hands running soothingly through my hair and down my back. When my tears finally slowed I pulled back, running my hands over my wet face. I was surprised to see Alice's face streaked with tears as well, her eyes red and swollen. We stared at each other for a few seconds before she broke the silence.

"Are you ok? I could hear what was going on, but I didn't dare try to sneak out to see. He didn't break anything did he?" She reached out to gingerly touch my cheek, where I'm sure a bruise was already forming.

"No, I think I'm ok. I usually know when something's broken. This time wasn't so bad, as far as that goes."

It hurt to see the horror on her face, the purity slowly slipping out of her eyes. Still, she didn't look at me with pity, and for that I was thankful. But, I had to voice my most important question.

"Don't you want to know why?"

She looked confused. "What do you mean?"

I bit my lip and had to look away from her eyes, still shining with unshed tears. They were too much like Edward's eyes and I couldn't stand it. I took a deep breath and forced it out.

"Don't you want to know what I did to deserve it."

The silence seemed to stretch between us and I was finding it hard to breath. I chanced a glance at her face and was taken aback. I had never seen her look like this. Her eyes had hardened and her jaw was clenched so hard I could see the tendons straining. She saw me looking and reached out, pulling my chin up gently so that we were eye to eye.

"You listen to me Bella Swan. No one deserves that. I don't care if you were sacrificing kittens to Satan on the living room rug, no one deserves to be treated like that, especially by someone who's supposed to love and care for you. You are the most decent person I have ever met. You cannot believe that you could ever, ever deserve that."

The tears were threatening to fall again as I looked into her eyes. I saw nothing but truth there. She didn't blame me. She didn't hate me. As the realization solidified inside me, something changed. The pressure on my chin that I knew to be her hand was suddenly different. _I could feel it._ I could feel the warmth of her skin, the soft texture of her fingers. I gasped and sat back. She looked hurt at my dismissal so I grabbed for her hand again. I could still feel it. It felt like my smile would crack my face it was so big. She looked at me with concern, reaching out to touch my bruised cheek again. This time I could feel her fingers as they trailed along my cheekbone. I couldn't stop the giddy giggle that escaped my lips.

"I can feel you! Alice, I can finally feel you."

She closed her eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath.

"Ok girly, I think it's time to talk."

And so I talked. I told her everything, from my earliest memories of Renee and how she left, to Charlie's treatment of me both before and after. She winced as I recounted some of my punishments but I couldn't stop. I needed to get it out, I needed someone to know. She gasped when I told her about the day at the playground.

"You mean you can't feel anything? Right now, when I hugged you, you couldn't even feel it?" She seemed a little hurt but also relieved.

"I can feel some things Alice, just not like other people do. I don't feel pain, and for that I'm grateful every day. So far the only one I can feel is Edward," I squeezed her hand, "and now you."

She held up her free hand to stop me. "Wait a minute, you can feel Edward? You could feel him _first_? How? Why?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I'm just as confused as you are. I think it has something to do with the electricity that happens between us, it breaks through the barrier somehow."

She sat back in her seat with a stunned expression. "Wow, you two really are perfect for each other."

I couldn't help it, I laughed. I laughed until I couldn't breathe and needed to stop. Alice's smile slowly melted away and her face became serious again.

"Bella, we have to get you out of there."

The panic seized up in my chest again. There was an elephant sitting on me, I couldn't breathe. Alice noticed my distress.

"Shh, honey, you can't stay there. This has been going on for too long already. He'll kill you eventually. Hell, he would have killed you today if I hadn't come in. I can't send you back to that. I won't."

I had to make her understand. There was no escape for me, not until he decided to let me go. I knew I would have to tell her my last secret, and hope that she didn't hate me for bringing her into this.

"Alice," I inhaled a shuddering breath and started again. "Alice, I can't leave. I'm only seventeen. I've got nowhere to go."

"Hell yes, you do! You're staying with me, even if I have to hide you in my closet. It's not like there isn't room."

I let out a half-hearted chuckle. "Alice you don't understand. He won't let me go. He doesn't want me, but he feels like he needs to keep me, at least until I'm legal to go. He doesn't want anyone to know how he is. It would cost him his job, his place in the community. There would be too many questions if I moved out now, questions I can't answer."

"So just tell somebody." She said this like it was the move obvious thing in the world. I scoffed.

"Like who, Alice? Call a cop? Oh yeah "Hey, could you come and arrest my dad. You know, your boss and the guy who signs your paychecks?" Yeah, that's really going to happen."

She thought for a moment. "What about my dad? He's a mandatory reporter. He'd have to report it if he saw you now and you told him what happened. He would help, Bella."

I squeezed my eyes shut and mashed my face into the seat next to me. "I can't Alice! I shouldn't have even told you, but you already knew so it didn't really count. He'll kill whoever I tell. He'll cut my tongue out for doing it. He's already showed me the knife that he'd do it with. Please understand, I'm doing this to protect you, you and your whole family. I couldn't stand it if any of you were hurt because of me. Please."

She was silent for a moment and when she spoke her voice was quiet. "Bella, you're my best friend; that means I keep your secrets. But I can't keep this."

I wrenched my eyes open to see the resolve in her eyes, though she seemed to be staring at nothing. "I promise that I won't do anything right now. Let me think about it, while I've got you safe here with me. We will talk again before you go anywhere. And," she turned her eyes to mine, "you're going to have to tell Edward."

The dread settled in stomach for the millionth time that day. I had to tell Edward. I had to tell him everything, all the secrets I'd kept from him. I knew I had to, if only to prepare him for whatever Alice decided to do. I'd have to be responsible for taking the innocent light from his eyes.

_In order to protect him, I had to destroy him. _


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

APOV

Patience. It's not something I have a lot of. Exuberance, energy, fashion-sense, these are things that I have in spades but patience, that's always alluded me. I think it comes from knowing what's going to happen before other people. Since I already know how things are going to go, I want them to just get there already. Now, I'm not psychic or anything. Miss Cleo I am not, but I do have these _feelings_. I've always had them, I can't explain it. Like how I know when a woman is pregnant, sometimes before she does, or when a plan is going to work, or how I can tell when certain people are made for each other.

Its how I felt the first time I saw Jasper.

_I walked into school that day knowing that something momentous was going to happen. It was our first day in Seattle and instead of being apprehensive like usual, I was excited to see what was going to occur. And then I saw him. He was just standing there, tall, blond and gorgeous, his head bent over a book cradled in his large palm. He didn't notice the people milling around him, just leaning against the locker behind him, so intense. His hair was longer then and kept falling into his face no matter how many times he tried to keep it tucked behind his ear. Even from ten feet away I could feel the pull to him, drawing me in. And I knew. So I marched right up to him and stuck my face under his. He blinked and brought the book down so he could look at me. _

"_I've been looking for you. You've kept me waiting a long time." _

_He stood up a little taller and tried to push his hair behind his ear again. "I'm very sorry to have kept you waiting, ma'am. It won't happen again." He took my hand and that was it. _

I had the same feeling the day we started school in Forks. I was jittery and bouncing with nervous energy that day, anxious to find out exactly what was so important in this sapless place. Then I turned to find my seat in Trig and there she was. I knew right then that the beautiful girl trying to meld with her desk, dressed in that horrible hoodie, was going to be very, very important.

From that first day I knew that something was wrong, something big. I'd seen that look before. Dad made us do some work with a women's shelter in Chicago and it was the same look, wary and tense, expecting attacks where there were none. I found out from some of the other kids that her mom had left years ago and I thought maybe it was her, that she had left because her dad found out or something. I mean, he's a cop, he wouldn't let his daughter get abused. How wrong I was.

I had my hands on her shoulders, trying once again to make her believe how lovely she was when she froze. I thought she had gone catatonic she was so rigid and the look on her face chilled me to my bones. She told me to stay, no matter what I heard, and she ran for the door. I was almost expecting to hear the thud of her falling down the stairs but when I didn't I opened the door a crack and pressed my ear to it. I could hear the fear in Bella's voice as she spoke to her father and I knew it in my gut. It was him.

_That_ _bastard!_

I had to grip the door to keep from launching myself down the stairs to pummel him myself.

_Would serve him right, getting his ass kicked by a little girl. He should be shot with his own gun. He should have his manly bits eaten by goats while he's forced to watch._

What can I say; I saw it in a movie Emmett made me watch once. It seemed like a perfect idea, but I knew that it wasn't feasible right now. First things first, I needed to get Bella the hell out of harm's way. After that, then I'd see about retribution.

_Maybe I'll let Rosalie at him. _

The thought made me smile. After I was sufficiently calm I tried to form a plan to get us both out of the house. He didn't know anyone was here, that made him brave. I'd have to let him know there was someone here without alerting him to how much I knew. I knew I was a good enough actress to pass that off. I figured I'd subtly remind him that we were expected at my house, that people would come looking for me if I didn't come home. I was preparing to enact the plan when I heard flesh connecting violently. My hand flew to my mouth to muffle the scream that desperately wanted to escape. Then I heard him say that he was going to burn her.

My mind was in overdrive and my blood boiled.

_He touches her again and I'll kill him myself. _

I cranked the dial on the stereo up so he would think I hadn't heard and opened the door to yell down the stairs. I figured at best he would back off now that he knew someone was here to witness his monstrosity. At worst, at least we would go down together. Either way, there was no way I was letting her face this alone. I made sure to weight my steps as I went down the hall so he would know I was coming. I impressed myself with my ability to meet him calmly, like he was just my best friend's father and not a bully in a cop's uniform. He tried to stare me down, I could tell, but I stared right back at him, not bending one inch.

_That's right buddy, you're not so big. Not to me._

Between Emmett and Jasper I knew I could take down a man twice my size and Chief Asshole here wasn't quite there. They both said I was freakishly strong for my size, plus I was fast. Damn fast.

_Let him try_, I thought. _He'll never know what hit him._

I thought we were in the clear when he let us pass him toward the door, but then he started his roundabout questions about Edward. I made sure to put myself between him and Bella, just in case he decided to finish what he started. I wanted to give her a chance to run. I figured he was probably trained in how to tell if people were lying, so I told him an only slightly skewed version of the truth, that my brothers were both older and that Edward couldn't be bothered to spend time with me because of his girlfriend. I really didn't mind Edward spending so much time with her, I just wanted him happy. It was true that I didn't expect to see him all evening; I knew that he had big plans for his date with Bella. I just hoped that he'd get a chance to complete them. He let us go again and it was all I could do not to just grab Bella and run, but I didn't. He stopped me again in the yard, to ask my brother's girlfriend's name. I knew he was fishing, that he suspected something. I was prepared for him though, my new nickname for Bella rolling off my tongue and the smile that split my face could have blinded. I knew there was a reason I had asked about her name at lunch today.

Now here we were, sitting on the side of the road, and I was reeling from everything she'd told me. The fact that it had been going on all this time, time that I had known her, it made me sick. I could have stopped it sooner, should have known how. I had never cursed the fickle nature of my _feelings_ more than I did at that moment. But now I was going to make it right. Somehow. First we needed to get off this road.

"Bella, we need to go to the house. Edward's expecting you and he'll start to worry."

She looked at me with her panicked doe eyes.

"I don't know what to say Alice. How can I tell him? I don't ever want to hurt him, and this will most definitely hurt."

I hugged her to me and felt my heart swell that it was different now, that she could feel it, now. I couldn't even begin to fathom what it must have been like for her all these years, never being able to feel the comfort of another's touch. I resolved right then that I was going to hug her every chance I got.

"Bella, sweety, he just cares about you. He'll be more hurt if he finds out later and knows that you kept this from him. I understand why you haven't told him before now, but all that's moot now. He has to know, and it has to come from you. Besides, I can't keep secrets from him. If you don't tell him, I'll have to."

She sat back in her seat looking resigned. I reached down and squeezed her hand.

"Honestly, I don't think he'll be that surprised. We've both been worried about you for some time. It might not shock him as much as you might think either; we've got some experience in this area."

She looked at me questioningly.

"Another time, ok? It's not my story to tell. But for this, I'll be right there with you, if you want me to be. We can tell him together."

She gave me a tight smile and squeezed my hand back.

"No, you're right. It has to be me. I'll figure it out."

I moved back to my seat and sighed. She was so strong, so brave. But now was not the time to muse on all of Bella's good qualities. It was time to get to work.

"Ok. You drive; I'll try to buy you some time."

She started the truck again and we started to move.

BPOV

I drove as slowly as I could up the road, my hands still shaking enough to make the wheel vibrate under my fingers. Alice chattered away beside me on her cell phone, negotiating time from Edward. I heard something about making me perfect for him. I almost wanted to cry again.

_I'll never be perfect. Not for him._

I heard her snap her phone shut as she turned to me with a triumphant smile.

"Ok, we've got an hour before he's breaking down my door. We'll get you cleaned up and looking fabulous and then you can have your night."

"What am I going to say, Alice? How do I do this?" My voice was small and strained even to my ears.

She thought for a moment before a look of resignation came over her face.

"I don't think you should tell him tonight. He's been so excited and I don't want to ruin this for him. You deserve to have a break from everything anyway. You can just tell him tomorrow, ok?" The look she gave me left no doubt that I **would** tell him.

"Ok. Tomorrow."

She directed me to park to the side of the house, near the kitchen and we came in the side door, going up a back staircase that I hadn't noticed on my first visit to the house. There was no sign of Edward, no sign of anyone and the house seemed abnormally quiet. Alice ushered me through her room and directly to her bathroom, plopping me down in front of the vanity. I stared at my reflection in the glass. The girl looking back at me made me want to vomit.

My eyes were red and swollen from tears, my cheeks streaked from them. An ugly bruise was most definitely taking up residence on the right side of my face, standing out even more starkly because of my more ashen than normal complexion. I marveled at the sheer size of it. I'd forgotten just how big Charlie's hands were.

Alice's eyes met mine in the mirror.

"Let's get to work."

An hour later you would've never known that I'd been in danger of dying earlier in the day. I think Alice kept actually fairies in her makeup kit, because that shit was magic. My hair had been tamed and curled and my face showed no signs of tears or bruising. She was just brushing a last bit of powder over her finished product when we both jumped at the sound of knocking on her door.

"That'll be my impatient ass of a brother. You ready?"

I took a deep breath and nodded as I stood and followed her out.

Edward was standing in the hall, leaning against the doorframe and tapping his foot. For a second I had to remind myself how to breathe. He was dressed in nothing special, just jeans and a black button-down shirt, but the way he was looking at me made my heart take off beating and my head feel light. He pushed off the frame and closed the distance between us, taking my hand and bringing it to his lips.

"You look beautiful, as always. Shall we?"

My voice seemed to be lodged in my throat so I simply nodded and followed him into the hall. We walked down the stairs, but instead of turning toward the door as I expected he continued into the kitchen. I glanced at the dining room as we passed through it and noticed the table was set for two but not much else as Edward was pulling me too fast. As we stepped into the kitchen I noticed a mouthwatering smell coming from the oven. My voice finally found its way out of my mouth.

"What's going on?"

He stopped and turned to me with a somewhat guilty expression.

"Well, I figured that since you didn't want your father to know about us, that it might be a bad idea to go out. So, I made you dinner. Is that ok?"

My heart swelled and I had to blink back another round of tears from the apparently endless supply behind my eyes. No one had cooked for me since Renee had left and the fact that he wanted to, even though he didn't have to, touched me more than anything else he could have done. So I did the only thing I could think of in that moment. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him as tight as I could.

"It's more than ok. Thank you, so much."

He squeezed me back just as fiercely as he chuckled in my ear.

"Don't thank me yet. You haven't tasted it."

I had to laugh. "I'm sure it will be great. Nothing bad could ever come from this kitchen." I resolved right then that even if his food tasted like dirt that I would cheerfully eat it and not complain.

He led me to a stool and had me sit while he finished the rest of the dinner preparations, shushing me every time I tried to offer to help him. I questioned him as to why he was so anxious to come collect me from Alice if he still had things to do and he sheepishly told me that he just couldn't stand to be away from me anymore. I melted a little more.

After what seemed like no time at all he took my hand and led me to the dining room. The table was set for two as I had thought, but while I was in the kitchen he had lighted candles and dimmed the lights in the rest of the house. He pulled out my chair and helped me sit before sitting himself.

I complimented him on his ravioli, he explained how Esme had taught him to make it and had helped him make everything he could in advance before school. We talked and we laughed, and for a little while I was able to just put all thoughts of Charlie out of my head and just enjoy being with Edward.

After we'd finished eating he let me help him clean up but only after I argued that Esme would kill him if he left her kitchen a mess and it would go faster if I helped. After the dishes were all washed and put away he took my hand again and led me out into the living room. As we walked past the piano on its platform I remembered my earlier visit and how I had intended to ask about it. I pulled Edward to a stop and he turned to me, raising a quizzical eyebrow.

"Who plays that?"

Edward looked from me to the piano before ducking his head and blushing. Immediately my interest was piqued. He looked up at me from under his eyelashes.

"I do. Did I never tell you that?"

I shook my head and drew my lip between my teeth. He looked like a little boy that'd been caught sneaking cookies before dinner.

"Would you like me to play for you?"

I nodded vigorously, my lip still between my teeth.

He smiled and gently pulled my lip from its trap.

"I will, I promise, but first there's something I want to show you. I think you'll like it."

I had to fight hard not to pout as he pulled me away from the piano and toward the doorway hidden behind the staircase. We walked down a dark, narrow hallway and I clung to his hand. He stopped at a door at the end of the hall and pushed it open. My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head and start rolling on the floor from the sight before me.

Books.

Rows upon rows, floor to ceiling, shelves upon shelves of books. I was in absolute awe. Edward had to tug on my hand to get me through the doorway as my feet had forgotten how to move. I stood just inside the room, breathing the smell of old leather and paper, tinged with the slight tang of citrus from the polish of the wooden bookcases. I was in heaven.

_And Edward brought me here._

He stood silent while I moved away from him to run my fingers reverently over the spines, wishing I could feel the ripple of the old leather and the titles stamped into them. As I looked around the room I noticed how large it really was. A large window was set into the back wall overlooking the back lawn with the river, a cozy looking window seat beckoning to me. I could picture myself there, reading for hours in the sun, content, perhaps with Edward by my side.

I looked at him for the first time since entering the room and he smiled nervously. I only hoped my returning smile could convey my complete joy to him, because at that moment I had no words. He stepped to me and took both my hands in his. His voice was quiet and strained.

"I figured if anyone could truly appreciate this place, it would be you. I guess I was right."

Again I could only nod and I was really glad that Alice hadn't insisted that I tell him tonight, since it seemed that everything about this night was leaving me speechless. He squeezed my hands and led me off to the side of the room where a pair of old leather armchairs flanked a grand fireplace. He let go of my hands to kneel down in front of the grate. I watched as he lit the kindling already in place and soon a fire was throwing flickering shadows over the room. I folded myself onto the carpet in front of it and for a moment just let myself feel. The stresses of the day didn't matter. The uncertainty of my future didn't matter. At this moment, in this room, I was completely and utterly at peace. And it was perfect.

Edward closed the screen in front of the fire and turned to me. He smirked to see me sitting on the floor and slowly crawled to me on his hands and knees. He kissed me gently before sitting in front of me, mirroring my pose with his legs folded under him, so close that our knees almost overlapped. I reached out to take his hand, drawing it into my lap.

"Edward, thank you. You don't even know how perfect this is. This whole evening has been just wonderful."

His eyes lit up as he smiled.

"I'm glad that it made you happy. I only ever want make you happy."

I could feel the blush rushing to my face and dropped my eyes. He brought a finger up under my chin to bring my eyes back up to his. He took a deep breath as I saw determination and some other emotion I couldn't name in his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was hushed, but unwavering.

"Bella, I love you."

My breath hitched and my heart started to pound. The fingers under my chin brushed along my jaw until he was holding my face in his hand, still looking intently into my eyes.

"I don't need you to say it back, I just needed to you to know how I feel. I needed you to know that this is it for me, that **you** are it for me."

My mind was racing along with my pounding heart. I didn't know what to say, what to do. The only person that had ever said those words to me had left me. I couldn't bear the thought of letting myself believe him, just be hurt again. I ended up blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

"But, we're seventeen. How can you be so sure?"

I could see the flicker of pain in his eyes before it was replaced again by determination and resolve.

"Because I've never felt like this. Because when you smile my heart stops beating. Because when you speak I can't breathe. Because when you touch me, all is right with the world. I wake up every day, grateful that I'm alive because it means that I get to see you again. I know it's right, because how can that be wrong?"

I stared into his eyes, silently willing me to believe him, to believe **in** him. And I wanted to, I just wasn't sure I could. I knew he had the right to know why, but now was not the time for that revelation. I decided to tell him the only truth I could.

"I'm scared."

The intensity of his stare seemed to increase but a small smile snuck across his lips.

"I know Bella, so am I. Loving someone gives them the power to break you. Telling them is just letting them know that they have that power, and that you're giving it to them."

I couldn't help the way my heart clenched in my chest as I remembered my thoughts of just a few hours before, how I would have to break him and now he was willingly handing me the power to do it.

I didn't want Edward broken. Not like me.

"You want me to be able to break you?"

His smile grew wider as he brought his other hand to my face, holding it like something precious.

"You've had that power since the first time I looked in your eyes. It's just taken me this long to work up the nerve to tell you."

I could feel the tears welling up and I didn't even bother to fight them back. I just stared into Edward's eyes, so sure and trusting, willingly handing over the power to shatter him. And I decided. If he could have that much trust in me, then I would have to put my trust in him. I let myself believe. And as I let myself believe in him and his love for me, I let myself believe that I could love him too.

"Edward, I love you too."

There was nothing but pure happiness in his eyes as he closed the short distance between us and kissed me. It wasn't just a kiss though. It was a promise.

We broke apart and just looked at each other, silly grins on both our faces. That is, until I let out a huge yawn. Edward chuckled and wiped the tears from my cheek.

"Am I boring you?"

I laughed as another yawn escaped.

"Just a very long day, very stressful day. I can't complain, it ended better than I could have ever imagined."

Edward placed one more lingering kiss on my lips before wrapping his arms around me stretching us both out on the floor. It wasn't the most comfortable but I don't think either of us wanted to leave the room where we had declared our love for each other. I let him hold me in his arms as the stress of the day took over and my body started to slip into sleep. I didn't know what would happen tomorrow, but for that moment, I was loved.

I woke up stiff but content, held securely in the warm embrace of the boy I loved. The boy who loved me. I let myself bask in that for a moment before the nagging thoughts started. I'm sure that Edward had no idea how apt his words to me had been last night. Today I was going to have to break him, and I was hurting in anticipation of it. I would be putting him in danger, his family, his safe and normal life. I would be ruining his life, all because I was selfish enough to want something for myself. As I lay on the floor with his arms around me, I realized that I couldn't do it. That only meant one thing. I had to leave.

I would have to run away. Charlie would never have to know that I'd told them and they wouldn't have to put themselves at risk because of me. I knew that Alice would be crushed and Edward would be devastated, but at least they would be safe. I pulled myself from his arms and stood up, careful not to jostle him. I looked down at his face, peaceful in sleep and I could swear I could actually feel my heart breaking. My hands ached to reach out to him, to feel him under my fingers one more time but I couldn't risk him waking. I knew that if I saw his eyes I wouldn't be able to tear myself away.

I slipped out of the library as quietly as I could and crept through the house. It was quiet in early morning and from the light through the window wall in the dining room I surmised it must be just after dawn. I stood for a moment to watch the sun just starting to peak over the tops of the evergreens, knowing that this was the last time I would see it here. I started moving again before my resolve could waver and let myself silently out of the kitchen door. I was thankful that I had left the keys in the truck when I parked it and pulled out quickly once it started. I fully thought I'd see Alice come running out after me, sure that no one could sleep through the thunderous rumble of the truck's engine, but no one came.

I drove through town, deserted at that hour, thankful that no one was awake to see me. I only hoped the rest of my get-away would go as unnoticed. Charlie's cruiser was absent from the driveway as I knew it would be. He had already told me that he would be at Harry's for the game and I knew that he'd want to get in some fishing beforehand. I pulled into the driveway and walked quickly inside. I didn't let myself look at anything once I was inside, refused to let myself think about what I was doing. I knew I couldn't let myself feel anything until I was gone or I would break down completely. I made my way to my room, intending to pack a bag, but then I realized that my only overnight bag in Alice's room.

_It's ok. I'll just get whatever I need on the road. _

I was pacing the floor and starting to find it hard to breathe. I wrenched the window open wide and took a few deep pulls of fresh air before I started looking around the room again. I decided there wasn't anything there I couldn't live without. I leaned against the window as I was struck with another thought. I had no money. Charlie filled the truck with gas himself so he wouldn't have to risk giving me cash and he made sure to only give me just enough when I bought groceries. I found it kind of funny when I realized that it was probably so I couldn't do just what I was doing now. I was starting to rethink the feasibility of my plan when a voice made my eyes snap up to the door and my body lock down.

"So when were you going to tell me?"

Charlie stepped just inside the room and just stood there, arms crossed, staring at me. His face was the calm mask I knew, but there was a hint of a smirk playing around his mouth. I could almost feel the smug satisfaction at having caught me unaware rolling off him. I forced my mouth to move and words to come out.

"Tell you what, Daddy?"

The smirk became full-fledged as he responded.

"That you're fucking the Cullen boy." His voice was nothing but a growl.

My heart stopped for a moment before taking off again, hard and fast. I could feel it pounding against my sternum and hear the blood rushing in my ears. It seemed to beat out a message to me, the only thing I could hear in that moment.

_Edward. Protect Edward._

"I don't know what you're talking about, Daddy."

He leaned against the wall by the door, crossing his ankles in a seemingly casual stance that I saw right through. He was blocking the exit. The smirk was still firmly in place as he laughed grimly.

"You think you're so smart don't you? You and your little friend, telling me all that bullshit about how her brother had a girlfriend and wouldn't be there all night. I bought it too, well, until I had a very enlightening conversation with Mrs. Cope down at the diner this morning. Did you really think that you could suck face with that boy all over school and it would never get back to me?"

I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't think. This was it. There would be no Alice to save me, no one to even know where I was. No cavalry would come this time and I was going to die. I took some comfort in knowing that at least I had gotten the chance to tell Edward I loved him. That thought brought about a strange feeling in my stomach. The feeling spread, slowly moving through my numb limbs and unlocking my frozen muscles. It freed my lungs and cleared the fog from my brain.

No.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't let this happen this way. I couldn't leave Edward like this, just stand here and let myself die. He loved me. For once, I had something to fight for. I stood up straight and faced my father. He must have seen the defiance in my eyes because he straightened too, but moved no closer. I locked my eyes with his and didn't look away.

"I'm not fucking him. I love him and he loves me. And there's not a damned thing you can do about it."

The smirk on his face slowly transformed into a tight scowl and his eyes hardened. He uncrossed his arms and flexed his hands, rolling his neck for good measure. I stood my ground and didn't drop my gaze, even as his voice came, cold as the wind blowing at my back.

"Oh really? I wonder if he'll still love you when there isn't even a body to bury."

The next few moments moved so quickly that only after would I be able to go back and try and process what had happened. I knew that I couldn't get to the door. I knew that I wouldn't survive if I stayed where I stood. As he took a step toward me my body reacted before my mind could balk against it. I dove for the open window.

APOV

I woke up to bright sunlight streaming through my windows and I was happy. Sunlight was such a rarity here and I saw it as a good omen, a sign that everything was going to work out alright. After Bella left my room with Edward I had a hard time staying put but I wanted to give them their time alone, sleeping with my headphones in for good measure just so I wouldn't be tempted to listen for them to come upstairs. Now that a new day was dawning I readied myself to do what I needed to do.

I ran out of my room in my pajamas and went straight to Mom and Dad's bedroom door. I hated to wake them, but I needed to talk to Dad before I saw Bella. I knocked lightly, then a little louder when no one answered. Finally I heard a voice tell me to come in.

Dad was standing in the doorway to their bathroom, toothbrush hanging from his mouth as he looked at me expectantly. I snickered.

"Good look, Dad. Do you plan to see patients that way?"

He grimaced around the toothbrush and turned into the bathroom to spit. He rinsed the toothbrush and put it back in the holder before he walked toward me, straightening his tie as he went. I swear he was being slow just to test me. Finally he stood in front of me.

"Did you need something honey? I need to get to the hospital so if it's not important it'll have to wait."

"It is important, Dad, very important. I need to talk to you, privately. Right now."

He gave me a concerned look but ushered me out of the room, away from my sleeping mother and down the hall to his study. He closed the door behind us and went to sit behind his desk. He indicated that I should sit in one the chairs opposite him but I couldn't possibly sit still, not now. So I paced.

"Honey, you're scaring me. Is something wrong? You've got to tell me before I start jumping to conclusions and have to make a trip to Seattle to throttle Jasper."

I let slip a hysterical giggle before I trapped it with my hand. I pulled my hand away from my mouth to talk, keeping both arms wrapped around my middle, mostly to keep from gesticulating wildly and knocking something over.

"It's not me, Dad. It's Bella."

The concern on his face became mixed with confusion for a moment, before being replaced by resignation.

"What about Bella?"

I took a deep breath to try to calm my rate of speech so he could understand me and I wouldn't have to repeat myself, but it was a herculean effort. After a beat I felt calm enough to start.

"She's being abused, Dad. Horribly."

Dad interrupted me. "How so?"

I stopped pacing and looked him in the eye, willing him to see my sincerity.

"Her dad is beating her. He has been her whole life. He's told her that he'll cut her tongue out if she tells anyone and that he'll kill whoever she tells. He's gonna kill her if we don't stop him."

He looked shocked for a second before he schooled his expression. "Has she told you all this or is this one of your feelings?"

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "She told me everything! And it doesn't even matter that she told me because I was there!"

He shot to his feet and his concerned father face slipped. It was replaced with pissed-off father face.

"What do you mean you were there? Did he touch you?"

My voice lost some strength as I replied, mentally reliving my terror from that day. God, was that only yesterday?

"I was upstairs, he didn't know I was there at first. I heard how he spoke to her, I **heard** him hit her. I saw the bruise left on her face afterwards. He said he was going to burn her."

Suddenly Dad was around the desk and his arms were wrapped protectively around me. I clutched to him with shaking hands. I hadn't done that since I was a little girl.

"It's going to be alright honey. I'll take care of this."

I turned my face up from his chest. "What are you going to do?"

His eyes were racing with thoughts and his mouth was set in a grim line. "I'll have to involve the authorities, but I'm not sure how since all the local ones report to him and I'm not sure how well that would go. Maybe the Port Angeles police department, or the county. I'll make some calls. In the meantime I want to get to the hospital and collect Bella's medical records. I want to make sure I have plenty of proof at my disposal. Alice, you'll need to keep Bella here. It's not safe for her to go home."

I scoffed. "Duh, Dad. I already decided that yesterday. I toyed with the idea of tying her up in my closet but I thought that might be a little extreme."

He looked stunned for a moment before giving me a final squeeze. I thought I heard him whisper "strangest child" into my hair, but I could be wrong. Finally he released me and moved to the door. I followed him out and down the stairs. Dad turned for the front door and I went to the kitchen to start coffee. Edward was already at the coffee maker when I entered the room, looking groggy and rumpled in the same clothes he was wearing the night before.

"You look like you slept on a floor."

He didn't even turn around as he gave me the finger. I walked over and hopped up on the counter beside him to wait for the coffee and really took a look at him. He was wrinkled, his hair was a mess and he seemed to have a definite crick in his neck. He also had never looked happier.

"So I'm assuming last night was all you had hoped for?"

He gave me a scathing look, but it was offset by the impish grin on his face.

"No, Ali. It was better."

I squealed as I hopped from the counter and tackle hugged him. He stumbled back but caught me and squeezed me back before setting me down. So far today was going swimmingly. Edward was happy, which meant that Bella was happy and soon she would be safe too. I couldn't wait to share the news with her.

"So where is Sleeping Beauty? You didn't leave her alone on the floor did you?"

Edward looked confused. "What do you mean? She was gone when I woke up; I figured she went to your room to get changed or something. You haven't seen her?"

A cold knot of dread formed in the pit of my stomach and I flew for the kitchen door. I only had to step outside to see what I needed to see, or rather, to not see it. I turned to run back inside and ran smack into Edward. That boy really needed to learn to move faster in the morning.

"She's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone?"

He obviously didn't grasp the direness of this situation.

"She. Is. Gone. She's gone. She's not here. Bella isn't here. Her truck is gone and I don't even know when she left because I was an idiot and slept with my headphones on to give you guys privacy and how the hell did you not notice that she left until just now?"

He still looked confused and I was sorely tempted to smack the morning fog off his face.

"Maybe she had to go home for something? You know my brain doesn't work until I've had coffee, Alice. Something tells me that there's some important info that I'm not getting and it's pissing me off, so out with it."

She went home? My blood ran cold and I stopped. For the first time in my life I was frozen in place. Edward froze when I did, terror quickly overcoming his confusion-face.

"What is it, Ali?"

The only things I could move were my eyes and my lips, so I blinked and told him.

"Her dad. He's gonna kill her."

_So much for fucking omens._


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

BPOV

I had always hated snow. It's wet and cold and makes already unsafe walking surfaces even more slippery. Snow and I had a long standing grudge, but I think at that moment I was ready to love it. The unusually heavy snowfall from earlier in the winter had weighted the branches of the old tree outside my window, bowing them to the point that one almost touched the house.

As I threw my head and shoulders out the window I grabbed the sides with both hands and pulled, effectively vaulting my feet onto the sill behind me. Before I could think about what I was doing I grabbed the sainted branch and pulled myself onto it, scrambling quickly before it could buckle under my weight. I slipped and scraped and climbed myself toward the trunk, panting as I hugged the wood with both hands when I finally reached it. I chanced a glance back at my window where Charlie still stood, shock clearly written all over his face. I was shocked myself.

I saw him contemplate the branch, but he and I both knew that it would never hold him. I scrambled as quickly as I could down the thick trunk, glad I couldn't feel the wood biting into my skin, knowing the pain might deter my progress. I jumped the last several feet and rolled, giving a silence thanks to whoever might be watching out for me that I didn't break any bones. I wasted no more time with thanks though, as I could hear Charlie's pounding footsteps through the house.

I didn't even consider the street, knowing that there was no way I could outrun him in the open. I rolled onto my feet and threw myself into the woods. The bright sunlight of the day was helpful to see but I knew that it would only help Charlie more. He hunted in these woods and knew them as well as I did. I barreled through the thick foliage, knowing that I would come out of these woods bloody and torn but I didn't care, as long as I came out alive. I stopped for a moment and listened, trying to hold in my panting breaths to hear any sounds of pursuit. I heard none. I continued on quickly, knowing that he couldn't be that far behind.

As I wandered I couldn't help but notice the irony of this situation. All the times I had dreamed of the killer coming for me I had just accepted my death, even welcomed it, and now here I was running for my life and I didn't want to die. I had hope now, hope for an end to all this that didn't involve my ceasing to exist. I only hoped that it would get me through this nightmarish scene. At least I could see streams of sun filtering through the leaves instead of moonlight. If this had looked more like my silent dream I think I would have gone insane.

After what seemed like hours I saw a break in the trees and ran for it, hoping to maybe find something to help me. As I staggered from the tree line I was shocked to see that my feet had somehow carried me to the Stanley's backyard. I didn't give myself time to marvel at the fact that my body remembered the familiar path but resolved to thank it later.

As much as I wanted help, I didn't want to endanger more people. At a loss as what to do I ran to the front of the house and saw Jessica's car in the driveway. Hoping against hope that it wasn't locked I ran to it. Luck seemed to still be smiling on me for once because when I tried the trunk, it opened without protest and I flung myself inside and securely closed the lid. I didn't care that I had effectively trapped myself. I figured that whenever Jessica came outside I would bang on the lid to alert her to my presence. I couldn't have him find me now. I took the moment to catch my breath and calm my racing heart. The heart which started right back up pounding as I heard footsteps approaching the car.

I held my breath and strained my ears, trying desperately to gauge the footsteps to determine if it was Charlie. The steps were lighter though, and unhurried. I heard a car door open and shut and then the starting of the engine. I let my breath out and drew another into my burning lungs. We were moving now, I didn't know where and I didn't care. We drove for a few minutes as I wondered where Jessica would be heading this early on a Saturday morning. I realized that I didn't know anything about this Jessica. How different was she from the friend I knew?

I didn't have much time to ponder that thought as I felt the car slow to a stop. The engine stayed running and I thought maybe it was a stop sign when I heard what I had most been dreading.

"What can I do for you, Chief Swan?" I could hear a waver in Jessica's voice and wondered why she was scared. She wasn't the one he was after.

"Have you seen Bella, Jess? We had a bit of an argument and she ran off. I figured she might have come to your house, since that was the direction she was headed."

"No, Chief Swan, I haven't seen Bella. I haven't talked to her in years, you know that. She wouldn't come to me."

I could almost hear Charlie shifting his weight as he answered.

"Well, you let me know if you see her, alright? She was acting strangely and I think she may be on something. I need to find her before she hurts herself or someone else. If you see her just keep your distance, but call me."

I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep myself from screaming against his accusations. He was already laying the groundwork so that no one would believe me. Maybe he intended to try for self-defense when he killed me, or he could make it look like an accident. People would probably believe him. They always believed him.

"Don't worry Chief Swan. If I see her I'll call you right away."

I heard him tap the top of the car and Jessica started driving again. We drove for what seemed like forever, but I think any amount of time spent inside a car trunk seems like forever. Finally I felt the car slow to a stop, but again the engine stayed running. My heart beat faster as I heard the door open and close and then footsteps crunching on gravel, coming closer. My breath was in shallow pants as I heard a key in the lock and then the lid swung up and open. I threw up a hand to shield my eyes from the now blinding sun and blinked up at the Jessica, silhouetted against the light. She didn't say anything, just held out her hand. I eyed her hand warily for a moment, unsure if this was some kind of trick orchestrated by Charlie. I couldn't see her face from the glare of the light, but her voice was soft.

"Please, let me do what I should have done years ago. Let me help you."

I gripped her hand and let her help me from the trunk. I looked around and saw nothing but trees on both sides and gravel under my feet. I knew this road.

"You're taking me to the Cullens' house?"

She closed the trunk and started walking back to the driver's door.

"It was the best place I could think of. They're your friends too. Get in."

I walked to the passenger side door and got in. Jessica kept her eyes on the road as she started driving again.

"Sorry I couldn't get you out of there sooner. I had to make sure he wasn't following me."

"How did you even know I was there?"

She glanced at me quickly and gave me a slight smile.

"I saw you run through the yard. I figured you'd come to the door but by the time I got there you were already getting in the trunk. I almost came right out but," she heaved a breath and shuddered, "he drove by right before I stepped outside." Her breaths started coming harder and I could see her struggling against tears. "My only thought was getting you away from him. I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to leave you there, but I couldn't think what else to do." I had a feeling she meant more than just leaving me in the trunk.

We crept up the road until the white house grew visible through the trees. Jessica pulled up out front and killed the engine. When she turned to me the tears were running freely from her eyes.

"Bella, I am so, so sorry. I was just so scared and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to do something, so many times, but I felt so helpless. I thought it was enough, to watch you from a distance, but I was wrong. Please say you'll forgive me. Not today maybe, but someday. Tell me I haven't lost my friend forever. Please."

I could feel the tears rising in my own eyes as I reached across the car and wrapped my arms around her.

"Why, Jess? Why did you leave me in the first place?"

I could barely hear her as her face was pressed into my shoulder. "I didn't want to, believe me I didn't. But he said I shouldn't be friends with you anymore. Basically implied that something would happen to you if we were friends. I just didn't want you to get hurt anymore. So I stayed away, and you still hurt, and it's my fault. I understand if you can never forgive me. I don't know if I can forgive myself."

I pulled back but kept hold of her shoulders so I could look her in the face.

"Jessica, if anyone knows how scary he is it's me. I understand. None of this is your fault, do you understand me? This is all him. You don't even know what you did for me today."

She sniffled and looked at me, her eyes still glassy with tears yet to fall.

"So you don't hate me anymore?"

I choked back the sob threatening to escape my throat and hugged her to me again.

"I never did."

She sagged against me and sobbed into my shirt as I sobbed into hers, the pain of all the years apart pouring out of us. After a few minutes we pulled apart and I sat back in the seat, feeling lighter than I had in a long time. I looked at Jessica as she hastily wiped her cheeks with backs of her hands and couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. I hadn't even realized how much I'd missed her. Her returning smile was a little watery but just as wide.

"There, that's what I've been missing. Come on; let's get out before they start wondering why there's a strange car just sitting out here."

As if on cue, as soon as we stepped from the car the front door of the house opened and Alice stepped out. She looked at Jessica in confusion before turning her eyes to me. As soon as she saw me her eyes bugged and she screamed.

"Bella!"

She ran down the porch steps inhumanly fast and tackled me in a hug. We both went down in a heap but still she clung to me, her arms around my neck and her legs locked securely around mine, her words fast and breathless against my neck.

"Oh god, honey, you're alive. I was so worried. How could you do that? I told you, I told you not to leave. You can't do that, Bella. You can't leave me like that, you can't."

I could hear Jessica's voice somewhere to my right. "Are you okay, Bella, or do you need me to remove that?"

I laughed and pushed against Alice. At first she didn't budge but after a few seconds relinquished her hold on me and helped me to stand. I took a good look at her and she looked a mess. Her hair was in complete disarray and she was still in her pajamas. There were tears tracks on her cheeks and she looked both exhausted and wired at the same time.

"Alice, have you had your coffee yet?"

She looked at me with shocked incredulity. Her arms started flailing and I backed up a step to keep out of the way. "Coffee? No I haven't had any coffee! I thought you were dead! I thought they'd be finding your body along the highway somewhere, or not finding it at all. I don't deserve coffee. I didn't even know you'd left until an hour ago. And don't think I'll be making that mistake again, missy. I've got jump ropes in my closet and I'm not afraid to use them!"

She stood panting, her hands on her hips as her chest heaved and I was too shocked to say anything for a moment. Finally I turned to Jessica to see that she had an equally shocked look on her face.

"So…Jessica, this is Alice. Alice, this is Jessica." I gestured vaguely between them. Jessica seemed to snap back into focus at the sound of my voice and looked back and forth between me and Alice.

"Yeah, I know. We've all got Trig together, remember? Hi, Alice, nice to see you." She smiled nervously and regarded Alice like a wild animal about to strike. I felt it was an apt appraisal.

Alice regarded us for a moment with a dazed expression before composing her features into a semblance of her normal look.

"Come on, get your asses inside. There are some more people who will be happy to know you're still among the living."

And with that she turned and marched inside the house, Jessica and I following meekly in her wake. I reminded myself to never get on Alice's bad side. We stepped into the house and suddenly I was engulfed in soft arms and the scent of cinnamon and coffee. I didn't have time to react before Esme was holding me at arm's length and brushing the hair back from my face, the pain clearly showing in her eyes as she examined the side of my face. She pulled me back into her embrace, one hand smoothing my hair as she spoke into the top of my head.

"It never ceases to amaze me the things people will do to their children. But don't you worry sweety, that's all done with now. No one is going to hurt you anymore."

Hearing the conviction in her voice I almost started to believe it. After a moment she released me and stepped back.

"Well, it seems that a lot went on while I slept in this morning so I'd like to hear about it. What do you say we talk while we eat? You look like you could use some breakfast."

She turned and started walking toward the kitchen. I moved to follow her but glanced over my shoulder to see Jessica still standing just inside the door, twisting her fingers and nervously eyeing the floor. I cleared my throat to get her attention and held out my hand when she looked up at me.

"Come on, Jess. You're with me."

She granted me a small smile and came to put her hand in mine before we both walked to the kitchen. Esme was already hard at work on breakfast while Alice curled up on a bar stool cradling a mug of coffee in her hands. When she saw me enter the room she quickly popped off the stool and marched to me, grabbing my free hand and pulling me, along with Jessica, to the island bar. It was like my body had two sides, one that could feel and one that couldn't, as I still didn't quite feel Jess's hand. Alice's hand was warmer than normal from the mug she had been holding and only amplified the difference. She muttered a terse "Sit" before sitting back on her stool and picking her mug back up with one hand. I realized that we must have looked some kind of ridiculous human chain but there was no way I could let go of either one of them.

We sat that way until Esme placed plates of pancakes in front of us all and I realized I would have to let go to eat. I turned to Jessica and gave her a reassuring smile and squeezed her hand before letting go. I tried to let go of Alice but she had a grip like a pit bull's jaws. I turned to her and raised an eyebrow. She only raised one back at me.

"Alice, I will eventually need to use that hand. Or do you intend to accompany me to the bathroom?"

She gave me a pointed look but released my hand. I shook it a bit to restore the blood flow. She pointed a finger at my face.

"Don't even think about taking off again. I'm faster than you and I know kung-fu."

"You know kung-fu?"

She frowned. "No, but it sounded good. I'm still more than capable of hog-tying you so don't push me."

I gave a mock salute and turned to my plate. Jessica was already eating and Esme was looking on with an amused expression. The amusement quickly turned to concern as she picked up her own fork.

"Bella dear, I hope you don't mind but Alice filled me in a bit on what you've been going through and I can't tell you how sorry I am. I wish you would have come to us sooner, but I understand how hard it must have been for you. What happened this morning? I woke up to a frantic Alice and catatonic Edward. She just kept alternating between "she's gone" and "she's dead" and Edward wouldn't say anything at all. I finally sent him to lie down and got Alice calmed enough to tell me what was going on. But Bella, why would you go back there? Especially after this?" She gently touched my cheek where I knew the bruise would be even worse than yesterday.

"Well…" I looked away as the shame at my feeble attempt to protect them washed over me. I took a deep breath and looked back at her as I tried again. "I was going to run away." I heard Alice gasp but I couldn't look at her, not yet.

"I didn't want to involve you more than I already had. I hoped that if I just left that you wouldn't have to be bothered with all this, the trouble that seems to follow me. I went home to get some stuff, and then I realized how stupid it was because I didn't actually have anything there that I needed."

"But then honey, how did you come to be here, with this girl?" She smiled kindly in Jessica's direction before looking back at me expectantly.

"My dad wasn't home when I got there so I thought I was in the clear. I should have known my luck wouldn't be that good."

"What did that bastard do?"

"Alice!" Esme gave her an admonishing look.

"What? If the shoe fits…" Esme looked back at me. I heard Alice grumble under her breath. "…shove said shoe right up his ass." Esme pretended not to hear.

"He came home and," I had to take another breath, "he accused me of…" I didn't want to use his words, not in front of Esme but I wasn't sure how to word it politely.

"It's alright dear. You can tell me, whatever it is."

I huffed and plowed ahead. "He accused me of…having an…intimate relationship…with Edward." Esme's eyes widened in surprise so I hurried along. "It's not true though. Edward and I haven't done anything like that, not even close. I-" She placed her hand on mine to stop my rambling.

"It's alright. I know that you and Edward have done nothing of the sort. Edward is a gentleman and I know that he wouldn't initiate that type of relationship without proper time and consideration."

I smiled gratefully, although more than a little uncomfortable to being having this conversation with my boyfriend's mother.

"Ok, well, after he accused me of that I told him that he was wrong, that Edward and I loved each other and that there was nothing he could do about it."

Esme's face lit up and she looked to be holding back tears. "He told you? That he loves you I mean? He told you?"

I felt my face flame and looked down at my plate again. "Yes, last night. After he showed me the library."

"I knew he slept on a floor."

"Alice, hush. He's told me how you share a love of books. I think that was a lovely way to go about it."

Alice broke in again. "Ok, you guys love each other. Don't think I'm not thrilled, because I am and I intend to get all the details out of you later, but right now I want to know how you got away from Chief Asshole."

Esme pursed her lips but I could see how they twitched as she held back a smile. I could also hear Jessica snickering quietly beside me. I turned to her.

"You remember the tree outside my window. The big, old one that grows alongside the house?"

She nodded before her eyes got huge and she gaped at me.

"You went out the window? That tree is so old; those branches could have broken under half your weight. How are you not dead or at least with some broken bones?"

I shrugged. "I guess I climb better than I walk. Although," I looked at my hands, seeing the dried blood and dirt caked along them for the first time. "I guess I'm not completely unscathed."

Esme gasped and grasped my hands in hers. I resisted, not wanting to soil her clean hands but she refused to let go.

"Oh sweety, I'm so sorry. I was so relieved to see you that I didn't even notice. Come on, let's get these cleaned up. Carlisle can take a better look at them when he gets back."

She came around the island and put an arm around my shoulders to lead me out of the room. As we reached the doorway however we met Edward. He stared at me for a moment, apparently speechless. Finally he croaked out a whisper, his voice husky as if from strain, or, oh god, from crying.

"Bella?"

Before I could reply I was in his arms, relishing in the current that flowed between us. He retracted his arms but brought his hands up to hold my face between his palms, love and concern overflowing from his eyes.

"Are you alright? Did he…" he squeezed his eyes shut for a second and swallowed hard, "did he hurt you?"

I shook my head and brought my hands up to his face, running my thumbs along his cheekbones. "I'm fine. Nothing I haven't had before."

He closed his eyes again and breathed deeply, almost as if to control himself. He leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead before he released my face, only to take hold of my hand.

"I was just going to take Bella to get cleaned up. She has some scrapes on her hands…"

"I've got this, Mom. Come on." He didn't take his eyes off mine as he spoke to Esme, didn't take his eyes off me until he turned and started to lead me upstairs. I was a little reluctant to leave Jessica alone in an unfamiliar house but I was powerless not to follow Edward wherever he wanted to lead me. I thought he was leading me to the second floor bathroom so I was surprised when we passed the door without even slowing down. He continued walking quickly down to the end of the hall and up another set of stairs that Alice had never shown me.

The stairs opened onto a hallway with two doors, one across from the other. Edward opened the door on the right and led me through. I realized with a start that this must be Edward's bedroom but I didn't see much as he quickly ushered me through another door and into his bathroom. He dropped my hand and cradled my face again, looking intensely into my eyes.

"We will be discussing what happened this morning, but I want to get you cleaned up first. Now," he pushed the hair back from my face and looked closely at my cheek, "is this the worst of it or do you have other injuries?"

I shrugged and looked down at my bloodied hands. "You know I couldn't feel it if there were. I think my hands got the worst of it and they're really not that bad. I just need to wash them, maybe some Band-Aids or something. It's really not that bad."

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He kept his eyes closed as spoke.

"Did you want to have a shower? I can get you something to wear for now. It might be easier to check yourself over that way." His eyes opened to check for my reaction. I nodded my assent and he left the room briefly, returning with a t-shirt and some sweatpants before he left me alone again. The clothes were obviously his and I smiled a bit at the gesture.

I peeled off my clothes as I waited for the shower to warm, examining the clothes before turning to the mirror to examine myself. My jeans were ripped in several places, grass stains and dirt embedded in the seams. My mother's sweater was ruined, several jagged tears down the arms that I would never be able to sew back up properly. I looked in the mirror at my naked body, seeing the damage corresponding to the rents in the clothing. There were several nasty looking gashes on my legs, assumedly from either jumping from the tree or the run through the woods. My hands were less banged up but still not good. One cut on my forearm caught my attention. It wasn't deep, and of course it didn't hurt, but the sheer size and angle of it made it look almost as I had tried to cut my arm in half. My hands were still caked in dirt and blood and I knew that I wouldn't really be able to assess them until they were clean so I stepped into the shower.

I stood in there for a long time, just letting the water flow over me. I tried to imagine that in washing away the forest from my body that I could wash the blackness from the rest of me, but I knew it wasn't that easy. I still had to talk to Edward and I had no idea what he was thinking. I knew he was concerned about me but I didn't know if he was angry for how I had left. I really didn't want to think about dealing with an angry Edward. Even though I was positive that he would never hurt me, it was still not something that I wanted to see. After interminable minutes I decided to push those worries aside and focus on this, what I could control. I carefully washed all the dirt and debris from my body. I washed my hair, picking out small twigs and leaves as I went. I wondered how Alice and Esme could have stood to look at me. I must have looked a fright.

After climbing out of the shower I dressed in Edward's clothes, rolling the waistband on the sweatpants several times to keep them in place. It really was no use, they still sat low on my hips but at least the shirt was large enough to cover me. I threw my clothes into the garbage can under the sink, knowing that I'd never be able to save them and frankly, not really wanting to look at them again. I looked through the drawers in the vanity and found a comb which I used to untangle my hair. I wished I'd had something to put it up with since I could feel it wetting my shirt where it touched my back. I knew I could go downstairs and get my bag from Alice's room but the fact that Edward had given me his clothes instead of going to get mine told me that he wanted me to stay here for now. After my hair was somewhat tamed I set about looking for a first-aid kit of some sort. I was about to start looking through the medicine cabinet when there was a knock on the door followed by Edward's voice from the other side.

"Are you alright, Bella? Is there something you need?"

"Just looking for the first-aid kit. Do you have one?"

"Can I come in?"

I walked to the door and opened it for him then walked back to the sink. He came in and stood appraising me for a moment. I had no idea how I must look to him now, standing there with my wet hair, his clothes swamping my body. He didn't comment, just came over and pulled a plastic box from under the sink.

"Where do you want to start?"

I bit my lip nervously. "You don't have to, Edward. I can do it myself. I've had lots of experience."

His jaw tensed for a minute before he forcibly relaxed it and coaxed his features into a more patient expression. "No, Bella. I need to see."

I swallowed my nerves and showed him the gash on my arm. "This one is the worst. I don't think any of the others really need bandaging but I guess you can be the judge of that."

I tried to meet his eyes but he had his trained on my arm. He opened the kit on the vanity counter and pulled some cotton balls and antiseptic from it. He carefully cleaned the cut before taping some gauze in place.

"I think that should do for now but you should really have Dad look at it when he gets home. I'm afraid it's going to scar."

"Just another to add to the collection." I whispered it but from the look on his face I knew that he heard me.

"Where else?" He still wasn't looking me in the eye and it was driving me crazy but I didn't want to push him. I didn't how what he was feeling now and I wasn't sure I was ready to know. I gathered some hope that he wasn't angry with me from the care he was taking with me, but I didn't want to risk him exploding if I pushed. I'd dealt with Charlie long enough to know how bad those explosions could be. So I pushed aside the emotions with practiced ease and kept my voice low.

"My legs I guess. They aren't as bad though."

I started to pull the pant leg up to show him but he surprised me by grasping me by the waist and hoisting me gently onto the counter. He knelt in front of my legs and slowly rolled the pants up to my knees, one leg at a time. I sat, stunned, as he cleaned and bandaged the cuts on my shins. Finally I just couldn't stand the seemingly yawning distance between us and reached out, running my hand gently through his hair. He closed his eyes and stilled for a moment. When his eyes opened again he looked up and finally met my gaze. He stood slowly, carefully, skimming his fingertips along my bare calves as he went. I shivered as the current from his touch ran through my body and let my hand drop from his hair to fall limply into my lap. When his hands reached the backs of my knees he pulled them apart slightly and stepped between them. He reached out and took my hands, turning them this way and that to look at the angry red abrasions now decorating them. He cleaned them as carefully as the others but instead of bandaging them he raised my hands to his mouth and kissed each mark.

After kissing the last one he clutched my hands in his and pulled them to his chest, holding them against where his heart lay, beating furiously. His head was bent low over my arms and his hair fell over his forehead, hiding his eyes from me. I desperately wanted to push it back, as if I could pull his thoughts from his eyes if I could only see them.

"Please, tell me what you're thinking."

He raised his head enough to look at me and I gasped to see the tears shining in his eyes.

"I'm so, so sorry."

I could hear the tears shaking my own voice. "What could you possibly have to be sorry for?"

He dropped his eyes before raising them again, a new determination simmering beneath the pain. "I should have pushed harder. I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind I always knew, but I didn't push you because I didn't want you to pull away from me. But I was wrong, and I almost lost you because of it."

I pulled one of my hands free from his grasp and ran my thumb along his quivering bottom lip. "There was nothing you could have done, Edward. I wouldn't have told you anyway. I was trying to protect you from this, from him," I choked on my words, "from me."

He started, as if I had struck him. "Why would I ever need to be protected from you?"

I gritted my teeth and swallowed the fear threatening to devour me. "This is what I do. I bring this on the people I love. My very existence turned my father into a monster, caused my mother to live in fear and pain. I take it, because it's all that I can do, but I didn't want this for you. Not for you."

He pulled me into his embrace and I went willingly, selfishly needing the comfort he provided. His arms were tight around me while I wrapped my own around his waist, burying my face in his chest. I could feel the strain it took for his words to escape.

"You don't even know what it's doing to me right now, to be calm for you, because that's what you need, when all I want to do is find that sonofabitch and rip his throat out with my bare hands. To make you believe that, that any of this is your fault. It's unthinkable. I would do anything to take this all away for you, but I can't, and I feel so helpless. Please Bella; tell me what I can do. I need to do something. What can I do for you?"

The pressure was swelling in my chest, emotions threatening to choke the air from my lungs. I could barely force the words out, but I knew that at least for now, I needed this. "Just hold me, Edward. Just having you with me is enough."

We stayed like that, my body wrapped around Edward's as he held me until I heard strange sounds coming from outside. I relaxed my hold on his waist and cocked my head to the side, trying to discern what it was. My muscles locked as I ultimately recognized the sound of a police siren in the distance.

Edward resisted as I tried to disentangle myself from him. "Don't Bella. Please, don't run again."

I looked into his eyes, trying to convey all the emotions I didn't have time to decipher. "I'm not running, but I can't hide either. I brought him here. I can't leave your family to fight for me."

He nodded slightly and lifted me from the counter. I walked quickly down the stairs, down the hall and the other flight of stairs, Edward on my heels and we met Alice and Esme at the bottom. Esme looked distressed, Alice looked pissed. I looked around the room but couldn't see Jessica anywhere.

"Where's Jess?"

Esme attempted to smile at me but it was too strained to give any comfort. "She went home a little while ago. She said to tell you that'd she'd call to check on you later, but she wanted to get home before…" She trailed off, looking distractedly at the door, the sound of the siren getting closer.

"Before he realized she'd brought me here." I clenched my eyes shut, as if it could stop the torrent of thoughts flooding my brain.

_My fault. All my fault. This is what I do, all that I am. What was I thinking, thinking I could escape this? I should just let him do what he wants and be done with it. I shouldn't have run. It doesn't help. It never helps. _

I wanted to scream. I should have known better than to let myself believe. Hope was for people who had a chance and I never did.

Small hands shook me from my thoughts, literally, and I opened my eyes to see Alice standing in front of me, her face stern.

"Whatever you're thinking, just stop it right now. You are not going anywhere."

I nodded but in my heart I knew that there was nothing they could do. If Charlie wanted to take me, he would. And if I knew Edward like I thought I did, it was going to kill us both.

Esme stepped up and placed a hand on my cheek. "I called Carlisle and told him you were here with us. He should be on his way home now."

I had nothing to say to that as the siren grew louder, seeming to blot everything else from the room. He was almost here. I could hear the accompanying spit of gravel as the cruiser pulled up out front. The silence left when the siren finally ceased was deafening. I don't think any of us moved, much less breathed, as I heard the car door slam and footsteps pound up the porch steps. Even though I was expecting it, the sharp pounding on the door startled me and I jolted nearly off my feet. Edward caught me with an arm around my waist. He pulled me back securely into his chest, his arm across my middle keeping me upright while my legs turned to rubber.

Esme turned and walked to the door as the insistent pounding grew louder, the door shaking under the onslaught. She turned the knob and opened the door.

"Hello, Chief Swan. What can I do for you?"

Charlie was in full uniform, standing imposingly on the threshold. His eyes quickly moved from Esme's face to find mine where I still stood by the stairs, Edward still supporting me from behind. His eyes darkened as he took in Edward's arm around me but he looked back at Esme as he addressed her.

"I think you know Mrs. Cullen. I've come for my daughter." He moved to step inside but Esme raised her hand to stop him. I was shocked that he actually stopped, but then I realized that he was still trying to keep up the appearance that there was nothing untoward between us. He wouldn't want to blow his carefully honed persona unless absolutely necessary.

"I'm sorry, Chief Swan, but that really won't be necessary. Bella is a guest in my home and she's welcome to stay as long as she likes. You, however, are not."

I could see the tendons in his jaw flexing as his teeth grinded and his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides.

"I hope you understand the severity of harboring a runaway, Mrs. Cullen. It's a serious infraction and one that I don't take lightly. Now, knowing Bella as I do and knowing that she probably told you some fabrication, I'm willing to overlook this. But I will be taking Bella home. Now."

The cold I felt had nothing to do with the breeze blowing in around Charlie through the open door. My blood was rushing through my veins much too fast and I couldn't seem to keep any air in my body long enough to gain anything from it. I felt Alice sidle up to me and grip my hand with hers, lacing our fingers together and squeezing. I gained no reassurance from it.

"I know nothing about any runaways here Chief Swan. Bella spent the night as a guest of Alice and Edward, and I understand that you gave your permission for her to do so. She'd like to stay longer and she's welcome to."

I marveled at Esme's ability to stay so calm when facing down Charlie. A slight shake in the hand not holding the door betrayed her nerves, but her voice stayed firm. Charlie's jaw tightened further.

"Can I at least come inside for a moment? I'd like to speak with my daughter."

"I'm afraid not. Anything you have to say can be said from right here. If you have an issue with that you can discuss it with my husband. He should be home any moment and you're welcome to wait for him. Outside."

I could see the anger rising in his face, the crimson creeping up from his neck. I could see that he was moments away from dropping all his pretenses and pressing the issue when I heard the crunch of gravel for a second time and Carlisle's black Mercedes jerked to a stop in front of the house. He jumped from the car and ran up the steps, sliding past Charlie to Esme's side. I could see Esme sag a little as he stood beside her. She clutched at the back of his shirt but otherwise they stood tall, presenting a united front against my monster. Although his back was to me I could hear Carlisle clearly. I wondered if he was raising his voice intentionally for my benefit or if it was just his fear betraying him.

"Chief Swan, may I ask what brings you to my home?"

I couldn't see Charlie now but I could still hear the menace in his voice, quiet violence slithering through his words.

"I've come for my daughter Dr. Cullen. Your wife has instructed me to speak with you and has obstructed me from your home. I'm trying to be reasonable about this, but I must insist that you not keep Bella from me. You must see that this is a family matter. It doesn't concern you."

"Of course, Chief Swan, no one is keeping Bella from you. She's free to leave whenever she likes, or stay, if she chooses. Bella, dear?"

He turned and motioned for me to come forward. I wasn't sure if my legs would carry me, but as I took a step forward Edward stepped with me, his arm staying tight around my waist. Alice kept a firm grip on my hand and walked with us as well. He leaned his head down close to whisper in my ear.

"He won't touch you, I promise. You're not going anywhere."

Esme stepped back from the door as we got closer and Carlisle shuffled over a step to take her place. I came within a few feet of the door, not stupid enough to get any closer to Charlie. I could see him eyeing the arm Edward held around me with disgust. The cold that had started seeping in was making me shake and I had to struggle not to let my teeth chatter. Carlisle looked at me kindly and smiled.

"Bella, do you want to go home with your father or would you like to stay with us a little longer?"

I looked at him incredulously. It couldn't really be as simple as my saying I wanted to stay. I looked at Charlie and I could see him trying to influence me with his eyes. I pushed off the familiar urge to cower under his stare and willed myself to find some strength to speak.

"I-I want to stay here. I don't want to go home, Daddy." Edward's arm tightened around me as Alice gave my hand another squeeze. Charlie looked about ready to explode.

"Isabella Marie, stop this right now. Come here." My feet tried to obey even as my mind screamed for them to stop. It was like I was hypnotized; I had no control over my body anymore. It was too ingrained, my body obeyed that voice. Edward held me steady however and I stayed where I was. Charlie's face had reddened to alarming shade as he tore his eyes from me and focused them on Carlisle. If I wasn't so terrified I would have found it amusing to see Charlie trying to do his patented intimidation stare down, but having to look up to do it.

"I've had about enough of this Dr. Cullen. You are interfering in a family matter, something that is none of your business. I will not stand here and allow you to bar me from my child while that little bastard holds her hostage. It's obvious that he's done something to her, the way he's holding on to her, the way she defies me." He turned his eyes back to me, or at least I thought it was me. I noticed his gaze was actually a little higher. "And you," he jabbed a finger in our direction, "if you keep holding her there I'm going to have to ugly up that pretty face."

I heard Alice gasp as I felt something akin to a growl rumble in Edward's chest against my back. I couldn't look away from Charlie. This was all my worst fears come true and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Now that's enough!" I started at the sound of Carlisle's voice. I had never heard it raised like that. He was always so calm and patient, I didn't think he was capable of that kind of anger. He took a deep breath and straightened his spine. When he spoke next his voice was quiet but I was well acquainted with the emotion permeating his words. He was seething.

"Chief Swan, Charlie, I'd hoped that we could handle this civilly, but it looks like that won't be possible. Let's just drop the pretenses and admit what's going here. You're abusing your daughter." I saw Charlie move to protest but Carlisle spoke over him. "And you're mistaken if you think that this doesn't concern me. I'm a mandatory reporter and I can't ignore what I've seen. You're right that this is a family matter, my family. Edward and Bella are together now and that makes her family to me, and anything that affects her affects Edward and Alice as well. So yes, this is very much my business." Charlie looked ready to launch himself at Carlisle but he continued on. "I've contacted the county authorities, as well as child protective services. I've made them aware of the situation here and provided Bella's medical records. There's going to be an official investigation and I doubt that you'll still be employed by the end of it, much less retaining custody of Bella. Child services has agreed to let Bella stay here with us until a more permanent situation can be arranged. Now I suggest that you leave before you get yourself into anymore trouble."

I saw the shock I felt echoed on Charlie's face for a moment before it dissolved again into rage. He looked about to retort when Carlisle spoke again, his voice still low but clearly laced with icy resolve. "And if you ever threaten one of my children again, Bella included, you'll see how well you fare against someone who's not a seventeen year old girl. Now, get off my property." And with that he slammed the door in Charlie's face.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

BPOV

My already weak legs gave out and I only stayed upright by Edward's arm holding me up. I could hear someone saying my name but it sounded far away, muffled like it was coming from underwater. The world shifted and everything went dark.

I pushed my eyes against the blackness and squinted against the light. Carlisle was bent over me, one hand on my right wrist while he looked at his watch on the other arm. I could feel Edward somewhere to my left, holding my other hand. I assumed that was to whom he directed his comments.

"Her heart rate is elevated but it seems to be slowing down. I expect it's just shock and a massive rush of adrenaline. She'll be fine, son." He looked down at me to notice me looking back at him and smiled. The sunlight flowing in through the living room windows set his golden hair to glowing and it looked as if a kind angel was staring down at me.

"Are you alright now, Bella? You were a bit faint but I think its passing. How are you feeling?"

I blinked and tried to think about his question. How was I feeling? I was exhausted, and drained, and I knew it would probably be days before I could wrap my head around everything that happened today. But over that, I was immensely relieved. I had no misconceptions as to think that everything would be sunshine and rainbows now. I knew Charlie wouldn't give up as easy as that. But now, I had hope, because I had someone on my side. So I looked up into the face of my doctor angel and answered him.

"I think I'm ok. Or at least, I will be."

He pursed his lips for a moment but seemed satisfied with my answer. As I watched his face shifted, his mouth setting into a firm line and his jaw set, as if steeling himself for something. I instinctively tensed, waiting for whatever new loop I was about to be thrown for today.

"Bella, I have to apologize."

My brow furrowed and I looked at him in confusion. He continued.

"I lost my temper earlier and I shouldn't have. Not that I shouldn't have been angry with your father, because I was and I am, but I shouldn't have raised my voice in front of you. I imagine that that's difficult for you and the last thing I want to do is cause you any discomfort." He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them again I knew that the apology wasn't the reason for the look on his face. "I also wasn't entirely truthful."

My breath stuttered in my chest as the panic started to rise again.

_What does that mean? Is Charlie going to come back any minute to get me? Was I not going to be allowed to stay with Edward after all? _

Carlisle saw the terror on my face and placed a calming hand on my arm. At least, I'm sure he meant it to be calming. As ever, I couldn't really feel it.

"Bella, it's alright. I was grandstanding a bit to get your father to leave, but I wasn't entirely untruthful. I have reported your situation to the county authorities. Your father will be detained when he returns to the station, and questioned, and probably charged but I'm not a part of that. He has been temporarily removed from his position while they conduct an investigation. I was able to expedite some things because Alice witnessed him threatening your life, but you will still have to speak with a case worker. They'll be able to make things official once you've made your official report. Now," he took a deep breath and gripped my hand, "I hope that I wasn't being presumptuous in my offer for you to stay here with us. When I spoke with the CPS worker assigned to your case, there was some concern that they wouldn't have a foster care placement for you. There aren't many here in Forks or close, in fact the closest placement they have is in Aberdeen. I figured that there was no point in uprooting you so close to the end of your senior year, and Esme and I are already licensed foster parents so it seemed the best solution, but I'll understand if you don't feel comfortable staying in the same town with your father."

He kept his eyes on my face, searching my eyes for reassurance that he'd made the right decision. I was dumbfounded, and frankly, in awe of this man. The things he'd done, in such a short amount of time, and all of them for me. He was willing to shake up his family and his newly transplanted life to try to fit me in to it, and he was worried that I would take object with it. I sat up slowly, realizing as I did that I had been moved to the living room sofa. I removed my hand from Carlisle's and before I could second-guess myself I wrapped my arm around his neck. I buried my face in his shoulder, my voice choked by the emotions clawing at my throat.

"I don't want to be anywhere else. Thank you, Carlisle."

He wrapped an arm around my back and gave me a gentle squeeze. I wished I could have hugged him better, but my left hand was still being held by Edward. I released Carlisle and turned to where Edward sat kneeling on the floor. His face was pale and he looked tired, but the smile he granted me was full of reassurance. I returned his smile and moved to get up from the couch. Carlisle stood so I could swing my legs off the cushions. I stood slowly, Edward steadying me with his hand in mine. I took a deep breath and looked around the room. Alice waved at me from the armchair in the corner, a grin creeping out around the thumbnail she was attacking with her teeth. I wondered where Esme had gone, but only for a moment as she walked into the room, a steaming teacup in her hand. Her face lit up with a warm smile when she saw me on my feet.

"Here, dear, drink this. It'll help."

I sat back down on the sofa and accepted the cup from her. Edward finally released my hand, instead wrapping his arm around my shoulders while I drank greedily. The tea soothed my parched throat and relaxed my nerves. Carlisle sat in the armchair to my left, Esme perched on the arm. I set my cup on the coffee table and looked up at them.

"So, what now?"

Carlisle glanced at Esme and reached up to clasp her hand. "Well, the case worker should be arriving soon. This is a special case, with your father being in the position he is and with his threats to your life, so they wanted to get your report taken as soon as possible. Do you feel up to speaking with her?"

"I think so. Who is she? Do you know her?"

"I do, but only in passing. Her name is Victoria James and from what I know of her she's very nice. You have nothing to worry about."

I wasn't so sure about that but I nodded just the same. We sat in silence for awhile. It seemed that conversation couldn't flourish in the weight of the morning's events. After a few minutes Alice excused herself to get dressed. I sat, watching the trees outside the windows swaying in the breeze. The sound of crunching gravel had all my muscles tensed again. It was a wonder they hadn't completely given up by now. Edward moved his arm from my shoulders and entwined our fingers on my lap. I clung to his hand.

Carlisle walked to the door as Esme came to stand behind me, her hand on my shoulder. I could hear the voices at the door, but I didn't look.

"Ms. James, I presume? I'm Carlisle Cullen. Please come in."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. And please, call me Vicki."

I heard movement and turned my head toward the sound. Ms. James looked to be in her mid-thirties, wearing jeans and a lavender shirt. Her hair was a violent shade of red, but her eyes were kind. She came to sit in the chair Alice had vacated and smiled at me. Esme spoke from behind the sofa.

"Would you like something to drink? I have coffee if you'd like."

Ms. James flicked her blue eyes up behind my head. "No, thank you. I won't be long." Esme remained at my shoulder as Ms. James turned her eyes back to me.

"Hello, Bella, my name is Victoria, but you can call me Vicki. I assume you know why I'm here?"

I nodded.

"Well, I'll try to be brief. We need to get an official report on record, so I'll just need to get some information from you and then I can let you get back to your Saturday."

I nodded again.

She pulled a folder from the bag she had set at her feet and opened it on her lap. "Alright, now with the medical records supplied by Dr. Cullen we have a solid case for long-standing abuse. I can see that you've had several broken bones, cuts, abrasions, and the like over the years. Frankly I'm amazed that an investigation hasn't been done before now, but I guess we can thank your father's position for that." Her lips twisted in a disgusted grimace before her features smoothed again. "Now, Bella, I'd like to get the account of what happened yesterday, in your own words. Do you think you can do that?" I nodded, again. Apparently it was the only part of my body working at the moment. I forced my vocal cords to push words out so she wouldn't think I was an idiot only capable of nodding. I told her what had happened when I went to the house with Alice, then when I went home this morning. I heard Esme gasp several times from behind the sofa and Edward's grip tightened on my hand but neither said anything. Carlisle looked on from the armchair, his face passive but posture tense. When I'd finished Vicki looked up from the notes she was taking and smiled sympathetically.

"Ok, that should be it for now. We've put in an order to remove you from your father's custody until the investigation is finished. Normally we'd try to place you with a relative but I don't see that we have any on record. Your mother is absent, is that correct?"

I nodded again, not trusting my voice after recounting my last few days.

"We'll try to locate her, but in the meantime Dr. Cullen has offered to have you stay with his family. He is a licensed foster parent and the situation would allow you to continue high school without interruption. I think that it's the best scenario, but I want to make sure that you're comfortable with it."

I swallowed the lump lodged in my throat.

"I'm comfortable here. I want to finish school and I wouldn't want to start over somewhere else." I cleared my throat and forced the next words through the lump that didn't seem to want to move. "Don't bother looking for my mother. She doesn't want to be found, doesn't want me. Besides, if Charlie couldn't find her I doubt you could."

Vicki nodded with another sympathetic smile and gathered her folder back into her bag. "Alright then, Bella, I think I have what I need." She stood and moved to the door. Dr. Cullen showed her out, and only after I heard the door close did my muscles relax. I slumped in the sofa cushions and wearily laid my head on Edward's shoulder. I felt like I had climbed a mountain and it wasn't even noon yet.

Alice bounced into the room then, dressed in a red tunic and skinny jeans, her hair perfect and tears tracks scrubbed from her cheeks.

"Was that the social worker? Does she stay? Tell me she stays."

Esme laughed as she came to sit beside me. "Yes, she stays. Now calm down. Poor Bella's been through a lot today and you're going to wear her out."

Alice's exuberant face fell a little as she looked at me. "Are you ok, Bella? Do you need a nap or something?"

I looked up at her from Edward's shoulder, not quite ready to lift my head yet. "I'm alright, Alice. At this point I'm just kind of numb, no pun intended."

Alice smirked at me and came to sit on the coffee table in front of me. "Well, I was thinking, if you're up to it, it might be nice to get out of here for awhile. We've been through a bit of hell today and I for one could use some retail therapy."

Esme clucked her tongue. "Alice, I'm not sure that that's a good idea. I'm sure Bella's tired and I don't think she's up to one of your marathon shopping excursions right now."

Alice rolled her eyes. "But Mom, it's not for me, it's for Bella. She needs, like, everything. She only has one change of clothes and that's not going to work for school. She can laze around the house in Edward's clothes but I am not letting her go out in public like that."

Esme looked thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose you're right about that. What do you think, Bella? Do you feel up to shopping?"

I lifted my head to look at her. "I guess I would, but I don't have any money."

Esme smiled and patted my hand in my lap. "Don't you worry about that. We have more than enough to get you whatever you need."

"I couldn't let you do that. I don't want to be a burden-"

Esme interrupted me. "Bella, we may not have known each other long but I already think of you as one of my own, and as one of my children I intend to provide you with whatever you need. It's not an imposition and you are not a burden. I'm not trying to replace your mother, but I hope that you'll let me fill that role for you, at least for a little while. It would make me happy to do this for you so please, will you let me?"

I looked at her face, so sincere and loving, and I knew that I couldn't refuse. "Alright, Esme, if you're sure."

Alice sprang to her feet. "Yay! Bella, come on, you've gotta change."

I allowed myself to be pulled from the sofa and followed after Alice, my fingers reluctantly leaving Edward's. As I walked up the stairs I realized that he hadn't said a word since I had woken up from my fainting spell. I looked back to the sofa but he was already gone.

An hour and a half later found Esme, Alice and I in Port Angeles. We walked between the cute boutiques along the water, Alice chattering away while Esme looked on indulgently. I followed behind in silence, nervously appraising my surroundings as we went. I half expected Charlie to pop out to drag me back to my personal hell but he never showed.

We had lunch at a little café, sitting at a table outside to watch the boats on the water and enjoy the unusually sunny day. Alice and Esme talked and laughed and I tried to join in the conversation, but I was preoccupied with Edward. It bothered me how he had disappeared before we left. We hadn't talked about everything yet and as the day grew later and we headed back toward Forks I didn't think we'd have the chance. I sat in the back seat of Esme's SUV and resigned myself to an uncomfortable night filled with unanswered questions.

It was dark when we returned to the house. I declined Esme's offer of dinner and dragged myself up the stairs to the guest room, too tired to eat. Besides, I knew that the empty feeling in my stomach wouldn't be filled by food. I kicked off my shoes and crawled under the blankets in my clothes. I buried my face in the pillow and hoped that sleep would give me the clarity I sought.

I woke in the dark, my screams still ringing in my ears as I clutched at the blanket. My brain was a chaotic mess of images from my dream, trees and water and a killer with my father's face. In all the years that I'd had the killer nightmares he'd never had Charlie's face. Seeing it only made the dream more terrifying.

The door opened and I froze, squeezing my eyes shut against the sudden light filling the room. I waited for the blow, the slap to my face or yank to my hair, but it didn't come. I peeked one eye open, expecting to see Charlie's enraged face but was instead was met with Esme's wide eyes.

"Sweetheart, you were screaming. Are you alright?"

I relaxed my tensed muscles as I remembered where I was. Charlie wasn't going to come to hit me for waking him. My relief was palpable.

"I'm fine, Esme, just a bad dream. I'm sorry I woke you."

She smiled and came to sit on the bed beside me. "It's fine, dear. Do you want to talk about it?"

I looked into Esme's eyes, so kind and sweet and full of concern for me. This woman wanted to be a mother to me, just for a little while. And as much as it scared me, at that moment, I wanted to let her. I felt my face crumble as the tears came and Esme wrapped her arms around me as I cried. I cried for my mother, how I would probably never see her again. She didn't want to be found, didn't want me. For all I knew she was dead, or had another life and another family somewhere else. That thought actually hurt more, that I could be replaced in my mother's life. Well, if she could replace me, then I could replace her too. I clung to the woman who had stood between me and my monster, protected me and stood up to him. In the quiet of the guest room I whispered my secrets to Esme, the horrors I had known all my life, my mother's betrayal. Esme listened quietly and let me purge myself without interruption. At the end of it I felt drained and exhausted. Esme didn't comment on all I had told her, just smoothed my hair and kissed my forehead before leaving the room to let me sleep. The rest of the night was thankfully dreamless, although heaviness still laid over my heart.

The next morning I woke groggy, not sure what time it was. The light coming from the windows was bright again and I marveled that we would be lucky enough to get two sunny days in a row. I stumbled into the guest room's attached bathroom and immediately shed my clothes, hoping that a shower might wash some of the fog from my brain. I needed a clear head today to talk to Edward and I wanted to be ready before I left the room. I turned on the water and smiled to myself when I saw that the new toiletries I had bought the day before were already arranged on the shelves. Either Esme, or Alice, or both must have brought them in while I was sleeping. I wasn't used to having someone care for me, but I liked it.

The hot water was deliciously soothing to my stiff muscles and helped to wake me up. I wanted to have some semblance of a plan for how to deal with Edward, but it was hard to strategize when I didn't know what he was thinking. I hoped that it was just more of what he had said in his bathroom yesterday, that he felt helpless and didn't know how to help me. I hoped I could convince him that I didn't need him to act, just to be.

I found my new clothes neatly folded and put away in the dresser, more hung up in the closet. I was amazed that I hadn't woken up while they had done this, but then again it had been an exhausting day. I chose a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that had caught my eye in a funky little store Alice had dragged me to. The place was full of quirky shirts with different quotes on them and once I had seen the deep green shirt I had known that I had to have it. _While all deception requires secrecy, all secrecy is not meant to deceive. _It seemed especially apt today. I put on my boots, wanting to be ready for anything, and headed downstairs.

The smell of coffee met me in the kitchen, along with Alice.

"Good afternoon, sleepyhead! Seriously, you sleep like the dead."

I smiled as I walked to the coffee pot, glad that even if I woke her with my nightmare she wasn't mentioning it. I glanced at the clock on the microwave, it read 1:04.

"Jeebus, Alice, why'd you let me sleep so late?"

She shrugged and passed me to rinse her mug in the sink.

"You needed it. Besides, it's Sunday. Everyone should get to sleep late on Sunday. I think it's a law or something."

I chuckled into my mug and took a sip, grimacing at the taste. I didn't usually drink coffee, but I wanted to be as clear as possible today. Alice saw the face I made and gave me a sympathetic smile, opening the fridge and handing me the milk.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Dad made it and he always makes it hospital graveyard shift strong. I can handle it, but for a coffee virgin it must taste like battery acid."

I chuckled again and poured some of the milk into the cup.

"Well, since I've never actually ingested battery acid I'll have to take your word for it. Where is everyone?" The house was quiet again, the birds outside the only sound in the room.

"Mom went to the grocery store, Dad's in his office working on something and Edward is in his room. He was pacing like a caged lion for awhile but I told him to go do something and let you sleep."

I grimaced and sat on a stool at the counter, tentatively sipping my coffee. It didn't necessarily taste better, but it was less strong and I could drink it. Alice sat on the stool next to me and propped her head on her hand, looking at me expectantly. I took a deep breath and looked at her.

"I'm not sure what to do, Alice. He hasn't spoken to me since yesterday. What if he's rethinking everything? What if he thinks there's too much drama around me, too much baggage to take on?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Seriously, you need to get a grip. He loves you and he's not rethinking anything. You guys just need to talk about things and hash everything out. Edward's the type that holds shit in until he explodes and knowing him he's worried about saying the wrong thing so he's just not saying anything. You have all day, you'll get it out of him. If nothing else, I've got pliers."

I nearly choked on the coffee in mouth and had to hold my lips together to keep from spewing liquid all over Esme's pristine countertop. I didn't think I'd ever get used to the things that would come out of Alice's mouth. Once I had swallowed I turned back to her.

"Alright, I'm gonna go do that, sans pliers."

Alice giggled and took my mug to the sink for me. I left the kitchen, intending to go find Edward in his room but met him on the stairs as he came down. His eyes were still tired, but he was less pale today. I was still worried that he hadn't slept well.

"Hey."

"Hey."

His voice was quiet, rough like sandpaper.

"Do you feel up to going for a walk? There's something I want to show you."

"Wow, how many more of these surprises are you going to have for me?"

He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. They were cautious and dark as he watched me.

"There's a world of things I want to show you, but today it's just this one thing. What do you say? Come for a walk with me."

I nodded and he reached for my hand. The electric ripple from his touch grounded me, holding me together. I had to have faith that no matter what, we would be ok. He led me to the door, stopping to pick up a backpack from the floor and then continuing outside. We walked around the house, through the backyard and into the woods. The sunlight sprinkled through the swaying branches, creating shadows and making the leaves sparkle. Edward helped me through the underbrush, keeping my footing sure where I would normally have fallen. He didn't speak and neither did I. I grew more apprehensive the further we walked, the unspoken words hanging heavy between us and making it harder for me to move. After a long while we came to a stop and I could do nothing but gape at the sight before me.

It was a clearing in the trees, a meadow cut out of the middle of the forest. The grass was still short but I could see how it would grow tall in the summer, nourished by the sun unhampered by the tree cover. I had to shake off the shiver that ran down my spine at how similar it was to the clearing in my dream. Edward led me to the center of opening, the exact spot where I had been frozen in my nightmare. He let go of my hand and I let it fall limply to my side, still in too much shock to speak. I couldn't believe that this place actually existed outside my mind, or that Edward knew of it when I had never seen it before. At least, not in reality.

He opened the backpack and removed a plaid picnic blanket that he spread out on the ground before sitting down on it. He looked up at me then, mossy eyes to match the grass, still cautious, but also hopeful. I reminded myself that this was a nice thing he was doing for me, that he couldn't possibly know that I had dreamed of this place, or what that meant to how I was feeling now. I sat down on the blanket beside him and then lay back, looking up at the expanse of azure sky. Edward heaved a sigh and lay beside me, propping his arms behind his head. I kept mine at my sides, nervously fingering the weave of the blanket.

"I found this place the first sunny day we had after we moved here. It was still dead then, but I knew it would be pretty once the weather got warmer. Once I met you, I knew that I wanted to share it with you."

I bit my lip and blinked back the tears welling in my eyes. It was a very sweet thing and I didn't want to diminish his gesture with my irrational aversion to the memories of my nightmare. So I swallowed back the emotions burning my throat.

"It is pretty. I bet it'll be gorgeous in the summer, especially if the wildflowers come in. I bet they will."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, the breeze through the trees making music over us. The clouds moved lazily across the sky and I searched for shapes in them but found none. Finally I heard Edward's voice, tentative and small.

"Bella, why didn't you tell me?"

I sucked in a breath and held it, squeezing my eyes shut to keep the traitor tears inside. It didn't work, and as I let the breath out in a rush and opened my eyes I could feel the hot tears burning tracks from the corners of my eyes. They rolled into the ears but I made no move to wipe them away. They made my ears feel squishy and full, but helped to muffle my voice, obscuring how weak it sounded to my ears.

"When I was twelve we had a neighbor, Mrs. Hansen. She was old and kinda crazy. She had, like, 20 cats and loved them like her babies. She would talk to them like they were people, have full conversations that only she could understand. Anyway, after Jessica stopped talking to me and my mom left I was really lonely so I started spending time wandering around the neighborhood when Charlie was at work. One day I walked by her house and she called out to me, wanting my help to get one of her kittens out from under her porch. I crawled in and got it, and got all scratched to hell for my trouble, but I was numb by then so it didn't bother me. Mrs. Hansen was all kinds of grateful and made me come inside to clean me up and she gave me cookies and bandaged my arms. I came back every day after that and she'd feed me cookies and let me play with her cats. I went to that house every day for a month and it was the happiest I had been in a long time." I sniffled and continued, more tears making their way down my face.

"One day Mrs. Hansen asked me why I always had so many bruises on my arms and legs. I told I just fell down a lot but I don't think she believed me. She called my dad and I don't know what she said to him but he got really angry. He sat me down in the living room and told me that I couldn't ever tell anyone what went on in our house. That no one would ever believe me if I told them, and if they did that he would make sure that they never did anything about it." I felt the sobs wanting to tear out of my throat but I plowed ahead, determined to finish what I started. "He pulled a hunting knife out of his of belt and held it in front of my face. I remember how huge it seemed and I was so scared." I drew in a breath, picturing the knife glinting in front of my eyes, the metal teeth on the side ready to rip and tear. "He said that if I ever told anyone that he would know, and he would cut my tongue out with that knife. That I would never be able to talk to anyone ever again. That he would kill whoever I had told. And I knew that he would get away with it, because who would ever suspect the Chief of Police? The next day I went to Mrs. Hansen's house, but she wasn't there. I pounded on the door and looked in the windows but it was dark inside. I found out a few days later that she had died." I squeezed my eyes shut against the memory, Mrs. Hansen's dark house behind my eyelids. I could still hear her cats inside, crying for their human mother. My friend. I turned my head to see Edward staring back at me, his eyes glassy and darker than before.

"They said she had a heart attack, went peacefully in her sleep. I hope they were right, but I've never been able to forget Charlie's threat and fear that he had something to do with it. That's why I didn't tell you, Edward. I couldn't let him hurt you, not if I could help it. It doesn't matter what happens to me, but I couldn't take it if another person were to be hurt because of me, because I was selfish enough to let them in. I couldn't let it be you."

Edward stared at me, the muscles in his jaw clenching as his teeth ground together. He shut his eyes and breathed deeply through his nose and I waited for him to say something. He just laid there and breathed for an interminable time and I waited, not letting my eyes be drawn from his face. Finally his eyes opened and I gasped at what I saw. His eyes were still dark, but lit from within with a fire that I had only seen one other place. My father's face. His voice was deadly when he spoke, low and threatening.

"I want to kill him. Bella, just say the word, and I'll do it."

I gaped at him, no words able to escape my lips. He wrenched himself up and started to pace the clearing, each step making him look more like the caged lion Alice had described than the boy I knew. I sat up and watched, drawing my knees up and hugging them to my chest. I felt that an explosion was coming and I wanted to protect myself. Somehow his quiet voice was more menacing than Charlie's screams had been. For the first time ever, I was scared of him.

"I want him dead. I want his neck to crack under my hands. I want to find that knife and use it on his intestines. I want to see his blood run out and know that it was me that brought his hateful life to an end. I want him to know it was me, and that I did it for you. That what he put you through the reason for all the pain that I put him through."

I curled further into myself, my shoulders hunching and my head ducking down, but I couldn't look away from him. He paced for what seemed like hours as I shivered on the blanket, the cheery sunshine playing on the branches as they danced. It was an odd dichotomy. Edward's movements eventually slowed until he finally came to a stop with his back to me. He rolled his shoulders and his neck, flexed his hands as they had been tensed into fists as he paced. When he turned back to me he eyes were no longer full of rage, but quickly became fearful as he took in my cowered appearance. He ran to my side, kneeling down and placing a hand against my cheek. I flinched back from it, the electricity between us no longer comforting. He withdrew his hand as his bottom lip trembled.

"No, please Bella, don't. I'm sorry I said those things. You have to know that I would never, ever hurt you. Please, tell me you believe me. Please."

I looked into his eyes, my arms still locked around my knees. I saw the boy I loved, the boy who did so many sweet things and said so many wonderful words to me and I wanted to believe it, but I was afraid. Was this how it was for my mother? Did she see a sweet boy when she looked at my father? Did he say charming things and make her feel special before he broke her spirit? If I could believe that Edward would never hurt me, could I ever forget the ghost of the monster that resided in my father, looking at me through emerald eyes? At that moment I honestly didn't know.

"Bella, please, I'm sorry. I'm just so angry, at him, not at you, never you. It's incomprehensible that he could do those things to you, that he could make you so afraid. I'll hate him forever for doing those things to you and I can't promise that I'll never get angry again, but I do promise that that anger will never have a physical manifestation. I will never, never hurt you. I would die to protect you. I'll spend the rest of my life proving that to you, if you'll just let me. Please." His voice cracked on the last word and the tears came then, his and mine. I let them flow, burning my cold cheeks. I realized then that I had never actually seen Edward cry and it hurt to know that I caused it. But more than that, I felt the need to make myself very clear. My voice was thick with tears, but even I could hear the determination in it.

"I want to believe you, Edward, and on some level I think I do." He breathed a sigh of relief but I continued, determined to make him understand. "If you're really in this with me then you're going to have to be very careful with your temper. Maybe someday I'll be able to see a display like that and not panic, but not now. I understand that you'll get angry sometimes, and probably so will I, but you have be in control of yourself or this isn't going to work. I need to know that I can trust you, in everything. Promise me that you won't do something stupid like going after Charlie. Promise me that I can trust you."

He tentatively reached out to wipe the tears from my cheek and I let him, letting his touch sooth me again. He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. He pressed his forehead to mine, whispering against my mouth.

"Bella Swan, I promise you, with everything that I am, that I will never give you reason to fear me again. You will never have reason to fear anything, ever again, not while I'm here. I love you, Bella, more than my own life. Forever, Bella. Trust me."

I unwound my arms from my knees and drew them around his neck, pulling him closer to me. He crumbled against me and I didn't have the strength to hold us both up. I laid back against the blanket , his head pressed into my neck. He whispered his promises against my neck, his lips pressing them into my skin so that I could have them with me always. I held him to me, stroking his hair as I stared up at the clouds starting to conceal in the now periwinkle sky, hoping I wasn't repeating my mother's mistake.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

BPOV

The next few weeks were a study in ignorance. I ignored how everyone stared at me in the halls at school, hushed whispers (and some not so hushed) following me wherever I went. People knew that my dad had been asked to resign, the polite way of being kicked to the curb, and they also somehow knew that I was now living with the Cullens. Not that it would have been hard to figure out. I rode to school every day with Edward and Alice and rode home with them every afternoon. Edward was always with me, either sitting next to me in the classes we shared or waiting outside the ones we didn't. This really wasn't that much different from before, but the feel of it was different now. He hovered over me, eyes always watching for people who might upset me. He touched me often, but his touches were always painfully gentle, as if he was afraid of breaking me. I sure as hell didn't want the raving man from meadow to come back, but I didn't like this Edward either, treating like I was made of glass. I ignored the way that he would look at me, with worried eyes and furtive glances to Alice. She would usually just flip him off and go back to whatever we were doing. She wasn't much better, although her carefulness consisted of being constantly cheerful in my presence and never mentioning my father. She was good at ignoring too.

Jessica was more overt in her protectiveness. She walked beside between most of my classes, her eyes almost menacing as she surveyed the student population. I thought she was going to beat Tyler Crowley down when he asked if Charlie had killed my mom and buried her in the backyard as I walked past him one day. I was glad that Edward wasn't with me then, because I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have restrained himself.

I ignored how Carlisle and Esme would politely keep me from going anywhere on my own. I knew that it was probably for the best, since Charlie was still living in his house and could be anywhere in town at any time, but it still felt like being under house arrest, and it wasn't even my house. Esme did her best to make it feel like home, to make me feel like family and not a guest, but I think it had the opposite effect. I wasn't asked to help with the cooking or cleaning like Edward and Alice were, I wasn't expected to even do my own laundry or make my own bed. It made me feel like I was living with the world's most gracious warden, but even that analogy didn't work, since prisoners were still expected to do a job. I had no purpose, no place to belong. I was someone who lived with someone else's family, a wonderful family yes, but they weren't mine. My family was somewhere in the world, living her life without me. The only other part was somewhere in this town, probably drunk off his ass and plotting my demise. I honestly wished I could have said that ignorance was bliss.

March turned into April and the rain was still constant, although slightly warmer and one Saturday found me wandering around the house looking for something to do. The sunny days we had seen back in March had been the last and the steady sluicing on the windows precluded me from venturing outdoors. Edward was helping Carlisle with some kind of work in the garage, something about getting the yard tools out and ready for the spring thaw. I thought it a pretty furtive exercise, since the rain would seldom let up long enough to actually mow the grass that was turning greener by the day. Esme had taken Alice with her to the grocery store. They had asked me to come along and I almost did, even if I would only be allowed to push the cart and occasionally voice meal preferences, but in the end I decided that I'd rather enjoy some time alone. Of course now I was left with the dilemma of what to do with myself. The library called to me but for once I didn't feel much like reading. There was nothing on t.v. and staring at the guest room ceiling had lost its allure. So here I was, aimlessly walking through the living room, looking at the photos on the wall. I walked past the bookcases built along one wall, filled with knick-knacks and trinkets of the various places the Cullens had lived. As I came to the last stack of shelves I saw an assortment of leather bounds albums. I pulled one from the shelf and opened it. It was full of photos of the Cullen children and I sat down on the sofa to leaf through it.

There was one of a baby that I immediately recognized as Edward, the green eyes shining up at me from the pudgy face on the page. His smile was beautiful even then, although with decidedly less teeth than now. Next to that photo was a picture of baby Alice, smirking from under a mop of dark, soft hair. Another showed them together as toddlers, hugging fiercely in front of a fireplace. Even then Alice stood shorter than her brother, her arms wrapped around his middle while his were wrapped around her head. Not her neck, mind you, but her head. It looked like she might suffocate in his armpit. I turned a few pages ahead and saw some pictures that would have been a younger Emmett, the curly black hair and dimples giving him away. He smiled angelically at the camera, even as he held a little Edward in a headlock. I couldn't see Edward's face, but I recognized the hair.

"Emmett always loved a good headlock."

I jumped at the sound of Edward's voice directly behind me. I kept my eyes trained on the book in my lap but felt him as he rounded the sofa and sat next to me. I turned another page and there was a photo of all three of the children, playing in a pile of leaves. The camera caught Alice mid-spin, her arms thrown out and her eyes closed. Edward had his arm drawn back, his hand full of orange and brown leaves and a look of determination of his face. His apparent target seemed to be Emmett's face as he towered over the smaller boy, his arms raised in a victorious pose.

"That was in New York. Emmett shoved me headfirst into the leaf pile. Took me forever to get all the debris out of my hair."

I smiled softly and fingered the image of Edward's face. I turned my eyes to him, sitting on the couch looking back at me.

"Did you like having an older brother?"

"Heh, yeah." he laughed, running his fingers through his hair like he could still feel leaves there. He looked from the album to me and smiled. "I love my brother, but he wasn't ever the easiest person to live with."

I looked up at the sound of the front door opening and Esme and Alice came in, carrying grocery bags. They paused on their way to the kitchen when they saw Edward and I on the sofa.

"Hey guys, whatcha doin'?" Alice sang.

"Bella was looking at some of the old photo albums. I was narrating."

My eyes flicked to Esme. "I hope that's ok, they were on the shelf and I was just looking-"

"Oh course, sweetheart. You know you're welcome to anything here. This is your house too."

She smiled sweetly and continued to the kitchen, Alice following behind. I turned back to the album, hiding my frown behind the hair that fell over my shoulder. Edward reached out and pushed it back.

"Hey." His voice was gentle as he lightly caressed my cheek. "What's wrong?"

I put on my best brave smile. "Nothing. What did you mean that Emmett wasn't easy to live with?"

He looked at me for a moment, trying to read my eyes for whatever upset I was hiding from him, but finally he answered.

"I think Emmett had it in his head that he was going to be an only child. Mom and Dad had always wanted more but they had trouble after him. Personally, I think he probably screwed Mom up with his giant head." I snickered quietly as he continued. "So anyway, he thought it was always going to be just him, but after a lot of time and effort, Mom got pregnant with us."

"And he was upset that he wasn't the only one anymore."

"No, just the opposite. I guess he was super excited, especially when he found out he was getting two siblings instead of just one. I guess he ran around the house for weeks yelling 'I'm gonna be a big brother' and stuff. Mom thought it was so cute, but she didn't realize why Emmett was so excited to have siblings."

"Why then?"

"He wanted minions."

"Minions." I said in confusion.

"Minions." He answered solemnly.

"Minions." Alice sang as she walked back through the room, presumably for more bags.

"Explain."

"Well," he huffed and leaned back into the cushions, "he wanted people he could boss around. Little people he could lord over and have do his bidding, his dirty work. He was always coming up with these crazy schemes and convincing Alice or I, usually me, to do them. I looked up to him so I did what he wanted, and I always got in trouble. He was always blaming me for stuff, even stuff that I had no part in. That lasted until the day that I decided to stop following his lead and refused to listen to his plans anymore. That's when the headlocks and crap started. I guess he figured if he couldn't control me, he'd just make my life difficult instead."

I looked back at the page, trying to reconcile all the stories Edward and Alice had told me with the innocent face of the boy in the picture. I found it hard to do.

A week went by in the same fashion as the others, Edward treating me like a porcelain doll and me ignoring it, but it was getting harder to do. I kept having moments, when he would barely touch me as we walked down the hall, shielding my body from the others as we moved between classes, or when he would run and fetch things for me before I could even leave my seat, and my chest would get tight and I would feel the blood running faster through my veins. I wasn't sure what it was, and I didn't particularly like it. My head would feel light and I would have the urge to do something to alleviate the feeling but I couldn't think of what. It was starting to get frustrating. We walked into the kitchen after school on Friday and Esme was just hanging up the phone, a wide smile on her face as she turned to us.

"Your brother is coming to visit!"

Alice started bouncing with a smile as wide as her mother's. "Rose and Lily are coming too, right?"

"Of course they are. They'll be staying in their room for the weekend." Her smile faltered as she looked at me. "I know it's short notice, but they just decided to make a last minute trip. They've been wanting to come down to meet you for awhile now but this weekend was the first chance they've had. I hope you don't mind, dear."

I tried my best to smile for her, but even to me it felt forced. "Sure, no problem. Just give me a few minutes to move my stuff out of the guest room."

Esme looked confused for a moment before it cleared. "No, that isn't necessary. They'll be staying in their room on the third floor, across from Edward's. It's much larger and they need the space for the baby. I just meant that I hope it isn't too soon for you, having new people in the house. They're very excited to meet you, especially Emmett. He keeps going on about how he can't wait to meet his new little sister."

She turned to the fridge to get out ingredients for dinner as I rolled her words around my head. I wasn't sure if I was ready to find out if Emmett was still looking for minions.

A few hours later I was sitting on the sofa pretending to watch television and quietly dreading the impending arrivals. Esme was hard at work in the kitchen and I had been relegated here, like usual. I must have become more absorbed in the program than I thought because the sound of the front door slamming open took me completely by surprise. I froze on the cushions as I stared straight ahead, no longer seeing the television on the wall or anything at all, really. All of my energy went to remaining completely still and trying to become invisible. My heart was pounding in my throat as a deafening bellow rang out through the house.

"Mommy, I'm home!"

My heart rate slowed slightly as I realized that the sound wasn't Charlie coming to kill me but I still didn't move. I surmised that a voice that loud was probably attached to body just as big and my body instinctively knew to be wary. I could hear movement behind me and voices as the other members of the family came into the room but still I didn't move. I registered the voice I believed to be Emmett's at a slightly lower volume.

"Hey Mom, did you guys get a couch statue or is that my new sister?"

A moment later I was lifted into the air and I stiffened further, not liking that I couldn't get my bearings. I could register arms wrapped around me but couldn't get any air into my lungs as my face a pressed into a massive chest. Just as quickly as I had been picked up I was put down again and I looked up from the chest to the head above it. Cropped black hair and dancing green eyes, toothy grin and angelic dimples. Yep, this had to be Emmett. I didn't get long to examine his face as Edward quickly blocked my sight as he stepped between us. I could only see the back of his head as he faced Emmett, but his voice was furious.

"You can't just do that! Seriously, have you never learned to respect personal space? Can't you see she's terrified?" He turned his back to Emmett and laid a gentle hand on my cheek. "Are you alright, Bella? It's ok, I'm here. He won't hurt you."

I felt the tension of my terror quickly receding, but it was being replaced by the other feeling, the one I couldn't name. I knew I should have been touched by his concern, happy that he was protecting me, but I wasn't. I was just so tired of being different, not even able to meet Edward's brother without freaking out. Worse, I was tired of being treated like I was deficient in some way, like I couldn't do basic things for myself. I jerked my face away from his hand and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I'm fine, just stop it."

His arm dropped limply to his side as the hurt crept across his face. I looked over his shoulder to Emmett, still grinning but now looking a little concerned himself. I took a deep breath and smiled at him.

"Seriously, I'm good. You just startled me a little."

His grin grew wider and he looked rather proud of himself. "Yeah, no one expects the Emmett Surprise Hug Attack." He leaned around Edward to whisper loudly in my ear. "That's why it's a surprise."

"Emmett, bags."

We both looked to the sound of the voice and I saw the stunning blond from the pictures on the wall, the mess of blond hair from the limp child in her arms mixing with her own.

"I need to lay Lily down and I can't carry her and the luggage so get to it, Lurch."

Emmett smiled at me again before moving to pick up the bags he seemed to have dropped beside the door. He hefted them easily in his bulging arms and moved to the stairs. The blond walked to stand in front of me, surprisingly graceful despite the sleeping child she was holding.

"Sorry about the bear, he gets overexcited. I swear, sometimes I wonder if I'm raising two two-year-olds. I'm Rosalie, by the way. I'd shake your hand or something but they're a little occupied right now."

I chuckled and stepped aside so she could move to the stairs. I watched her go and then turned back to the room. Edward was sitting on the sofa, sending worried glances at me from the corners of his eyes. Esme and Alice stood by the door, watching me with matching expressions of concern.

"What?"

They all kept looking at me.

"What? I'm fine. See, talking and everything. Is dinner almost ready?"

Esme composed her face to answer. "About half an hour, dear. Are you alright-?"

I interrupted, "I'm just going to go up to the guest room until dinner's ready, if that's ok."

Esme pursed her lips as she adopted a patient expression. "That's fine. I'll call you when it's ready."

I moved quickly to the stairs and didn't stop until I reached the guest room, closing the door behind me.

Dinner was a lively affair, Emmett regaling everyone with stories about Lily and the business and whatever else came to his mind. Rosalie was more quiet but never failed to put Emmett in his place when he started to get too boisterous. I could see what she meant about raising another two-year-old. The man was like a giant child, but in good way. He was energetic and funny and I could see a lot of Alice in him. I kept looking between Carlisle's blond hair and Emmett's dark curls. Esme must have noticed because she answered my unspoken question.

"Emmett and Alice take after my father, at least with the hair. Alice is built just like my mother and Edward has my grandmother's hair. The eyes come straight from my daddy though."

Carlisle's voice sounded from the other end of the table. "None of them look like me. If I were a less trusting man I may have been worried." His shoulders shook as he laughed.

The conversation flowed easily through the meal and then everyone was standing up to clear their plates. Edward took mine with his and moved to the kitchen. Emmett stopped en route and looked back at me with a quizzical arch of his brow.

"What, Bella can't carry her own plate?"

Edward stopped midstride and looked at him, then at me. Esme stopped also, balancing a stack of dishes in her hands.

"Emmett, really it's not-"

Emmett ignored her and kept his eyes on me. "Come on, little sis. Family helps. Get your ass in the kitchen."

I rose from my seat and followed him dumbly into the kitchen. I helped to rinse the plates and glasses and load them into the dishwasher. I felt better than I had in weeks, like I was being useful. After the last dish had been loaded we were left with only the pans that had to be washed by hand. Esme moved to the sink but Rosalie shooed her away.

"No, no, you cooked, we can handle these. Can't we, Bella?"

I looked at her in surprise but was quick to respond. "Sure, Rosalie. I'm happy to help."

She smiled, moving to the sink to start the water. Alice popped up beside me.

"I can help too."

Rosalie turned her head but continued placing pans in the sink. "We've got this. Go catch up with your brother, you've haven't seen him in months. I know he wants to grill you about Jasper. Go."

Alice looked at me for a moment before moving reluctantly to the door. Edward hovered in the doorway, watchful as always. Rosalie seemed to sense him in the room because she turned her head again.

"You too, Edward. I'm not going to drown her in the dishwater so there's no need for you to hover like a mother hen."

With a final look at me he turned and left the room and Rosalie and I were alone. I stepped beside her at the sink and she handed me a dish towel.

"I'll wash, you dry."

We worked in silence for the next few minutes as I watched her scrub, trying to think of something to say. Rosalie broke the silence before I could come up with anything.

"So, Esme told me about your dad." She glanced at me and then back to the sink, never stopping her scrubbing. I gripped the towel between my hands, not sure how to respond. She seemed to sense my agitation.

"Not everything, I'm sure, just the big stuff. How are you doing? Really?"

I leaned against the counter, still wringing the towel in my hands. I had just met Rosalie, but I felt like I could talk to her, and really I just wanted to talk to someone who wouldn't handle me with kid gloves. From what I had seen of Rosalie, she wasn't one to pull punches.

"Honestly? I'd be doing a lot better if everyone would stop tip-toeing around me."

She looked at me expectantly but didn't respond, so I continued to let it all out.

"I'm so grateful for everything the Cullens have done for me, and I'm really happy here. But they keep acting like I'm going to freak out about the smallest things. I mean, I get it, I'm damaged and all that, but I'm not made of glass. I've been basically taking care of myself for the last seventeen years, and they act like all of a sudden I'm too traumatized to wash dishes? Or do my own laundry? Hell, Edward acts like I can't walk down the hallway at school without his assistance. I mean…god…I've been dealing with these people for years and they've always known I was a freak. The only difference is that now they have some idea of why I didn't talk." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to slow my heart that was now racing. I looked at Rosalie and she smirked back at me, handing me a roasting pan to dry.

"Sounds like you've got some pent up aggression you need to get out."

I took the pan and absently started to dry it. "No, no it's not that. I-"

"Hey, it's ok. You're allowed to be pissed. If they were all treating me like some kind of invalid I'd sure as hell be pissed off. You can't hold that shit in. You just need to find a suitable outlet."

I thought about this for a moment before I heard Emmett's voice from the doorway.

"Coming in."

Rosalie seemed to stiffen for moment, but it passed so quickly that I couldn't be sure. Emmett moved behind her, slipping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

"I'm beat from the drive, babe. I think I'm gonna hit the sack early. You coming up soon?"

She leaned her cheek against his. "Yeah, as soon as I'm done here. I want to get up early."

He turned his head slightly to kiss her cheek and retracted his arms. He surprised me thoroughly when he stepped to me and put an arm around my shoulder, gently kissing my temple. He stepped back and ruffled my hair with his paw of a hand, looking at me with a dimpled grin.

"Night, little sis. I'll see you in the morning."

I had no response as he walked out of the room. Rosalie just raised an eyebrow at me and went back to her washing. I dried and put away the pans in front of me, but then I thought of a question.

"Why do you want to get up early? Isn't it your vacation?"

Rosalie smirked at me as she let the water from the sink and dried her hands. She hung the towel on the rod and settled her hands in her back pockets, stretching her back as she did so.

"Because, girly-girl, we are going on a field trip. I'm gonna show you how to get that aggression out before you take a claw hammer to Eddie's balls. G'night."

My mouth hung open in shock as I watched her saunter from the room.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

BPOV

I woke up Saturday morning to the world's most annoying earthquake. It was not annoying because of the shaking I was enduring, or the fact that it felt entirely too early to be waking up, although that certainly wasn't fun. It was annoying because it sang.

"Bella…Bella…BELLA!"

I cracked my eyes open to see Alice, looking much too perky as she jumped on my bed. As soon as she saw my eyes open she stopped jumping and pounced on me while I groaned.

"Aliiiice. It's too damn early. Look, the sun isn't even up yet."

She looked nonplussed as she turned her head to the window and then back to me.

"Bella, it's Forks. It always looks like that. It's after 10 o'clock, we just let you sleep in. Come on, I've been up for hours and I want to get going. Rose had me find this awesome place and I can't wait for you to see it."

She jumped off the bed and walked to the dresser. She pulled out clothes and threw them at me just as I sat up.

"Alice," I said as sweetly as I could while pulling the bundles of cloth off my face, "where is that we're going today?"

Alice worried her bottom lip between her teeth and looked furtively at the door. "It's a surprise. It'll be fun, I promise, just…try to keep an open mind, ok?"

I looked at her as I clutched the clothes in my hands. She was dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, very un-Alice, even for a Saturday. I laid the clothes she had thrown me down on the bed. Sweatpants, a t-shirt and a sports bra. Hmm, my interest was piqued. I looked back up at my best friend trying to stealthily make her way to the door.

"Ok, Alice, I'll keep an open mind, but you'd better start to make some sense soon."

Alice smirked as she took the remaining steps to the door. "I always make sense, Bella. It's just that sometimes you don't know it until after the fact."

She slipped through the bedroom door and I slid out of bed to get dressed.

We drove through the rain to Port Angeles, Rosalie and Alice chattering in the front seats while I sulked in the back. Neither would give me any information on where we were going and I didn't like it all. I figured it had to be something physical considering how we were all dressed but I couldn't imagine what physical activity they could think that I would possibly enjoy. Rosalie didn't know about my near crippling lack of coordination but Alice did and she said that she had found the place. I tried to just sit back and trust that she wouldn't force me to do something that was out of my abilities, but the gnawing unease in my stomach wouldn't go away.

We finally arrived in town and drove to a building I didn't recognize, though that didn't mean much as I had spent much time in Port Angeles. I took in my surroundings as I exited the car. It was a nondescript store front, no signage in front and no windows. The apprehension grew. Alice walked straight inside while Rosalie paused on the sidewalk to wait for me. The rain had lessened slightly but her ponytail was still getting wet as I reached the place where she stood.

"Ok, I realize that this might seem weird to you but I really think that you need an outlet and a place like this was really good for me. I hope you'll give it a chance."

I wanted to refuse, to pout in the car like a child until it was time to go home, but I didn't. I mustered out a terse "fine" and followed Rosalie through the door. As I looked around the room I couldn't stop from gaping at what I saw.

_What did I get myself into? _

EPOV

I woke to thunder so loud it shook my bed. I startled awake to find that the storm had actually entered my room and took the form of my stupid brother.

"Come on, Eddie, up and at 'em. The girls have gone out and Mom and Dad are fawning all over Lily and I'm bored and I want to hang with my favorite brother."

"I'm your only brother." I grumbled as I pulled a pillow over my head. Said pillow was promptly yanked away and used to hit me in the face.

"Dude, it's an expression. Although, you never know. Dad could've gotten frisky in college. We could have a whole parcel of bastard siblings we don't know about."

"Ugh." I threw the pillow at him. He easily dodged it and smirked at me. "Seriously, what did I say last night about personal space? You don't just come in my room and…" I trailed off as what he had said finally registered in my brain. "What do mean the girls are gone? Bella's gone? Where? Where did they go?"

Emmett shrugged and sat down on the couch on the far side of the room. "Fuck if I know. They just said they were kidnapping Bella for 'girl time' and I needed to watch Lily. Of course, Mom took full advantage and has commandeered her for the duration. I swear, the woman can't get enough of that baby. Not that I blame her, she's fucking cute."

I sat up in the bed and stared at my blankets.

_Where would they go? What does girl time consist of? Are they shopping or something? Why wouldn't Bella tell me, or at least come to say good-bye before she left?_

_Because you were sleeping, dumbass. _

_She still could have said something. _

_But, she's been so distant lately. She hardly talks to me at all. Maybe she just wanted to get away from me. _

I felt a full-on pout coming on as I looked back at my brother. I was looking at his feet, as he was now sitting upside-down, his giant shoes against the wall and his head on the floor.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting a new perspective. You should try it sometime." He pushed his feet from the wall and managed a fairly graceful backward somersault for a man his size. Once he was back on his feet he turned to me again. "Come on, get up. Let's go do something."

All I wanted to do was wallow in my bed until Bella came home, but I knew that that would only allow my mind to taunt me further. I figured if I was going to be taunted, it might as well come from outside my head.

"Fine, just let me shower and get dressed."

Emmett started his way across the room. "No reason to get fancy for me Eddie. Just put on some clothes and I'll meet you downstairs in ten."

Twenty minutes later we were standing in Sully's Pool Hall and the taunting I had been anticipating had started full force.

"Come on, Eddie. If that's how you're gonna play I might as well have brought Rosie. At least she knows how to handle a stick."

He waggled his eyebrows as I clenched my teeth and moved around the table to line up my shot. "I know that I've told you this countless times, but I'm going to try again. My name is Edward. Not Eddie, not Ed, not Eduardo. Just Edward. You should be able to get it right by now. For god's sake, you were there when they named me."

I lined up the red stripe and leaned over to take the shot. Emmett just kept talking.

"Simmer down, Edwina, I just like messing with you. Besides, if I can't tease my baby brother who can I?"

I banked off the side but the ball glanced just off the pocket. I hissed and further clenched my jaw. My game was off, and it had nothing to do with Emmett's incessant teasing and everything to do with what had been bothering me for weeks.

Bella.

I had been more than excited when it was decided that she would be staying with us and I was determined to show her how safe she was. Then I had to go postal in the meadow and scare her. I'd never forget the look on her face that day and I never wanted to see it again. I'd been extra careful with her since, make sure to be nothing but gentle and calm, but it didn't help. She just seemed to be getting more and more distant and I was completely at a loss as what to do about it.

Emmet sunk his ball and moved on to another, rounding the table to stand next to me. He leaned over the table but turned his head to look at me.

"Hey bro, what's eating you? You've been acting pissy since we got here and it's getting old. So come on, tell your big brother all about it."

I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. I knew I was setting myself up for disaster in talking to Emmett, but I did need to talk to someone, and he was here. I took in another deep breath as he looked at me expectantly.

"Ok, there is something."

He cocked an eyebrow but didn't respond, just stood up and leaned against his cue as he watched me. I mirrored his stance and continued.

"I think I messed up, with Bella. You know about her…situation?" He nodded and I went on. "Well, I kind of went off awhile back. Not on her, but in front of her and I think she's scared of me. I've been trying my best to show her that I'm not going to hurt her but she's not really talking to me anymore and I just…I don't know what to do."

His brow furrowed as he thought for a moment. His eyebrows reminded me of caterpillars and I was tempted to swat at them but instead just gripped my cue tighter as I waited for him to finish. Finally his forehead smoothed and he looked me in the eye.

"Ok, little brother, I don't know her that well, or at all really, but from what I've seen of Bella she's a smart girl. She should know that you won't hurt her and I haven't seen anything to indicate that she's scared of you. If anything, she looks pissed off."

I blinked. Bella was angry? I didn't think she was capable. I tried to think back to all the time I'd known her and I couldn't think of a single time that I'd seen her angry. Emmett had to be mistaken. He must have seen the incredulity on my face because he rushed to continue.

"Hey, if there's one thing I know it's a pissed off woman and yours is hot. As in, ready to blow. The look she gave you when you tried to 'save' her from me should have melted your face. I can't believe you can't see it. I can see where she's coming from though."

It was my turn to wrinkle my forehead. "What do you mean?"

He laughed and walked to the rack on the wall to chalk his cue. He blew the blue dust from the end and walked back to the table, leaning over again to take his shot. He spoke without taking his eyes off the table.

"You guys are all treating her like she's incompetent. You jumping in to save her last night, not letting her help with stuff. I mean she's supposed to be a member of the family right? How's she supposed to feel like family when Mom won't even let her do stuff that she makes Jasper do? And you, you treat her like she some scared little baby, ready to cower in a corner at the slightest thing. It took me awhile to learn all Rose's triggers and I messed up a lot in the beginning, but she'd be raving if I tried to treat her like she couldn't take care of herself or that she was weak somehow. I mean, seriously, your girl has been through hell and come out of it whole, without your assistance. What makes you think she needs you to coddle her now?"

I rocked on my heels as I thought about what he'd said. We weren't treating Bella like she was incompetent. Were we? I mean, it only made sense that she take it easy after all the stress she'd been through. And the assholes at school weren't making things easy for her, I needed to at least try to lessen that for her. I told her I'd protect her, that I'd show her how much she meant to me. Had I gone too far in the other direction?

Emmett sunk another ball and moved to the other side of the table. I gritted my teeth against what I was about to do, but it needed to be done. I just hoped I'd survive it.

"Em?"

He looked up at me, smirk firmly in place, and waited while I mustered my courage.

"I need your help."

His smirk grew into a full-blown grin and the dimples came out to play. I knew that I'd pay for this, but if anyone knew how to get out of the dog house, it was Emmett. I just hoped I wouldn't pick up any fleas.

BPOV

I looked around at awe of the room in front of me. There were only a few people in the room and none of them were paying us any attention. There were weights against one wall and punching bags along another. The faint scent of sweat mixed with bleach in the air and the only sounds were the slight grunts I could hear from the men circling each other in the massive ring in the center of the space. I was in shock.

I could see Alice across the room talking to an older man in gray sweats, a white gym towel around his neck. Rosalie was standing to the side of the ring, watching the men as they danced around each other with an impassive face. I shuffled to her side as I tried to get my mouth to close.

_I can't do this. She..they…she can't expect me to do this._

Rosalie looked to me as I reached her and raised her brow in question.

"So what do you think?"

I finally succeeded in closing my mouth only to open it again.

"What do I think? I think you're crazy if you think I can do that!" I gestured vaguely to the pugilistic display happening a few feet away. One of the men took a hard hit to the face and I cringed. "I can't, Rosalie. I don't want to hurt anyone and really don't want to get hit by anybody." _Not again_, I added in my head.

Rosalie face was compassionate as she put an arm around my shoulder and steered me away from the ring, toward the punching bags. Alice skipped over to us, a collection of what looked like boxing gloves in her arms. She dropped the gloves on a bench that sat along the wall and pulled out some kind of cloth. She started wrapping her left hand with the cloth while I stared at her and then Rosalie. I crossed my arms across my chest.

"What the hell is going on?"

Rosalie turned to face me fully, placing her hands on my shoulders so I couldn't turn away.

"Bella, this is a boxing gym."

I rolled my eyes and waited for her to go on. She huffed but kept talking.

"Alice and I met at a gym like this in Seattle. I used to train there. She came in to learn kickboxing and I helped her. That's how I met Emmett also, although he never actually trained with me."

I nodded as I let this sink in. So now I knew how Rosalie and Emmett had actually met, but what did this have to do with me? She answered my unspoken question.

"My gym in Seattle was like my second home and it helped me, a lot. I used the boxing to get out all of the emotions that didn't have an outlet elsewhere and it helped me to not lose it on other people. I used to be quite a bitch."

Alice snorted but continued wrapping, now moving to her other hand. She seemed to know what she was doing and it made me curious.

"Alice, you do this?" I gestured toward the ring with my head. She flicked her eyes to the grunting men and wrinkled her nose as she looked back at me.

"No, I don't beat on sweaty guys in a ring. But I do kickbox, and a little bit of some other stuff Rose taught me but I'm nowhere near an expert. Emmett always worried that people would pick on me, with how small I am and how many times we'd have to move to new places. He knew he couldn't always be with me so he wanted to make sure I could defend myself. He taught me some self-defense stuff and then I started coming by myself. I'll tell you though, Rose is a much better teacher."

I looked back at the blond Amazon in front of me, her blue eyes looking at me earnestly.

"Don't worry, Bella, I won't let you get hurt. We'll just try some basic stuff today, and if you don't like it then we don't have to come back. I just want you to start to see that you're not helpless and it's ok to feel what you're feeling, if only here."

I felt the confusion wash over me. I didn't even know what I was feeling lately, how the hell did she?

"What am I feeling?"

She stepped closer to me and her eyes bore into mine.

"You know that feeling, when your chest gets tight and your head is fuzzy and you just want to do something, anything to feel right again?"

I nodded dumbly, my mouth hanging open a little at her. I had no idea how she knew, but she'd gotten it exactly right. She smiled slightly.

"That's rage, Bella, and it needs an outlet or you're going to do or say something that you'll regret. Believe me, I know."

I was curious about the brief flash of pain I saw in her eyes but I didn't think this was the best place to ask about it. Alice finished wrapping her hands and walked over to us. Her eyes were cautious, but hopeful.

"So, what do you say Bella? Do you want to try?"

I looked from her to Rosalie. I was nervous, and scared, and a host of other things, but most of all, I was excited. If this could help alleviate the feelings that had been building for the last few weeks, I was all for it.

Alice wrapped my hands as Rosalie did her own. I noticed a few curious glances from some men over by the weights but they never approached us, probably because of the icy glare Rosalie sent their way. Even I shivered, and I wasn't even on the receiving end of it. After my hands were wrapped Rosalie took me through some basic punches, saying that were would just focus on hands for today. I had no idea how she thought I was going to be able to coordinate hands and feet, but I let her lead me through the exercises anyway. Alice slipped on some gloves, moved to a large hanging bag next to us and started some exercises of her own, going through the punches Rosalie had just shown me but almost too fast for me to see. I was amazed that I had never known she could do that. Rosalie looked up from correcting my form to watch her for a moment.

"You're getting slow, Alice. What have you been doing?"

She paused for moment to look sheepishly at Rosalie. "I've been…" her eyes flicked to me "…busy."

I lowered my eyes to my hands as Rosalie continued her instructions. I felt horrible for taking up so much of Alice's time that it kept her from something she obviously enjoyed and I vowed to never do that again. I was going to get my shit together so I could be as good a friend to her as she'd been to me. As Rosalie watched me through the mirror we stood in front of she started to speak.

"Bella, did you wonder why Esme spoke to me about your father?"

I faltered slightly in my form and Rosalie corrected me but made no move to go on. So I answered.

"I guess it just didn't seem odd that she'd warn you before you came down. You saw how I reacted to Emmett. I'm still not quite…normal yet, I guess."

Rosalie's face tightened and she seemed to be struggling with something for a moment before she took a deep breath and spoke again.

"She didn't tell me to warn me. She called to ask for advice."

I looked at her in confusion but she was looking determinedly at my hands so I returned to the motions as she continued.

"My dad died when I was four. My mom and I were really close, until I was fourteen and she met…him." She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and went on. "Royce King was some rich asshole she met at the restaurant she worked at. He wined her, dined her, and charmed his way into our house in under six months. I thought it was sudden, but mom was happy, so I didn't want to rock the boat." She took another deep breath. I could feel that something bad was coming, and I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it. But this was Rosalie's story, and if she wanted to share it, I was going to listen.

"At first he was nice. Almost too nice, you know? Like he'd always tell me how pretty I was or complement what I had on. I thought he was just sucking up, trying to get on my good side for Mom's sake. But just after I turned fifteen it started to get weird. He'd brush against me in the hall or hug me for too long and I was feeling uncomfortable. I told Mom but she brushed it off, saying he was just affectionate and she'd talk to him about not being so touchy-feely with me. And it was better, for awhile. Then he started coming home early, while Mom was still at work. I'd usually just hide in my room and ignore him, but sometimes I'd see him staring at me from the hallway and it creeped me out. I tried to avoid him, but he always seemed to be where I was, just watching me." She visibly stiffened and I instinctively did too, dreading what I feared was coming.

"One night, Mom was working late. I was in the kitchen, washing dishes, and he came up behind me. He pinned me to the counter and I couldn't move. I'll spare you the details, but I lost something at that sink that I'll never get back."

Hers eyes met mine in the mirror and I watched as a tear rolled down her cheek. I saw my own fall as well.

"Things were bad after that. I was so angry and I didn't know what to do with it. I lashed out, at everyone. My mom thought I had gone crazy. I couldn't tell her what happened, I figured she wouldn't believe me after the last time. So I lived in hell and tried to take everyone else with me. I made my mom miserable. Finally, one day I just snapped. Mom came up behind me and without thinking I turned around and hit her. I'll never forget the look on her face. It was like she'd never seen me before. She started crying, saying she didn't understand what she'd done to make me hate her so much. So I told her. I told her that she'd married a pedophile rapist who got his kicks forcing himself on teenage girls while their mothers slept in the next room." Her eyes hardened further. "She called me a liar."

I gasped and then stopped breathing, stopped moving, just…stopped. Rosalie gently reset my hands and silently urged me to keep going while her eyes met mine again.

"I left that night. I went and stayed with my aunt Cindy and finished high school there. I haven't seen my mother since."

I couldn't help but ask. "Is she…?" Rosalie seemed to sense the question I couldn't finish.

"They're still married. I hear about them from Cindy sometimes, but I've never had the inclination to see for myself. I still love my mother, but I can't let myself be around them, around him. And my baby girl will never set foot in that house. Not while he's still breathing." The look in Rosalie's eyes left no doubt in my mind that if she had the opportunity, Royce King wouldn't be breathing for long. She took another breath and some of the tension seemed to drain from her shoulders.

"It took some time, but eventually I got tired of feeling helpless. I needed a way to get my power back, to take back some of the control he'd taken from me. So I found my gym and I learned to fight. I know that violence isn't the answer to anything, but it made me feel strong, to know that I could do something to make sure that it never happened again. I still have my moments. For you it's loud, I could tell that last night. For me it's quiet. I can't take whispers in a quiet room or anyone coming up behind me. Good thing Emmett doesn't know the meaning of the word quiet." She smiled and I had to smile back.

"So that's why, last night?"

She nodded at the mirror. "He knows to announce himself. Took him a few blows to the head but he eventually learned what my triggers were and how to avoid them. He's a good man, from a good family. I hope you'll let Edward in enough to learn yours."

I could only nod as I tried to process all that Rosalie had told me. I could definitely empathize with feeling out of control and helpless. I'd been feeling that way most of my life. I put renewed efforts into learning the forms she was teaching me, hoping that they could do for me what they had done for her.

After a few more minutes Rosalie lead me to the bag hanging next to Alice and instructed me to start trying out some my punches. I was tentative at first, barely touching the heavy canvas but as I got more comfortable the punches got harder. After awhile Rosalie stopped me and turned me to look at her again. I wiped the sweat that had collected on my forehead with the back of my hand and pushed the hair that had escaped my ponytail behind my ears. Rosalie looked at me with a serious expression for a moment before she spoke.

"Ok, Bella, you're doing really well. I think you're ready to add something."

I immediately started shaking my head. "No, Rosalie, I can't do kicks. My feet betray me when I'm just trying to walk and if I try to kick something I'm going to fall on my ass. Please, I'm not ready. Can't I just keep punching stuff? I'm kind of digging the punching."

She stifled a laugh before she schooled herself and her expression became serious again.

"First, you can call me Rose. I think you've earned it. Second, I wasn't going to start you on kicking yet. I want to try something else for me."

She turned me toward the bag again and had me raise my hands. She stood close behind me and spoke in a low voice in my ear.

"As you're punching, I want to you to think about what it is that makes you angry. I want you to imagine that the bag is that thing. I want you to hit that bag as if you're beating the living shit out of whatever is making you mad, or scared, or helpless, or whatever. I want you to let the feelings flow through your arms and into the bag. Don't worry, the bag can take it." She paused. "You don't have to carry it anymore."

I almost wanted to cry at her words. I didn't want to carry it anymore. The pain and the fear and every negative emotion I'd been carrying with me for the last seventeen years. I was done. I was ready to let it go. So I curled my fists and hit. And then I hit again. I thought about everything I'd been through. I thought about Renee. I thought about how it felt that she'd left me, abandoned me to save herself, expected me to take the pain that she couldn't take herself.

I punched harder.

I thought about all the people who had ever seen me bruised, or limping, or frozen in my seat because someone dropped a book or slammed a door or laughed too loud at school and never did anything or asked me what was wrong.

I punched harder.

I thought about Charlie. I thought about his face as he'd hit me, calling me names and telling me I was nothing, less than nothing. That I wasn't worth the life he'd given me. Reminding me how easily he could take it away.

I hit the bag. I hit it for every time I'd been hit. I moved for every time I'd been frozen. As I swung and the tears rolled down my face, I cried for every time I'd been told not to cry. Just then an image of Charlie popped into my head, yelling at me to be quiet.

"No."

It was quiet, but it felt good, so I said it again, louder.

"No."

I could hear Rose behind me, encouraging me. I could hear Alice with her, but I saw nothing but my fists as the Charlie in my head kept screaming.

_You're nothing. You're not fit to breathe. Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. SHUT UP!_

"NO!"

I knew I was screaming but I didn't care. I kept swinging at the bag and saying everything I'd wanted to say for all those years.

"NO, I will NOT shut up! You're the one who's nothing! You're weak! You're pathetic! Can't even take on someone your own size! It's not my fault! It was never my fault! I HATE YOU!"

My fist connected with the bag and I immediately shrieked at the pain that shot up my arm.

"OW!"

I clutched my right hand to my chest, both arms feeling like lead and looked at Alice and Rose. They were both watching me, tears running from their eyes, but Alice's also held something other than pain.

Shock.

"Did you just say…ow?"

I nodded and flexed my fingers. I felt another twinge of pain, nowhere near as bad as the first but still strange. I hadn't felt pain in so long it seemed like something foreign. I flexed again. Alice came over to me and Rose came to inspect my hand. She gently took off the glove and unwrapped the wrapping beneath. I saw the blood from the broken skin on my knuckles but was in too much awe from the sensations I was feeling as looked over my hand. I could feel the warmth of her fingers, the softness of her skin on mine. I was dumbfounded.

"It doesn't look like you broke anything but we should probably have Carlisle look just to be sure. Are you ok to go home?"

I looked at her and then at Alice. Alice was still staring at me in amazement and I couldn't disagree.

"You felt that? You felt, pain?"

I nodded again, my throat feeling scratchy from the screaming. I stared at her, willing my eyes to convey everything I was feeling at that moment. She seemed to understand, and her eyes started to well up again. I looked at Rose as she gazed at us, her eyes still wet but calm.

"How do you feel?"

I looked at my hand and back at her, smiling so big I thought my face would crack and giving her the most honest answer I could.

"I feel…everything."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

I could feel everything. I could feel the throbbing pain radiating from my wrist to my elbow and down through my fingers. I could feel the sweat on my skin and how my t-shirt was clinging uncomfortably to my back. I could feel the warmth of Rose's hand on my arm. I could feel the pounding of my heart in my chest. I could actually feel the smile slide from my face as I looked at Rose. I could feel everything. Including the panic rising in my throat.

"Are you ok, Bella? You're going pale on me."

If I tried hard enough I'd bet I could feel the blood draining from my face. Everything was so intense, more intense than I remembered sensation being. Even the colors seemed more vibrant, the blue in Rose's concerned eyes standing out starkly against the whites of her eyes and the darker lashes.

_Seriously, who wears mascara to the gym? _

"Bella. Bella! Come on, honey, say something. Alice, what's wrong? Is she ok?"

Was I ok? That was a very loaded question. Physically I seemed to be fine. I could run the check on my body without thought after so many years of practice, although this time I did it without the visual aid. My wrist throbbed, but it wasn't too bad. I imagined if it was broken it would hurt worse and I could still move my fingers so I assumed it was fine. My knuckles stung, but nothing major. I had more than enough experience with scrapes from the years before the numbness. No, physically I was fine, or at least I would be. Mentally…that was another story altogether.

Seven years. Seven years I had been numb to the injuries of life, of my life. I had handled broken arms, cuts, scrapes, burns, bruising beatings and head injuries without ever needing to feel the physical pain to know how bad it was. I hadn't made a conscious decision to block those feelings out. If I had known how I would have done it years sooner. Now here I was, standing in a cement block pugilistic playground and having to face the very real possibility that I would have to suffer all those pains for the rest of my days. I didn't have to worry about Charlie inflicting those on me, I could do that well enough all by myself. Most people don't think about it, but if they could, would they really want to feel it every time they stubbed their toe, or tripped and fell? Would they want it if they did those things as often as I did? I could probably break a bone or two just trying to walk down some stairs. Hell, with my luck I'd probably fall down the stairs and out a window.

"Rose, help me get her to the car. We need to get her to Dad, I think she's in shock or something."

Shock. Yeah, that's the word for it. Complete and utter shock. I felt someone trying to lead me away but it was difficult, as my feet felt frozen to the floor. Everything felt frozen, locked in place the way I seemed to be locked inside myself. You would think I could just respond to Rose and Alice, tell them I was reeling but ok, but no, I couldn't make a sound. The words were there, pushing against the back of my throat but it refused to open to let them past.

Somehow the girls got my body to shuffle between them until we were outside again. They deposited me in the backseat and one of them buckled my seatbelt. I couldn't tell which one as I was basically just seeing colored blurs at that point. It was complete sensory overload and it was just too much. It was like I was being attacked from all sides. The smell of the leather of the upholstery was overpowering, mixed with the lingering aroma of Esme's perfume that had permeated the car and the vague hint of sweat coming from me. The seat I sat on was cold and smooth but stuck to my clammy palm as I ran it along a seam. The noise of the engine was quiet but still deafening to my ears, as was the whispered conversation from the front seat. I didn't even try to listen, as they weren't talking to me and I didn't really care what they were saying anyhow. The worst thing was how everything was still so blurry, colors and shapes smearing together into some melted watercolor canvas that my brain couldn't make sense of. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my eyes, to try to find some way back to myself. But that right there was the problem. That was where I was stuck, inside myself. I was used to retreating inside my head when things would get too hard to take outside, but I could always find my way out when I needed to. This time, although I knew that I should be able to, I couldn't draw myself together enough to focus outward.

_Come on, Bella, time to regroup. So you can feel now. Is that really so bad? _

_Uh, yeah, it's that bad. I'm a clumsy freak. I'll be in pain all the time. _

_But this means you can feel other things too. Like people. Good things that you want to feel. _

I thought about that for a second. It was true that I had somewhat missed human contact during the numb years, but I hadn't really thought about it until Edward came along. Now I would be able to feel all people, not just the special ones that somehow broke through the barrier my mind had put in place. I could finally take a step toward being normal, the one thing that I truly wanted. And if I really wanted to be normal this would have had to happen eventually, so why not now? Of course I already knew the answer to that. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be normal.

The seatbelt tightened across my chest as the car jerked to a stop. I heard doors open and close and then the restricting fabric was removed and I was being lifted. The arms I was in weren't ones I had felt before, but the faint scent of antiseptic gave me a clue that this was probably Carlisle. I felt the air moving past and then the soft fabric of the sofa cushions under me. I tried to see but what should have been a familiar room was just another abstract painting. So I sat, and I stared, and I waited for something to happen.

I blinked against the bright light that was shone into my eyes and then blinked more at the spots that swam across my field of vision after it was gone. Carlisle's voice came from directly in front of me and I tried to focus on him, or the blur that I figured was him. His voice was trying to be soothing. I refused to be soothed.

"Bella, sweetheart, do you hear me? Can you respond to what I'm saying?"

I blinked.

"Bella, I want you to blink twice for yes and once for no. Are you in pain?"

I blinked once.

"Can you speak?"

Once again.

"Alright, Bella, I want you to focus on me. Focus on the sound of my voice. I know that you must be overwhelmed right now and that's alright. I just want you to focus on me right now. Can you do that?"

I blinked twice.

"Ok, now, can you see me?"

Once.

"I'm sitting right in front of you. We're going to take this one thing at a time. Now, I'm going to take a look at your arm. I'll be very careful, I promise."

I felt my arm being pulled from where it was still curled against my chest and laid gently on my lap. Carlisle's fingers were cool against my wrist as he probed the bones on one side, then the other.

"Can you squeeze my fingers?"

I focused all my energy on my hand, willing the fingers to close. After several strained seconds they responded, first spastically twitching, then squeezing to a fist and back again.

"That's good, Bella. Does it hurt to move them?"

I blinked once.

"Good. Now, focus on me. Listen to my voice. I want you try to focus your eyes on me. Try to see me. You're safe here, nothing's going to hurt you. Just try to see me."

I tried. I saw the colors I associated with him, the pale gold of his hair, the cerulean of his eyes, but the shapes refused to come together. It was just a fuzzy shape of a face, no distinct lines that would make up the man holding my injured hand so gently in his own. Seems my body wasn't ready to stop betraying me yet.

"Can you see me, Bella?"

Once.

He sighed and squeezed my hand. "It's alright, sweetheart. Your brain is in sensory overload right now. I'm sure that everything will return to normal as you reacclimate. It'll just take some time. As for your wrist, I think it's just sprained. I have a brace in my office. Will you be alright while I go get it?"

I blinked once and then closed my eyes. I didn't want to see anymore shapes and colors. I wanted distinct lines and recognizable feelings. I wanted to be some semblance of normal, either my own normal or everyone else's. Now I was more of a freak than I had been before.

I heard Carlisle's footsteps returning and so didn't startle when he touched the hand in my lap, although it was so strange to be able to feel that light touch. It was going to take a long time before being able to feel things wasn't going to be a novelty. I hissed as he prodded my wrist again, although it was more of a stinging than actual pain at that point. Then I realized, I had made a sound. Carlisle seemed to realize it at the same time.

"Bella, can you speak?"

I pushed at the words lodged in my throat, but they wouldn't budge. The best I could do was a sort of muffled whimper. He patted my hand and continued stabilizing my wrist.

"That's alright. Just give it time."

Without thinking I nodded my head. Well, it appeared that my body was slowly coming back to itself. My thoughts felt a bit more focused too. That was certainly a relief. I cautiously opened my eyes. The colors swam in front me again, but as I blinked they cleared and coalesced into familiar shapes. I took in Carlisle, his blond head bent over my arm. I could see all the lines, all the details. I was back.

I was about to open my mouth to try to speak again when the front door opened and Edward rushed inside. Near instantly he was by my side, holding my face in his hand and looking into my eyes.

"Bella, what happened? Alice said you got hurt but she wouldn't say how."

I opened my mouth but Carlisle jumped in.

"She sprained her wrist and has some abrasions to her knuckles. It's not serious and she'll be fine in a couple of days. More importantly, she seems to have recovered sensation. She felt pain when she injured her wrist and the sensory overload has put her into a bit of shock. She's been unable to speak since it happened but I think that's starting to pass."

Edward jumped in before I could tell them that it was indeed passing.

"But how did she sprain her wrist, or hurt her knuckles?"

I closed my mouth and huffed through my nose. Apparently I wasn't needed for this conversation. Carlisle answered him.

"You'll have to ask Alice or Rosalie how exactly it happened. They were at a boxing gym as I understand it."

One of the offending parties must have walked into the room behind me because Edward's head snapped up and his gaze zeroed in somewhere above my head.

"A boxing gym? What were you thinking? It's no wonder she's in shock, she must have been terrified!"

Ok, now I was starting to get mad. So was Rose.

"Listen, Eddie," I could actually hear the sneer in her voice, "she did just fine. Great even. And, in case you missed the important part of what was just said, she can feel again. I'd think you could focus on that."

He looked back to me.

"You can feel? Like, really feel?"

I nodded. His eyes softend for a moment as his thumb caressed the side of my face. Then they hardened again as he looked back at Rose.

"That doesn't change the fact that you had no right to take her there. Violence is the last thing that she needs and I doubt that she agreed to go there. You had no right to make that kind of decision for her."

I moved my face from his grip and stood. He looked up at me, surprised.

"Bella, what is it?"

I shook my head and moved toward the stairs. I felt him following.

"Bella, what's wrong? Talk to me."

I spun to face him, my hands tightening into fists at my sides. I saw Rose stepping closer out of my peripheral vision and shook my head at her slightly. She immediately stopped but looked at me warily, ready to step in if I needed it. I wasn't sure who she was intending to protect, him or me. I turned my face back to Edward. He looked at me imploringly. It did nothing to abate the feelings rising in me and the words that had been pushing to get out rushed past the dam in my throat.

"Why? You won't listen to me anyway. You keep talking about what 'she' needs and what 'she' can handle. Well 'she' is right here and I can decide what I want and what I need for myself."

He took a step toward me and I raised my hand to stop him.

"No, you need to listen to me, right now. I may not be the strongest person, but I'm not made of glass. I can decide where I go and what I do and what I can handle on my own. I don't need you to make my decisions for me or protect me from everything. I've spent my whole life having someone make decisions for me and I'm sick of it."

"Bella, I-"

"No, I don't want to hear it. I'm not an invalid. I'm damaged and I'm not quite normal, but I'm getting there and the only way I'm ever going to be normal is if you and everyone else in this family stop coddling me."

His face fell and he looked down at his feet.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just that my first instinct is to protect you."

I huffed and relaxed my fists.

"I know, and I understand. But if you never let me stand on my own I'll never learn how."

He nodded, his eyes still on the floor. I looked at Carlisle, still perched on the edge of the coffee table and Rose, poised at my side. Past her I could see Alice and Esme standing in the kitchen doorway. I assumed they must have heard me as well.

"Listen, I appreciate everything you've done for me. But I'm not a museum piece. You can't just place me on a shelf. I'm going to get hurt sometimes and I'm going to mess up and if that's not something you can deal with then," my throat constricted on the words, "maybe I need to be somewhere else."

Edward's head snapped up, pain evident on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but it was Esme's voice that reached me first.

"Sweetheart, no one wants you to leave." She walked to me from the doorway and placed her hand on my hair. "I'm sorry if we've been too protective of you. I can see now that we've handled things badly, and I'm sorry for that too. Please, don't leave. We're all here for you and we'll work things out together. As a family."

I could feel the tears springing to my eyes and blinked them back.

"Ok. I'd like that."

She smiled and stepped closer to envelope me in her arms.

"You've always been part of this family. I'm so sorry if we haven't shown you that before now."

I nodded into her shoulder and took a moment to really feel the warmth of her embrace. It had been years since I'd felt that, a mother's affection. I hadn't even realized how much I'd missed it. After a moment we parted and she wiped a tear from her cheek, smiling softly at me. I took a deep breath and looked at all of them again.

"I'm sorry I blew up at you. That's just all been building up for awhile."

Carlisle nodded in understanding from the sofa. Edward still stood awkwardly between us, his hands shoved in his pockets. I wasn't quite ready to deal with him yet, but I didn't want him to blame himself for all that.

"Edward?"

He looked at me, the guilt plain on his face.

"It's ok, we're ok. I just need some time. Ok?"

He nodded sadly and looked at his feet again. I ached to go to him, to take back what I'd said and just be us again, but I couldn't. I needed to get things straight in my head, who I was now, what that meant for us. And I needed to do it on my own. I cleared my throat.

"I'm going to go upstairs and get cleaned up, maybe take a nap. It's been a crazy morning."

They all nodded in response so I made my way upstairs. After peeling the damp shirt from my body all wanted was a shower. Unfortunately, I didn't think that was possible with my new wrist accessory. Luckily, my bathroom came with a very nice bathtub that had yet to try out.

I sank deep into the water, marveling at how different it felt now that I could actually feel it again. I could feel the heat of it, the way it slid across my skin as I moved. It was a delicious experience. That made me think. Maybe there was some good to be had to not being numb anymore. Maybe there was still some good to feel, even if I had to take the bad with it. And wasn't that what life was about anyway, taking the good with the bad?

But what about me and Edward? Would he be able to let me make my way in the world, knowing that I would be bearing the brunt of things and feeling all of it? Could he see me as a capable person and not as some charity case that he had to take care of? Would we ever be equals in his mind, or would I always be the weaker one? Would I ever see myself as anything but weak? I foresaw some difficult discussions in our future. The thought of it thoroughly ruined my bath bliss so I decided to get out. Walking back into my room, I realized that I just didn't have the energy to do much of anything. I crawled onto my bed in my bathrobe, laying sideways across the bed. The gray sunlight playing across the wall was the last thing I saw as I fell asleep.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

_Blackness. I knew my eyes were open but I could see nothing but complete and utter darkness, inky and thick, heavy against my eyes. It had weight, this darkness, and I could feel myself being compressed by it. Moving wasn't even a thought, even blinking took herculean effort, so I held still and stared ahead. _

_All there was was an empty nothing. It could have stretched for miles, it could have been inches. I raised my hands, or at least I thought I did, and tried to push against it. I couldn't see my hands, or anything else, but I could feel the fluidity of the space, the viscous cool as it slipped against my fingers. I was under an expanse of dark and heavy water, and it was crushing me. _

_I thrashed but it felt like slow motion. I couldn't see, couldn't breathe, but I could feel every inch of skin as it moved against the black. My lungs burned and I had the overpowering urge to scream. I opened my mouth wide and choked on the scream as the black rushed to fill my throat. _

I choked and thrashed, but the heaviness was gone. Realizing that, I drew in a shaky breath, blinking against the blackness that still surrounded me. My hands reached out wildly, grasping at air, and fabric. I smoothed my hands against the fabric under me, blinking again as shapes started to form in the dark. Vague shapes outlined by a blue light that slowly solidified as I stared. A dresser. My dresser. I turned my head toward the light. My alarm clock. It read 7:53. I pressed my palm against my chest over my franticly beating heart and flopped back against the mattress.

_Christ, will the dreams never stop? _

I lay there for a few moments, blinking at the ceiling. My skin felt clammy and cold, prickling with gooseflesh as the sweat evaporated and I shivered. I pulled the robe tighter around myself, registering the slightly scratchy feel of the material and stiffness of the brace on my wrist. All this sensation would really take some getting used to.

Crawling to the edge of the bed I stood on shaking legs and shuffled in the dark toward the dresser-shape. I managed to fish out some pants and a shirt, wrestling into them without too much difficulty, except for the brace getting caught as I pulled it through the sleeve. I didn't even know what I had on, but it felt wrong somehow to turn on the light, even if the darkness felt slightly oppressive. Even after the dream I'd just had, I felt safer in the dark. Instead of going back to the bed I sunk to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms tightly around them. I pressed my forehead against my knees, breathing slowly as I rocked, back and forth, back and forth.

Everything was just so wrong. I was wrong. Every time I thought I was getting a handle on things something new would pop up and put me right back at the start again. And this time I didn't even have Edward's help, because I'd lashed out at him. The easy target. Easiest because he loved me. I could feel the tears welling up again and didn't bother to try to stop them. They soaked the thin material around my knees and ran down my neck into my collar. Another minute and I'd have to change clothes again.

A light knock came on my door then. I turned my head toward the sound, but I didn't answer. Whoever it was would only be more concerned if they heard me crying, so I stared at the sliver of light under the door and waited for them to go away.

But they didn't go away. The knock came again, louder this time. I hastily wiped my cheeks, tried to make my voice solid so I could tell them to go away, when the door opened a crack and a head peered in. The head was a foot above where I'd thought it would be. His eyes searched the dark in the direction of the bed, and then found me in my spot on the carpet.

"Um, is there a particular reason you're on the floor?"

"Seemed like as good a place as any."

He grinned, his dimples visible even in the half light.

"Well come downstairs then. I'm starving and I've got a feeling you haven't eaten all day."

Come to think of it, I hadn't eaten since breakfast and it was now apparently past dinnertime. Still I hesitated. Emmett seemed to read my mind.

"No one's home but us. Esme wanted to show off Lily so they all went out to dinner. I was tired so I stayed home and you were dead to the world so it's just us. Come on, I hate to eat alone."

I stared at him for a moment. Did I want to be alone with him? He was a large, imposing man and I barely knew him. I knew I could trust him, that he was Edward's brother and wouldn't hurt me. If nothing else I knew that Rosalie would castrate him if he tried. He stood patiently in the doorway for a moment, then pouted his lip and started making whimpering puppy noises. I couldn't help but smile a little. He smiled back. I unfolded myself from the floor and stood, taking a moment to get my bearings before making my way to the door. Emmett drew back and preceded me down the hall to the stairs.

He was already rifling through the fridge by the time I got to the kitchen, half his body inside it as he dug around. Finally he stood up with a huff and swung the door closed.

"There's nothing to eat in there."

I knew that Esme had stocked it before they came and told him so. He rolled his eyes.

"Sure, it's full of stuff to _cook_. I don't feel like cooking, do you?"

I shook my head. Truthfully, I didn't feel like doing anything. He stood for a second and then walked to the counter and started pulling out drawers.

"What are you doing?"

He glanced at me without pausing.

"Looking for takeout menus. Please tell me you guys at least have pizza in this town?"

I smiled again.

"Yes, we have pizza. I think the number is on the pad by the phone."

He stopped pawing through the drawer and walked to the phone, seeing the number for our one and only pizza place. He picked up the phone and dialed. I wandered to the bar and sat on a stool, hearing him give the address.

"Yeah, I'll have a large with everything, and another large with Canadian bacon and pineapple. Oh, and breadsticks. Yeah, a large order of those." He paused and turned his head to me. "Were you gonna have anything?"

I gaped for a moment, wondering how he could possibly eat all that, wondering if he expected me to order an entire pizza for myself. I shook my head. He pursed his lips and turned back to the phone.

"I guess that's everything. Ok, thanks."

He hung the phone back on the wall and turned to me.

"Pizza will be here in about half an hour. Want to watch some tv or something?"

I couldn't think of any reason to protest so I just nodded and got off the stool. Emmett walked past me to the living room and threw himself across the sofa. I curled up in one of the armchairs while he turned on the tv and flipped through channels so fast that I had no idea how he even saw what was playing. Finally he stopped on some sports channel and lounged back against the cushions. I picked at some lint on my knee as we sat in silence for several minutes. Emmett's voice broke it.

"So, I guess I should get to know you, seeing as how you're my sister now and all."

I looked at him from behind my knees.

"I'm not your sister. Your family is just being nice enough to let me stay here. I imagine I'll be leaving as soon as school's done."

Emmett shook his head and sat up straight.

"Damn, little one, you really have no idea do you?"

I stared at him in confusion. I really did have no idea. Emmett stared right into my eyes.

"Bella, this family loves you. All of them. Hell, I love you and I barely know you."

I started to protest but he plowed ahead.

"Please, just listen. Mom and Dad, they're very giving people. When they see someone in need, they fall over themselves to help. But that's not what they're doing with you. If that was the case, they would have found somewhere nice for you and let you go, maybe checked up on you from time to time, given some money to make sure you were ok. But they took you in, made you a part of the family. Whenever Mom talks to me or Rose about things here, she mentions you in the same context as Ed or Ali. In her head, you're the second daughter she always wanted. Dad's the same way. I know Ali thinks of you as a sister and don't even get me started on Eddie-boy. The point is, you're family now. Resistance is futile, little one. Time to accept it."

I hugged my knees tighter as I let his speech sink in. Esme had told me I was part of the family, several times, but I'd never quite believed, mostly because I didn't dare to. But now, faced with Emmett's steadfast gaze and Borg references, I let myself hope. That maybe I had found my place to belong. My safe place. Then I remembered the look on Edward's face from earlier and the little spark of hope threatened to flicker out. I turned my eyes back up to see Emmett still staring at me. My voice cracked as I spoke.

"Emmett, you didn't hear what I said to Edward today. He hates me now, I'm sure of it."

He cracked a dimpled grin and sat back against the cushions again.

"Oh no, I heard. And I was damned proud too."

I had no response. Luckily, Emmett didn't seem to require one.

"Really, it was great. A little harsh maybe, but it's not like the boy didn't have it coming. He needed to know what was bothering you, otherwise he couldn't fix it. Besides, he always gets off too easy with girls on account of being so pretty. About time somebody let him have it."

I cracked my first real smile since the gym.

"You really think he doesn't hate me?"

Emmett chuckled a little before he sobered and looked at me with his serious face again.

"Little one, the boy couldn't hate you if he tried. He's in way too deep. You'd have to do something really bad to make him even think about being angry at you, and calling him on his bullshit does not count." He looked down for a moment and when he looked back at me he gave the impression that he was imparting some very important secret.

"Incidently, he already knew he was fucking up. He talked to me about it while you girls were out playing G.I. Jane. He's gonna work on it. I think it was just a momentary relapse on his part when he saw you were hurt. Don't worry though, the tongue lashing you gave him will remind him why he shouldn't do it again."

I guess what he said made sense, but it felt too much like Charlie, too much like how his punishments were meant to 'remind' me. I didn't want that to be me, couldn't let that be me. I had to find some kind of balance, some way to assert myself without being awful to the people I loved. I just hoped I'd figure out how. Emmett jerked his head as a knock came on the door.

"Wow, they made good time. Be right back."

He hopped up from the sofa and jogged to the door. Wow, I thought, he really is starving. It would have been comical, except that when he opened the door, instead of handing a delivery man money he paused as if confused. I was starting to stand, to ask him what was wrong, when my unasked question got answered and I fell back into the chair. Because I knew the voice coming from the doorway.

"Where the fuck is my kid?"

I should have known better than to hope.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The little spark of hope, the one hiding in the pit of my stomach after Emmett's encouraging words, flickered and died out. I was frozen on the chair, but not completely still. My body still knew enough to shake at the sound of that voice. An ice cold knot formed where the hope had died, hard and unyielding, spreading a chill throughout my body. It was everything I'd feared since the moment Carlisle had slammed the door in Charlie's face and yet the only comfort I could find made me more ashamed than anything I'd done or thought up to that point.

_At least it wasn't Edward who answered the door._

Emmett still stood in front of the doorway, holding the door with his sizeable hand. His stance was casual, but the way the muscles in his arm strained I could tell he was sending a silent message. He wasn't moving.

"Sorry, you caught me off guard, I was expecting pizza. What did you need?"

I could hear the growl in Charlie's voice and could only imagine the color of his face. I imagined I could smell the alcohol rolling off him from across the room.

"I said, where the fuck is my kid? I know she's here, the sainted doctor took her in after he ruined my career. Either get her out here or get out of my way."

I shrunk further back into the armchair, desperately afraid that he would somehow see me around Emmett. My heart was pounding so loud I was sure he'd hear it and know I was there anyway. I didn't dare breathe. Emmett gripped the door and stood a little taller, although I don't know how he found the extra inch.

"Sorry, but I think you must be mistaken. It's just me and my sister hanging out here, watching some tv, expecting some pizzas any minute. Hate to be rude, but it's late and I'm hungry so since your kid isn't here, I suggest you go on home."

Spots were starting to appear in front of my eyes but I still didn't dare to take a breath. It couldn't possibly be that easy to fool Charlie, he was just too persistent. He didn't disappoint.

"I know she's here dammit! I already saw the rest of the family out at the Lodge, and she wasn't with them. Your sister was, so I know she's not here. Stop the bullshit and let me see my kid. She's mine and you have no right-"

Emmett raised his free hand. "Let me stop you right there. See, she's not yours. She doesn't belong to anybody, but she stopped being yours the minute you put your hands on her. Now, I'll ask you again to get off my fucking property."

There was silence from the other side of the door but I knew Charlie hadn't gone. Emmett still stood, poised and ready, staring him down. Finally Emmett shifted and I unconsciously tensed myself to run, knowing something was coming. It was quiet, but I could hear it as clearly as if he'd whispered it in my ear.

"Let her tell me."

The shaking in my muscles increased and my teeth started to chatter. I drew in a breath, if only to keep from passing out. I didn't want to be unconscious on the floor, just in case.

He wanted me to tell him. Tell him what? To go away? Is that what he really wanted or did he just want to get me in range? I figured I already knew the answer to that. Still, if it would make him go, I would do it. I wanted him gone, before the family got back. I thought of the family, my family, eating happily at the Lodge. Emmett was right, it was getting late and they could be heading home any minute. And Lily was with them. The dread in my stomach solidified, changing into any icy resolve. No matter how much it scared me to get within a foot of my father, I knew that I couldn't let him get anywhere near that little girl.

My legs protested but I managed to make them move across the room. The shaking hadn't stopped and I imagined I knew now what it felt like to be in an earthquake, but I kept going until I reached Emmett. He seemed to sense me there and without removing his eyes from Charlie shifted his body slightly to keep me blocked from view. I appreciated the effort, but I knew that I needed to do this. I laid my hand against his arm and he moved aside, just enough that I could see out the open door.

Charlie looked as bad as I'd ever seen him. He looked like he hadn't shaved in a month and his normally ruddy skin looked washed out and gray. The bags under his eyes were nearly purple and his eyes were so bloodshot they looked almost swallowed in red. His eyes were sad and I noticed for the first time how much the gray had taken over his beard. He looked tired, and old. A defeated man. Certainly not the monster of my nightmares.

His eyes found me immediately and he stood up a little straighter. I hadn't noticed at first how heavily he leaned against the doorframe. It must have been the only thing holding him up, but his eyes still burned when they saw me.

"There you are. Thought you could hide from me? You know what happens when you hide."

I did know. Hiding just prolonged the agony, waiting for him to find me and punish me twice as hard. I'd learned long ago to stop hiding. I grasped at the resolve in my gut and pushed the tears aside. They wouldn't help me now, not that they ever did.

"I'm not hiding now, not from you, not anymore."

Charlie seemed taken aback by my words and I rushed forward before he could find his way back.

"You need to get out of here, Daddy. You're not supposed to be here. There's a restraining order and you'd be arrested if we called the police. You wanted me to tell you so I am. Go away and don't come back."

My voice tried to catch on the last word but I forced it out. I hoped it was enough. It had to be enough.

The alcohol must have been thick in his blood because it took a few seconds before my words seemed to sink in. I could see as the recognition reached him because his eyes focused and hardened, burning dark in his face. This would not end well.

He tried to lunge at me but his hold against gravity was already precarious and he stumbled. He would have fallen on his face but Emmett caught him by his jacket lapels. It could have been seen as a helpful gesture, except for the way that he used his hold to move him onto the porch. I followed behind, still within the safety of the doorframe but able to see. Emmett released Charlie by the steps and stepped back, his arms hanging loosely at his sides. He planted his feet and rolled his shoulders, flexing his fingers. Charlie sagged back against the post by the steps but his eyes still burned. When Emmett spoke, his voice had lost all its usual brevity.

"I've asked and now I'm telling you, get off my property. I'm trying to be civil about this, since the last thing any little girl needs is to see her daddy get his ass handed to him, but since you're not really a man and you're pissing me off, I might make an exception. Don't tempt me."

Charlie tried to stand up, using the post for support but it just made him look pathetic. He pushed a finger in the direction of Emmett's chest, his words sliding against each other.

"Listen here, you little punk-"

Emmett stepped into his finger, letting it poke him in his massive chest. I'm sure it felt no more offensive than a mosquito bite. He towered over Charlie, letting his full size register and Charlie seemed to choke on whatever his next words were supposed to be. I'd never seen my father look so small. Emmett's voice was so quiet I almost couldn't hear, but his intent was so clear that I think it even infiltrated Charlie's alcohol-soaked brain.

"I think you'll find, sir, that there is nothing little about me. You will leave now. You will not come here again. If you come anywhere near any member of my family again, you will learn what kinds of accidents can happen to drunks. Get out of here."

With the last word he stepped back, backing up all the way to me, still frozen in the doorway. Charlie swayed for a moment before lurching toward the steps. He had to cling to the railing but he made it down and stumbled toward the driveway. I didn't move or blink or breathe until he had disappeared from view. Emmett's voice still reached me even through the pounding in my ears.

"At least he didn't drive."

I let out the breath I'd been holding, but it came out as a sob. Emmett turned and instantly wrapped me in his arms, cradling my head against his chest with a gentleness I didn't know could exist in hands so huge. He rocked me back and forth, speaking softly into the top of my head.

"Shh, it's ok little one. He won't touch you. Never again." He leaned back and turned my face up to his. "No one hurts my family. Ok?"

I nodded and he grinned. The sound of a car engine made us both look. Headlights illuminated the driveway and by the porch light I could see placard for the pizza place. Emmett gave me one more squeeze and walked to meet the delivery man as I went back to my chair.

A half an hour later there was nothing but empty boxes to show that there had ever been food here. Emmett had insisted I eat and I managed to get one slice down before my stomach refused any more. Emmett was only too happy to finish the rest. As he lazed against the sofa watching the highlights from some game I curled up in my chair, staring into space and trying not to think. Trying and failing. The resolve had melted, the hope was gone and now I just felt hollow. He was gone, but for how long? How long did I have before he would show up somewhere, more sober and now more pissed off? I knew how his mind worked and Charlie didn't give up. He didn't slink off to lick his wounds and rethink his actions. He regrouped, and came back stronger. And I knew that next time I wouldn't have Emmett to back me up.

The crunch of gravel and purr of an engine was quickly followed by voices. I still stared at nothing, but one voice reached me above all the others.

"I want Dada. Dada now."

I smiled, just a little, as Lily burst through the open door and straight to Emmett. He scooped her up and held her to his chest, a lot like he had done with me. It was nice, seeing the way things could be for a daddy and his little girl. The way they should be.

Emmett noticed me watching and turned Lily around to face me, setting her on his knee. She stared at me, her eyelids heavy.

"Lily, this is your aunt Bella. Can you say hi?"

She curled into her father's chest, glancing shyly at me from under her curls. I knew just how she felt.

"That's ok, Emmett. New people are scary."

He smiled sadly and stood up, cradling Lily in his arms and walking to Rose, passing her over. He kissed them both, Lily on the forehead and Rose soundly on the lips. I looked away. Once Rose was up the stairs Emmett turned to his father who was standing by the sofa. I hadn't even noticed them all come in.

"So Dad, want to hear about our visit from Chief Asshole?"

"Emmett, language!"

"Sorry, Mom. Alice said it first."

"Tattletail."

"Children."

Emmett and Alice both stopped as Carlisle stepped between them. I imagine he'd had a lot of experience breaking up fights with those two. He looked at Alice until he was sure she'd be quiet and then turned back to Emmett.

"The Chief, I mean, Charlie Swan was here? You're sure it was him?"

Emmett nodded but looked at me. "Ask Bella."

Then all eyes were on me and I didn't like it. I wanted back in my bubble.

"Bella, your father was here?"

I nodded and he turned back to Emmett. Everyone looked back to Emmett, except for a pair of green eyes by the piano. I avoided those.

"Emmett, what happened?"

Emmett took a deep breath and blew it out.

"He came to the door, wanted to see Bella. I told him to leave, he said he wanted Bella to tell him to go, so she did. Then he tried to get physical and I made it clear to his drunk ass that if he ever came here again he'd be meeting the business end of a tire iron. So he left."

Esme rushed to my side, as if she needed to physical assess that I was alright. Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose, a gesture so like Edward it almost made me smile.

"I was afraid of this. Excuse me, I've got to make a phone call."

He disappeared up the stairs, I assumed to his office. Esme ran her hand over my hair one more time and followed. Alice took the opportunity to flop herself across me on the chair, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck.

"Oh sweety, are you ok? That bastard didn't hurt you did he?"

"Come on, little bit, you think I'd let anything happen to her? Nobody hurts my girls."

"Your girls?"

The sound of Rosalie's voice stopped the puffed up pose Emmett had started to form and he froze. He stuttered out his response.

"Um, yeah, but only in the most empowered and liberated sense. Come on, babe, you know I didn't mean anything by that."

Rose quirked her eyebrow at him, but quickly glanced at me and winked.

"I guess I can let you off the hook, just this once."

Emmett gave an exaggerated sigh of relief and hugged his wife, dropping his head onto her shoulder. It was very sweet. I was getting a little uncomfortable with Alice on top of me but she seemed content to stay there forever. I found the green eyes still fixed on me, silently imploring him for help. His lip twitched into a semblance of a smile.

"Alice, remember that talk we had about humans needing to breathe?"

She whimpered as she reluctantly released her hold and got up. She looked like she wanted to talk more, but there was only one person I wanted to talk to and he was staying as far away from me as he could. The distance strained and I realized just how drained I felt. I'd slept all day but all I wanted to do was crawl back under my blankets and stay there until everything made sense. Alice must have seen it on my face.

"Why don't you go on to bed, sweety? We can talk tomorrow."

I gave her a grateful smile and unfolded myself from the chair, giving her a small hug as I passed. Rose reached out and hugged me as I passed her on the way to the stairs while Emmett just gave my shoulder a squeeze. I looked back to the piano. Edward had sat down on the bench but was still looking at me. He made no move to follow me and I had no idea how I could ask him to. I knew there were things we needed to discuss, but right now the distance seemed too great, and it wasn't the space between the stairs and the piano that made me ache.

I entered my room, still dark, completely unchanged from when I had left it only a few hours before. I don't why I was surprised, but it seemed like something should have been different. Maybe I was subconsciously afraid that I'd find Charlie hiding in the dark. He wasn't there, just my bed and my things. This room at least had come to feel like home.

I climbed into the bed, under the blankets at least this time, and stared into the darkness. It seemed like I had just been here, staring in the dark, and after everything that had transpired here I was again. I wondered if I'd ever find my way out of the dark.

EPOV

I watched Bella walked up the stairs, away from me, and my heart wanted to follow her. My brain wouldn't let my body comply. When Emmett had mentioned the Chief, my first instinct of course was to run to her, to make sure she was alright. But I resisted, since I had proven earlier that my instincts were wrong where Bella was concerned. So I sat on my piano bench, staring blankly at the keys, at a loss as to what to do with myself. Mom and Dad were upstairs, probably still dealing with the Chief situation. Alice gave me a sympathetic look but wandered upstairs herself. Emmett and Rosalie sat down on the sofa, cuddled together talking quietly. I didn't even bother trying to listen to them, turning my focus to the instrument that had been my one constant through our many moves. I hadn't played since we'd moved here and I longed to do so now, but I didn't want to wake up Lily, or Bella. Instead I ghosted my fingers over the keys, playing the notes to one of my own compositions on the air over the keys. Even though I couldn't hear the music, I knew that the notes felt all wrong. Because my heart wasn't in it. It was upstairs.

I gave up and turned around, trying to watch whatever Emmett had on the television but I couldn't focus. My entire being was up in that room with her, just my body taking up space on the bench. I did notice Emmett turn his head toward me, but I didn't acknowledge him. He and Rose shared a look and then suddenly he was rising from the sofa and walking toward me. He squatted down in front of me like I was a child and in that moment I felt like one.

"Eddie, you've gotta snap out of it."

I couldn't even bring myself to correct him. He continued.

"Why are you down here, man? You should be up there, consoling your girl. That thing with her dad, that was intense. I have to tell ya, even I was a little scared of the guy and I'm twice his size. I can't imagine what it must have been like for her."

I shook my head.

"I can't, Emmett. I do everything wrong. You heard her today, I'm smothering her. You said it yourself at the pool hall. How can I start fixing things if every time I try I just make it worse?"

He dropped his head and took a deep breath. When he looked back up at me it was with a look of determination I'd rarely seen on his face.

"Dude, she needs you. She already feels bad about blowing up at you. She thinks she was too harsh, even though I think she did good. At least she didn't hit you. I've been on the receiving end of enough of those blow-ups to know how bad it could have been."

I heard Rose clear her throat from the sofa but she made no comment.

"But Emmett, she was right. I haven't trusted her to take care of herself. I keep expecting her to fall apart, but she keeps holding it together, in spite of me, not because of me. She doesn't want my help."

Rose turned her head from the television and looked over her shoulder at me.

"Ed, there's a big difference between doing everything for her and supporting her while she figures things out. That's what she needs now. She's got a long road ahead of her, and she's going to need your support. You need to figure out right now if you're up for it, otherwise, you're going to be no good for her in the long run."

She gave me another one of her long, piercing gazes before turning back to the television. Emmett looked up at me, his expression sympathetic but seeming in agreement with his wife. Hell, I was in agreement with his wife. It had taken awhile for me to warm up to Rosalie, and her to me, but I knew better than to distrust her instincts. She knew what I needed to do and hearing it from her gave me the confidence to do it. I stood up and Emmett stood with me. He squeezed my shoulder, much like I had seen him do to Bella, and moved aside. I took a deep breath and started toward the stairs.

BPOV

I was in that twilight place, between sleep and awake. I knew I was still in my room, in my bed, but dreams were trying to creep in and I keep pushing them back. Every time I could feel the sleep taking over it was like I was falling over a precipice and I had no way of knowing how bad it would be when I landed.

I registered a soft click, like a door shutting, but dismissed it as part of the dreams. I knew it was real when I felt the bed shift behind me and warm arms wrap around my waist. I knew these arms, even if I was only half-awake. I unconsciously moved closer to him, laying my own arm on top of his. It was just like the first time, when we'd fallen asleep on the sofa after our first kiss. That seemed like a million years ago. We lay in silence for several minutes, our breathing the only sound in the dark room. I was wide awake now, alert to the presence of him, but I didn't move or make a sound. I started to wonder if he'd fallen asleep when he finally spoke in a whisper, his breath hot against my ear.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I know I've been doing everything wrong with you, but I just don't know how to do this. You have to help me. Tell me what you need, what you want me to do. Whatever you need, I'll do it. I love you and I just…" his voice caught and he swallowed before he went on. "I just can't stand to see you hurt anymore."

I squeezed his arm tighter around me and he held me closer, his forehead pressed against my shoulder. I wanted to turn to face him, but I knew it would be easier to speak if it was to the dark.

"I love you too, Edward, and I'm so sorry for what I said to you today. It was awful and uncalled for and you definitely didn't deserve it. You've never been anything but sweet with me and I lashed out at you. I was angry and upset and completely overwhelmed by everything, and you were the easy target. I shouldn't have done that to you. I'm so sorry."

"Dear god, Bella, when I think about what could have happened to you tonight…" He shuddered against me and I laced my fingers through his. I knew exactly how he felt.

"Edward, I can't even hope that that was the last time I'll have to deal with Charlie, but I think I made some important strides tonight. I faced him. I stood up to him. I told him what I needed to, and I made him hear me. I'm still scared, but now I know that I'm not alone in this at least. I have my family now."

I felt his breath ruffle my hair as he pressed me impossibly closer to him. I could feel him against my back and realized that he must have been under the blankets with me. Even though we had been in the same position before, this, in my room, in the dark, felt much more intimate. It felt wrong, to be having the feelings I was starting to have after the day I'd had, but I couldn't stop them. It made me really wish that things would slow down enough for me to get right with myself, so that maybe Edward and I could start having a real relationship. I knew I wasn't ready for the things my body seemed to want, but the fact that I was wanting them told me that someday I might be. The ember of hope in my stomach started flickering to life again. Safe in my room, surrounded by Edward, it grew into a flame, warming me from the inside out.

I heard a phone ring from downstairs but didn't really register it. I snuggled into Edward and he into me. I was content for the first time since the Alice earthquake had woken me that morning and I knew that if I let the dreams take me now it would be alright, because Edward would be here to chase the demons away. I had just let myself slip into sleep when I heard my door open and light fell across my bed. Rose's voice came from the doorway.

"Bella honey, I'm sorry but there's a call for you."

I turned my head as much as I could with Edward still pressed to my back. He didn't move. In fact, it felt like he had already fallen asleep. I guess it was a long day for him too. I spoke quietly so as not to wake him.

"Who is it, Rose?"

She walked further into the room, the cordless phone cupped in her hand.

"They didn't say. It's a woman though, I know that much. If I thought for a second it was that bastard I wouldn't have bothered you."

I thought for a moment about who could have possibly been calling me, here, at this hour. I figured it was probably Jessica, since I knew she sounded older than she was on account of how much she smoked. I really needed to talk to her about that. I lifted my arm from under the covers and reached for the phone. She handed it to me and walked back out of the room, closing the door silently behind her. I put the phone to my ear.

"Hello? Jess?"

There was silence on the line, then a shuddering breath and a voice that I never thought I'd hear again.

"Bella, baby, is that you?"

I sat up quickly, dislodging Edward's arm in the process. He looked around groggily then sat up beside me, speaking in a hoarse whisper.

"Bella, what is it?"

I wanted to explain but I couldn't. The words were stuck in my throat. The only word I could force out was the one that I never thought I'd say again.

"Mom?"


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"Mom? Mom, is that you?"

My voice sounded strange, even to my ears. My throat was closed, the sound squeezing out around the tears that threatened. Edward moved at my back, putting his head close to mine so he could hear too.

"Yes, Bella, it's me. Oh god, honey, it's so good to hear your voice."

She sounded just the same. All these years and she sounded just the same. The tears spilled over and ran down my face, dripping down my hand and onto the phone. I let them. I couldn't make another sound come out even if I'd known what to say. What could I say? Luckily I didn't have to.

"Bella, I know this has to be a shock, but I can explain. I want to explain. Please, just say you'll see me. I know you've got questions, and I know you may not be entirely happy to hear from me, but I want to see you. Please? Baby, say something."

I couldn't do it. I could barely even breathe the tears were choking me so much. No wait, I wasn't breathing. My hands started shaking and the tears were still running and I could not draw air. The shaking got worse and I started to panic. I handed the phone to Edward and buried my face in my hands, trying to get a grip long enough to take a breath. I distantly heard him telling my mother that I would call her back and then his hands were on my back, trying to sooth me. I was finally able to take in one shuddering breath but let out a sob. Then I couldn't stop. The sobs bent me double, wrenching my stomach, contorting my face. She was alive. She was alive and fine and wanted to see me. Where had she been? Where could she have gone that she didn't want me with her? Why did she want me now?

It felt like a long time before the sobs subsided to crying, then the crying to sniffles. My eyes felt like they were turned inside out and I needed to blow my nose. I was really glad the room was dark so Edward didn't have to see me. I moved to get up and Edward was there at my elbow, pushing a box of tissues into my hand. I blotted my face and blew my nose, crumpling the tissues and throwing them into the dark past the bed. I didn't care where they landed. At that moment I didn't care about anything but crawling back under the covers and pretending this whole day had never happened. I felt Edward at my back, still and quiet, waiting for me. I lay back down and he followed me, putting his arm back around my waist.

"I know we should talk, but I just can't right now. Tomorrow we can discuss it. Right now I need to sleep. Ok?" I was whispering into the dark again, but at least I could talk. Edward's voice was little more than air against my hair.

"Whatever you need."

I drifted into dreams of blue eyes and dark hair, walking away from me.

Thunder woke me the next morning. It wasn't a violent jolt, just a gentle rumble against the window and for a minute I just watched the rain against the glass. The gray sky melded with my gray mood and I found it hard to find the motivation to do anything more than breathe. So I didn't. I lay in the dim light, watching the water sheeting against the glass, the distant green of tree tops whipping in the wind. It was a day to stay inside, curl up with a book and warm socks and listen to the rain fall. Instead, I needed to figure out what to do about my mother.

My subconscious hadn't come up with anything good while I was asleep so I decided to let the conscious have a try.

_Ok, let's look at the facts. Fact 1, Mom wants to see me. That's good. Right? What if it's not? What if she wants to take me with her, away from Forks. Away from Edward. _

I felt a shudder run through me at the thought. Edward's arm tightened around my waist and I snuggled back against him, as if the very closeness would keep us together. I put aside my apprehension and tried to continue with rational thoughts.

_Ok, she may want to take me with her. But she hasn't come for me in 7 years; I doubt she's going to just do it out of the blue, now. But that's another thought, why now? She's had years to contact me, but she does it now, when I'm free of Charlie. So, does that mean that she's been watching me this whole time or is this just a coincidence? _

I endeavored to stop the thought merry-go-round by switching to another problem.

_Fact 2, I want to see Mom. Or do I? I've changed a lot since I last saw her. She may not like what I am now. And what about her? How much has she changed? Do I want to see her now and ruin the memories I have? Oh God, what about Charlie? What would he do if he saw her again? Would I be putting her in danger by letting her come here? Jeez, can't I just have a day where nothing happens? When I don't have to think or worry? _

My gray mood was turning grayer by the minute and I knew that if I didn't pull myself out soon I wouldn't be able to. I couldn't afford to float out here on melancholy water. I needed to do. I needed to move. I needed to get up. Too bad Edward's arm was dead weight across my waist, his leg thrown across my knees.

_Ok, so not moving yet. So what can I get done from here? Let's make a list of things I need to do once I can move. I need to talk to Esme about Mom calling. She'll know what to do. At the very least, I'll need to ask her permission for Mom to come here, or for me to go to her. I guess? Do I need my new mother's permission to see my old mother? I'm so confused. _

A gust of wind brought an evergreen branch slapping against the window, rattling the glass in the frame. The noise made me startle and some combination of the noise and the movement seemed to rouse Edward. I felt his head raise up from the pillow behind me, but instead of getting up he leaned over and placed a kiss behind my ear. That sent a decidedly new feeling down my body, a tingling from my neck and extending…lower. The suddenness of the feeling made me stiffen in surprise and Edward froze in response.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Was that not ok?"

I made an effort to breathe.

"No, it was fine, just…unexpected. I guess I'm more…sensitive…today."

He hummed in response and nuzzled into my neck, his breath hot against it. It tickled and the tingles started again. The sensation caused my hips to move of their own volition. Before I had time to be embarrassed about it Edward tightened his arm around my waist and started kissing my neck again, this time more earnestly. I enjoyed it for a minute before thoughts of morning breath and what would happen if Esme came to check on me interceded.

"Edward?"

He didn't even pause to speak, his voice a muffled "Hmm?" against my skin.

"Edward, not that I'm not enjoying this, but your mother could come in here any second and I don't think she'd like it."

I felt a rush of warm air as a defeated huff passed his lips and he pulled back from me.

"I guess you're right. We can leave it for another time."

I turned myself so I was facing him. He kept his arm tight around my waist, our faces only inches apart as we stared into each other's eyes. He stared at me with an intensity I'd never seen on his face before.

"Why now? You've never done anything like that before."

He pressed his lips together for a moment before speaking.

"I know. I've wanted to, I mean, you're beautiful and I love you and so of course I've wanted to but…" he looked down for a second, "…I was afraid to. It's true what you said yesterday, that I treat you like you're fragile. Ever since I found out about what you've been through I've been so afraid of hurting you, afraid of pushing you. I can see now that my actions have kept us from being a normal couple, and I guess I'd just like to start fresh, you know? Make up for lost time? Because I've missed kissing you, and although I wouldn't dream to push you beyond what you're ready for, I'd really like to make the last few weeks up to you, if you'll let me."

I looked into his eyes, so sincere and honest, begging my forgiveness, asking me to let him show me how sorry he was. And morning breath be damned, I wanted to be a normal girl for once. I wanted to just not think for a while. I brought my hand up to his face, tracing his lip with the tip of my finger. He stared into my eyes, waiting for me to give him a direction. So I did.

"Kiss me."

And he did.

It started out like all of our kisses did, sweet and chaste and perfectly normal, for us anyway. Our time in the school parking lot never got exactly heated and I'd been porcelain as far as Edward was concerned since moving into the house. I enjoyed the sweet kisses, but they weren't making any of those tingling feelings start. I didn't have to wait long.

He brought his hand up and brushed my hair behind my ear. He left his hand there, cupping my jaw and then the kiss changed. Suddenly he was kissing me more intensely. He tilted his head a little more and then I felt his tongue tentatively trace my lip. I wasn't quite sure how to proceed, so I darted my tongue out in response. The shock of our tongues touching was nothing compared to the sound Edward made when it happened, a kind of half groan/half whimper that sent another tingle shooting down my body. My limbs started moving on their own again; my arm slipping under Edward's to grip the back of his t-shirt and my calf sliding across his. He took it one further, reaching down to grip my leg behind my knee. He pulled back, staring into my eyes as if looking for something. He must have seen it because as he moved back in to kiss me again he pulled my leg up so my calf hitched around his hip.

I gasped around the kiss and Edward took that opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. I felt a moment of indecision as I remembered that I hadn't brushed my teeth yet but that thought was quickly pushed aside as Edward gently pushed me back with his weight until I was underneath him. My leg was still hitched up around his hip so even through the clothes we were both wearing I could feel how much he was enjoying this. His hand slid up my leg, over my hip to my waist. I thought he was going to stop there but his hand slowly continued up and suddenly I lost track what was happening with the kissing because nothing existed but his hand and where it was going. He very lightly brought his hand up, the warmth of it intensified by my new sensitivity and I thought I was going to die from the anticipation of where that hand was going to stop. When his hand finally perched on my breast another tingle shot off from it and I thought that was going to be the death of me, until he very gently squeezed.

I made a noise then, although I'm not really sure how to classify the strangled mewling that came out of my mouth. The noise seemed to affect Edward. He made another groan/whimper noise and shifted his hips into me. My thoughts started getting a little fuzzy from all the sensations going on when I thought I heard a knock. I was about to ask Edward if he'd heard it when the door opened and my eyes shot open.

"Shit!"

Emmett stood just inside the door, a startled look on his face. Edward looked at me for second, looking very confused, then turned his head and jumped when he saw Emmett there. Emmett clapped a hand over his eyes and turned his back.

"I didn't see nothing, I promise! Mom sent me up to tell guys that breakfast is ready if you want it, but I can see that you're busy so I'll just run along and tell her that you need some time to get ready. As you were!"

"Emmett!"

He stopped before he reached the door and turned around.

"What? You don't need advice do you? I mean, I'm happy to help, but I don't think now is really the time."

Edward shook his head and sent me a rueful glance before turning to Emmett. I tried to calm my racing pulse as best I could with Edward still laying partially on top of me, his hand still idly laying on my breast.

"Emmett, no I don't need advice. And stop being weird, we're not having sex. We're both fully clothed. You can tell Mom we'll be down for breakfast in a few minutes."

Emmett took the hand off his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ok then. See you in a few."

He walked to the door and closed it behind him. A second later it opened again and his voice drifted through.

"Just remember, no glove no love. And maybe lock the door next time." And shut the door again.

Edward laid his forehead against mine and chuckled under his breath. He raised his head and his hand, brushing the hair back from my forehead.

"Are you ok?"

I thought about it for a second. I felt great. For a few minutes at least I hadn't thought about Charlie or my mom or what I'd have to do about either of them. It was glorious, but unfortunately reality was quickly reasserting itself in my head and unpleasant thoughts lurked, ready to pounce. I rummaged up a smile for Edward though, and nodded that I was ok. He smiled back at me and placed a sweet kiss on my lips before he moved off of me. He moved off the bed altogether and toward the door.

"I'm gonna go up to my room and change before breakfast. I'll meet you down there ok?"

I nodded again, not trusting myself not to make another strange noise. He opened the door but turned back to me.

"Oh, and Bella? Next time we should go to my room. My door has a lock."

After he slipped out the door I slid down into the bed again and pulled the comforter over my head. I felt I deserved a few minutes to recover before I went out to face reality again.


	24. Chapter 24

BPOV

It was over an hour later that I descended the stairs. I had stood in the shower until the water ran cold but still no answers had magically come to me. After stalling as long as I reasonably could with getting dressed I decided to see what Esme had to say about it. Breakfast appeared to be over, as no one was in the dining room. Through the window wall I could see Lily in the yard with Emmett and Carlisle. Emmett seemed to be trying to teach her to kick a ball but she was more interested in running in circles. I could see Rosalie and Edward sitting in the wicker chairs on the patio, but Esme wasn't visible. I quickly walked to the kitchen before Edward could turn and see me.

I had intended to just grab some cereal but jumped when I saw Esme at the sink. She turned as I entered and smiled across the kitchen.

"Good morning, sleepy head. I thought you'd decided to sleep the whole day. Are you hungry? I can make you something."

"I was just going to get some cereal or something."

"I'll get it. Go ahead and sit."

I slumped onto a bar stool while she breezed around the kitchen and deposited a bowl of cereal in front of me. I stared at the bowl like it could show me some answers but I was eating Fruit Loops and not Alpha-Bits so no words appeared. I took a deep breath and let it out.

"Esme, could I talk to you about something?"

I peeked up from the bowl to see her looking at me expectantly so I took another breath and tried to get it out.

"I had a call last night, from my mom."

I paused to let her react and I couldn't really decipher the look on her face. It was a mixture of fear and hope and a little sad. I pressed on.

"She wants to see me. She didn't say where she is or why she wants to see me now and I was so upset last night that I couldn't even talk to her. I'm just not sure what to do. I mean, I want to see her, at least I think I do. But it seems a little suspect to me, her finding me now after all these years just after I get away from Charlie. I don't know what her motives might be. I'm afraid she'll want to take me away from here, from all of you. And Esme," I choked a little as tears started filling my eyes, "I don't want to go."

Esme had me in her arms before the tears even had a chance to fall.

"Sweetheart, no one is going to take you from here if that isn't your wish. Carlisle and I will do everything in our power to make sure that doesn't happen."

I spent a few minutes crying into her shoulder as she held me. I lifted my head when the tears had slowed. Esme took a step back and smoothed my hair back from my face.

"Bella, as hard as it may be, I think you should see her."

I opened my mouth to speak but she held up a finger and I closed it again.

"I know that you're confused and afraid, but Bella, no matter her faults she is still your mother. She loves you and I have no doubt that you still love her. You need to hear what she has to say and I think you have some things to say to her. None of us knows how much time is left to us or those we love. If you don't take this chance now, you may not get another and you'll always wish you'd been able to say what needed to be said. Even if it's good-bye."

Esme left me to my thoughts as she returned to the sink to finish the dishes. I turned to my now mushy cereal and stared at the unappetizing mess. It looked like I felt. It was time to put an end to this. I pushed off the stool and walked to the phone hanging on the wall. I could feel Esme's eyes on me as I took the cordless receiver with me and left the kitchen, but I wanted to do this on my own.

I walked though the house, trying not to panic before I even made the call. I ended up in the library. I sat down on the rug in front of the fireplace, needing to feel the strength of Edward's love for me, even if I couldn't stand to have him with me. I needed to do this on my own. I pulled up the last number on the caller id list and dialed. It rang once before a voice answered.

"Hello, Dwyer residence."

The shock of hearing her voice nearly sent me dumb again but I forced the words out.

"Mom? It's Bella. When did you want to meet?"

Two days later I sat on a bench in Port Angeles, looking out at the boats on the harbor. Occasionally the sun would slip through the clouds to glint on the water but the sky was mostly gray. The wind stirred my hair around my shoulders, damp with impending rain. I could hear people moving behind me as they walked to the shops. I recognized some voices from school, kids out of school for the day going to see a movie or out to eat with friends. I waited for my mother.

We had talked little on the phone, just enough to set up the time and place for us to meet. I had thought that she could come right away but apparently she was living in Florida now and had to arrange a flight. I had gone through school these two days in a kind of trance, barely registering anything said to me. It was like before, before Edward and Alice came and broke me out of my self-imposed exile. Edward held my hand and looked concerned but he didn't know what to say. Alice tried to talk to me but gave up when I couldn't really answer. Emmett and Rosalie had gone back to Seattle on Sunday afternoon so the house had been quiet. Rose had pressed a note into my hand as she hugged me at the door. It had her cell number and a message telling me to call her anytime. I was tempted to do so now, but I didn't know what I would say. I just hoped the words would come once my mother got there.

I looked to the next bench a few feet away. Esme had driven me to Port Angeles and agreed to let me see my mother alone, but she wanted to be close. I appreciated it. Her eyes flicked over my shoulder and then back and I knew that she had finally arrived. I turned around.

Renee had gotten older. Somehow I'd never thought of my mother as aging, but she had. Her once long hair was now cropped to just below her ears and there was an awful lot of gray in it. There were wrinkles on her face that hadn't been before and she was heavier than she'd been. She stood and stared at me, clutching the strap of the purse slung over her shoulder with both hands. I stood up and stuffed my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, not sure what else to do with them. She took a step closer and I retreated to the bench. She stopped and looked at a loss as to what to do. I sat on the bench and indicated the seat next to me. She sat and stared out at the water. We sat for several minutes, neither of us saying anything. Finally, I decided to be the brave one. Between the two of us, I always was.

"So, how have you been?"

I chanced a sideways glance at her, noting the lines around her eyes and the corners of her mouth. It looked like she spent a lot of time smiling. She wasn't smiling now.

"I've been ok. It was a hard few years, after…well, you know."

"After you left me, you mean?"

I glanced at her again. She was biting her lip, something I could feel myself doing and made myself stop.

"Yes, after I left. I moved to Phoenix, got a job at a music store, teaching piano to customers. Had my own place for the first time in my life. I thought about coming for you, after I'd gotten settled. I figured that it wasn't safe for me, to be that close to your father."

I laughed a little. "Funny, it wasn't too safe for me either."

She continued as if I hadn't spoken. "I worked for while in that store, until one day a man came in. He was cute, a little young for me, but sweet. He wanted piano lessons for his little boy. The boy was hopeless at the piano, but his father and I struck up a friendship and that turned into love. We're married now. We moved to Florida last year. He teaches at the high school and coaches the baseball team. I still give lessons from our house. You have a brother now. He's 3. Phil's son, that's my husband, Phil, well his son Riley is 7. They'd like to meet you."

I ground my teeth together and blinked against the tears that suddenly burned. I had figured that she'd had a life while she gone. It had been years; of course she would have gone on with her life. What I didn't expect was the anger I felt swelling up inside me. I curled my hands around the seat of the bench under me, if only to give them something to do.

"So, am I supposed to be happy for you? You have a great life now, new husband, new kids, whole new you. Well that's just great, good for you. You want to know what I was doing while you were gone? I was living every day just trying to survive. Never knowing when he would snap, afraid every day that that would be the day he'd kill me and secretly hoping he would just so it would be over and I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. And where were you? Living your happy new life and free from all of it. Well you can go back to your husband and kids and just keep doing what you've been doing. Forgetting that I exist."

I moved to get off the bench but her hand on my arm stopped me. I looked at it then at her. She looked a little sad, but nowhere near how I had hoped she'd feel. I'd wanted excuses. I'd wanted her to beg my forgiveness. I'd wanted her to say that she'd missed me every day and it was only some catastrophic event that kept her from me. But the reality was she just hadn't cared enough to come.

"Bella, I know you must hate me. I hate myself for leaving you the way I did but I couldn't take you with me. I knew that he would never stop looking for me if I took you and he would have legal recourse to find me. If it was just me then I could hide and I figured he'd eventually let me go." She took her hand off my arm and looked back at the water. "I always figured that I'd come back for you, and I kept telling myself that I would do it as soon as I had a better job, as soon as I had a nicer place, as soon as I was really ready to take care of you. And then it was years later and I knew that I was really just afraid to face him again. I'm a coward and I know that and I live with it every day. I'm sorry for everything you've been through because of me. I can't ever make up for it and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope maybe someday you'll be able to understand."

I looked at the water too. I took a breath to ask the one question that had been plaguing me since her call.

"Why now?"

She looked down at her lap and then at me. Her eyes were the same as I remembered.

"You remember my friend Shelly? She lived in the house by the post office; we used to visit her sometimes. I still talk to her and she told me about your dad, how he had been fired and you had been taken away. She told me you had moved in with the Cullen's and I found their phone number. It took me a week to get up the nerve to call."

I looked at my own lap and twisted my hands together, trying to think of what to say. I decided to go with honesty.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not really sure how I feel about this yet and it will probably be awhile before I do. I know that I don't forgive you yet and I'm not sure I ever will, but I'll try to understand. And I don't hate you. I'm sorry I can't give you any more than that." I looked across the way to Esme, quietly sitting reading a book, giving me strength with her proximity but letting me do things on my own. "I'm glad you have a good life now. I just don't think I'm ready to be part of it."

Mom nodded at the water. "Can I call you again? I'd like to know you. I've missed so much. I don't want to impose myself on your life, but I'd like to get to know you again."

I lifted a hand from my lap and reached out for hers. They felt much smaller now.

"I think I'd like that."

She smiled a little and squeezed my hand. We sat like that for a while, watching the water as the sky grew darker and the air grew wetter. She got up from the bench as the first raindrops started to fall. I almost called her back but bit back the words. I knew it was better that she go now, a tentative truce between us. Esme rose as I did and we headed back to the car. I knew she had heard what was said so I didn't feel the need to comment on the conversation. We drove back the way we had come in silence as I watched the trees flash by. I resolved to stop dwelling on the past as we got closer to home.

_Time to move on. _


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

BPOV

Over the next few weeks I made every effort to make good on my promise to myself, to stop being held prisoner by my past. I threw myself into school, trying to make up for the days I hadn't been all there. I talked to Alice, both at home and at school. I even let her take me back to the gym after Carlisle declared my wrist healed. I found that I still really enjoyed punching the heavy bag. I baked with Esme and tried to talk to Carlisle. I discovered that he had a surprisingly diverse music collection, and we bonded over discussing old anarchist Green Day versus the new political version. All in all, it was a good few weeks.

The best part was Edward. The morning after my mother's phone call seemed to unlock something in him, in us, and after the awkwardness of the trancelike days between the call and the meeting he seemed as eager as I was to find a new normal. This normal seemed to involve a lot of kissing, and touching, and not all of it was PG rated either. Most mornings before school Alice would have to rap on the window of the car to remind us it was time to go inside. As May began to thaw the chill from the air I found myself looking forward to the summer for the first time in years. Summers had always been the worst after Mom left, endless days of nothing to do but clean the house and wait nervously for Charlie to come home. Some days he took late shifts and he would be home all day. Those were the days when I would wander the woods or the streets, eager to be away from him. This summer promised to be full of fun and friends and I couldn't wait.

Jessica had been apprehensive at first about how she would fit into my new life as anything but a protector from the gossip mongers but after a sleepover where she threatened Alice with a curling iron to keep from getting a forced makeover she fit right in. Our lunch table had become a foursome, although lately that had changed too. Mike Newton, after many glares from Edward and some profuse apologies over the "gym incident", had become a near constant addition to the table. Jessica seemed a little unnerved by his attention, but I knew she secretly enjoyed his subtle attempts at flirting. I was just happy to see her happy, finally able to move on from the protective vigil I now knew she had kept for all these years. For the first time in so many years I was able to look forward to the future with anticipation rather than dread.

In fact, there was only one cloud on my sunny horizon, and of course that was Charlie. The date for his trial had been set, but because of some kind of judicial backlog it wasn't until September. This didn't really do me much good since I wasn't planning to stick around in Forks for it and due to still having some friends in high places Charlie was still walking free until it occurred. This of course meant that I was basically a prisoner in my own home. The Cullen house had started to feel like home to me, oddly enough, although a mansion-sized prison is still a prison if you're stuck in it long enough. I felt like I'd been oddly spoiled by living with Charlie. He didn't like to have me around most of the time and so I would often escape to the woods or the library or just wandering around town to avoid him until he passed out or went to work. Being stuck in the house was getting really old, which is why when Alice suggested going to Port Angeles to look at prom dresses I jumped at the chance to get out, even though the thought of dress shopping would normally make me want to vomit.

I tried to get Jess to come with us, but apparently dress shopping with Alice was a torture that she didn't want to inflict on herself. I was just happy that Mike had finally gotten up the nerve to ask her and that she had let her guard down enough to say yes. It still struck me sometimes, exactly how much turmoil my father had caused to the people around me. And continued to do. The Cullens never complained, but I knew that it was taking a toll. Always having to be wary, always worrying. It made me long for September. I tried to push those thoughts away as we sped down the highway toward Port Angeles. It was nice in the car, the trees flashing by while Alice chattered from the back seat and Edward held my hand. I hadn't really expected him to come, but I'll admit that it felt better having him with me.

We headed straight to the one major department store in town and I let Alice drag us to the dress section. She was really in her element, going on and on about fabrics and cuts and styles and frankly I started to tune her out. There were so many choices I didn't know where to look first. Alice grabbed several dresses and headed for the dressing rooms. I let her model several different dresses, each more scandalous than the last. I think Edward was getting a little uncomfortable with the amount of skin she was trying to show. Hell, even I thought a prom dress should have more fabric than your average nightgown. She eventually settled on a deep purple strapless number with a ruffled skirt that barely came to her knees. I thought she looked great, though Edward still looked bothered. He stayed sitting in the dressing area claiming battle fatigue while Alice and I went back into the racks. I wasn't seeing much that caught my interest. Everything was so risqué, short or strapless or backless or with holes cut out everywhere. I had started to resign myself to not finding anything when Alice popped up at my side with a huge smile on her face.

"I found it. I snuck it into the dressing room so Edward wouldn't see. Follow me."

I followed her back to the room, past Edward who appeared to be dozing in the hard backed chair outside the doors. I took one look at the dress hanging in the room and started wondering if Alice really was magic. It was perfect. The silver beaded cap sleeves gave me enough coverage to not feel naked and as the beading wrapped around to create a belt effect it gave me cleavage without being slutty. The gauzy fabric flowed down from the empire waist, a perfect icy blue. It's unbelievably corny to even think, but I felt like a princess. I even twirled in the mirror, in awe as the fabric flared around me. I quickly took the dress off and hung it back up on the hanger before I could accidently ruin it. Alice was waiting as I stepped out the door.

"It's perfect isn't it?"

"You didn't even see it on."

She waved her hand dismissively. "Doesn't matter, I know it's perfect. What can I say, it's a gift."

I couldn't refute her, so I just smiled and grabbed the dress to bring it out. Alice stopped me.

"Wait a minute. I don't want Edward to see it until he sees it on you. Occupy him while I bring the dresses up to the cashier and then we'll go look at shoes."

I went back to the front of the dressing area and sat next to Edward, still dozing with his head back against the wall. I watched him closely while Alice strode quickly past with our dresses draped over her arm. As soon as she was out of sight I moved to speak but noticed that he had one eye cracked open in my direction.

"Is she gone?"

As I nodded he opened both eyes and took his head off the wall.

"Were you seriously hiding from Alice by pretending to sleep?"

He smiled, abashed. "I do it when she drags me shopping sometimes. It keeps her from asking my opinion on EVERYTHING. Besides, I know that she wants your dress to be a surprise. I figured I'd indulge her."

I just smiled and shook my head. Sometimes the depths of their bond still took me by surprise. It wasn't long before Alice was back, quickly ushering us to the shoe section. She of course chose some sky high death traps that I would never risk my neck for and I chose some nice silver flats. The last thing I wanted was a broken ankle to mess up Alice's special night. As soon as the posters for prom had gone up at school she hadn't stopped talking about it, how she was so excited to be able to go to her senior prom with her best friend. Honestly, I'd never had any prom fantasies of my own. The thought of wearing a trip hazard dress and having to dance in front of all the eyes I avoided every day wasn't high on my list of to-do's. But I didn't want to ruin Alice's night, and it didn't hurt that Edward had asked me to be his date. He'd been so nervous. _As if I'd say no._ I think he just knew how uncomfortable that kind of group activity would normally make me and was prepared for me to bow out. I didn't, as much for my newfound quest for normalcy as to appease Alice. And I really wanted to see Edward in a tux.

After paying for our purchases we made our way back to the car. Alice had snuck away to pay for everything, pleading that that way Edward wouldn't see the dress but I think she really didn't want me to see how much everything cost. I still wasn't comfortable with the Cullens spending money on me, but Carlisle had insisted that it was his honor to do so. I felt guilty, but I didn't really feel it was my place to refute him. It seemed to make him happy to be able to buy me something normal like a prom dress. Something my father would never have done. It made me feel a little more like a normal girl, doing something millions of other girls were doing.

As we walked through the parking lot I took notice of a dark blue pickup parked a few spaces down. It looked familiar to me but I couldn't place it. I could have sworn I'd seen it parked outside school a few days before, and on the street when I accompanied Esme grocery shopping last week. I pushed the anxiety that rose back down where it belonged.

_It's just someone from Forks shopping in Port Angeles. Just like you are. _

It took almost until we were back to the house, but eventually the uneasy feeling was gone and I was able to enjoy the rest of the night.

The weekend of prom came with much fanfare from Alice. Jasper arrived from Seattle on Friday afternoon, having finished his final exams early and apparently eager to spend some extra time with Alice. I almost worried what they'd be like once they were living in the same city again, but then again maybe it would settle them down. As it was, Friday night saw us in the living room reenacting the movie night from our first sleepover. The only difference was that instead of awkwardly ignoring the Alice/Jasper makeout session, Edward and I just started one of our own. We stayed on the sofa after Alice and Jasper had disappeared upstairs, our kisses becoming more and more heated. I was feeling breathless from all the kissing and when Edward's hand crept under my shirt and started moving upward I thought I was going to pass out. Suddenly all my nerve ending seemed to be concentrated in that one spot and I was silently thanking Alice for insisting that move time meant pajamas only, meaning that Edward's hand only brushed skin under my t-shirt.

As his mouth moved from my lips to my neck and his hand rose higher and squeezed I was torn about whether to encourage him or to try to slow things down in case Carlisle or Esme came down the stairs. The strangled moan that came from Edward's mouth as he ground his hips against me made the decision for me. I think Esme could have been standing over us and I wouldn't have noticed. The end credits on the movie ended and the only sound left in the room was our breathing, interspersed with the quiet moans issuing from Edward as he kissed up and down my throat. He dragged his lips up to my ear.

"I think maybe we should go to my room."

He kissed his way to the other side of my neck while I took a minute to think. As much as I was enjoying what was happening, I wasn't sure if I was ready for what may happen if we went to the bedroom. I wasn't sure if I could stand that much feeling. Plus, I didn't want to disabuse Carlisle and Esme's trust of me by going against their house rules. Well, not rules per se, since they had never specifically forbade it, but I was pretty sure it was implied that Edward and I shouldn't be having sex while we were living with them. I think Edward could feel my indecision, as he raised his head from my neck to look into my eyes. He left his hand under my shirt though.

"Are you ok?"

I nodded at him, not trusting my voice right then.

"Did I push too much? You know we don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. You just have to tell me to stop and I'll stop. I just…" He closed his eyes, seeming at a loss. Seeing him so flustered reminded me that this was all new to him too. And really, he shouldn't have to feel guilty for doing something I was whole-heartedly enjoying. With the hand that was already in his hair I pulled his face down to me so I could put my lips next to his ear.

"Let's go upstairs."

He looked at me for a moment, searching my eyes I'm sure for indecision or doubt, but I don't think he found any. He removed his hand and got up from the sofa, reaching for my hand to pull me up. He kept hold of my hand as we moved quietly up the stairs. I ignored the muffled sounds I could hear from Alice's door as we passed by it on the way to the third floor. Edward opened his door and led me inside. I stood just inside the door and took in what I could see of the room, the only light coming from the glow of his screensaver on the desk across the room and the scant moonlight from the wall of windows. I heard the click of the door behind me as Edward closed and locked it behind him. He came in front of me and reached up to cup my cheek in his hand.

"Are you sure? You know you don't have to do anything for my benefit, right?"

I nodded, because I did know that, and because this wasn't just for him. I wanted to feel something good for once, now that I could. I wanted to feel everything I'd been missing out on all these years. So as an answer I closed my eyes and kissed him. He kissed me back and started walking us toward what I assumed was the bed. I was glad that he seemed to know where everything was because I couldn't have found anything in the room unless I tripped over it. He stopped as he seemed to hit the bed and broke the kiss to climb up onto it. I followed him. I hadn't been back in Edward's bedroom since the day I'd escaped out my bedroom window and at that time I didn't take in any details. I couldn't see any details now either, but I did notice that Edward's bed was higher than mine. I literally had to climb into it. I knew that his desk was in the corner by the window because of the glow of his computer screen. Everything else was just a dark shape in the almost nonexistent light of the room.

As soon as I had climbed up onto the bed Edward reached out and cupped my face in his hand again. He ran his thumb across my cheekbone and leaned in to kiss me again. The kiss was sweet and gentle, the heat from the living room seeming to have dissipated with the walk upstairs. I kind of missed it, but found that it came back quickly as the kiss deepened and Edward began maneuvering us onto the mattress. I lay back against his pillows as he lay beside me, never breaking the kiss. My hands went to his hair and his hands went to my waist, pulling me closer. We spent several minutes just kissing, the kisses getting more and more urgent as his hands grasped the back of my shirt and I tugged on his hair. Suddenly his hands disappeared and he pulled back from the kiss. It took me a second to register that he was removing his shirt. I cursed the lack of light as he tossed it somewhere into the dark, because I really wanted to see Edward without his shirt, but then thanked the darkness when he started easing up the hem of mine.

I stilled his hand as it glided past my ribs, suddenly feeling shy. He stopped, reaching up to brush the hair from my face.

"What's wrong?"

My voice was so quiet I almost couldn't hear it.

"Scars."

He rested his forehead against mine and placed his hand on my stomach, inches from where I knew there was a raised scar across my ribs where the buckle from Charlie's belt had caught me. He just left his hand there, lightly brushing back and forth.

"You know that I love you. That means all of you, even your scars. There is nothing in this world that can make you any less beautiful to me."

My shyness lessened with his words and when he started to raise the hem of the shirt again I didn't stop him. I raised my arms over my head and lifted my shoulders to help remove it and then there we were, with nothing between us. I tentatively reached out and laid my hand on his chest. It was something still very new to me, going by feel instead of by sight. I couldn't see anything more than dim outlines in the darkness and as such had to let my hands do the exploring. I closed my eyes and let my hands speak to me.

I felt his collar bones first, hard under the soft warmth of his skin. I trailed my fingers down, past the dusting of hair that felt strange to my fingers, coarser than the hair on his head and sparser. As I continued the journey across his chest my fingers brushed against what must have been a nipple. Edward hissed in a breath as I did it, and I took note to do that again later. His stomach was soft, the muscles quivering under my fingers and covered with more of the coarse hair. I followed that trail down until I felt the flannel of his pajama pants. There I was stumped. _To go back up or keep going down?_ I never got to make the decision as Edward chose that moment to do some exploring of his own.

I kept my eyes closed as I felt his hand on my cheek, brushing against my jaw and then trailing fingers down my throat. He followed almost the same path I had, across my collar bones and then lower, until he brushed my nipple with his fingertips. A thrill of electricity shot through me when he did and I was unable to contain my own gasp, my hips moving without my consent. I meant to pull him to me, to kiss him, to do something with the reckless feeling I could feel building up inside me but the hand I used was the one still on him and when I grabbed onto the flannel and pulled my fingers brushed something warm. He made another of those strangled moans that I had become quite fond of and basically threw himself at me, crushing his lips to mine. I delighted in the sensation of his bare chest against mine but his sudden movement had trapped my hand between us, still halfway in his pants. I decided to take this as a sign.

As our lips parted and Edward tangled one hand in my hair I slid my hand down and wrapped my fingers around…it. What do I call it? There are so many euphemisms. Penis seemed a little bit clinical and cock was too much a porn word and dick had the same problem so I was going with 'it' for the time being. It had a certain…noncommittal connotation to it, at least in my head. I had this little conversation with myself as I started exploring Edward's 'it'.

The skin was soft but strangely firm underneath and very warm. I was familiar with basic anatomy from health class but had never had the opportunity to see or feel one in person. It seemed that the more I rubbed it with my fingers the harder it grew, seeming to get larger in my hand. Edward's hips were shifting against me and my hand and from the rhythm that was developing I wasn't sure that we would even make it to removing our pants. As much I was enjoying conversing with 'it' I wasn't ready for this all to be over yet so I removed my hand from Edward's pants, instead sliding it up his side and onto his back.

I could feel the muscles contracting under the skin, could feel his shoulder blades move as he shifted above me. He broke from my mouth, peppering kisses across my jaw down to my throat, across my collar bone and lower, until I could feel the softness of his hair brushing my chest as his mouth settled over my breast. I gasped again, and my back arched without my intention and it was starting to be disconcerting how my body was reacting without my will. Then I decided that my body probably knew what it was doing better than I did and to just go with it.

I fisted my hands in his hair, pulling him against me. His mouth was sending waves of the lightning tingles through me and my hips started to develop their own rhythm. There was a growing tension from between my legs and I wondered if this was the starting of the fabled orgasm that Alice had told me about. Edward moved to my other breast and my hips kept rocking, the tension continuing to build. I wanted him to be able to feel this with me so as much as it pained me I pulled his mouth from my chest and urged him back to my lips.

My hands were still buried in his hair as his hands wrapped around my shoulders, our chests pressed together as Edward ground his hips against me. His hips and mine seemed to find a common rhythm and the tension began to spread through me, becoming decidedly more urgent. Edward seemed to feel it too, as his rocking become forceful against me. He was hitting a spot that caused the tingling to build and build and then it was like my whole body was on fire with it and then exploding from it, waves and waves from that spot between my legs and radiating out over my skin. It made my toes curl and my fingers clench in Edward's hair and I made a noise, some kind of mewling whimper that I probably would've been embarrassed about it I didn't feel so fantastic right then. A second after I made then noise Edward tensed above me and froze, hips tight against me as his hands gripped my shoulders almost painfully.

He quickly loosened his grip, rubbing where his fingers had been as our kisses slowed. He rested his forehead against mine, both us breathing heavily. I massaged the back of his head where I'm sure I pulled his hair too hard and he moved his head to my shoulder. We laid there for a moment just breathing before I started to fidget. I loved feeling Edward against me, but he was kind of heavy and it was getting hard to breathe. He shifted then, moving to lie beside me, his arm across my stomach. I kept my eyes closed, just enjoying the lingering tingles that continued to fade and the languid heaviness of my limbs. Edward's voice whispered from the dark.

"Was that ok? I know I got too excited, but I promise I'll be better next time."

I smiled to myself and whispered back, "If it gets better than that, I might not survive next time. That was amazing."

He hugged me to his side and buried his face in the crook of my neck. I felt myself starting to fall asleep and wanted nothing more than to just drift away but knew that I'd hate for Esme to find us in the morning. I started to move to get up and Edward's arm tightened around me, a noise of protest issuing from him even though he seemed to be asleep. After some difficulty I managed to extricate myself from under his arm and moved off the bed. I carefully made my way across the room and managed to find the door without injuring myself. I quietly walked to my bedroom and shut myself inside. I lay on my bed, not even bothering to get under the covers as sleep finally took me. One thought drifted across my mind before the blackness took over.

_Normal is awesome. _


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

BPOV

The smell of coffee and bacon wafted to me from somewhere and gently pulled me from dreams of Edward's hands on my skin. I rolled to my back and stretched so hard my legs shook. I couldn't remember ever feeling so relaxed or content, not even when I had woken up in Edward's arms. The smile that broke out over my face when I thought about what caused that contentment made my cheeks ache and giddy little giggles bubble up my throat. I'd never been high, but I figured that must be what it felt like.

After sneaking my way back to my room I had fallen fast asleep and then relived the night in my dreams, everything but the end. That was ok with me though, I really only wanted that to happen with real Edward, not the dream one. I would have loved to have just lain in bed all day luxuriating in the feeling but the smell of breakfast was making my stomach rumble and I knew that Alice would have my ass if I didn't get up to start primping. For some reason she thought that prom prep would take all day. I had no intention of giving up my entire day for hair and makeup duty, but it would at least take the afternoon and if the sunlight through my window was any indication the morning was at least half gone. I allowed myself one more toe curling stretch and then got up to hit the shower.

The dining room was empty by the time I made it downstairs but the food was still on the table so I knew that I wasn't too late. I sat in my seat and started filling my plate. A tug on the hair hanging over my chair back made me turn my head. Edward winked at me and took his own seat across the table from me. We both ate in silence, stealing glances at each other every few bites. I almost said something several times but always stopped short, not wanting Esme or Carlisle to walk in and hear something incriminating. I didn't feel bad about what we had done, but I also knew that I didn't really want Edward's parents to know about it. Edward seemed to be having a similar problem, as many of the times I peeked at him he had his mouth open as if to say something before closing it again and returning his attention to his plate. It made for a pretty tense and awkward meal and I finished as quickly as I could, taking my plate to the kitchen as soon as I was done.

The kitchen was empty as well and I wondered for a moment where everyone could have gone. It was only a moment though as Edward followed me into the kitchen. As soon as I turned to him his hands were in my hair, pulling my lips to his. I eagerly returned the kiss, sliding my arms around his waist to pull him closer. He pulled back slightly to whisper against my mouth.

"I missed you this morning. I know you had to go, but my bed is lonely without you."

I smiled and whispered back.

"Your bed will survive."

He laughed and kissed me again, a quick peck before he let me go. Just like that the tension was gone, or at least changed, no longer strained and serious but lighter, sweeter somehow. I might have gone back for another kiss if Alice hadn't suddenly barreled into the room and grabbed my arm, pulling me toward the stairs while muttering about hot rollers and spray tans. I reached a hand out toward Edward and yelled in my most overdramatic voice.

"Help, save me, I'm being kidnapped by an oompa-loompa! She wants to make me orange and curl things!"

Alice kept dragging me up the stairs as Edward stood at the bottom, his hands on his hips in some superhero pose.

"Do not fear, do not submit, I will come for you!"

I laughed and blew him a kiss just before we hit the hallway and kept laughing as Alice closed the door to her room. The laughter stopped as soon as I saw her face.

"Bella, do not make light of prom. Prom is sacred. I only get one senior prom and it will be perfect. That means that I will look perfect, so that when I'm old and fat I can look back at the pictures and remember how hot I used to be. And you, my dear Bella, also need to look perfect because I want you to have that too. Furthermore, were you talking little orange oompa-loompas or the ones who are all Deep Roy?"

I sputtered a bit as I tried to swallow my smile.

"The orange ones. You were saying something about spray tans. Seemed to fit."

She cocked an eyebrow at me but didn't reply. She just turned around and marched into her massive bathroom, fully expecting me to follow. So of course I did.

What seemed like years but was really just several hours later I stood in front of Alice's full length mirror, marveling at her makeup fairy magic once again.

The dress still looked as perfect as it did in the store, more so without the glare of fluorescent lighting. Alice had left my hair down for the most part, curling all of it into long ringlets down my back but pulling the sides back with some sparkly silver clips she had pulled from somewhere. Luckily the spray tan had just been a threat to get me upstairs and my skin was still its natural color. The overall effect was really pretty and I couldn't stop staring. A year ago I never would have dreamed that I'd be excited about going to prom, wearing a beautiful dress and going with a beautiful boy. Thinking about him made me want to see him but I had to wait. Alice insisted that we needed to make an entrance and she wasn't quite ready yet. A flicker of movement drew my eyes in the mirror and I watched Alice twirl out of the bathroom, gauging how far up her skirt would fly. I knew one thing for sure; she would certainly make an entrance. Where Alice had made my look 'sea nymph meets ice princess', her words, not mine, she had made her own look a sort of 'flapper by way of pirate', my words, not hers. She had paired her ruffled purple dress with a purple beaded headband and a long string of black crystal beads that she'd looped twice around her neck. She had elbow length black gloves too. I mean, she looked great, but I knew that little Forks High had never seen anything like her before. Apparently satisfied with her skirt twirling she turned to me and smiled.

"Ready?"

I took one more look in the mirror and took a deep breath.

"As I'll ever be."

She nodded and grabbed my hand, pulling me to the door. I let go of her hand in the hallway and let her precede me down the stairs. I didn't want to risk tripping on my dress and knocking her down with me. As she descended the stairs I heard a smattering of applause and saw the flash of a camera. I gave her a minute to make sure she was safely down the stairs before I started down myself. I concentrated on my feet, carefully lifting the long skirt out of my way and making sure of my footing before taking the next step. With one last step to go it felt safe to look up and as I did I was looking straight into Edward's eyes. I was speechless. Edward in a tuxedo was just as good as I'd imagined it would be. He looked so grown up and debonair. He'd even managed to tame his hair, although that only made me want to run my hands through it to make it the unruly mess I was used to. His face was oddly blank and it didn't look like he was breathing. I tried to smile at him through my own stuttering breathing, taking the last step down. Of course, on that step I caught the end of my dress and stumbled. Edward's hands shot out and caught me by the waist before I could fall. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"I've got you."

I felt the strength of his arms and his words and knew it to be true. Seeming to remember that we weren't alone he stepped to the side and slid his arm around my waist, turning me toward the others. Esme stood next to Carlisle, tears in her eyes. Carlisle held a video camera in one hand and a regular one in the other, snapping pictures of us. I smiled and blinked against the flash. Carlisle handed the camera to Esme and they had us all pose for pictures, some of just the couples and then all of us together. Jasper looked very nice in his tux and I told him so. He actually blushed. The whole time Edward's hands never left me, always holding my waist or my hand. Finally the photos were finished and we all trouped out to the limo waiting outside.

Edward sat beside me as we rode toward town, holding my hand. Alice bounced in her seat until Jasper pulled her into his lap to hold her still. We made one stop to pick up Jessica and Mike. We had to pose for more pictures as Jessica's mother fussed over us, going on and on about how sophisticated we all looked in our formal wear. Jess looked ready to kill her before we finally got back into the car and made our way to the dance.

I gasped as we walked into the gym, all decked out in balloons and flickering lights. The music was so loud it swallowed my gasp and any other sound I may have made. The dance floor was already full of people, dancing their hearts out. Alice immediately grabbed Jasper by the hand and pulled him out onto the floor. I hung back, not wanting to get crushed in the sea of humanity. Edward put his arm around my waist again and pulled me to his side. We swayed together on the side of the dance floor, watching Alice and Jasper and Jess and Mike and so many others that I saw every day at school, now all dressed up and dancing up a storm. After awhile a slow song came on and Edward turned to me. He took my hand where it hung at my side and bowed over it, looking up at me through his lashes.

"May I have the honor of a dance?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice. He pressed my hand to his lips before he stood straight again and tucked my hand into the crook of his arm, leading me onto the dance floor. Edward took my hand in his, placing the other on my waist and sweeping us into some ballroom move that I had no clue how to follow. Somehow I was able to keep up, trusting Edward's hands to tell me where to go. I kept my eyes on Edward's and through the whole dance I didn't see the other people or the gym or anything but him. As the song ended and another fast song started Edward didn't let go of me. In fact he held me closer, drawing me into his body with the hand on my waist and pulling both arms around me. I locked my hands behind his neck and we just swayed together as the other kids danced around us, completely incongruous with the song that was playing. I would have been happy to stay that way all night but Alice came up to us a few songs later, yelling in my ear that she wanted a dance with the girls. I reluctantly let go of Edward and did my best to keep up while Alice bounced around me. I laughed at the look on Jess's face as Alice danced literal circles around us, bouncing and twirling and laughing like she was having the time of her life. I took a turn dancing with Jasper and tried very hard not to step on his feet, then did one dance with Mike and didn't try so hard. Hey, I forgave him for the gym thing but I still had to get stitches.

After Mike limped off to find Jess Edward pulled me into his arms again. The lights reflected off his eyes and his smile and I didn't know if I'd ever seen him so happy. I used a hand on the back of his neck to draw him down to me so I wouldn't have to scream.

"You look happy."

He turned his head a little to put his lips against my ear.

"Why wouldn't I be? My sister is in heaven and I've got the most beautiful girl in the world in my arms. I'd say happy is an understatement."

My heart stuttered and raced at his words and I hugged him as tightly as I could. He did me one better and lifted me up, swaying us to the music with my feet inches off the floor. The night was perfect and I didn't want it to end, but it eventually did. The last song played and couples started drifting to the exit. Alice found us and started talking about where to go next. She wanted to go to dinner and we were all discussing where we could go that would still be open at this hour as we walked outside. Jasper and Mike were discussing the feasibility of the limo taking us to Seattle and Jess was talking to her mom on her cell phone, trying to extend her curfew. We were walking toward the street, looking for the limo since the driver hadn't wanted to get stuck in the parking lot. I stood at the curb, looking up and down the street for the car when my eyes latched onto a pickup parked down the street with the engine running. I couldn't be sure in the dark, but it looked like the one I'd seen in Port Angeles, and before around town. The uneasy feeling from the day of dress shopping hit me like a wave and I stared at the truck, trying to see inside.

Alice twirled past me into the street, laughing to the sky. Just as she did headlights from the parking lot flashed over the truck and for just a second I locked gazes with my eyes in a furious face. My voice caught in my throat as the headlights on the truck flashed on and the engine revved, tires squealing against the pavement. For a moment time seemed to slow down. I saw Alice, spinning in the middle of the street and laughing. I saw the truck, racing straight toward her. I don't know if Charlie was aiming for her or if he was just going for the easiest target but my body reacted before my mind could catch up. I ran toward Alice with my arms outstretched, praying not to fall before I reached her. She looked at me in surprise just before my hands connected with her tiny body, shoving her as hard as I could to the other side of the street. I think I heard a scream just before the roar of the engine was all I could hear and then I was flying through the air.

I heard more screams then but I couldn't tell from where. I felt the rough pavement under my cheek and my hands, although I couldn't remember landing. From where I was I couldn't see much but concrete but a flash of purple nagged my thoughts as blackness started to come over my vision.

_How will Alice dance with just one shoe? _


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

EPOV

She slipped through my hands. This was the thought that kept repeating through my head, over and over on a loop I had no power to stop. Even now, as I sat in the dark the thought kept intruding, pushing out other thoughts that seemed more pertinent. I struggled to blot it out with other thoughts, anything to stop the nagging refrain.

The night had been so perfect. Bella had taken my breath away when she'd come down the stairs in that blue dress. I was glad that Alice had insisted on making it a secret because the full vision of Bella in the dress, with her long hair curling over her shoulder and the beautiful blush on her cheeks was something I wanted burned into my memory forever. I hadn't been able to keep my hands from her the whole evening. I wanted everyone to see that she was mine, that by some stroke of luck that she had chosen me. It was simply sublime to hold her in my arms, whether we were dancing or not. When I had to stand back and just watch her dance with Alice and Jessica, or Jasper or even Mike my hands itched to be touching her. Only when she was back in my arms did I feel whole again.

I was distracted as we walked outside. I could hear Jasper and Mike talking about places we might go in Seattle but all I really wanted to do was be alone with Bella. I knew how important the night was to Alice, how much she wanted it to be perfect but I just wanted to be with my girl, to touch her, to show her how much I loved her. The night before had been a revelation and I was really hoping she might be willing to have a repeat of it, or preferably with less clothes. I didn't want to push her and she was worth more to me than any stupid sexual bullshit, but sometimes my body didn't listen to my brain. If she wasn't ready then I would wait, and gladly. I had absolutely no doubts that she was it for me, and if I had to wait until our wedding night then I would wait. My brain knew this, and my heart was behind it but other parts of my body were rebelling and when I kissed her those parts seemed to take over.

These were the thoughts running through my head when I saw Alice spin into the street. I didn't take much notice of it, preoccupied as I was. Then suddenly Bella's hand slipped from mine and she was running and then there was a truck and then Bella was on the ground. My brain couldn't make sense of what was going on. My body was quicker and started running to her before I had even registered what was going on around me. I hit the ground beside her, the asphalt grinding into my knees as I hovered over her, wanting to touch her but not knowing if I would hurt her worse. I could hear screaming over the heartbeat pounding in my ears, as well as shouts and other sounds of commotion. I forced myself to take some deep breaths and try to focus.

She was sprawled on her side, one arm thrown out above her head. Her cheek was on the ground and her eyes were closed. I put my fingers to her neck and felt the steady beat of her heart. I put my ear to her mouth and felt her breathing. As I pulled back to look at her face I could see a ribbon of red creeping across the concrete. I couldn't see where exactly it was coming from but I didn't want to move her to find out. A drop of moisture hit my hand and I stared at it. Then I felt my face and realized it was soaked with tears. I let them come.

I knelt next to her body with the tears dripping off my chin, eyes darting between the movement of her chest with her breaths and the line of red that continued to creep across the pavement. I clamped my hands into fists on my knees to keep them from touching her. If I touched her I wouldn't be able to stop myself from gathering her up in my arms and I knew that could be disastrous if she had internal injuries. I couldn't even bring myself to say her name. I was afraid she wouldn't respond and that I would lose it. All I could do was watch and feel helpless.

The wail of a siren and the flashing of lights came to my attention but I couldn't look away from Bella. She hadn't moved since she hit the ground, nothing but the gentle rise and fall of her chest. The sound of the siren didn't stir her and I didn't move from my post. I vaguely registered the sound of car doors opening and running feet but I didn't lift my eyes from Bella. Then there were other people obstructing my view and someone was lifting me off the ground. I fought against the hands that held me and looked to see who it was. Jasper.

"Ed, you need to let the paramedics work, ok? She's in good hands. Just let them work, ok?"

I stopped resisting and went limp, barely having enough energy to keep upright. I noticed then that Jasper had hold of one of my arms and Mike had the other. They helped me to the side of the road and sat me down on the curb before moving back across the street. I looked past the paramedics in the street, taking in the crowd gathered at the edge of the parking lot. It looked like most of the prom party was still there watching the spectacle, huddled together in couples and small groups. Most looked shocked and upset. Some looked bored. It took me a minute to locate Alice and when I did my heart almost broke. She was curled in ball on the grass between the street and the parking lot. Jessica was curled around her and they were both sobbing. Mike was squatted down behind her with his hand on her back and Jasper stood over Alice, talking on his cell. He kept looking from her to the paramedics to me. He looked grim.

A flicker of movement brought my eyes back to the road and I saw one of the paramedics bringing a stretcher to Bella. They rolled her body onto a backboard and secured a neck brace before lifting the whole board onto the stretcher. I moved then, walking quickly to the ambulance as they lifted her inside. I stared at the medic as he secured the stretcher and hooked her up to a heart monitor. After a moment he looked at me.

"We need to move, son. Are you riding with her?"

I didn't respond except to climb up into the ambulance. I sat across from the blond man and reached out to take her hand as I felt us start to move. The only sounds were the wail of the siren and the beep of the monitor. Her heart rate was strong and even and I took comfort in it. It was only moments before we stopped and the doors opened. There was a rush of activity as the stretcher was moved and suddenly we were inside the hospital. Someone in a uniform told me I had to let go of Bella and I didn't want to. I didn't want to let her slip through my hands again. I felt like if I let go now I might never get to touch her again. But as much as it hurt me to do it, I knew that I had to let her go so they could help her. So I let go of her hand and then she was gone, down the hall where I couldn't follow. I stared at the door she had gone through until I felt hands on my shoulders. I turned my head to see my mother standing beside me with tears in her eyes. The last bit of strength I had been holding onto left me then and I collapsed in her arms, weeping like a baby. We went down to our knees right there in the hospital hallway as she held me to her.

"Shhh, shhh, baby. It's going to be alright. Your father is with her. Bella is strong and the medics said her vitals were stable. What happened?"

I answered with the only thought I could hold onto.

"She slipped through my hands."

BPOV

Pain. I had given it a lot of thought over the years. I had felt it and feared it and cheered its absence and then feared it again on its return. It was the first thing that cut through the blackness and then it was the only thing I could think about, mostly because it was so very **present**. I had memories of this kind of pain, the kind that encompasses your whole consciousness until it seems like you're made of it. I latched on to the only thing that made this kind of pain endurable, a thought that I had repeated to myself countless times when I was younger. _This means I'm alive. If I can still feel pain then that means I'm still alive._ At the moment I kind of wished I was a little less alive.

Other things started to come through the dark and the pain, little things that registered one by one as the pain started to recede. The smell of antiseptic. The beeping of machinery. The sound of people talking and moving around. All of these things moved into my consciousness and out again as the pain continued to recede and I drifted in the dark. I wanted to find the light again, to come out and find out what was happening, to see Alice and know that she was ok, to see Edward just to see him again but I was afraid that the pain was waiting for me on the other side of the darkness. So I drifted.

I'm not sure how much time passed. I think I may have been asleep but as I started to become aware I noticed that the black had started to shift to gray and was getting lighter. I waited for the pain to pounce but it didn't and for that I was very glad. It made it less scary as the black continued to lighten, from gray to mauve to pink and I decided to risk opening my eyes. I was greeted with muted sunlight on industrial ceiling tiles. I tried to look around but my neck felt stiff and sore. I carefully turned my head to see a window half covered with a pull down shade. I turned it the other way and saw Edward asleep in a chair. The chair was pushed right up alongside the bed and the bedrail was down so he was only inches from me. He seemed to still be wearing the tux but someone had draped the jacket over him like a blanket. He was curled on his side facing me, his hand on the bed next to mine. His eyes were puffy like he'd been crying and he needed to shave. His hair was back to its usual chaotic mess and looked like he'd been pulling on it.

I looked at the hand on my lap, at the IV sticking out of it and running to a pole beside the bed. I tried to shift and noticed that I couldn't move my right leg. I looked down and could see my toes peeking out of the blanket, the silver polish Alice had put on just visible outside the white of a cast. Well, that explained why my leg wouldn't move. My shifting in the bed caused my non-IV'd hand to nudge Edward's and he startled, his hand reaching out and clamping around mine with a pressure that was almost painful. I looked at his face, expecting to see him awake, but his eyes were still closed. His eyebrows drew together and he winced in his sleep. I tried to withdraw my hand from his but this seemed to upset him more. He clung to my hand almost desperately, the hand under the tuxedo jacket coming out to clamp around my wrist and squeeze. The pain in my hand was negligible compared to the anguish I was watching play out across Edward's face. I had to bring him out of whatever nightmare he was in and I could think of only one way to do it.

I pulled myself toward him as much as I was able, turning onto my side and using his grip on my hand for leverage. I brought my left hand up and kept an eye on the IV line stretching from the pole, trying to ignore the pinch of the tape but not wanting a bloody mess if I accidently pulled it out. My hand settled in Edward's hair and I ran my fingers through, smoothing it back from his forehead.

"Shhh, it's ok. I'm right here."

My voice came out so quiet I wasn't sure he'd hear me but as soon as I spoke his face relaxed minutely. His grip didn't lessen though. I kept running my fingers through his hair, occasionally take a detour to feel the stubble on his jaw or to try to smooth the crease between his brows. His face continued to relax and slowly the pressure on my arm lessened to a tolerable level. I noticed his lips start to move and strained to hear the whispers that escaped. It seemed to be just one phrase, over and over.

"I won't let go."

I touched his lips with my thumb as he whispered the promise over and over again.

"I know you won't." I whispered. "You don't have to. I'm not going anywhere."

His brow furrowed again but the tension was different in his face, like he was trying to wake up. After a moment his eyes opened, immediately finding and holding mine.

"I've got you." He whispered.

"Forever." I whispered back. "Don't you know that by now?"

For a second I saw a spark of relief in his eyes and then I didn't see anything as Edward's lips were suddenly crushed to mine. His hand left my wrist to gently cradle my cheek, a direct contrast to the desperation of his lips on mine. I kissed him back, trying to reassure him, to comfort him, to bring him back from wherever the nightmare had taken him. A moment later I heard a throat clear from somewhere across the room. I broke from the kiss to look toward the sound and saw Carlisle standing in the doorway.

"I see you're awake."

I could feel the blush rising in my cheeks, completely mortified to be caught making out by Edward's father. Carlisle just looked amused as he walked further into the room and closed the door behind him. He moved to the end of the bed, his hands resting just past my silver toes, still sticking up out of the blanket. His mouth was still quirked in a smile as flashes of relief, amusement, love and sadness passed over his face, his eyes flicking between my cast, my face, and Edward. He couldn't see Edward's face I'm sure, because he had it snuggled securely into the crook of my neck.

"Edward, stop molesting the girl."

He burrowed further into my neck until his lips moved against my skin when he replied.

"Can't help it."

Carlisle chuckled and looked at me. "Seriously though, how are you feeling? Any pain or nausea? You're about due for more pain medication."

I shook my head minutely, Edward's hair tickling my chin. "No, not much pain right now. How's Alice? Is she ok?"

A shadow seemed to pass over Carlisle's face as he nodded. "She's just fine, she's in the waiting room in fact. I wanted to check on you and see if you were awake. She just fell asleep a few minutes ago. She was very worried about you. We all were."

Edward squeezed the hand he still held and tried to get closer to me.

"Yeah, I could kind of tell."

Carlisle chuckled again and moved to the door, again closing it behind him. I could hear the sounds of the hospital for a moment and then it was quiet again. The shades were mostly drawn on the windows but I could see a few slivers of watery sunlight trying to sneak through. I had no idea how long I'd been lying unconscious or what the extent of my injuries were, beyond the obvious broken leg. I would've asked Edward but he seemed to have fallen asleep again, his face still buried in my neck, his body half in the chair and half on the bed. It didn't look at all comfortable, but he was breathing much easier now than he had been and I didn't want to wake him.

There was a knock at the door and Esme stepped into the room. She was wearing the same clothes she'd been wearing when we left for prom and didn't look like she'd slept much, if at all. She took in Edward's sleeping form and moved to my other side, carefully avoiding the IV when she picked up my hand.

"How are you feeling, dear? Do you need anything? Are you hurting anywhere?"

She kept her voice low, not wanting to disturb Edward so I did too.

"No, I'm not having much pain right now. They must have given me some good stuff because I know I was hurting before. I could use a drink though."

Esme immediately turned to a table at the side of the bed and brought a cup with a straw up to my lips. I sucked down some water and when she was satisfied that I wasn't going to choke she moved the cup back to the table. She reached out and smoothed the hair back from my forehead, her fingers brushing a bandage I hadn't noticed near my temple. She put her other hand on the back of Edward's head, her eyes shining with tears.

"I've never seen him so distraught," she whispered, her eyes never leaving Edward. "He's never had reason to be, he's always been so stoic and brave, so strong for Alice. But when they took you away on that gurney he fell apart. I guess he's just never had so much to lose."

I could feel tears welling up in my own eyes. "But he didn't lose me."

She nodded and a tear broke free, sliding down her cheek. "He could have. We were afraid you wouldn't wake up. The MRI didn't show any bleeding in your brain but we couldn't be sure of the damage until you woke up. We've all been waiting for you to wake up for the last two days. Jessica's mother finally convinced her to go home and get some sleep a few hours ago. Alice has refused to leave the hospital at all. She would've been in here with you but the nurses insisted she stay in the waiting room after she tried to climb in bed with you." She glanced at Edward. "Although it looks like he's going the same route now."

I laughed at that and Esme smiled but it was still sad. She looked at me then, tears silently sliding down her face. "I could have lost her, Bella. According to Jasper that truck would have hit her head on. She's so small…" she closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before she continued. "It would have killed her. It almost killed you, and you only caught part of the impact. The doctors all said you were lucky to get away with a broken leg and a slight head wound. You have some bruised ribs as well, so moving is going to be difficult for a while, but it could have been so much worse. I think that's part of why Edward was so upset. Not only was he worried about losing you, he realized he almost lost his sister."

I was crying openly now with Esme, trying to stay quiet so I wouldn't disturb Edward. Esme hugged me as well as she could, between the wires and Edward's inert body. "Shh, sweetheart," she whispered in my ear, "it's alright. Thank you for saving her. Thank you for saving them both."

I clung to her with my free hand, the other still trapped under Edward, and we cried together for a few minutes. Just as the tears were starting to subside I heard the staccato clatter of heels running down the hall. A moment later Alice appeared in the doorway, just a purple blur that tried to launch at me. She was caught around the waist by Jasper as he suddenly appeared behind her, breathing heavily. He walked her to the bedside, keeping a firm hold on her.

"Damn, woman!" he said to the top of her head. "How do you run in those things? I could barely keep up."

She looked up at him and smiled sweetly. "Practice. Besides, it's not like I could take them off. Do you have any idea how gross these floors are? There are probably germs that don't even have names yet." She looked at me then, trying to rein in the energy that always seemed barely contained within her. "Hi Bella. Glad to see you're awake."

I looked her over. She seemed intact, although her dress was dirty and ripped. Her face was scrubbed of makeup and looked like she hadn't slept in days. It looked like she'd most of her time crying. There were assorted scrapes on her legs and arms and an angry red mark on her cheek. I started to feel guilty that I had done all that damage without even meaning to. Alice looked like she was calmer now and that gave jasper the confidence to let go of her. She stood still at the bedside for about half a second before she crawled up onto the mattress and curled around my cast, her head resting on my hip. From the angle I looked down at them it looked like Edward was very tall and liked to wear platform stilettos. Esme stood from her perch on my other side, opening her mouth to protest but Alice let out a high pitched growl and she closed it again. Alice wrapped her arm around my hips and her muffled voice came from where she had her face buried in my side.

"That was incredibly reckless and stupid what you did." She said, her voice laced with tears. "And I can never thank you enough. You saved my life and I'm grateful, but so help me if you ever do anything that stupid again I'm gonna kick your ass."

I laughed a little at that, although when I did I felt a twinge in my ribs. I tried not to wince but Esme noticed and started to usher Alice and Jasper from the room. It took both of them to convince Alice to let go and finally it took Jasper picking her up to get her out of the bed. He walked to the doorway with her in his arms and turned back to me. She seemed to have fallen asleep, her head against his shoulder.

"Bella, I'm glad to see you're alright. If you need anything, please let me know. I owe you." He hugged Alice to him as he walked out.

Once they were gone Esme found a nurse to give me some pain medication and then she left too, kissing me on the forehead and telling me to get some sleep on her way out. I didn't think I'd have much choice, as I started to feel the dragging effects of the medicine shortly after it was given. Carlisle stuck his head in the doorway just as I was starting to think that sleeping would be a really good idea.

"Bella, I want you to get some rest now but when you're up to it there are some people who need to speak with you about what happened."

My eyes did a heavy blink. "Police people?" I almost slurred out.

"Yes, they need your statement. They have the man in custody and they need all the statements filed to start prosecuting."

My eyes blinked again and the room seemed to be growing dimmer. I struggled to hold onto consciousness just a little while longer.

"It was my father, wasn't it? It was Charlie."

"Yes it was. They caught him at home, the vehicle was in his driveway. There was physical evidence…" He seemed unwilling to finish that thought.

I struggled a little harder against the encroaching blackness, wanting to know one more thing before I welcomed the darkness again.

"Why?"

Carlisle was halfway out the door when I said it, and although he paused in the doorway I wasn't sure he would answer. His head bowed and he kept his eyes on his feet.

"He said…he said that since I had taken his daughter, that he would take mine. He meant to hurt me, by killing my baby. My only comfort is knowing that he will never be able to hurt you or anyone else again. There's only one thing I regret."

I let my eyes close and the darkness crept back in, blocking out the paltry excuse for sun produced by the Forks sky. I could feel my mouth moving and barely heard my voice as it floated out.

"What do you regret?"

Carlisle's voice came to me, ghostly as the darkness finally took over and I drifted again.

"I wish I would have found him first."


End file.
